Take my advice if you meet a good (because they are likeminded) player, get them as a globalfriend so everytime they come on you can then say "right! i'll go play my level 24 controller Mr Twain". Whilst they are not about play another toon something more soloable/survivable.
Trying to make strategic players out of mindless mashers when you dont have lead is an absolute nightmare.
He will honor his words; he will definitely carry out his actions. What he promises he will fulfill. He does not care about his bodily self, putting his life and death aside to come forward for another's troubled besiegement. He does not boast about his ability, or shamelessly extol his own virtues. - Sima Qian.
I agree with Shannon here, as you find decent players add them to your global friends list.. Generally team experiences will be good altho The Circle of Thorns do like to throw a spanner in the works
Sometimes chaotic missions are far more fun because your freestyling it, taunt hold blast all the time can get boring.
One thing, once to get teaming with the same ppl on a regular basis your laughing, missioning becomes instinctual and comfortable, once you get to this stage then chaos is the way to go 
If a tank or anyone else runs off then dies, its their tough luck, its about teamwork not just glory, so dont take bad experiences to heart..
hehe those pesky blasters
Funny thing is, my first blaster was ar/dev. That assault rifle doesn't lend itself to spamming the room with AoE attacks at low levels so I learned to play as a more cautious blaster, more team orientated perhaps. Since creating a fire/ice blaster, I find that my most effective attacks are AoE's which is exactly what a team doesn't want. It's not easy to get a blaster to not use their most effective attacks 
As for the tanks...many are called but few are chosen. There are LOTS of tanks out there, not that many really good ones. I made a tank once, didn't suit my style of play at all so I was hopeless at it. Promptly deleted to make room for more damage dealing.
We've all had experiences of bad teams, makes us appreciate the good ones a little more Don't let a few bad runs with pick up teams ruin the game for you though.
There are many more good team players than there are bad ones in my experience, the only problem being they tend to stick together and it's not always easy prising them apart to get into a team unless they know you so when you do find some, get them on your global friends list.
Maybe consider joining a supergroup - there are some very good supergroups as well as some pretty hopeless ones, luckily you can leave a sg and find another if you decide you don't fit in.
Anyway, it's all about fun. If people do silly things and die then start blaming you for their deaths (such is the life of a defender), just leave them to it. There's no point staying with a team like that, unless you're having fun watching them die of course 
Well, reckless play is unfortunately quite common, but its not the norm we should aspire to.
I always thought that good players are constantly aware of the situation and use powers only in a way that synches with teammates. Ie. A blaster might hold himself from using AoEs unless the tank has the mob aggroed, and certainly doesnt use AoEs when another mob is nearby and you don't want them aggroed.
Tank should try to fulfill his duty no matter how gimped his powers are, like me doing positron: a bad respec power order made me lose both taunt and invincibility in positrons lvl range, and war mace doesnt get its area attack until much later. So all I could do was run from creep to creep and try to keep them on me with punchvoke.. Remembering dull pains toxic resistance against vahzilok and so on. So many little things..
And so on. Defenders usually are more conscious of the situation unlike some other AT players..
All I can do is assure you that there are more skilled players out there that you can team with, and if you meet any, add them to your friends list..
And I hope that other players would think things a bit more ..Me, my friend and a blaster in hollows, I say to the blaster: can you pull? He pulls..using rain of fire! Yay!
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And, also, if anyone reading this is into teaming in more of a strategic rather than gung ho manner, could you please send me a message in game 
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Just a minor nitpick but being gung ho doesn't mean you charge into trouble getting more then one group at a time. I prefer a bit of unorganised fun to being overaly structured but there is no way I'd do some of the things those tanks and blaster did in the second team you describe. I may not be organised but I do know how to play my role on a team and what is just blatantly a bad idea
I only started team play two or so weeks back, preferring to solo until recently. So far I've had a mixed experience. It can roughly be divided into teams that know what they're doing and teams that have a death wish. Of course, there's lot of inbetweeny stuff, but you get my drift.
Case in point, one of my first team ups had a classic structure. Two tanks, two blasters, a defender or two throwing heals and me controlling. One tank would head off, indicate exactly where they were going to herd to by running to that point and saying "here". They'd bring the (+3, to me) mobs to that spot, I'd hold 'em, the tanks and blasters did the heavy damage, the defender and I healed and held and there was enough firepower between us to pick off stragglers.
I've had a couple of similar team-ups, but not one as good as that. It was brilliant, strategic gameplay and if I'd been more experienced I would have friended a couple of the guys so I could find them again. Alas, I haven't had a team up that was quite as good as that since. And I just had the very worst.
It was a ship based mission on Striga, with those huge, high rooms, mobs spread out. Two tanks, three blasters. No defender, another controller besides me. I had heals so was willing to be defacto defender. Room one. The blasters kicked off on the mob in situ with AoE, aggroing an adjacent mob. I held as many as I could, but all the AoE made that difficult with a dozen mobs running about. Everyone split up, so my healing aura was useless. We lost both tanks pretty quick.
Next room, big and full of mobs. Thought I'd try and save us from a masacre and asked one of the tanks to herd a mob back into the corridor. He ignored me. Both tanks charged off into the middle of different mobs and stayed there, while the blasters aggroed everything in the room. I ended up flying between the two groups - actually just two ends of one huge melee - holding bosses and firing off transfusion heals. This went on and on. I asked the group to try to bunch together - nope. When one tank died for the third time - he blamed me for not being there to heal him!
Now - as I've only been teaming a couple of weeks I'm wondering whether my experience is par for the course - or is it just because I'm teaming fairly randomly?
I'm not saying that the free-for-all approach is wrong - it's just that I don't particularly enjoy it. It just doesn't suit my playing style.
Thoughts?
And, also, if anyone reading this is into teaming in more of a strategic rather than gung ho manner, could you please send me a message in game