corrected thread title, had wrong ID number
Mission 1:
The contact has no information other than the default "this hologram..." one.
What does the Midnight Squad have to do with forseeing the future, isn't that the domain of the Menders? Also the accept text says to "Agree to Assist Statesman" but he is not the contact nor even mentioned in the first mission briefing.
Ok, after accepting the mission it finally mentions Statesman. Still, he should either have been mentioned before the accept text or not included in it at all.
Ugh, before I even enter the mission it says to Defeat All Nemesis. Actually, why does it list all these objectives in the mission title? All of that will only be repeated once I enter the mission, making the compass window even more cluttered. Why not just say "Assist Statesman" and leave it at that?
It gets even worse once inside the mission. Search 1st computer, search 2nd computer, search.... No no no, plural objective text is a MUST here. Also, Defeat Troop Commander is absolutely redundant if you have to defeat all of the Nemesis anyway, and why must I defeat them all anyway? Nobody likes Defeat Alls, especially ones that have no good given reason and on maps larger than "small".
Hmm, not only do these Tech computers look really out of place in an Arachnos map, but they don't tell me much individually, lots of redundant text in each. Really all of this info could have been rolled up into a single big clue at the end of the mission. Also it makes little sense for all three to be in the same room in the middle of the map.
Neither Statesman or the Nemesis Commander told me anything. And thank you Midnighter guy for telling me something I already knew and nothing else in your debriefing.
I have a feeling that these are recurring errors so I'm going to stop here in hopes that the author fixes them throughout the arc.
Quote:
thx for the feedback, im not a very good storyteller lol and i didnt think about every little textual end, i was a little focused on the playability of the mishs, balance of enemies for xp and ease of play.|
Originally Posted by Lazarus
Mission 1:
The contact has no information other than the default "this hologram..." one. What does the Midnight Squad have to do with forseeing the future, isn't that the domain of the Menders? Also the accept text says to "Agree to Assist Statesman" but he is not the contact nor even mentioned in the first mission briefing. Ok, after accepting the mission it finally mentions Statesman. Still, he should either have been mentioned before the accept text or not included in it at all. Ugh, before I even enter the mission it says to Defeat All Nemesis. Actually, why does it list all these objectives in the mission title? All of that will only be repeated once I enter the mission, making the compass window even more cluttered. Why not just say "Assist Statesman" and leave it at that? It gets even worse once inside the mission. Search 1st computer, search 2nd computer, search.... No no no, plural objective text is a MUST here. Also, Defeat Troop Commander is absolutely redundant if you have to defeat all of the Nemesis anyway, and why must I defeat them all anyway? Nobody likes Defeat Alls, especially ones that have no good given reason and on maps larger than "small". Hmm, not only do these Tech computers look really out of place in an Arachnos map, but they don't tell me much individually, lots of redundant text in each. Really all of this info could have been rolled up into a single big clue at the end of the mission. Also it makes little sense for all three to be in the same room in the middle of the map. Neither Statesman or the Nemesis Commander told me anything. And thank you Midnighter guy for telling me something I already knew and nothing else in your debriefing. I have a feeling that these are recurring errors so I'm going to stop here in hopes that the author fixes them throughout the arc. |
ill take another look at it later today to try to iron out the story.
arc has been improved, slightly easier in the later mishs, more explanatory dialogues and contact text.
could use some more feedback on how the changes worked out
i have updated the arc to be i17 compliant and still looking for feedback on it
the arc is more team focused but can be solo'd
any feedback would be appreciated
Putting some feedback here, as requested. I'll be sticking with mostly text and grammar suggestions, you don't have to use any of my entire line rewrites, they are just suggestions.
contact bio: indercover -> undercover
M1 sendoff: arachnos -> Arachnos
Go there and aid him... -> If you aid him now, he will likely be able to assist us with our Nemesis problem. (sentence was a run-on, this is a suggested replacement)
Pop-up: smell the steam -> smell the oil-infused steam(steam has no smell on its own)
objective: Aid Stateman -> Aid Statesman
First computer clue: You have found some important information regarding the plans which nemesis has of the Zeus Class Titans of the Malta Group. The plans have details of design and offensive capabilities, but nothing about the power source. -> You found plans detailing the design and offensive capabilities of Zeus Class Titans. (sentence was awkward, this is a suggested replacement)
First computer plural objective: Computers to search (suggestion to combine the computers to one objective title)
Second computer plural objective: Computers to search(suggestion to combine the computers to one objective title)
Second computer clue title: Third Computer -> Second
Second computer clue: You have found some important information regarding the plans which nemesis has of the Council's Mek Men. The plans detail the Artificial Intelligence mechanism of the Mek Men. -> You have found plans detailing the AI mechanisms of the Council's Mek Men, including improvements. (sentence was awkward, this is a suggested replacement)
will post more later when I have time to play more.
much appreciated, ill go through it later today and do some more text cleaning lol
Mission 2:
Intro: In all the information you recovered they did not even mention the power sources of the higher tech robots. -> Nothing you recovered had any details on the power sources of the upgraded robots. We need that information. (Suggestion for greater readability)
pop-up: labratory -> laboratory
Power Supply clue: its -> it's
Prototype bosses need custom bios
Prototype clues can be moved into the objective complete message
return text: So the Nemesis troops did manage to nearly perfectly replicate the robots? -> So the Nemesis troops managed to replicate the robots near-perfectly? (suggestion for greater readability)
You say you also found some of technology he is using to power his robots as well? -> And you also found some of the the technology he is using to power his robots? (suggestion)
Mission 3:
Intro: Our sources found a secret location that Nemesis has been building robots at, an abandoned Council factory. -> Our sources found an abandoned Council factory where Nemesis has been building robots. (Suggestion)
Rumors have it that Nemesis is also working on a giant robot there too, but that robot is incomplete and will not function properly yet. -> Rumor is that Nemesis is also working on a giant robot there, but it isn't fully functional yet.
more to come later.
this has been such a huge help, most of your suggestions sounded a little better than what i had, so ive made changes based on what you have provided so far
Mission 4:
Intro: Sources also indicate that one of the supervillain's allies got captured as well they both would be willing to assist you, if you choose to release them. -> Sources indicate that one of the supervillain's allies was also captured, but may be working towards the same goal. (Suggestion)
(I notice that you tend to overuse repetition words. Only use one of these words in a sentence: also, too, as well)
I agree with some of the other members of the club that it feels way too easy to persuade Lord Recluse to help you, but unfortunately I don't really have any suggestions at the moment on how to help that.
return text: Our sourced indicate-> sources
You should prepare as well and be ready as Nemesis himself may show up. -> You should be ready since Nemesis himself may show up.
Mission 5:
Plural Objective: 3 Destroy the Nemesis Meks -> 3 Nemesis Meks to Destroy
I think I see why this map has been buggy. You have too many objectives. It's generally a good thing, and it comes across well, but I would delete 2-3 of the battles, patrols, or robot objectives and it should cut down on the bugginess a little bit. Nemesis didn't spawn for me.
I didn't think it was a bad arc by any means. But I would read through the other's reviews and see which suggestions stand out as something that you could work into the arc.
thx much for the feedback, as for the recluse mish, the options i have without messing with the story would be
- change recluse to be a forced AV, but he could potentially spawn at lvl 54 too (this option is something i would really like to avoid)
- remove the 2nd ally and just keep the mastermind ally, it would make the fight a bit tougher without requiring that you take other poeple with you
- i could make both allies EBs only so they could not spawn higher than EB while recluse could still spawn as an AV
i think for now i will go with option 2 and see how things go, and if it still feels too easy, ill force the mm to be an EB and no higher, so recluse as an AV will be a much tougher fight
in the original implementation of the arc, i was originally not going to have ANY help at all in there, but that was coming off as too hard, which is why i have added allies, i added the 2nd ally as a request because it was still getting negative feedback on difficulty, but as times have changed so have the poeple so ill just remove one of the allies
i would like some feedback on this little story i have been working on.
the basic plot is nemesis is plotting again andyou have to stop him, through difficult challenges.
length: very long
morality: neutral
keywords: challenging, ideal for teams, solo friendly
description: Nemesis is back up to his old tricks, but he has gone to all new lengthsthis time. he has advanced his machine-making skills faster than imagined. he has used his knowledge of Rikti, Council, ad Malta to copy the designsof their robots for his use.
notes: does contain some enemy AVs, suggested difficulty is the lowest (+0 x1 noAV)
any feedback on this would be greatly appreciated