Handy Hints for world domination

((ok since I'm currently unable to actually play CoX I've had to fill my time watching dvd's and playing other games on my consoles, and after spending far to long laughing at some of the really foolish bad guys in such things I thought I'd write up this little guide to amuse anyone thats ever screamed at their TV when the bad guy makes one of those oh so common mistakes, hope you all enjoy ))

Night Shifter strolled through Mercy Island chuckling to himself quietly, a leaflet clutched tightly in his hand. Every few minutes he'd glance at it again, and each time a fresh outburst of highly uncharacteristic merriment was the result.

The reason for his amusement was rather simple, he'd just finished a nice early morning hunt in an Arachnos printing works, his contact had informed him that the place was printing material which blasted groups like his that worked on a purely mercenary basis, and the last thing he needed was the local populance turning against him, it was bad for business. So bright and early he'd set out to put a stop to it, what he found instead was an absolute delight.....

According to the information provided by the workers at the print shop before they were "pacified" this leaflet was to be distributed to new arrivals in Mercy Island by their new Arachnos liason in order to inform and advise those freshly released from the Zig. The contents of this publication are displayed below for the general amusement of others, especially those Villains older and wiser than the recent escapee's

Welcome to the Rogue Isles, and to the Arachnos organisation.
So it seems you feel that working your way up to the level of an Arch-Villain on par with the likes of Black Scorpian or Ghost Widow is a good career choice, well you'd be right, it pays well, there's plenty of interesting perks (just ask for details of our medical cover schemes) and best of all you get to set your own working hours.

However, though many try, the vast majority fail. Why is this I hear you cry, well it's mainly due to people making mistakes, and not just any mistake, but one of the shockingly frequent mistakes that aspiring Villains of both fact and fiction fall victim to.

With that in mind this collection of pointers will hopefully extend your new occupations lifespan, and remember, Lord Recluse rewards those who are both successful and loyal, be sure to remain both.

1) Henchmen, always handy for doing the jobs you just don't want to do, however, if you have to get them a uniform, make sure to avoid helmets which fully cover their faces as often your enemy will try to steal a uniform and get either close to you or into your secret hide-out. This is a bad thing.

2) A secret hide-out is a fantastic idea, it allows you a safe place to plot and scheme and also a place to keep those wonderful little trinkets you "aquire" during your rise to power. However, be sure to check that your vetilation ducts and drainage pipes are too small for anyone to crawl through.

3) A quick execution is not too good for an enemy. Gloating at their predicament is nice, but it can wait, a bullet in your captive can't.

4) Upon taking an enemy captive he/she is bound to ask you to explain you master plan before you finish them off. In this situation refer back to point 3

5) The bodies of slain enemies should always be cremated, dissolved in acid or riddled with enough bullets to make them resemble swiss cheese. A combination of all three is probably best.

6) Heroes are not to be given a last request of any kind.

7) Employ a team of reliable and trusted advisors and actually listen to what they have to say. They may find plot holes that you missed which may lead to your downfall.

8) Never kill a messenger just because they bring you bad news in an attempt to show how truely evil and annoyed you are. Good messengers are hard to come by.

9) Don't charge into combat with the rest of your men. If this is unavoidable, make sure you stay near the back, and don't seek out your opposite number in the frey.

10) Train you troops in basic marksmanship. If they are unable to hit a man sized target at 30 meters use them as a target for those that can.

11) Never build a sentient computer that is smarter than you are.

12) If fighting on a moving platform of some kind, a train roof for example, and your opponant suddenly glances behind you and ducks, do the same, DUCK turning round to see why he ducked is never a good idea and will only end in tears.

13) If you must take captives and keep them alive for some reason, never have them guarded by members of the opposite sex. (unless the prisoner happens to be a cat-girl, the rumours about them are generally true)

14) Make sure the main control room in your hide-out has only one door leading in and out, and that it is in plain view of every member of staff at their work station.

15) As in point 13, if you must take live captives you'll need cells to keep them in. Make sure that these cells contain nothing that can be used as an improvised weapon, no shiney objects and nothing that can be unravelled to fabricate a rope or climbing aid of any kind.

Now hopefully, by following the above pointers, you'll soon be heading your own little empire, just be sure that you don't get ideas above your station, Lord Recluse is always watching

This is a long the same lines!

Clicky!

The link was sent to me by my good friend, Blackdove.

I'd like to add another:
16) The button to fire any missiles will be labelled 'Mode Select'. (Check Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, just before they fire the modified photon torpedo)

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This is a long the same lines!

Clicky!

The link was sent to me by my good friend, Blackdove.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh that site is soo funny was laughing for ages when I found it, but yeah very similar these.

Wow, i genuinly didn't know about that list, I've just been stuck at home watching all the star wars, austin powers and other good Vs evil films while waiting for my PC to be repaired.

Kinda makes the list of 15 look kinda feeble in comparison, damnit, must try harder

Don't worry you gave it a good shot *hug*