_Story_

If anything, I'm known for my persistence.

Welcome back!

I misses you too.

I'm taking in all this info and considering everything. I don't want to muck this up. Especially because I don't foresee and help with any of this. I've gotten into bad situations because I was promised support that never happened and so now I expect that I have to do everything myself. Which means this might take a while, as I mentioned I am horrible with researching stuff, filling out applications, making the necessary phone calls and other similar tasks. They stress my brain out, confuse the hell out of me and bring my usual stellar performance down next to zero. I'd love more help with this stuff, but I'm not going to bother asking when I know I'll be told to just do it myself. Anyway, I am very grateful for even this small amount of assistance I've received here so far. I'd like to thank each and every one of you for this small bit of help.

On another note, does anyone know much about TOEFL? My friend in Vancouver mentioned it. His wife has a few friends that are teaching English as a second language and so he brought this up. My google search brought me this website http://www.toeflgoanywhere.org/ and I want to make sure I'm headed in the right direction.

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Real Numbers....finally. Thank you, NCNC!

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Is it NCNC or NCS NC?

Do they have schools in Japan that teach game design or manga art? Well, it might slow my plans down a little, but I can see about getting into the art school in Burnaby, BC, Canada. It's one of the top 5 rated schools in the world in their field. It'll require a bit of a change as well, but might be a good intermediary step. I just hate delays in my plans though. Oh well. It's not like life lets you have full control of life's events. Thanks for all of the additional info. I'm horrible at research and applications/forms and stuff and they make me nervous as hell.

Any and all information available for others to give here would be much appreciated. If I can learn as much as I can I can figure out what I need to get things moving in the right direction, even if that does mean re-examining my plans and adjusting my timetable.

What things can you learn with a study visa?

As for the climate and culture of Japan, I have a feeling I'd be more at home in Japan than I am in my current residence. I've looked at the good, the bad, and the ugly of Japan and from what I've seen it feels like it resonates more with my core self than most other places I know anything about. My problem might come not from the whole Japan experience, but from my Asperger's Syndrome and people's view of me in general. Then again, I might simply be viewed as your typical baka gaijin and they might not even notice I have a problem. >_>

I still have a lot to look into, but right now as it stands I have to do something. I need to move forward with my life. Something needs to change, and this is something that for years I've wanted to do. I just plan on doing it a bit sooner now, than later.

$5000 CAN is about what you'd need to stay for a month. Not counting all the extra costs to find a place if you don't already have something set up. You'll need to live there for 5 years before you can become a citizen and you need citizenship to attend their public schooling system. From what I understand anyway.

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I have 2 co-workers who plan on moving to Japan. They plan on saving up about $20,000 to $50,000 CAN and plan on working as hosts at one of the clubs somewhere in the Osaka district. I'm not sure how realistic their plans are compared to mine though. They'll be 18 and 19 when they do plan to head on over. I'm still trying to decide if I want to go along with them or wait for my own plans to formulate. Looking into the education level thing might be a deciding factor. I'm also curious as to whether having a viable online business might help things out as well. I have something planned, but we'll have to see how that plan goes.

I'd appreciate as much help as I can get, and I'll give as much as I can as well. As for all the programs for teaching Japanese that I looked at RosettaStone does appear to be the best. Even still I may start hanging out at one of the Japanese restaurants in town to practice my Japanese once I've learned a decent amount. I'll let you know about my experiences with the program and my progress with the language as time goes by.

I think my initial nervousness is beginning to fade away now and a sort of a serious drive for success is setting in.

I hope the counseling helps. I was one of the unlucky few who didn't get any benefit from it (maybe because I had bad luck with the counselors I ended up with - I'm done with speaking with people who just want to run me through the same one size fits all program they run everyone else through). It really helps having someone to communicate this kind of stuff with to help you deal with all of the various issues you have. Having to deal with everything yourself while the problems keep piling up is not recommended.

At the very least I can understand where your coming from with all of this. Hopefully you can focus on all of the good feedback you've been given and ignore these jerks. It's not always easy, and if it gets to you again than you've always got here to come back to. Good luck on your next art project. Have as much fun with it as you can. Believe in yourself.

So much to think about. I've been told different things by different people locally and I'm going to have to do the research myself to find out what is what. I may have to bite the bullet and try finishing my Grade 12 online through a legitimate source (one where the graduation diploma means something) and see what I need aside from that.

If only the school system hadn't wasted so much of my time putting me into various schooling situations after promising to provide me with the support I needed to complete the schooling under my then current circumstances before then turning about face and telling me that such services were never available to begin with. I've since avoided going back to complete my Grade 12 because of that.

Because of my situation I didn't think that I'd ever actually need it because I didn't see myself escaping my current situation whether I completed it or not. Now things have reached the point where I have to get out of my current situation or end up hospitalized again, or worse.

I chose Japan as it is the source of all the things that have given me happiness and hope that I can continue on with my life throughout the years.

Someone told me that I may be able to take a proficiency test if I didn't have my Grade 12, but based on what others have said I am very skeptical. I really hope that there is a path to success here. I don't like the feeling that I've been painted into a corner with no way out.

I wish I had a better support network in place here to help me out through this (I guess I could say that I have no real support network at all), but I'm stuck having to do this all pretty much on my own. It scares the hell out of me. I'm terrified of asking for help too as I've been let down so many times in the past. It sucks not being able to trust others.

I had to pay an extra $35 CAN at the door (C.O.D.) in GST (Government Sales Tax) before they would even hand it over. My poor credit card! It's a good thing payday is tomorrow!

Ok, well my RosettaStone Level 1 & 2 Japanese just showed up at my doorstep. Wish me luck!

Getting better! Keep it up.

It's taken me a while to reach this point, but I've decided that I'm going to be moving to Japan sometime in the future. No more dreaming about it. I'm going to take the next step and actually do it. Something in my life needs to change or I'll be stuck in this limbo I'm currently in forever. It's going to be one hell of a big step for me, but as scary as that is even more frightening is the thought of not being able to go.

I'm looking into various options, such as teaching English in Japan. I've still got a lot of research to do, but now that I'm serious about this I've got to cover every angle and make sure I've got all the information I need to do this right. I've taken the first step already and ordered the Japanese Rosetta Stone, costing me about $400 USD for both the basic and advanced sets. I could have started with the basic and picked up the advanced later, but I save myself $100 picking them both up together.

Next I'm thinking of finding some sites online where I can get in touch with actual people from Japan and become pen pals or such and make a few connections in Japan itself so that I have people who can help me become familiar with everything in Japan should I need the help. I'm a little more than nervous about this part, but I'd rather have some connections over there in Japan than having to go it all alone.

There are other things to look into, like passports. Do I need any special things like a work visa or any such things? I'll be looking into citizenship as well. So much to do. I hope I can get all the information I need. It's too bad that there isn't anyone in Penticton I can ask for help with this research. All of my support systems have let me down repeatedly in the past and I've basically cut ties with them.

The one thing I'm not going to do is rush into this blindly, dashing forward blissfully ignorant in my excitement. I've done that a few to many times in the past. If there had been supports in place in those instances I might have been able to make it through those situations regardless of my errors, but that wasn't the case. Since I'll be going this pretty much alone I know that I'll have to take the utmost care to make sure I do everything right.

Wish me luck everyone!

Through all the crap I've been through and how close I've come to quitting again and again this community has provided me with much needed support to help keep me going despite everything. I want to thank those here for all your help. Those who have give given me kind words with honest intent behind them, those who have listened to my incessant whining, those who have given me a shoulder to lean on when I needed it most, I want to thank you all. For years I have felt like I've been trapped in a limbo from which I cannot escape, my life stagnant, my will being sapped away little by little.

There have been several things that have helped me through all of this. I feel now I can escape this prison and move forward again. This game has inspired some great characters and ideas, if only I had the time and energy to devote to them and give them the love they deserve. The people of this art community, in game and in these forums have provided me with support as I've needed it. The creative culture of Japan with its plethora of manga and anime as well as the beauty of the country and the people themselves have given me a deep well of hope to draw from when I need to, inspiration for my ideas, a desire to improve myself and my ideas, as well as a goal for the future.

It may not be in the very near future, but I hope soon that I have something I can show to everyone here that has helped me, to show that their kindness helped me to move forward. Something more than words of thanks, but a display of tangible results.

I wasn't actually expecting anything when I wrote this. I was feeling trapped. My mind was in a bad place and I needed to communicate this to someone. With all of the responses so far I'm feeling very touched by everything that has been written here. It gives me a feeling of hope for the future. It gives me a feeling that I can still move forward. I want to thank everyone here for all their kindness. I never expected this much from everyone and to be shown this much kindness gives me a warm feeling inside.

Since my time here in the forums I've been trying to get back into my artwork and my writing. It's been a long and frustrating experience and as it stands now I still have nothing to show for my efforts. Maybe I should reword that to something closer to my lack of effort as it seems to suit the situation more accurately. I've discovered that I've been defeated even before I begin. It seems that I lack the motivation I need to put pencil to paper once again. I've lost it it seems. Somewhere during the time I last set pencil to paper and now I let my inspiration slip away.

Each of the times I've attempted to get back into my creativity I've been met with the same old wall of self-doubts, frustrations, anxieties and other negative crap. With a little motivation I could probably find a way to get past all that. Recently I finally realized that that was exactly what I was missing.

I have no external supports. No one to encourage me and inspire me to continue. I have to find the will to continue within myself. I find though I've made a bad habit of seeing myself through the eyes of those around me. I don't know who I am. Often lost and confused, searching for myself I tend to look to those around me to get an idea of who or what I am. And that's where the problem begins. Those around me paint a very sad and lonely picture for me.

It's the same with my art and writing. My creativity is usually met with apathy. Those few times when someone does say something positive too often I feel that their words are given to me out of pity and not because they actually care about my designs.

I don't know what to do now. it feels like another part of myself that I've lost and will take a lifetime of effort to regain. It's like all the friendships I had with girls when I was younger. All my friends were girls with a few exceptions. Then came along that stupid developmental cycle where the genders separate and I lost all my friends. When puberty came around and a new interest in the other gender came around, by that time I was so deeply entrenched in social anxiety and other problems that the damage done has since prevented me from ever being able to reconnect with that which I lost.

Why do I bring this up? Because it feels like this is what has happened with my creativity as well. If something doesn't change then there is no point in me trying to continue to struggle against something I can't change. Still, this challenge depends less on those outside myself. I can still write and draw just for myself. The problem lies with the fact that I want to share my creativity with other, rather than just daydream and keep my dreams to myself. But why should I share when the world leaves me feeling day in and day out like no one really cares except me?

With my Asperger's Syndrome it may very well be that I'd be much better of shutting myself off from the outside world and living alone. Why is it that I feel I need to have to share myself and my life with others? I don't understand it. I'm tired of reaching out my hand trying to grasp what little bit of life I can to be burned over and over again. I'm tired of not being able to trust anyone around me. I'm tired of bearing a heart full of love with no on to share it with. Even love can turn to a bitter poison if you don't let it flow.

Even when people still continues to treat me as less than human I could still create something and people would suddenly pay attention, pay me compliments and I'd feel a little more alive than dead. When did I lose that too? When did that become another mirror of the emptiness inside myself?

I'm tired of all of this. I need to find something that brings light into my life again. Something that maybe even can connect me with the outside world again. I wanted it to be my ideas and my creativity, but it's become too painful. I suppose it's okay now if I quit. No one was expecting anything out of me anyway. No one will have any less of an opinion of me than they do now. So now it's back to the day to day grind of living until something changes to lighten up my life. I don't ever expect that to happen though. I have no faith left in the world around me. So it's back to playing City of Heroes to fill up time in my life, watching anime every now and again to keep my spirits up and working to help pay off all the debts I acquired trying to make something out of my miserable life.

I never could draw from behind. You've officially passed me in skills as an artist.

Naughty has hit the forums once again!

Nice to see you active again. Keep up the good work.

deviantART can be really finicky when it's getting hit with a lot of views. Try again when things have slowed down a bit.

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geez that kichi gets alot of b-day art her friends must really like her :P

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Truth!

All I got was a shirt that said "I went to my birthday and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt".

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You got a t-shirt?

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A few treats to tide you over the weekend!
Our lovely receptionist keeps a fresh stock of sugar on hand.
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Here is where most of the magic happens!
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Complete in Sepia! Ex Libris says see ya next week!

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Let me know what stealth shots you would like to see.

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I do not see enough Pocky included with those sweets. How can you not have any Pocky?!