DeviousMe

Sounds good, but I think it can use some work, and I've got a few suggestions. Doesn't make much sense for heroes to be in a gang, even when they're young.

Ya might want to try something like the two six, maybe that the young heroes were irresponsible and were given the job of cleaning up this neighborhood ONLY as their punishment, since it seems you'd like to restrict it to one zone.

Also, it'd probably be best to follow a logical chain, like that the neighborhood is at first owned by an NPC gang. Then the gang of the first few players kicks them out and takes control (villains), and in response to this, the city decides to send the young heroes in as they'd be dealing with foes in their own age and power group.

Like I said, just suggestions, so feel free to ingore them if they go against your concept .

Damn it, I'm almost out of ammo - I NEVER run out of ammo!!!

"I hope this works." Langley whispered as he took aim the the eyes. He really hoped Experiment knew what he was shooting at.

The sniper round shattered the air as it left his barrel, then he followed up on full auto...

"Leave that to me!" Langley shouted from behind his newest rock, aiming his weapon at the thing, "I'll get its attention!"

With that he took aim and fired his LRM as well as the sapper he had captured from the Malta, causing the creature to roar up and send its tentacles streaking towards him.

"SHIII---" he screamed, taking off running as the massive arms smashed his rock to pieces, crashing into the ground beind him.

"For Pete's sake, SHOOT IT!!!"

"Yeah!" Langley shouted, taking cover behind a tree. A second later, he realized that hadn't been too wise, as the tree was uprooted and flung away by a tentacle.

Cursing, he stormed by Experiment, dropping a gun in his hands - a very odd gun. Shaped like a pistol, it ended in a needle, and Experiment could clearly see a wire and a vial attached to said needle.

"Fire it, let it sit for about five seconds, then pull it back!" Langley instructed him, firing bursts at random intervals to keep the attention on himself and away from the obviously injured Experiment, "I'll cover ya!"

'As crazy as it sounds, it seems to be the only option we have." Langlet agreed, loading a missile.

"Either it's going down or the city is!"

He fired the projectile...

True enough. After all, it's a game, and you want to 'win', but a text-based RP should also create a good story that an outsider can follow and find entertaining.

((Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree there as well. And I guess since most of us decided to let the Kraken stay for now, that's what it's doing.))

"Geez!" Langley yelled, diving out of the way of a tentacle, which smashed into the dirt not two feet beside him, "Is it me, or are we just making this thing mad?"

As he dodged the Kraken's 'attacks',which didn't seem to be really directed at anyone per se, otherwise they'd be dead already, he hurried over to Coldfire and Darkgun, quickly directing them to take cover behind a large rock.

"I'm assuming you're the ones who called for help - Coldfire Kaiser and Darkgun, right?" he gasped, almost out of breath. As the heroes mustered him, they could see why - he was carrying two assault rifles on his back in addition to the weapon he wielded in his hands.

"Now I don't know how far your powers are still active." Langley continued, unstrapping the two weapons, "But if you can handle one of these, feel free to use it."

Post deleted by DeviousMe

"This is Coldfire Kaiser! I'm stuck in Perez Park with two other heroes and we are pinned down by Kraken! We need assistance! We can't fight him alone!"

"Sorry," Langley said to Experiment as he popped the truck into 6-whell and rolled off the road and onto the soft grass of Perez Park, "your pursuit's ging to have to wait. I'm not about to leave someone behind in here, especially with that thing around."

As they neared the giant Kraken, Langley parked his mobile hospital just far enough away so it wouldn't get into the battle, then opened a compartment behind the seat and handed Experiment an assault rifle.

"You know how to handle one of these?"

Langley's heart lifted when he saw another hero run toward them. He had already been afraid he'd find none able to stand anymore.

"No idea." he replied to Experiment 2.0, "Quick, help me get this guy in the truck before that monster gets here."

Experiment nodded. There was no need for words right now. As Langley opened the trailer, Experiment lifted the teen hero up to him, very surprised at what this guy carried around in his truck.

The trailer was a state-of-the-art medical ward, the walls lined with what appeared to be bunk beds behind some sort of glass. Langley opened one and laid the teen inside, then pressed a few buttons on the controls beside the bunk.

A green light bathed the chamber. Elastic straps gently but firmly secured the injured hero. Even if the truck had to go cross-country, the stresses in these chambers would be minimized.

After he had closed the chamber again, Langley pressed a few more buttons. The teen's breathing seemed to cease. The 'bunk beds' were medical stasis chambers!

"That ought'a tie you over till we get back." Langley said as if speaking to the young hero. Another roar from the Kraken echoed across the zone. Langley turned back to Experiment, "Move it."

The doors slammed shut fast, and the engine roared as the truck sped off, keeping way ahead of the Kraken - incidentally, it didn't even seem to be chasing them.

"Odd." Langley mumbled, looking in the rear-view mirror as the creature turned another way. Then he redirected his attention to the new arrival, "Forgive my rudeness, as you can see things are a bit upside-down right now. By the way, the name's Langley. And boy, am I glad to see someone else alive and kickin'.Thanks for your help, umm..."

Langley didn't have to drive far until he found what he was looking for - a Circle Thorn Wielder repeatedly stabbing someone in blue-and-yellow tights as he lay on the ground.

"Not today, pal." Langley grunted, hitting the brakes. Even as he did so, he made ready his improvised weapon.

As the hiss from the truck's airbrakes distracted the swordsman, Langley was already on the ground, taking aim.

"Eat this!" he shouted, squeezing the trigger, the weapon set on sniper mode. The shell closed the distance in a fraction of a second, taking the villain's head clean off before he even heard the loud "CRACK!!!" of the gunshot.

The attacker dispatched, Langley rushed to the fallen hero. Blood was all over the guy, and he was barely a teen. Probably a new guy wanting to do some heroing for whatever reason. Langley winced as he thought of how many new heroes this could have haeppened to - wrong place at the wrong time.

He was surprised to find the hero still alive. Coughing up blood was the first and only sign of this.

"Hang on, kid." he said, sliding his rifle onto his back and picking up the teen in his arms, "I'll get you out of here."

Langley was scared - and he hadn't been scared of anything in a long time. But when the villains fled, something was up.

Rats leaving the sinking ship. This is really, REALLY bad.

As he drove the semi to the Perez Park gate, he saw what he had expected - the guards were dead, the police drones shut down. He just hoped there was someone still alive as he squeezed the massive truck through the half-open gate.

Normally he'd never enter this area with a vehicle. But this wasn't normal. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He had enough medical equipment in the trailer to at least tie over about 50 heroes until he got back to the warehouse.

As the truck rolled through the gate on the other side, he saw what he had expected - but not where he had expected. Right in front of him was a Protean!

He rammed the clutch, popping the truck into 1st, ready to run the creature down. Susrprisingly, as the engine roared, it did nothing. It simply ignored the truck and went on its way.

Langley remembered that the Rikti controlled the Hydra in the sewers, and that these spawn were nothing but extensions of its 'body'. If the Rikti had lost their power, did this mean that the other villains had as well?

It had to - the fleeing gangs were more than a clear sign.

"Even field." he commented coldly as he shifted, rolling his massive medivac into the former hazard zone...

((Much better ))

"Get that carte over there! Move it! Move it! Move it!"

Langley was pleased. Things were progressing fast. He had rounded up several of the dock workers and private shipowners, and now had a supply line running from ship to shore, consisting mostly of wounded heroes that had started trickling in since he had sent out the first transmission.

Ambulances had come from the hospital here, the medical staff transferred out since their equipment no longer worked. it seemed the ship was just far enough offshore to be unaffected by the medical shutdown. The doctors could most likely save the life of any hero that managed to get on board.

"Get him on that boat, NOW!" a man in a white coat shouted as his assistants loaded a bloddy figure on a stretcher onto a motor yacht that the owner had lent to the cause. With a loud rumble, the engine revved up and the boat plwed away toward the ship.

But something bothered him - so far, no hero had made it here on their own two feet. And that was bad. Really bad. The citizens had taken up the slack, often carrying their fallen heroes here themselves, but Langley was very uneasy about this. It was as if someone was targeting the now powerless heroes.

"Sir, the vehicle you requested is ready." a mechanic he had recruited reported, "Are you sure you want to do this? Perez Park is likely more dnagerous than ever now."

"That's exactly why." Langley said, climbing into the cab of the modified 18-wheeler, "There are heroes out there that need rescuing now. And from what I can tell, I'm the only one in a position to do so."

The cab door slammed shut, and the airbrakes hissed. With a mighty roar, the truck rolled away...

((Lord Reluse rubs his hands in a plotting fashion, "Good...good."))

Special Agent Langley was frustrated beyond words. The Malta had repeatedly assaulted his team's position, and with more and more Titans coming in for the ship carrying advanced tech that they were supposed to protect as it came closer to Independence Port, the situation looked grim.

"We're not giving up yet." he growled udner his white mask, still wearing the traditional red-and-white uniform from back in his Longbow days.

Deceiving the nearest Titan to attack its masters, he sent a spectral terror upon the the sight of which they would not soon forget.

But then something went horribly wrong. The war walls were too far out of sight for them to notice the runes on them, but the effect made itself felt. The first to go down was the fire tanker - and as his own illusions faded away, he found the defneder could no longer siphon the kinetic energy from their enemies. And for that matter, neither could he!

"Fall back!" he yealled, pulling out the sidearm he always carried with him. He'd alwayd be a Longbow Officer at heart, and he never left for heroing wihout at least onbe normal weapon that wouldn't be affected by sappers or the like, "Fall back! Fall back! Regroup at the brige!"

But before he could even first the first shot, the Malta Titans failed as well, slumping into energyless heaps of metal, the red glow in their visual scanners fading away...

"The hack is going on here?" Langley murmured, taking aim with his Glock 34. The clip was filled to the rim with AP rounds, and the Maltna's body armor stood no chance against the .45 semi-auto fire. He fired to wound, not to kill, and was rather surprised when the prison system's teleporters didn't take the defeated villains away - incidentally...his own team's fallen tanker had not been mediported. What the hell was going on here???

"Captain/" he said to the burly man as he entered the bridge, "I'm going to have ask you to stop immediately. Something's happened in Paragon, and I'll need your vessel as a temporary hospital. Do you have enough room below deck for the wounded Malta?"

The Captain nodded wordlessly, fully aware of the gravity of the situation. Now the nes report came onto the ship's TV - super powers were 'out' across Paragon. The teleportation systems, whether prison or hospital, had ceased to function.

"This is bad, isn't it?" he asked as he ordered his crew to conver the ship into a makeshift medical vessel. Luckily, part of the tech he had been transporting was intended for medical use.

"Very." Langley replied, showing no emotion. He had to keep cool now. The ship was secure now, no doubt about that. But the city was most likely in chaos.

Wordlessly, he walked about the ship now, scavenging what he could from the Malta. Their weapons still worked, and with a few twists of a screwdriver, he had built himself a rifle-sapper-rocket launcher weapon by combining the weapons of the operatives and Titans.

"I'll need a ride." he said to the Captain, "I can't fly or anything, and even if I could, it wouldn't be of much use now."

"I'll see what I can do."

Minutes later, a fishing vessel arrived to take the ex-controller away. He asked for the radio and promptyl got complete control over it. He recorded a transmission.

"To all heroes who can hear this, this is a warning. As you may know, meta-human powers have gone down throughout the city. I will be setting up a preliminary command post in warehouse 17 in Independence Port. All heroes who receive this, please proceed to this location right away. We have a hospital ship anchored offshore and arew able to dispense medical aid. Again, that is warehouse 17 in Independence Port."

He turned to the skipper of the fishing vessel as they arrived at the pier, "Play this over and over again, and forward it to the news as well. Tell them to make as much as they can of it."

"I'll do what I can. By the way...did you hear?"

"Something more?"

"I'm afraid so. Terra Volta just went up in flames..."

Ok, thanks for the input, Ryan. Not sure how I can use it yet, but I'll find a way.

My characters are basically 'imported' because Acid and his crew have about (make up some 4-digit number here ) pages of creative writing to them when I came up with them long ago. When I got CoX, I basically made the AT to fit my character.

And I do suppose I should turn down on the tech some, hehe. It's just that I work with a lot of that stuff in real life - mostly experimentally, of course. And other junk I just pulled outta the do-not-open-door in the back of my head...which incidentally always seems to open when I'm not looking...come to think of it, a lot of the stuff I build came out of that door...and I'm rambling again, I'm going to STOP now.

To Brawler:

I do apologize if you felt ganked by me with that. The thing is, my brain thought of about 5 different ways to do that, and I chose the one that seemed most preventable. After all, your guys in that thread are going up against a few dimensional engineers who have been just about everyhwere in this galaxy and then some. They will manipulate things against you the more complicated they get, so here's a hint: the simpler things get, the less they can do with them. If you'd like, I'll grab another option for the pocket dimension rather than Acid's continuum crusher .

Now, where was I? Ah yes - I do have to agree, you keep your words sparse sometimes, which can be a good thing if you want the reader's imagination to work hard. Personally, I try to give just enough detail so my readers can paint a picture with my words. Sometimes it doesn't work, I'll admit.

Other than that, keep going with the myserious web you weave.

---

To Lazarus and Leogunner

I haven't really gotten into the whole scheme of things with you two, so I'm gonna hold off on the critiques until I can gather a little more. But that don't mean you're out of the woods.

And about Vyachslav, Leo - that's the whole idea, hehehe. You'll find out what he's all about eventually .

Okay, according to Leogunner's suggestion, I am hereby starting an attempt to gather together the recent requests for feedback on people's roleplaying styles. I am hoping that eventually a moderator will assist me in consolidating these threads and preferably sticky this so people can find it easily.

Right then, here are some simple rules to keep this place organized:

1. If you are opening your RP style to critique from others, please say so explicitly. Some people who are RPers may not yet want their own styles evaluated until they have a better idea of what others are doing.

2. If you are critiquing someone else's RP style, please give the name of the person and address the critique as if you were speaking to them in person. Do not assume that simply because you are replying to this person's last post everyone will automatically understand what's going on.

3. Please keep this thread clear of flames, lewd language, and so on according to the standard guildelines of this forum.

4. Please keep all criticism CONSTRUCTIVE unless otherwise asked by the person who wants their style/characters/whatever critiqued. Remember, this is a place for feedback and suggestions, not "I don't like you!"

All right then, I think I've covered all my bases, so let this thing begin.

I'll extend an olive branch then and request a critique of my own RP style (Don't kill me!).

You know, it's interesting how we're always referring to him as Ryan no matter what .

Aaaanyway...even with your slight...
<.<
>.>
"compulsion" with the Malta, I have to say you truly brought them to life. You took a villain group you liked and gave them a soul, so to speak, and your characters appear with all the faults and virtues of their affiliation. It's like the Malta had been made for your characters and not the other way around.

Personally, I'm still expecting to see the day that the in-game Malta finally get an AV and when I get the mission I'll suddenly see a named super-taccom: "Samuel Reikoff".

Same thing with the others. I hope that one day the devs will take upon them and make them the Malta AVs just because I think they're really richly developed and really fit into the organization to a tee.

Personally, I like your RP style, though sometimes you could use a spellcheck . Still, if I read your post slowly I'll generally get what you're trying to say there.

I think your charcters are well-developed (the ones I've run into in the RPs on the boards at least) and each has a distinct personality that easily comes across.

As for overpowered: no. I think your guys are up there with the rest of us and have just the right amount of power - in their own ways, of course. After all, a certain insane psychologist might be able to lift a skyscraper, but he can't shoot something a mile away like a certain sniper can.

As for suggestions: yeah, definetely spellcheck . Other than that, sometimes a few of your sentences tend to smack into one another and it can get hard to distinguish one thought from another.

This way works for me: before I post something in an RP, I'll read it with the mindset of someone who just found the thread and has no idea what's going on. If I make sense to myself, then I can post it. If not, I do some more thinkering.

No wonder I am not getting sig heroes to appear in my mayhe missions anymore!

Please bring them back!

I loved doing the missions with one or two RL buddies of mine and then we'd face off against the sig hero and either get our tails handed to us or feel really strong for taking down a sig hero.

Even if we got beat, it had the sense of 'you faced off against the big heroes and took it'. It was really fun no matter if we won or lost.

Ever since the random hero generator started sending WORD1_WORD2 our way, it just HAS NOT BEEN THE SAME !!!!!

((Pst - who's in charge of Kommandant Bäcker?))

Kommandant Bäcker practically fumed as the base went into lockdown. Standing at the center of the island in the control room, he quickly and logically gave orders.

Fleischman murdered - just like that! Somebody would pay for this!

"Guten Tag." a voice suddenly called out behind him. He spun around, pistol in hadn, but lowered it again when he saw the man Fleischman had hired on before their demise.

"You can speak English. Don't worry, everyone will understand. Wait a minute...this base is in LOCKDOWN! How did you get in here."

"Trade secret." Spion replied, looking about a little unsure, "Have I come at a bad time?"

Spion didn't have to be told twice. As he bounded away alongside the bots, the first granted invisibility to all of them, then Toy, and finally, himself.

The Malta would have a tought time pursuing them even if they got past the Longbow now...

((It's cool. Hope ya had a good time .))

Spion grumbled as he poked the detention field. Stiff resistance, nothing he could do. Well, at least the guy was on his side, and a vitually impenetrable shield wasn't something to be sneezed at.

He started preparations just in case his new ally would end up needing his help...

Spion easily shot the grenade out of the sky with a single slug.

"You'll have to do batter than that..." he whispered, countering with his own M30 grenade.

Then he shouldered his rifle and squatted down, taking aim with the scope at the head of the first Maltan.

He squeezed the trigger...

((Khel, we need Toy to DO something, haha.))