Nobody has any feedback to give?
Fits the journal style quite well, without knowing the character a non in-depth observation of the writing (By that, I mean I'm not going to analyze it like I would a piece of work for English, done too much fiction analyisis as of late!) I'd say you have yourself an interesting villain. I'm going to have a proper read through tomorrow, adding it to the list of everything else I need to do tomorrow.
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Nobody has any feedback to give?
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Don't scan the Creative forum that much. I sometimes wonder how many good stories I've missed. Hey ho.
Technical point: I think I'd have gone back and picked a word for GhostWidow that didn't get '[censored]' slapped all over it. Otherwise it's technically well constructed, possibly one of the better pieces I've read for actual grammatical accuracy.
Story itself left me a little cold. It's well written, but I don't have the slightest sympathy for the character. Closest I come is the bit where s/he admits to quite liking the mercenaries. Having read GhostWidow's journel on the CoV web site, I have more sympathy for her, and she's a psycho.
I'd like to read more about Eressos (who I assume is the narrator) because, aside from anything else, you write well and I suspect I'd enjoy reading it. (And as everyone knows, the world is here for my amusement. 
)
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
It's well-written, I have to agree on that. Technically, and stylistically, I can't find anything to really criticise. You write comfortable and well in the journalistic style, enough description and depth to make it interesting for the reader, yet still make it believable as a journal entry.
I'd have to agree, though, that I feel little sympathy for the character. He seems, to be honest, a little delusional when he speaks about his loyalty to Recluse. Probably appropriate, and hopefully intentional, but he definitely comes across as someone more than a little bitter at something that happened in his past, who is turning fanatically loyal to a figurehead who he views as responsible for his apparent quick rise in power, though his frustrations are telling of the kind of hierarchy he is in, where the only real power is with the most powerful, Lord Recluse. He will never, no matter how many bones he is tossed, have any real authority.
I'd be interested in finding out why he became a villain, how he got to the Rogue Isles, why he needs cybernetic limbs, etc.
I'm hoping there'll be more on Augury in following bits of writing too. ^^; I'd write about her myself but my writing pales in comparison to Er's. (Er is a she btw, both IC and OOC)
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Er is a she btw, both IC and OOC
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Thank you. As Zortel pointed out, the avatar is a giveaway, but I wasn't sure and wasn't going to pick.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
Thanks for the feedback, folks. It's nice to see critique beyond "YOU RAWK/SUX".
>.>
I'm quite glad there's little sympathy for the character, to be honest. While I do intend to reveal more of her backstory in the future, probably sooner than I expect actually, I want to have a go at making someone that isn't forced into what they're doing; that the villainy and acts of evil she commits are done so willingly and actually enjoyed.
While I consider her past and "fall" to be tragic to a certain degree, this is one character I don't want to end up as angsty once the surface of her personality is broken.
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angsty once the surface of her personality is broken
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Cool. I think there are a lot less angsty villains about than heroes. People seemed to like the idea of CoV because they get to play evil characters, so the 'tragic villain who really doesn't want to be evil' has given way to the 'REVEL IN YOUR BADNESS!' school of bad guy... except in CoH where they get press-ganged into Licensed Hero duty.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
I actually enjoy playing Augury because she's -not- misunderstood. She's just cold and selfish. And on the same hand she's still a human and has the human side that makes her far easier to relate to. This actually seems to be a common theme in CoV's "canon" and I like it very much.
Villains need not be either misunderstood or simply cackling mad evil with no human side. Most humans are perfectly capable of acting heinously towards some while acting like a compassionate caring being to others. Villains just take the divide and place it a little further down the line.
Recently I was reading through a few of my stories I wrote during my time playing World of Warcraft; the first one, Chronicles of Blood was fairly "generic" in the way I told it; third person and I took a fair few liberties with the writing, as it was largely comprised of things that didn't happen in-game. However, my second piece - Confessions of a Lunatic - was written from a first person view. Finally, Twilight Requiem was a piece I wrote for a short story competition. I left the community before the results were given out, so I'm unsure how well it was taken by others.
I think the first one was much closer to my heart, but they were both relatively well received, even if Confessions was never finished and a couple of people got offended over the homosexual undertones present (But not the scenes of violence, go figure). Anyway, going back through them made me come over all nostalgic (Even if the damn things WERE written less than a few months ago), and I've felt the need to write again. This is where City of Villains comes in.
I haven't been able to Roleplay an awful lot in the game, but I have been able to scrabble enough material together for something - I hope - will be at least partly enjoyed by the people here. It's a similar style to Confessions, namely "journal" entries, and written from the view of my one and only character, Eressos.
It's short, I tend to write in short bursts more than anything, but any feedback and criticism - preferably constructive - would be enormously appreciated.
/edit - Just to clarify: I do intend to add additional pieces as time goes on, but due to the relatively small amount of established Roleplay on the Villain side, I'm unsure when I'll have material to work with again.
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I think it has been approximately a week or so since I was able to assert my true place in the world. It took me many, many years to even get near this level of satisfaction when I was registered within Paragon City as a Cape; but a mere seven days under my Lord's - admittedly indirect - command and I feel life has begun once again. While not officially welcomed into the ranks of His organisation, I am proving myself on a daily basis; whether this is by purifying his soldiers - survival of the fittest after all, and by no means am I setting his plans back - or by "merely" carrying out offensive operations against the likes of Longbow, I feel that something great awaits me in the future. Indeed, my limbs have been upgraded with some of the finest technology that can be mustered; no more am I forced to contend with cheap prosthetics.
For as long my Lord continues to provide that which restores and strengthens me, I will continue to be one of His "Destined".
My rise, or fall, to Infamy has not been entirely smooth. There was a nasty incident involving false accusations, an Arbiter and the Dead [censored] within her ivory tower, but it was quickly resolved. The whole affair was brushed over shortly after its climax, and I suppose I must get around to thanking the woman who assisted me during the ordeal. Her name is Augury, a pseudonym I believe, who appears to have quite a developed grip on psionics; I confess it's quite terrifying to see her launch into a frenzy, the very air around her becoming a buzzing anarchy as metal and flesh all around her is torn and bent to her whims. The sight of a forklift truck being plucked from sub-reality and hurled into a mass of Thorn "Defenders", or one of the Freakshow's "Tanks" being pulled into the air sharply and completely paralyzed is something that I will not be forgetting in a hurry.
With her power comes a deeper personality I've yet to uncover fully. On one hand, she appears quite callous when it comes to dealing with human life; terminating it with a disregard for any moral or ethical influences that might be involved, but - at the same time - I have seen her become increasingly defensive when the matter of that "Wretch" and his Dead [censored] arises. I believe the Dead [censored] was abusing the trust and faith Wretch had placed within her, twisting him into a shadow of his former self just so that she may have a puppet; when I raised this with "Augury", she became quite angered, demanding I withdraw my comment and tried to make me believe there is a genuine emotional connection between the two. I find that hard to take seriously, but I didn't push it any further.
While I'm on the subject of others I have met, I must confess I have become quite attached to the mercenaries under my command. While they are certainly not up to the same powerful standards as those Heroes I led back in Paragon - that just makes them significantly more appealing though, when I think about it - they are deeply loyal to me, and I am pleased with their performance in the field. While I would not give my life for them - as they would for me - they are something to be treasured in the coming months; my own, personal, degree of physical power is not that great and I will need them in order to defend myself. It is fortunate my particular line of work covers any benefits and rewards they desire; their needs are easily fulfilled, above and beyond what they might expect on occasion, and so there's no risk of them going turncoat. Yet. Sometimes I wish I had the mental capacity - or at least the contacts - to field an entire squadron of the combat androids I've seen strutting about, but then again they are a little too cold and impersonal, even for my tastes.
When all has been said and done, I am more than happy with my lot in my life. There are issues of course, but they are relatively minor ones in the grand scheme of things. In time, I hope to become officially accepted within the ranks of Arachnos. I am beginning to tire of the endless skirmishes I must endure with his errant troops, just so that I may rise above the label of "meat". It is most frustrating, and if I have to annihilate yet another Crab Soldier before the day is done, I shall be driven positively insane.
We will see where life takes me from here. Despite the Seer's warning of Recluse's inevitable victory not being "my own", I am not scared or frightened in any conceivable way. The man was quite mad anyway; it would not surprise me if he had been exposed to the Excelsior drug.
-E