Aisynia

I am given the feeling that I have actually been launched into the side of their ship in a torpedo.. and they aren't very happy about it!

Needless to say, the next four missions are action packed, and interesting as you meet up with your squadmates and tear your way through the ship, sabotaging and destroying enemy assets as you go.

I don't really wanna spoil this, but suffice to say, this is absolutely thrilling fun. I had a blast playing this.

I don't always make a point of mentioning custom enemies, and I really should, but this arc is nothing BUT customs, so I should mention that they are well designed, and generally well balanced, though I think they can still use a bit of tweaking. I'll mention that below in my more detaield, spoileriffic feedback, but it's not really enough to detract from the overall fun of this arc.

Another pro is that this arc is heavy on immersion. You never actually leave the Wellington at any point during this arc, so the arc needs to make you feel like, even between missions, you haven't really left, and it accomplishes this, I think, pretty much without flaw.

I would say that the map use on this arc is more or less perfect. Most of the maps are absolutely excellent, ridiculously excellent in capturing what the author wants, allowing a sharp variance in design while still immersing you and making you believe this all takes place inside the same ship - with one exception. One of the maps is a Portal Corp. map with the Portal Corp. sign and logo just inside the map, right head. It broke my immersion, which is too bad since it's an otherwise perfect map.

And finally, something important to me, a sense of rising action. Each mission escalates the stakes and provides a greater sense of urgency with your every action, especially the last mission, where, while it isn't timed, you are given a feeling like "I gotta hurry!" That's damned awesome.

There are a couple of cons that ultimately didn't detract from the rating.

First, a minor thing is that some of the powers the enemies possess can be downright nasty if you have more than 2-3 of them shooting at you, and oh, you will.

Second, there are some serious logic issues in the plot, logic issues I didn't notice at first. Most people probably won't notice them in fact, but I will mention them below in the spoilers section.

The biggest con of all? There isn't a Part 2! This is listed as Part 1, and it's so awesome, I would love to see the sequel!

Again guys, this arc has very few flaws, has an excellent sense of connection between the missions, and a strong sense of rising action and urgency. Damned awesome. 5 stars. If you like sci-fi, this is a must play, but I would say even if you aren't a fan, play it anyways. It's a lot of fun, and very well crafted.

Oh, and one last thing...

You didn't get the story totally spot on.. that was the real Reen for instance, just sort of captured in the illusions of her own memory. It's like walking into a place made of your own dreams, and then forgetting that it isn't real. She was living her memories, but that was her. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Thank you

This was basically written as a novel in arc form.. and believe it or not, there used to be more I did reduce the number

I made this arc before we could edit the descriptions of individual enemies. Now that we can, I want to, but it's at 99.xx% so it's just not happening, sadly. The Bad Memories faction has descriptions because they are new, as do the Ancient Oranbegans, because they are also new. The Oranbegans are from my GF's Oranbegan arc taking place in roughly the same time period. I had to delete the souvenir and Venus (she used to be a custom) to put in the Oranbegans and Bad Memories, but I really wanted to, especially the Oranbegans, since normal CoT are just too modern looking.

Well honestly I shoulda mentioned that I would like the spoilers kept to a minimum, but what you have there is fine, it's a nice glossing over, and the overview is what's important.

I am glad you enjoyed yourself

EDIT: Oh and for the Custom demon like entity, he used to be MUCH, MUCH harder. I brought him down from EB to Boss cause he was beating the hell out of people, and if he spawns too close to the front... yeah, so I decided to downgrade him.

Giving defiant speeches while being sprayed with lead - a valuable skill amongst villains in the Etoile Isles!

I like simple! So this is a definite PRO as far as I am concerned. I don't mind complex mechanics when they are necessary, and can really enjoy it.. but when it's not needed, it shouldn't be there. This arc in general is a wonderful example of that, as it keeps things no more complex than necessary

At the end of the mission, Blood Hilt reaches his grubby hands into my box of stuff, and says there's still plenty for me left.. given he mentioned this was 50/50 and I just did all the work, my first reaction was to smash him in the head with my rifle and tell him, "Actually, it's 80/20, *******."

I must also say, I really enjoyed the second mission, if not for anything more than the author's faithful replication of a fun vanilla mission, wherein you rob a bank to earn further cred.

But.. and here is where we get to the but.. there's no real plot here, not until the third mission, and then it isn't really executed well, though it could be. This arc has a lot of potential if the author is willing to fill in some gaps.

I liked the dialogue, especially in the missions. The dialogue was very well written, and the missions themselves were mostly well designed, though I had a couple of minor quibbles which I will mention in the more spoiler heavy feedback area down below.

I think the main issue that brings this arc down, is that it seems like it could be split into two separate arcs. First, you could make an arc based on being a low level villain helping Blood Hilt, and then betraying him when he has screwed you around enough. That was my first thought at the end of the first mission when he took half my stuff. I was like, "I am going to freakin' shoot this guy!" If he had some nefarious purpose (and better concealed than that ridiculous Quest for Magic guest arc) that he was using you for, and then you had the chance to betray him, that would make a great arc.

The real plot starts in mission 3. Now arguably, the Author could say that missions 1 and 2 are the setup that generates the street cred to make 3-5 possible, but I'm not so sure, there is nothing preventing Blood Hilt from giving you such a mission right away.

Some of the maps are a slight bit larger than necessary (I am looking at you, mission 4), and the mission map for mission 5 (and its general premise) didn't make tons of sense, though admittedly, it's a very easy mistake to make.

Also, the level ranges are all over the place, I suggest, since this is a lowbie arc, restricting it level 5-14, that would pretty much solve all of your level issues, as I went from 14, to 50, to 40, etc.

I think the biggest con is that there is no real sense of drama or rising action. While your crimes escalate, it never felt like I did anything more than "go here, do this", and the missions don't seem like they are connected enough. I will give some more detailed feedback on how I think this can be remedied below.

Overall though, I would like to say... I HAD FUN! I smiled a lot. That's very good, and that is the ultimate pro to this arc.. it's what makes it a 3.5 instead of a two. This arc has potential to be so much more, and maybe two arcs to boot! I really, really, truly want to see the author improve this and succeed in telling a wonderful story, because the potential is there. As it stands, this is a quick romp through the Rogue Isles (and part of Paragon), but not really any better (or worse) than a majority of vanilla content.

So 3.5 (4 for potential) and I would love to see this improved, I think the author really has potential here


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

Okay, well, let's start at the beginning.

Like I mentioned above, it feels like a mission 1, 2, and 3-5, are largely disconnected from each other. Sure, like I said, you are escalating in the severity of your crimes, but the small arc from 3-5 goes way, way beyond anything you did in 1 or 2.

First, 1 and 2. I think that there is a strong potential here to remove these missions completely and then build a whole arc around Blood Hilt having you do seemingly random tasks, when in fact, he is manipulating you to his own goals. You figure this out, and betray him before he can clean up the loose ends of his plot, including you. Crafting a plot of this kind can be difficult though, as even accomplished writers like the guest Author for Quest for Magic can fail dramatically.

That said, below, I have suggestions to unify the arc as a whole, but then, I don't wanna write your story for you (because then it isn't yours anymore ). I can hopefully give you some ideas to jump off from though.

Then we get to missions 3-5.

First of all, you are sent to procure an alliance with this Swiss-Knife guy (I cannot remember his full name, damned note being gone) by basically beating him up (or in my case, spraying him with lead). He's a bomb expert, and will come in handy in mission 4.. except.. he doesn't. In fact, you never see him again, and the bombs you plant in mission 4 could have been acquired at any number of places in the isles, and you wouldn't have needed this guy's help to plant them either. This really needs to be explained in the plot: Why do I need this guy's help, what's so special about this bomb, and where is he in mission 4 if I need him so bad? Making him a custom mob and an ally in mission 4, claiming to be there to help out with some of the technical issues could help alleviate some of this.

Which brings us to mission 4. You go from petty theft from the skulls.. to bank robbery.. to beating up some Mooks.. to terrorism.

Blowing up a Charity house is nasty work, and given the size of the map, this is a big building. Totally a terrorist action as far as I'm concerned. You are a foreign invader from a terrorist state. The Etoiles, in the real world, would very much be considered a terrorist state, and the only thing keeping them from being invaded is the fact that they are crawling with thousands and thousands of super villains.

Now, I'm not saying it's bad to have terrorism in a villainous arc, after all, terrorists are villains! So that part is okay, but it isn't treated with the severity that I feel it should be, even by Blood Hilt, who basically just says "awesome, now you are really feared and respected!". There really needs to be a greater sense of significance for what you just did IMO.

And then mission five sort of breaks the rule of rising action. In theory, if mission 4 had just been any bombing of a villain hideout of an abandoned warehouse or something, sure, no big deal, but you committed a definite and undeniable act of terrorism, so mission 5 sort of falls short, and has several flaws, which I believe you can easily fix. Lemme mention what I think is wrong, and then offer some suggestions.

Firstly, what is implied to be a low level, just starting out hero calls you out for a showdown. After what I just did, I would expect to see Statesman knocking on my door, though obviously that has no place in a low level arc. Short of that, I would expect a whole bunch of heroes wanting to take me in, but instead, it's just one guy.

Even more, it takes place in Atlas Park, probably the center of the hero populace in Paragon City, and they are all pissed at you right about now. So the fact that Longbow actually clears Atlas Park for a showdown between a low level hero and a guy or gal who just committed an act of terrorism seems a bit... wonky. And then one of the Longbow guys mentioned that (if I remember right) they are clearing the civilians out as well, but this happens to be one of the few maps that has civilians on it.

When I think showdown, I think dark alleys, not Atlas Park.

Likewise, having just committed an act of terrorism, I would expect this to be a trap.

So my suggestion is to change the mission map to something more secluded, abandoned office maybe. Not the most glamorous finish to an arc in terms of map, but it has to make sense.

A further suggestion stems from this quote, which I am paraphrasing to fit this situation:

You just used the terrorism card, which means you got a rainbow coalition of law enforcement crapping multicultural bricks.

You should have, at a minimum, Longbow, the PPD, and Wyvern, all cooperating together on this one. You can use multiple patrols of various factions to accomplish this. You can also recolor some other factions to represent things like the NSA.

I would also expect more than one hero.

If I were the one creating this mission personally, it would be on an indoor map, whereby you are locked inside and forced to defend yourself against all kinds of crap. I would have a minimum of 3-4 heroes that you need to defeat in order to make it out of there alive. The entire thing should be a trap set for a terrorist.

These last 3 missions could easily be expanded into their own arc (for which I have already plotted out in my head, but am not going to write, obviously, I'm not a thief).

I mentioned way up there I would suggest a way to unify the arc. Here it is: Make what you did in missions 1 and 2 have some effect on 3-5, like you were procuring something you needed, be it money or equipment, to make 3-5 possible. Of course, this involves Blood Hilt manipulating you and then using you as a fall guy. That would be fun though, and getting the chance o betray him would be sweet, especially after he looted my box after mission 1

My word is not law though, and I am just trying to offer general suggestions. I don't expect you to take them exactly, as I'm just trying to give you some leaping off points.

I think you are a good writer, and your dialogue is definitely your strong point.

Even though I have piled on the criticism, I want you to know it's in the interest of helping you make your arc better, and that overall, I did indeed enjoy myself. You have a lot of potential here for something really cool, especially given how fun it was. This arc can only get better.

If you do any rewriting and polishing, let me know, I would love to play again.

End spoilers.


So anyways guys, it's a fun arc. You can play it, and generally enjoy the gameplay and setup, but I give it a 3.5 because it falls short in some areas. This has potential to be so much more though, and I look forward to seeing more from this author.

Worth a play.

Actually, I'd rather you play The Tannhäuser Gate. Use the key word Emralis. I just did a major overhaul of this arc.

Says the guy with a **** ton of rep lol.

It did work Very well

Expect a black van full of black ops and ninjas to be visiting you shortly to pick you up.

Hate to say it, but this is really a matter of "how much meta-gaming is necessary to make the experience of playing my arc smoother?". You don't need to have her mention it, or even know his name "in character". Listing his name on the top as the guy you need to rescue may break immersion for some, but for every one person it breaks immersion for, five more will thank you. You could also simply list his rank up there. Make him a Lt. Colonel and say "Rescue the Lt. Col." (that way he can't be confused with other Vanguard Sergeants.. he's a sergeant, right?). That's what I would do

In fact, I don't recall what, if any, dialogue was used to explain why you are rescuing him specifically. Care to refresh my memory?

Well given he's a scientist, it would be easy for the player to assume he's not there to fight, but to observe, so making him non-combat shouldn't be a real game-breaker. Likewise, you only have to free Rhodes, while this guy, you would have to actually lead to the exit, so even if his entourage is killed, the player can still manually solve the objective. This is what I would personally do, take it as no more than a suggestion, not an insistence.. but to me it seems like the most elegant solution to this issue.

Yeah this is what I assumed. I don't think it bears any extra explanation unless it bugs you to the point you feel you really need to, I just felt it bore pointing out, just in case.

Well if you could PM me a copy of that clue, I can actually point out specifically what confused me.

We all do it occasionally.

Yeah, it's a very tough call.

It isn't the most elegant thing ever, but you want to give people the opportunity to make this choice, so I would choose this over the EB, you just need to find a way to put it that won't either spoil the plot or make it too OOC.

I'd love to help you

*thumbs up*