Client Will NOT Connect To Update Servers

Greetings and hallucinations!

Haven't played the game in ages (probably three years or more) and my copy of the game is rather old. Been playing another Cryptic MMO and it got me feeling nostalgic, so I re-activated my CoH account last night and installed the game client.

The Updater will not move. It not only gets stuck on "Connecting..." (and keeps counting up from #1; at present, it's on #26 or so), it won't even load the image on the Updater (it's essentially just a black box). I've made an exception in my native firewall for the game client and opened up the appropriate ports in my modem/router. I've tried running the updater as Administrator (which I shouldn't have had to do, as my account is the administrator account on this comp). No matter what I try, nothing seems to work.

Tried uninstalling the version of the game client I purchased and downloading/installing the version on the website. Same. Exact. Issue. No end in sight.

My operating system is newly installed; I literally just installed it on two nights ago (new hard drive). Downloaded all new drivers for my graphics card directly from nVidia's website (I never trust Microsoft's drivers). Behold, my system specs:


Operating System: Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate 64-bit
CPU: AMD Athlon 64 X2 5000+
RAM: 3.0GB Dual-Channel DDR2 @ 200MHz (5-5-5-15)
Motherboard: ELITEGROUP MCP61PM-AM (Socket AM2)
Graphics: 1024MB GeForce 9500 GT (nVidia)


I tried using CoH Helper to populate the data necessary for proper troubleshooting... and I get this friendly little error message:

Logfile of Trend Micro HijackThis v2.0.4
Scan saved at 14:00:58, on 11/21/2010
Platform: Windows 7 (WinNT 6.00.3504)
MSIE: Internet Explorer v8.00 (8.00.7600.16671)
Boot mode: Normal

Running processes:
C:\Program Files (x86)\The Weather Channel FW\Desktop\DesktopWeather.exe
C:\Program Files (x86)\DAEMON Tools Lite\DTLite.exe
C:\Program Files (x86)\Evernote\Evernote\EvernoteClipper.exe
C:\Program Files\Alwil Software\Avast5\AvastUI.exe
C:\Program Files (x86)\Winamp\winampa.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Google Talk Plugin\googletalkplugin.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Users\Commanding Officer\AppData\Local\Google\Chrome\Application\ch rome.exe
C:\Program Files (x86)\Trend Micro\HiJackThis\HiJackThis.exe

R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896
R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Default_Page_URL = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=69157
R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Default_Search_URL = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896
R1 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Search Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=54896
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Start Page = http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=69157
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Search,SearchAssistant =
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Search,CustomizeSearch =
R0 - HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Local Page = C:\Windows\SysWOW64\blank.htm
R1 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Int ernet Settings,ProxyOverride = *.local
R0 - HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Toolbar,LinksFolderName =
F2 - REG:system.ini: UserInit=userinit.exe
O2 - BHO: &Yahoo! Toolbar Helper - {02478D38-C3F9-4efb-9B51-7695ECA05670} - C:\PROGRA~2\Yahoo!\Companion\Installs\cpn\yt.dll
O2 - BHO: Groove GFS Browser Helper - {72853161-30C5-4D22-B7F9-0BBC1D38A37E} - C:\PROGRA~2\MICROS~4\Office14\GROOVEEX.DLL
O2 - BHO: Windows Live ID Sign-in Helper - {9030D464-4C02-4ABF-8ECC-5164760863C6} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Common Files\Microsoft Shared\Windows Live\WindowsLiveLogin.dll
O2 - BHO: Windows Live Messenger Companion Helper - {9FDDE16B-836F-4806-AB1F-1455CBEFF289} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Companion\companioncore.dll
O2 - BHO: URLRedirectionBHO - {B4F3A835-0E21-4959-BA22-42B3008E02FF} - C:\PROGRA~2\MICROS~4\Office14\URLREDIR.DLL
O2 - BHO: Java(tm) Plug-In 2 SSV Helper - {DBC80044-A445-435b-BC74-9C25C1C588A9} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Java\jre6\bin\jp2ssv.dll
O2 - BHO: SingleInstance Class - {FDAD4DA1-61A2-4FD8-9C17-86F7AC245081} - C:\PROGRA~2\Yahoo!\Companion\Installs\cpn\YTSingle Instance.dll
O3 - Toolbar: DAEMON Tools Toolbar - {32099AAC-C132-4136-9E9A-4E364A424E17} - C:\Program Files (x86)\DAEMON Tools Toolbar\DTToolbar.dll
O3 - Toolbar: Yahoo! Toolbar - {EF99BD32-C1FB-11D2-892F-0090271D4F88} - C:\PROGRA~2\Yahoo!\Companion\Installs\cpn\yt.dll
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [avast5] "C:\Program Files\Alwil Software\Avast5\avastUI.exe" /nogui
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [WinampAgent] "C:\Program Files (x86)\Winamp\winampa.exe"
O4 - HKLM\..\Run: [BCSSync] "C:\Program Files (x86)\Microsoft Office\Office14\BCSSync.exe" /DelayServices
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [DW6] "C:\Program Files (x86)\The Weather Channel FW\Desktop\DesktopWeather.exe"
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [Sidebar] C:\Program Files\Windows Sidebar\sidebar.exe /autoRun
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [DAEMON Tools Lite] "C:\Program Files (x86)\DAEMON Tools Lite\DTLite.exe" -autorun
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [PeerBlock] C:\Program Files\PeerBlock\peerblock.exe
O4 - HKCU\..\Run: [uTorrent] "C:\Program Files (x86)\uTorrent\uTorrent.exe"
O4 - HKUS\S-1-5-19\..\Run: [Sidebar] %ProgramFiles%\Windows Sidebar\Sidebar.exe /autoRun (User 'LOCAL SERVICE')
O4 - HKUS\S-1-5-19\..\RunOnce: [mctadmin] C:\Windows\System32\mctadmin.exe (User 'LOCAL SERVICE')
O4 - HKUS\S-1-5-20\..\Run: [Sidebar] %ProgramFiles%\Windows Sidebar\Sidebar.exe /autoRun (User 'NETWORK SERVICE')
O4 - HKUS\S-1-5-20\..\RunOnce: [mctadmin] C:\Windows\System32\mctadmin.exe (User 'NETWORK SERVICE')
O4 - Global Startup: Evernote Clipper.lnk = ?
O8 - Extra context menu item: Add to Evernote 4.0 - res://C:\Program Files (x86)\Evernote\Evernote\EvernoteIE.dll/204
O8 - Extra context menu item: E&xport to Microsoft Excel - res://C:\PROGRA~2\MICROS~4\Office14\EXCEL.EXE/3000
O8 - Extra context menu item: Se&nd to OneNote - res://C:\PROGRA~2\MICROS~4\Office14\ONBttnIE.dll/105
O9 - Extra button: @C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Companion\companionlang.dll,-600 - {0000036B-C524-4050-81A0-243669A86B9F} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Companion\companioncore.dll
O9 - Extra button: @C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Writer\WindowsLiveWriterShortcuts.dll,-1004 - {219C3416-8CB2-491a-A3C7-D9FCDDC9D600} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Writer\WriterBrowserExtension.dll
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: @C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Writer\WindowsLiveWriterShortcuts.dll,-1003 - {219C3416-8CB2-491a-A3C7-D9FCDDC9D600} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Writer\WriterBrowserExtension.dll
O9 - Extra button: Send to OneNote - {2670000A-7350-4f3c-8081-5663EE0C6C49} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Microsoft Office\Office14\ONBttnIE.dll
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: Se&nd to OneNote - {2670000A-7350-4f3c-8081-5663EE0C6C49} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Microsoft Office\Office14\ONBttnIE.dll
O9 - Extra button: Run WinHTTrack - {36ECAF82-3300-8F84-092E-AFF36D6C7040} - C:\Program Files (x86)\WinHTTrack\WinHTTrackIEBar.dll
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: Launch WinHTTrack - {36ECAF82-3300-8F84-092E-AFF36D6C7040} - C:\Program Files (x86)\WinHTTrack\WinHTTrackIEBar.dll
O9 - Extra button: OneNote Lin&ked Notes - {789FE86F-6FC4-46A1-9849-EDE0DB0C95CA} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Microsoft Office\Office14\ONBttnIELinkedNotes.dll
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: OneNote Lin&ked Notes - {789FE86F-6FC4-46A1-9849-EDE0DB0C95CA} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Microsoft Office\Office14\ONBttnIELinkedNotes.dll
O9 - Extra button: @C:\Program Files (x86)\Evernote\Evernote\Resource.dll,-101 - {A95fe080-8f5d-11d2-a20b-00aa003c157a} - res://C:\Program Files (x86)\Evernote\Evernote\EvernoteIE.dll/204 (file missing)
O9 - Extra 'Tools' menuitem: @C:\Program Files (x86)\Evernote\Evernote\Resource.dll,-101 - {A95fe080-8f5d-11d2-a20b-00aa003c157a} - res://C:\Program Files (x86)\Evernote\Evernote\EvernoteIE.dll/204 (file missing)
O10 - Unknown file in Winsock LSP: c:\program files (x86)\common files\microsoft shared\windows live\wlidnsp.dll
O10 - Unknown file in Winsock LSP: c:\program files (x86)\common files\microsoft shared\windows live\wlidnsp.dll
O16 - DPF: {E2883E8F-472F-4FB0-9522-AC9BF37916A7} - http://platformdl.adobe.com/NOS/getPlusPlus/1.6/gp.cab
O18 - Protocol: wlpg - {E43EF6CD-A37A-4A9B-9E6F-83F89B8E6324} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Live\Photo Gallery\AlbumDownloadProtocolHandler.dll
O18 - Filter hijack: text/xml - {807573E5-5146-11D5-A672-00B0D022E945} - C:\Program Files (x86)\Common Files\Microsoft Shared\OFFICE14\MSOXMLMF.DLL
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\Alg.exe,-112 (ALG) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\System32\alg.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: avast! Antivirus - AVAST Software - C:\Program Files\Alwil Software\Avast5\AvastSvc.exe
O23 - Service: avast! Mail Scanner - AVAST Software - C:\Program Files\Alwil Software\Avast5\AvastSvc.exe
O23 - Service: avast! Web Scanner - AVAST Software - C:\Program Files\Alwil Software\Avast5\AvastSvc.exe
O23 - Service: ##Id_String1.6844F930_1628_4223_B5CC_5BB94B879762# # (Bonjour Service) - Apple Computer, Inc. - C:\Program Files (x86)\Bonjour\mDNSResponder.exe
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\efssvc.dll,-100 (EFS) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\System32\lsass.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%systemroot%\system32\fxsresm.dll,-118 (Fax) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\fxssvc.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: FLEXnet Licensing Service - Macrovision Europe Ltd. - C:\Program Files (x86)\Common Files\Macrovision Shared\FLEXnet Publisher\FNPLicensingService.exe
O23 - Service: Google Update Service (gupdate) (gupdate) - Google Inc. - C:\Program Files (x86)\Google\Update\GoogleUpdate.exe
O23 - Service: @%windir%\system32\inetsrv\iisres.dll,-30007 (IISADMIN) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\inetsrv\inetinfo.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @keyiso.dll,-100 (KeyIso) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\lsass.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @comres.dll,-2797 (MSDTC) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\System32\msdtc.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\System32\netlogon.dll,-102 (Netlogon) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\lsass.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: NVIDIA Driver Helper Service (NVSvc) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\nvvsvc.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%systemroot%\system32\psbase.dll,-300 (ProtectedStorage) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\lsass.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%systemroot%\system32\Locator.exe,-2 (RpcLocator) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\locator.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\samsrv.dll,-1 (SamSs) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\lsass.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\snmptrap.exe,-3 (SNMPTRAP) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\System32\snmptrap.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%systemroot%\system32\spoolsv.exe,-1 (Spooler) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\System32\spoolsv.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\sppsvc.exe,-101 (sppsvc) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\sppsvc.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: NVIDIA Stereoscopic 3D Driver Service (Stereo Service) - NVIDIA Corporation - C:\Program Files (x86)\NVIDIA Corporation\3D Vision\nvSCPAPISvr.exe
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\ui0detect.exe,-101 (UI0Detect) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\UI0Detect.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\vaultsvc.dll,-1003 (VaultSvc) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\lsass.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%SystemRoot%\system32\vds.exe,-100 (vds) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\System32\vds.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%systemroot%\system32\vssvc.exe,-102 (VSS) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\vssvc.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%systemroot%\system32\wbengine.exe,-104 (wbengine) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\wbengine.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%Systemroot%\system32\wbem\wmiapsrv.exe,-110 (wmiApSrv) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\wbem\WmiApSrv.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%PROGRAMFILES%\Windows Media Player\wmpnetwk.exe,-101 (WMPNetworkSvc) - Unknown owner - C:\Program Files (x86)\Windows Media Player\wmpnetwk.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: @%windir%\system32\inetsrv\iisres.dll,-20001 (WMSVC) - Unknown owner - C:\Windows\system32\inetsrv\wmsvc.exe (file missing)
O23 - Service: Yahoo! Updater (YahooAUService) - Yahoo! Inc. - C:\Program Files (x86)\Yahoo!\SoftwareUpdate\YahooAUService.exe

--
End of file - 12551 bytes

First question: Are you on a US or EU account?

If EU, it seems there are quite a few people having problems with connecting...

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Biggest Troll on the forums? I'll give you a hint:

I'm on a US account.

Have you tried refreshing your DNS cache?

I've seen this before as well, depending on when your DNS is set to refresh itself, this problem can persist for days.