Arc feedback please?


Haetron

 

Posted

Arc: 452196
Title: Still up in the air, it's kinda lame right now..trying to come up with a better one
Status: In Progress/Draft.

It's very story focused...


@MrsAlphaOne
Member of the [url="http://www.guildportal.com/Guild.aspx?GuildID=171543&TabID=1451954"]RIMC[/url]
[url="http://www.freewebs.com/mrsalphaone"]DA![/url]
[color=red]Official Beer Wench of PWNZ[/color] Arc 452196 When Madness Reigns over Reason. Play it and PM me your constructive criticism on what I can tweak before Oct 20th. <3 U all

 

Posted

I have been tweaking it a bit since I've posted this thread. I think I've improved it.


@MrsAlphaOne
Member of the [url="http://www.guildportal.com/Guild.aspx?GuildID=171543&TabID=1451954"]RIMC[/url]
[url="http://www.freewebs.com/mrsalphaone"]DA![/url]
[color=red]Official Beer Wench of PWNZ[/color] Arc 452196 When Madness Reigns over Reason. Play it and PM me your constructive criticism on what I can tweak before Oct 20th. <3 U all

 

Posted

Mission 1:

Opening dialog contact has a misplaced period on the third paragraph, probably due to general bugginess with text editing in the AE interface.

Once in the mission:

Nothing terribly difficult, my only comment is that once you get to the end of the map, you're given a new objective which makes you backpedal through the map back to the entrance, and since you used the tech computer model, it's kind of jarring that they just appear from thin air in the middle of the hall. I'd suggest either letting the player spot these on the way through the mission and destroy them, nothing's really gained by having them sprung once the mission seems complete. Could see this being really annoying if someone had wiped the map, because then you're just going through empty hallways looking for items.

Mission 2: Nothing really glaring at me from the contact dialogue.

Once in the mission: This one needs a pass for proper capitalization and spelling.

Zoo Securty Lt: Typo in the name, your other mobs in this group have security spelled correctly so I'm guessing you just missed it. The description of these mobs also ends without proper punctuation. They're a custom mob, so I'm wondering if your choice of the classic "Super Soaker" AR was intentional, my recommendation would be to change it.

Doctor Louvier: His description calls him "Doctor Doolittle". Not sure if that's meant as a jest or you changed the name after creation. Punctuation error in the description.

"Boss": His group name is Independant Investigators, the correct spelling would be Independent.


Mission 3: Contact Dialogue: Only glaring typo was "ameobas". It's actually amoebas.

Mission says I'm going into a sewer, but it actually starts in a building. Uses the building to sewer transition map, but I think it'd be better suited to just being a straight sewer.

Nav text says "Defeat all creatures in sewer" but it's not necessary, you only have to do the rescue. Now I don't want to recommend turning it into a defeat all, but it might actually work if you used a smaller, plain sewer map.

Mobs named "CheetahSplice" both male and Female: I'm guessing you missed a space there, since the other wolf mobs have the proper space.

Mission 4: Contact Dialogue: Seems fine, handled the "twist" very well, in my opinion.

The recurring character from 2 and 3 returns, I rescue him and he just runs off. Not very helpful.

The "boss" was kind of a clever twist and I laughed at it, as well as the police banter about rumors about paragon heroes.

I noticed at this point that I got a "duplicate" clue, being told I got a characters cell phone number twice.


Mission 5: Contact Dialogue: After accepting the mission, you have an open quotation bracket.

Example. I thought "Why don't I just go punch bob in the face. (not the actual in game phrase, I'm trying to be spoiler free here.

Final Boss was an EB (Guessing it's an AV if you try it in a group) and wasn't terribly difficult. Mission exit pop up was, well, kind of depressing. Made my "saved the day" experience seem much less, well, saved.

So, overall:

Story's fine. No logic holes, was entertaining enough that I read through everything. Missions are playable, with nothing just "broken" but there's a few touch ups that could be done. Main thing, in my opinion, is it needs a really thorough proofreading and editing pass, they seem to pile up through out the arc with the dialogue.

Didn't rate it as it seems it's a work in progress, but it's definitely a good start. I don't want it to seem like it's worse than it is with all the piece by piece feedback, but with some polish it can be a great arc.


 

Posted

About the cheetah: Not enough room for the space Trust me I tried.

Frankengun fixed in both High Hope and the Zoo forces. I've also tweaked the end a little.

About "Boss" in 3 and 4. would it be better if I switched one of them from captive to ally? or...a lead out? (I don't want to do too many lead outs)

Fixing typos as I type this lol

Ok in Mission 4 I switched it to an escort-to-object for better continuity.

Duplicate clue fixed.

"cameras" fixed.

Mission 3's dialogue has been fixed to describe the map better, so it isn't so jarring.


@MrsAlphaOne
Member of the [url="http://www.guildportal.com/Guild.aspx?GuildID=171543&TabID=1451954"]RIMC[/url]
[url="http://www.freewebs.com/mrsalphaone"]DA![/url]
[color=red]Official Beer Wench of PWNZ[/color] Arc 452196 When Madness Reigns over Reason. Play it and PM me your constructive criticism on what I can tweak before Oct 20th. <3 U all

 

Posted

Maybe rename the Splices by taking the gender out of their name. Their names can display identical, they just have to have a different File name, I think. I've seen other arcs do so.


 

Posted

Ok, after a sort-of overhaul, I was wondering if anyone would like to give it a good proof-reading for me? I have the mechanics all worked/tweaked as well as I can get them (of course if there are any errors feel free to point them out ) I would be eternally grateful. I miss things..silly things.

Thanks so much!


@MrsAlphaOne
Member of the [url="http://www.guildportal.com/Guild.aspx?GuildID=171543&TabID=1451954"]RIMC[/url]
[url="http://www.freewebs.com/mrsalphaone"]DA![/url]
[color=red]Official Beer Wench of PWNZ[/color] Arc 452196 When Madness Reigns over Reason. Play it and PM me your constructive criticism on what I can tweak before Oct 20th. <3 U all