Thanks for the review. I'll just reply quick to some of your comments.
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Originally Posted by PoliceWoman
The premise is that the player has been "volunteered" to test out a new, experimental flavor of "NutriPaste" (some kind of synthetic food?), in order to discover any "unexpected side effects". This immediately makes me think of Paranoia (the game) and Soylent Green (the movie).
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NutriPaste is canon, of course - what else when it's me? It's the only readily available food source on the Rogue Isles: cheap, nutritious, abundant. A plaque in Cap Au Diable near the tailor explains this much.
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Mission 1
Briefing: the contact gives a briefing like a drill sergeant, telling me to report to Doctor Aeon for my "mandatory duty" to perform "voluntary field testing".
Clearly "mandatory duty" cannot be "voluntary", but I figure this is stated in this way for the irony.
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Yes, it's supposed to be funny. A bit like Paranoia, as you mentioned.
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Also, the canonical Marshal Brass contact doesn't speak like this. But considering the arc assumes the player is an Arachnos soldier, this can probably be justified, so going to let that slide.
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Doesn't speak like what? Not sure what you mean here.
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[-0.1] Map selection: the burning abandoned building? This seems a very odd place to find Dr. Aeon in.
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Map was chosen for having spawn points in the right places and reliably spawning everything in the same places. Also, since the lab is under attack by Snakes, it makes sense for it to be on fire and with crushed NutriPaste samples scattered everywhere. I was actually looking to use the Skulls Superadine Lab Warehouse for this mission but alas it's not available. It has a nice green haze to it.
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Maybe a tech lab would be a better map for this? (The burning tech lab if you really want the place to be in ruins - though it might be a little big.)
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Yes, too big and too destroyed. Also, snakes don't leave burning footprints as they somehow melt through steel walls instead of using the doorways. So that map, while cool, didn't work.
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Debriefing: this sounds a lot more like the Marshal Brass I'm used to. He again refers to the mission as having been in a "laboratory".
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Laboratories can have offices in them, can they not? Anyway, moving on...
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Mission 2
Briefing: I like the food-oriented theme in the "Part 1" and "Part 2" sub-captions to the mission briefings so far. The contact wants me to pick up some kind of academic study on the effects of NutriPaste.
Map selection: I'm a bit surprised at the office map; based on the briefing, I thought this would be the university. The office isn't unreasonable, though, so didn't mark off points.
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The University map didn't work for my purposes. Not enough spawn points, too small. I decided to introduce the University archives, which looks a lot like a regular office...
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[-0.01] Missing text: Student needs some dialog for when you free her.
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She does. She says "AAAAAH!" and runs away, if I'm not mistaken.
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[-0.1] Don't understand: What were the Vahzilok doing here anyway?
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They were stealing the research data, of course.
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[-0.01] Missing reference: the mission was titled "Beef" but beef was never mentioned in the mission (unlike "chicken" in mission 1). Maybe give one of the Vahz a line like "I'll carve you like a side of beef!" or similar.
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Good idea!
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Also, what happened to observing me for side effects? I'm surprised the contact didn't ask me if I had noticed any side effects from the NutriPaste.
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I don't have the mission in front of me but I think Brass mentions that he wants you to "go through your regular duties" while you wait for the NutriPaste to er do something. Getting valuable research data is part of your regular duties, or at least it is now when Brass orders you to do it.
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[-0.01] Default "Accept" text is a little dull, may want to make it more interesting.
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I don't understand this fixation with sprucing up the accept text, but I'll see what I can do.
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Send-off message: aha, the contact does remember to ask me to watch for side effects.
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Of course.
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Map selection: I was initially surprised at the choice of an Arachnos base (thought it would be a warehouse based on the briefing) but it made more sense when I got to the last room, which was on fire, matching the story. That last room looks quite good actually.
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Map was chosen because it was on fire, and because the map is actually called "Arachnos Warehouse On Fire" if I'm not mistaken.
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Apparently the warehouse got lit on fire before I ever got there, so I never get a chance to "guard" it.
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Ah, scheduling must have got it wrong. Shame that. Too bad you're still to blame in the eyes of Arachnos. Totalitarian regimes always want to put the blame on someone.
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The mission is full of Luddites for some reason; unclear why, at least initially. A bit deeper in the mission I find a Raid Leader who gives me the "Luddite Crusade" clue.
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Luddites hate everything Aeon Corp does, in general...
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[-0.01] Typo: "NutriPaste" is missing TM symbol (second time it appears in Luddite Crusade)
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Ack! I have double, triple and octuple-checked them, but there's always one missing...
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If they set all the NutriPaste on fire, I'd kind of expect there to be some sort of horrible smell throughout the map. Perhaps worth mentioning something like that in the mission entry popup, or as part of the dialog.
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I think I wrote this shortly after we played a certain arc where EVERY mission popup mentioned a smell of some kind. Might have affected my decisions.
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Having defeated the Raid Leader and gotten a clue from him and freed Jenkins, I still haven't satisfied the mission objective "Find some answers". I would've thought getting the clue from the Raid Leader would do it. I end up searching the rest of the complex.
I noticed some Luddites were spawning on the ceiling on this map; not sure you can do much about it. But I can't find anything else in the mission except for the guys stuck in the ceiling.
I manage to knock one of them free and kill him, but the other one is stuck and can't be killed. Exiting the mission, I look at the arc's description in the AE tool, and it does say mission 3 is a "Defeat All" mission. I definitely did not get the idea it was a "Defeat All" from a "Find some answers" objective, though; that text makes me think I should find clues.
[-0.1] Mission objective text doesn't match actual objective. (You might want to either make it more clearly "Defeat all raiders" or else make the mission complete after finding the raid leader's clue.)
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Oh that's bad. I had no idea the enemies could spawn like that on this map. I'll have to do something about it, I suppose. Defeating all of the terrorists seems like a reasonable thing to do, though, so I don't know... I don't want to change the map.
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Debriefing: less than 2 lines and doesn't say a lot; I'm in trouble? For what? I assume the warehouse getting torched (though, this wasn't on my watch, since it happened before I arrived).
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Brass doesn't care about technicalities like the truth or details like who's fault this really is. You're in his face and he's got enough problems so he's taking it out on you.
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[-0.1] Missing text: debriefing is too short; needs more writing.
[-0.01] Missing reference: The mission is titled "Kippers" but no reference to kippers was found during the mission.
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Kippers are smoked, much like you are after escaping the burning warehouse. I guess I should add a popup about that somewhere.
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Mission 4
Briefing: the Luddite uprising continues, and the contact wants me to go protect a hydroponics plant, since it produces ingredients for NutriPaste.
[-0.01] Phrasing: "Havoc At the Aeon Hydroponics" should be either "Havoc at Aeon Hydroponics" or "Havoc at the Aeon Hydroponics Plant" (in mission title)
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This actually refers to a newspaper mission which is worded exactly in that odd manner. So it's on purpose.
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The mission is full of Luddites again. This time there are a number of "Body" glowies. There's a lot of them, but they don't seem to do anything.
[-0.1] "Body" glowies should do something (produce a clue, be an objective...something) or else there should be fewer of them (at least 7 that I saw, none of which do anything except produce a brief message in the spammy general chat box).
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I think they provide a clue about how the Luddites aren't taking any prisoners. At least that's what they are supposed to do. They are actually there to fill up the front spawn locations to prevent stuff from showing up there by mistake... And to set atmosphere. Yes, atmosphere. That sounds much better.
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Found some NutriPaste samples, which gave some fun clues. I liked the Willy Wonka reference. Is Vegemite indeed the "Taste of Evil"?
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That's what I've heard. Never tried it myself.
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Mission 5
Briefing: so now I need to save the NutriPaste factory. I need to destroy the Luddites' caches of explosives?
[-0.1] Out of character: Luddites are so anti-technology that they won't even use guns; I have a hard time believing they'd use explosives.
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Luddites are also hypocrites.
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I quickly locate and, uhh, disarm some explosives.
After that I find and rescue Dr. Aeon, who becomes an EB level ally that I'm supposed to lead out.
Dr. Aeon fights Luddites that get near. I ended up leading him to the door so he would stop following me, but I could've kept him around to smash all the Luddites if I had wanted to.
[-0.1] Play balance: EB ally seems much too powerful for the opposition in this mission (nothing bigger than a boss).
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That's probably right. I wanted him to tag along to help out so he could get hurt and deliver humorous quips, and also to provide help for ATs who need it. I suppose I'll make a custom Aeon as a Boss instead.
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[-0.1] Confusing objectives: the combination of the arsonist and sapeur not being named "saboteur" and requiring the whole group to be defeated is confusing and may result in player frustration (especially if they are scouting out the map, which is large and outdoors, for saboteurs). I'd suggest that you either use the same word for the objective name and the mob name, and/or make the objectives "only boss required".
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That's what I get for trying to make things more varied... But you're right about only requiring the boss, those spawns get spread out all over the place. Stupid map...
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I also thought using the French spelling of "sapper" was rather odd considering all the other Luddites use normal English names, but with the Luddite leader being French, I decided to let that go.
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That was my reasoning behind using sapeur instead of sapper.
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There was never a big, climactic moment to the final mission; possibly because there is no "big bad guy" (instead we fight 3 lesser bosses) that we end up fighting. Instead I spent most of the last mission flying around searching for objectives, which was not as dramatic and exciting as I'd like the end of a story arc to be.
[-0.1] Ending feels anticlimactic.
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In my first version of this arc I had King Midas show up to protect the plant, which someone thought was out of character. He was also a pain in the butt to defeat. I agree though, needs more oomph. I'll see what I can do about that.
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Considering this is a NutriTaste factory, I think it should have some optional objectives related to NutriTaste. Maybe something like body bags, toxic waste barrels and/or snake eggs, all labeled "Ingredients"; or a series of cauldrons each containing a different flavor of NutriTaste. Maybe some factory workers as hostages, with some dialog, would make it seem more like a live factory.
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The problem with adding too much junk is that it makes it even harder to find the objectives which are actually required, especially on an outdoors map like this. But these are good ideas, I'll certainly consider adding something to make the map seem more interesting, beyond all the things I've already got on it. Battles and patrols have to be silent, of course, since they will otherwise deliver their dialogue as soon as you zone in, making them more annoying than interesting. This is probably why you never noticed the Gold Brickers battling the Luddites.
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[-0.01] Typo: Marshall -> Marshal (in mission exit popup)
[-0.01] Missing reference: Mission is "bacon" but bacon is never referenced.
Debriefing: contact criticises me for saving Dr. Aeon? Seems odd, since he told me to save him.
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Marshal Brass actually hates Professor Aeon and would have loved to see him get hurt just a little, even if he told you to save him. He explains this in his dialogue.
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I'm glad to get some closure to the "testing new flavor of NutriPaste" plotline, though the execution and resolution were a little underwhelming; it didn't feel like this subplot really went anywhere. Would've liked some clues or dialog hinting that the player does observe side effects (or perhaps imagines them), or perhaps some follow up from the university study.
[-0.1] Plot: "testing experimental new flavor" subplot seemed underdeveloped, particularly considering it was the initial hook for starting the story.
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Consider it a McGuffin, perhaps? Albeit an abstract one.
Thanks again for the review, this will be very useful when I get back to working on this arc.