Aisynia

When I review, I have a notepad open, but I don't stop in the middle of anything to take notes. I have two sections on my notepad. The summary at the top, and then the pros/cons at the bottom. At the start and finish of each mission, I write down in the summary what is happening.. that way, when I'm done playing the arc, I can look back on the story so I don't forget anything. They aren't very in depth, just a small paragraph for each mission.

The Pros and Cons get filled out as I play, but they are tiny blurbs. If something catches my eye, I write it down real fast, and then continue. I don't extrapolate and actually start writing the review until it's all over. I go over summary to remind myself of everything that happened.. and then in the review, I cover only the first mission. I treat reviews as something that not only the author will read, but something that will hopefully draw other players to play those arcs, so I try not to spoil much. I figure explaining the first mission will hopefully snag people's attention on it.

After that, I go into a basic glossing over of the pros and cons, spoiler free, and then I go in depth on those cons and some of the pros in the spoiler section, with the express intent of helping the author improve their work. But as I say in my thread.. I do not treat my word as law. I don't pretend to know their work better than they do. Only the author can make the ultimate decision on whether I understood the intent of the arc, though I do rate within that realm.

If it's a humor arc, I am not going to ding stars off because it's not something people read by a fire while sipping tea (to quote one of my reviews).

This post turned out longer than I intended.. but this is how I approach reviewing.. and I have noticed that most reviewers approach it differently.. sometimes drastically so.

I also told Police Woman she was a very fair and nice person.

Me? I'm an extremely bipolar hyper-emotional person who is difficult to deal with ;D

Fig. A, The Evil TV Exec/Mastermind Pawn in its native habitat.

I had a very tough time rating this arc. I want to note ahead of time, that though this is a humor arc, and it's tagged as such, I didn't find it funny. I'm not subtracting stars for that though. I don't have a great sense of humor, and the humor in this arc just did not appeal to me. I recognized when it was there, it just didn't amuse me.

I'm not everyone though, and like I say in the first post, my word isn't law, especially on this, since, well.. again, I don't have a great sense of humor. I try to be funny occasionally, but it generally doesn't work (see Fig. A).

But, this arc was incredibly quirky, so it definitely needs that humor tag, because that counts. That quirkiness is what really carries this arc, and what makes it better than the average dev created content, as the dev created content, as far as I have ever seen, lacks any sense of humor.

And while I didn't find it amusing, that same quirkiness is what made it fun. Without that quirkiness, this would just not have anything to carry it. So this is it's major pro here (as opposed to cons). The author has a genuinely light heart, and that shows in her writing.

Another pro is that while a lot of the missions are very straight forward (and hey, that's a good thing) there was a particular mission where the use of objectives and clues was extremely clever. I never would have thought of it. When I finished that mission, I suddenly had like a light bulb turn on over my head like I just realized something amazing, and I was like "Wow, that really damned cool and clever!" In fact, this kind of objective and clue setup, while possibly limited in application.. I'd like to see more of it. It was just very, very smart, and I was impressed and humbled by it. I will speak about what this is exactly in the spoiler section.

This arc has a lot of custom enemies so I would be silly to not mention them. They were quirky and odd, in fact, to the point of absurdity (no negative connotation there, I think this is kind of the point). This is a source of a lot of the humor, and though I was not personally amused, I am not everyone, and my sense of humor.. well let's just say I have to have jokes pointed out to me most of the time ("That was a joke" "Oh.."). I think there are people who will get a giggle out of a lot of the antics going on this arc, and especially the custom enemies. Definitely read their bios. Bottom line: Great custom group, with one issue which I will mention below.

The maps, overall, are great. I was at first confused by the choice of the last map, but I suppose it makes sense. I like how the author keeps the maps small and made good use of the space. There was a little backtracking in mission 4, but overall, not bad, and they all fit the theme and the storyline very well.

Now for the cons. There was no one thing that got this rated lower than I am comfortable with (I hate rating lower than 4, I really do, I feel gross doing it), but there were issues with the arc that I felt held it back some. But remember, this is all my opinion, and I don't pretend it to be anything else but my opinion. My opinion isn't law.

The first con is that while the plot isn't necessarily weak, I found it pretty difficult to follow, but I think that's more a choice of medium (the Television). On one hand, the plot is very simple and easy to follow, but on the other, some of the background intricacies are difficult to tie together. Some things also seem a bit odd and contradictory, mostly related to the timing of the missions in the arc, but I will mention that below. This hurts the arc, but not a lot. I mean, let's be serious, the author wanted to write a cohesive story, but when you are doing something this quirky and lighthearted, logic in the story itself is not the foremost thing on your mind (I imagine).

Likewise, while there was a sense of rising action.. it wasn't really intense.. I mean it's a quirky, lighthearted arc (and it accomplished that very well), so I will hand it some leeway. I'm not gonna grade this trying to pretend it was meant to be a dramatic literary masterpiece that people read by fires while sipping tea.. but going from one mission to the other, I felt no sense of urgency until the last mission, and even then.. I have to admit.. I didn't feel.. involved.

And one final thing.. while the focus of the arc was not in its logic, there were a couple things I think should make a bit more sense. I'll give some more detailed feedback on that below.

Overall everyone, this is better than 80-90% of dev content. It's not a long arc, it's just a lighthearted romp with some interesting enemies and a playful atmosphere. I cannot guarantee you will laugh, but I think you might just smile at a couple parts of it. It's not the best arc ever, but it has some serious potential to make a bit more sense, and be more amusing (it's obvious the author has a great sense of humor).

Play it and enjoy it for what it is. 3.5 stars, room to grow, and I really would like to see the author work out some of the kinks here.


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

First.. what I mentioned above about the clever use of clues in mission 3 (right?) where you need to get the email and the password to open them? Wow, that was great! I would have never thought of this, it was very clever and even ingenious. Two required clues (an email and a password) combine to finish the mission, unlocking the mission complete clue.. which is the email you just opened with the password. Just wow. I am seriously impressed. Kudos to you on that one.

I mentioned above that I would talk about the one issue I had with the custom group.. and that is Blappy. Specifically, her powers.. more specifically, how overpowered she is. My character is generally seen as overpowered by all my friends. I was playing on [-1 x1 no bosses, no AVs] difficulty.. so she spawned as a yellow boss. The very first thing she did was hit Build Up and then 1-shot me with Total Focus. So I was forced to hosp. I came back, and the first thing she did was hit me with Bitter Freeze Ray and then killed me in another two seconds before I could hit a break free + Hoarfrost combo. Now, I don't mind a challenge, but in an otherwise pretty easy arc (especially on this difficulty) having the one character being so much more powerful is sort of jarring. And she isn't just hard, she's cheeseball with the BU+TF thing. Add on top of that it's a timed mission that I nearly failed because of this, and it's just a bit crazy. I strongly suggest nerfing her a bit, taking away her Build Up in the very least. She is a squishy's nightmare, and though she represents an Ice/Energy Blapper, she is not squishy herself at all Strong recommendation to take a second look at her.

As I mentioned above.. involvement.. That's not an easy thing to capture I suppose when your contact isn't an actual living being that you can interact with on a personal level. I didn't feel like I had a vested interest in saving Blappy, because I didn't know who Blappy was. Television audiences, backstory-wise, obviously love Blappy, but I don't know Blappy, and haven't seen her show. I think it might help to, instead of a newscast, show Blappy's show to begin with, and then start the plot off from there. Maybe a rerun that gets interrupted by the newscast in the mission accept text. That way, you can tell a couple jokes, and let us get to know Blappy how the viewers do.

One thing that also stuck out to me was the second mission, the warehouse. First, this is a heroic arc, so it seems like you are in Paragon, and even watching Paragon TV.. so how do you get you get to the Rogue Isles to get to this warehouse (it's over 50 miles offshore)? Likewise, the show is a take on COPS, showing the RIP.. but it's been firmly established that the RIP is in Arachnos' pocket (after all, Arachnos is the government, and these guys have the Arachnos insignia on their shoulders). I don't see how the RIP would actually be nice to anyone, they're supposed to be incredibly corrupt, from what little information we have on them. So given the location and corruption issues, I think it would make more sense for it to be a warehouse in Paragon, and for the cops to be PPD. My word isn't law, but this just makes more sense to me, personally.

One last thing, in regards to Bright Angel and Blappy, and also timing in general..

First, this arc seems to take place over the course of a few hours at most in terms of what you are doing and needing to have Blappy back for air time. However, Bright Angel's gradual transformation from hero to villain.. hairstyle change, and then costume, seem like they are taking place over the course of several days, at least.

Second.. Okay so Bright Angel has grown to hate Blappy.... really hate Blappy. So what I don't understand is why she joined the Injustice Legion with Blappy, becoming part of the same villain group. That struck me as very odd, though I didn't notice at first, it dawned on me later. Seems she wouldn't want to join the same group as Blappy considering she is practically implying she wants to do away with her entirely.

I know this is a lot of criticism, but it's done in the spirit of wanting to see your arc improved. I thought parts of it were very clever, and overall I enjoyed myself, but this has potential to be more than it is. If you decide to update it, I would love to play through again.

Remember, I don't pretend my word is law, this is just all my opinion

End spoilers.

Well guys, it's a quick, interesting, lighthearted arc that is still better than most dev content. It's not the most amazing thing ever, but it's worth a play, and has room to become better

3.5/5 stars.

This.

And by defaults I assume your saved settings (it's what I mean.)

Scientists are squishy, good thing I'm along?
This is described as both a Horror arc, and a Comedy arc, and balancing those, I don't have to tell you, is not easy. The author pulls it off fairly well, as the humor is more subdued and dry rather than laugh out loud hilarious. It's also not as prevalent as in the author's other arc, reviewed just above. In terms of horror, I'm not sure what the author means here in terms of horror but I have to admit, there were a couple points during the arc, especially in mission 4, where I had a sense of deep foreboding.. but that tone doesn't carry through the entire arc either. I think there are a couple spots that could really do with some closer examination by the author, to help maintain that atmosphere, which I will mention in the spoileriffic feedback section for the author himself. Overall, this aspect is fairly solid, just don't expect to be scared out of your mind, or laughing your rear end off, instead, there's a generally happy medium.

Instead, what is here is an investigation that leads into a very serious plot, which I thoroughly enjoyed learning about, even though learning about it is largely optional. This leads us into the pros and cons of the arc, with the first pro being..

First pro is an excellent use of clues. There is one mission with a ton of completely optional clues that fill in a significant amount of backstory and really give a very good atmosphere to the arc. I definitely recommend reading any optional clues you find on this arc.

That said, in regards once again to the plot, there is a definite sense of rising action, though sometimes it seems to take big steps (like when you are trying to get up a staircase faster so you skip steps). I'm not saying the author has really left anything out, just that things will flatten out a bit, and then spike. Hard. Then again, that may be the point, as you come upon each new revelation, some of which are indeed a bit surprising. The plot is not predictable.

The map selection is mostly very, very good. I don't know if the mission 2 map fit perfectly well, but the rest of the maps were spot on. In fact, the way the first mission was designed, along with its map, I was immersed to the point that I was almost surprised I was back in the AE building when I exited.

And in relation to that the mission design was great. Only as complex as necessary, and in the one mission that has a crapton of clues with a crapton of exposition held within them, the clues are optional. Very nice.

Not really a pro or a con.. there are parts of this story that don't feel particularly villainous.. then again.. right when I was about thinking that we had squarely entered the realm of neutral.. we go totally bad again. So that was nice

That said, the first con... sort of... the author says he designed this for level 1 characters.. I can see this being possible, but Coralax are pretty nasty even for my level 14 and 15 corruptor (dinged while playing). Their nasty melee attacks combined with the powerful slows on their ranged attacks are a one-two punch of pure, concentrated whoopass. That said, I didn't die, but I certainly came close, and I'm not sure how I could have handled it were I level 1 without enhancements. Then again, I assume the author did test this. And of course, there's the whole "the story wouldn't exist without the coralax" part

Alas, there are some logic issues in the arc that the author has to be aware of, but I will mention anyways in the spoiler section. Nothing that really drags it down though, just made me stop a couple times and go "wait, huh?".

OVERALL, it has some minor flaws, but it's an excellent low level arc, with a fairly strong story and a mostly consistent theme. It's definitely worth a play guys! 4 of 5 with room to grow.


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

There are only minor flaws with this arc, and I feel they can be fixed or alleviated fairly easily.

Is the second mission an Abandoned Office because the Coralax are ransacking it? It seems like a place that is used a lot, and not abandoned, but I'm not sure the abandoned office map gives me the impression the Coralax have torn it apart. It does fit the larger theme of the arc though, so if that's what you are going for, it fits.

In the last mission.. why are we waiting until we are in the very lair of the enemy before destroying the book? Why not destroy it before we get there, just in case it falls into their hands? Seems a better idea to destroy it before going. There's also the matter of the barrel, it looks way out of place, perhaps use an older looking, rustic barrel?

I was also wondering why I had to worry about killing their leader and foiling their plans when, upon leaving, we blew the place up and none survived.

Also, I know Dmitri is a scientist, and they are squishy, but if I wasn't /pain, he woulda been very dead (he spawned as an LT. Default difficulty I think).
And one last thing.. I assume the colony had surfaced in the first mission to look for the book? If so, why were they looking there?

Lastly, I felt the night club mission sorta broke up the atmosphere of the arc, so you may want to look into a way to sustain the atmosphere in there a bit more.

Anyways, just a few things I wanted to point out, and see if you wanted to take a look at 'em. It's a great arc though, so it's hardly unplayable, just a few things that really caught my eye.

End spoilers.


Darned good arc guys. If you are looking for a low level arc with a strong story and a bit of foreboding and comedy on the side, definitely check it out. 4 out of 5, with room to grow

The ones in the back are just a little bit surprised.

Not only that, but it paints you as a true villain with a brain and not a total moron like dev created content, and everything you do makes complete sense.

This was intended to be a fairly humorous arc. As my girlfriend will attest however, I don't have a particularly amazing sense of humor, but I admit to smiling a few times, amused.. there's a certain wit here that's hard to place, but definitely appreciated. I even snirked at a couple of the optional objectives (okay, actually, I plain laughed out loud at one of them). If you play this, I strongly recommend hunting down the optional objectives and reading them, that's where the serious humor lies, and it really shines through in this medium. It was very smart to use the clues like that.

I have to say I also found the contact dialogue interesting. Instead of a contact asking you to do a job or whatever, it acts as your thoughts and actions (represented, again, as a flaming demon), and paints you as a serious criminal. I'm a roleplayer at heart and don't always like my character's hands and thoughts to be forced, but it was done elegantly (my character isn't even evil, but I wouldn't let that affect the rating or how I took the story anyways).

One of the biggest pros here is that overall, the choice in maps was excellent. Nothing more needs to be said here, everything fit, and made sense, and a couple of the maps not only provided immersion, but helped drive the story in and of themselves. Very nice.

The overall narrative was interesting and kept me engaged, a true sense of connection and rising action between missions and the idea that you are indeed out there executing a plan.

On the negative side, there are some logic issues with the way Malta is portrayed, but they should be easily fixed and didn't detract from the overall rating. I'll go into them in depth below.

This comes recommended as a quick, villainous romp. It is a very polished arc. It took me a little over an hour I think, and I enjoyed myself the whole way.

5 out of 5, play it and have fun


Specific feedback (spoilers, intended mostly to help the author):

There are only minor flaws with this arc, and I feel they can be fixed or alleviated fairly easily.

First, the really small stuff.

The mission 4 exit pop-up is redundant with the end of mission text. They are identical, so the pop-up isn't needed.

I'm not normally one to point out typos but heads up in the last mission clue "Organisation Chart" you have "off" instead of "of".

I also really, really feel like the bombs in the last mission should fade in, implying that they aren't there until you actually set them.

Now the slightly larger stuff.

Malta are a bunch of crazy, zealot spooks, who are incredibly paranoid. Them leaving around the kind of information they did in mission 1 seems odd. Obviously though, there wouldn't be much of an arc without that. I'm under the firm belief that hand-waving is fine if done appropriately. Drop in a line that they were caught with their pants down or that, to their extreme misfortune and ill luck, this happened to be the day they were moving their files around. I'm sure you can come up with something witty regarding upper management and file clerks

Also, have to admit.. if the Councilman is so intent on not blowing his cover that he won't fight you, being rescued by a shadow organization that many heroes could identify as bad guys is pretty suspicious! Maybe use cops in a custom group listing them as "Disguised Malta"?

Same thing could be possibly said about the titan ambush in mission 3.

Um, yeah, that's about it. There are very few things that stuck out in this arc to me as things that could be improved, it's highly polished.

End spoilers.


Anyways guys, very well polished arc, very few flaws as to be practically unnoticeable, and very fun, as well as pretty funny.

It's very much worth a play, 5 of 5.

Let's face it, they're both human beings like the rest of us. It was probably a bit of both.

Not that I'm here to attack anyone, just saying, we're humans and goodness knows, we are not infallible (especially me).

These problems are fixed. It was a bug. For some reason, you had the AVs downgrading to EBs and then spawning in your groups. She set all of them to no longer spawn normally (shouldn't have to but she did).

Should be fixed.

Well yeah, obviously the player is already interfering and creating paradoxes, but what she means is "I don't want you running off and creating other paradoxes when we're already chasing one guy who is creating them" (and ultimately, putting a stop to his paradox).

Thanks, but I don't think so.

Yes of course, this is also my experience, and I have never had an issue with taking constructive criticism in several years, because it's what helps us grow as writers.. but not this time. I just put too much of my heart and soul into this to really deal with it like I thought I could. I'm just far too emotionally invested to retain my objectivity.

A lot of the things you mentioned.. are really completely explainable, but I left them out because I didn't want to interrupt the narrative.

The following may seem impassioned, but I assure I am not upset or angry with you.

Amy being inconsistent for instance. Pardon the sarcasm, it's not meant as an attack: Have your mother and sister murdered because of your own inaction, and then gradually learn that your entire life is a freakin lie, see how stable you are. Amy has had one of the worst possible things happen to her, but in her heart, she's still a hero, so she's in immense grief, and guilt, and remorse, and at the same time, still has this heroic drive to get to the bottom of it and stop this madman. I even made sure to mention in one of the return dialogues that her tone was apparently different in person than on the radio (part of this is composure, part of this is needing to keep radio messages short, due to clue space). She does have the ability to compose herself, like any other human being, she's just in a very tough situation.

The CLUE was intended originally only as a communications device. I had been playing a lot of Mirror's Edge, and I loved how Merc was in constant contact with you, supporting you from home base. The hacking capability came about when I realized that some of these places simply wouldn't have unlocked computers. So I had two other options. Either:

A) do what the devs do and just assume that every ******* hero, whether they be an ancient knight or mage, or a robot, or a ghost, or anything in between, can hack any damned computer in the world.

Or

B) Go the exact opposite direction and have people start dropping key cards, and I don't have to tell you how played out that is.

So since I already had this neat, advanced communications device I figured, okay, maybe it has some kind of ability to uplink with local systems and help you hack things instead of just "everyone and their momma can do it". Forcing those kinds of skills on the player is, I believe, more deus ex machina than this.

Likewise, it allowed me to get some character development in even while she's not present, she can talk to you, give you her thoughts, help you out, etc. I wanted her to play a remote support role, so the CLUE's abilities helped make that possible.

As for time travel being inconsistent or not being explained well enough. I don't want to explain, and detract from the actual message of the narrative. Needless to say, she even says in one of the pop-ups "Looks like I can still communicate with you". Part of her powers are to monitor changes in the timeline, with the Pillar of Ice and Flame, she can use this to create a synchronous between the past, and the present.. because there are no such things as the past and present, only time. Doesn't make sense? That's okay, I tried to keep it consistent, and I could go on a whole essay on how and why her powers work how they do and how time travel works in this story, but it doesn't matter.

A) Time travel never makes complete sense. Because it's impossible. This is why this is my one and only story with time travel in it, and the time travel was only to facilitate the actual point of the narrative, outlined in that souvenir.

B) Time travel is not the focus of this story, Family is, for good or ill (Amy and Albright respectively).

I appreciate your suggestions, but the story is what it is. I cannot detract from the point of the narrative by going out of my way in the limited text space the arcs provide us to explain the psychology of Amy's behavior, the way time travel works in this story, and how the CLUE works, and why you have it.

I'm sorry if I sound defensive, I'm not trying to be, I'm just explaining.. this is how it is, and I am not going to derail the narrative to explain all the science and psychology of everything.

Ultimately, if people are going to focus on these things instead of what the story is about, themes of family and my attempt to create an emotional impact on the player.. then it has failed in its purpose, and I would rather just take it down. Serious.

You rated it 3, and you are a fair person so I accept that, even if I don't like it.

I know it wasn't, so it's okay. <3 You're a nice person.

Like I said, none of it is really major, not enough to interrupt the narrative for.

Have to admit that the universe didn't come off as advanced enough to be using atmospheric containment force fields or interstellar travel, but now I know!