For anyone looking for a story arc not a farm
By
Bubbawheat,
Posted on: 2009-06-15 21:33 in Mission Architect
Check what out? Title? Arc ID#? Global? Description?
Also, this is the "Stories and Lore" section. I'm pretty sure everyone here is not looking for farms.
And if you're looking for feedback, check the reviewer list sticky for players to review your arc. Though you should read some reviews before you submit, some reviewers are harsher than others, and some are quite helpful. Good luck!
He's talking about
The Love Triangle 158108
I directed him here instead of posting on the flame-infested Techincal AE Thread, but it seems the cut-n-paste lost the Arc Info (the farm reference was appropriate where this was posted first)
Anyway.. I sent my review to your personal messages (under "My Home"), got a lil' too long for a Tell, but since you made a thread I'll repost it here.
1: Intro - Color mission Title (NC Recommends Blue). "a ransom _note_". i -> I.
Pop-up: to -> too.
2: Intro: i -> I. Might add a comma after "GO NOW" (just looks a lil' clunky without),
names -> name is (or name's). Pop-up: "Sounds of an attractive woman"???? also "nearby"
on a big map. I like the kidnap emotes setup. I'm glad I took the boss first and could
mission complete out of the ambush. Extro: i -> I.
3:Intro: somethings not -> something's not (or something isn't). i -> I. sho -> she.
Using default "Accept". isnt -> isn't. (X-Files.. Nice touch!). A little strange box
for the Identity, but OK. Was thinking, who the heck is Margeret - but nice Info on her
to explain. Ambush is just fine - since Margeret is great (but not scene-stealing) help.
Extro: the strange -> these (maybe)
4: Sound of thrown money bags - THAT WORKS. A nice pop-up giving it all a sense or urgency.
Does he have and END sapping aura? I must tell you *everyone* will hate that! Having to turn
off defences to be able to attack is not funny. On Heroic I can't tell - is he EB downgraded
to boss? (Don't think anything above Boss is warranted). Patty's powers seem ideally chosen
(she's just there to mash stuff, energy attack is good for that). Dialogue: Missing a few more
(') in cant etc. Also "Hit like a Girl" is a lil' silly with two girls fighting 
Nice to have Timed on this (since it's a heist) can't check fail text tho' (since I made it)
5: Hmm.. Intro to the plot-twist mission at the end seem a little off, maybe something like
"It turns out all these mystical creatures weren't working for the 5th column at all (it did
seem a little odd) in fact they were all working for this group of dead former warriors, and
now they have taken Margaret prisoner too ... etc." also still with the i -> I a few times
"Defeat them and send them back to their graves" is Great, "Kill them All" just before that
probably not (since they are dead already and killing is a little tabu for a hero work) -
"take them all down for good" maybe? margaret -> Margaret.
Okay... why are we in an Arachnos base? (state in the entry pop-up why they have chosen this
- maybe they are holed up in this abandoned Arachnos outpost), also First boss was right
at the door (that was kinda nasty), not sure I get the text on the Berets (scarred from not
working part), Resurrector seems a tad gaudy for a dead warriror (bright green does that),
also villain group name misspelled (should be "Baddies") - that will catch a lot of comments.
Like the Pale Green Horseman (maybe change from Horsemen->Horseman tho') has a wicked Alpha
Strike tho' (no problem for me) but people should know that with an Ax wielder and approach
accordingly, description: arthur -> Arthur. Dead Berets seem well dressed and power kitted.
Hehe.. shovel.. that never gets old. "Girble Garble" ?? Not sure I would stick with that.
Also this is Kill-all, but a nice small and easy to check map, so OK and the end of an arc
like this with many nice small maps underway (might still scare some but as the story is
written I think it's the way it has to be). The map does create a few congested battle-
zones but nothing a player shouldn't be able to handle by a little carefull forethought.
Maybe it's because we had a lot of bad stories in the press recently but the contact
comes off a little as a creepy stalker-ex. By Mission 2 he's more like desperate fool
tho' which was probably the intention. Mission 3, we are back to creepy stalker (at
least he doesn't lock her up). Mission 4 his role as a legit contact is finally
established, maybe a lil' late. Maybe add something to make him seem more concerned
and less needy in the first few introes (not sure what - let him wring his hands or
something, I usually add emotes into the text using yellow, emotes are a sneaky tool)
I like that the story is 1-54, but due to Map 2 I might add in the synopsis that "Travel
Power is recommended" (but with costum group I'd say we are at least talking
Dual Origins Enchancers-recommended). Finding good all-level groups is hard so sometimes
you get an odd mix - try to add a few excuses to the story for it,
Played on Heroic w. L17 Tank
//AtCbM// www.crystalblue.dk
Victory - Mare,Dagger of Pain,Keep,Hogun and Bloodpetal
The Keep-Arcs: 164260, 188373, 192610, 196090 and funny side-chapter 218575.
Mender-Arc: 266163
oh yes, weird how i forgot the most important information..
its as crystalblue stated, thank you, 158108
thanks!
Not sure if anyone even plays story arcs anymore... i made this a couple months ago, and i realize that most people just want farms now on AE... so if anyone is looking for a 5 mission arc with a decent story line, well thats up to you, then please check this out, i know there are minor spelling errors in it, but other than that feedback would be great...