The Off Duty Super Powers Blues
By
EvulOne,
Posted on: 2009-06-15 05:48 in CoH and CoV General Discussions
hehe...very cute.
Electric/electric blaster: You know that static charge you build up from cat fur? My sister assures me Mittens is in a better place now. 
(Sometimes, I wish there could be a Dev thumbs up button for quality posts, because you pretty much nailed it.) -- Ghost Falcon
Electric blaster: I keep accidentally wrecking electronics. It's getting hard to come up with excuses as to why stuff always breaks around me, and there was this one time with a pacemaker.... well, let's just say it's a good thing I can precisely time my power jolts.
Regen stalker: You know what's annoying about having regeneration powers? Tattoos. Your body rejects 'em. Cleans the ink right out, gone overnight. How are you supposed to look properly villainous if you can't get a scary looking facial tattoo?
Plant dominator: For the last time, NO I CANNOT HELP YOU WITH YOUR GARDEN! Seriously, I control giant carnivorous fly traps and cause vines to grow to massive sizes and crush people. Do you want your garden to look like that? No? Well then stop asking my why your flowers didn't bloom!
Super reflexes scrapper: The thing about having such tricked out senses is, I've <dodges small bug> .. oops, sorry about that. Anyway, it's become so automatic that I find myself dodging well, everything <dodges speck of dust> - agh, there I go again. It really makes it hard to do work, or well, much of anything without getting distracted... <dodges small wad of paper> ...hey, cut it out! Trying to work here!
Ice dominator: Worst thing about having ice powers? Condensation. I had to resort to getting a battery-powered heating system for my glasses to stop them from fogging up, and you can just forget about keeping your costume dry. On the other hand, it's great for keeping beer cold at parties - plus, freezing the pool solid is always a great joke. Bonus points if you can do it with people still inside!
@MuonNeutrino
Student, Gamer, Altaholic, and future Astronomer.
This is what it means to be a tank!
Lonely Martial Arts Stalker: Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a date when a girl asks what you do for a living and you tell her you're a stalker?
(Sometimes, I wish there could be a Dev thumbs up button for quality posts, because you pretty much nailed it.) -- Ghost Falcon
We all think about how great it would be to have super powers, but there have to be some downsides to it as well. Especially in the off-duty hours or when trying to keep your secret identity intact.
So, this thread is dedicated to giving our heroes and villains voice to the problems they have when not wearing spandex.
Invulnerability Tank - "Well, I'm gettin' tired of having to shave with a belt sander for one thing. Especially around the nose."
Ice Blaster - "Yeah, frost breath is great in combat, but kinda sucks in real life. You know how your tongue sticks to cold metal in winter time? Yeah, try that year round. Forks and spoons too."
Gravity Controller - "Umm, last month was my wife's birthday and I figured I'd save some money, you know? Well, you can't actually control what you get with Propel. I eventually found a lamp that she really loves... but now our backyard resembles a 'You might be a redneck if...' joke."
Sonic Defender - "I got a job because of my powers. I'm on the radio now! You know that 'The following is a test of the broadcast system' message? No, no I don't say the words. I do the alarm noise."
Regen Scrapper - "You'd think healing from any injury would be the best power, wouldn't ya? Let me tell ya it ain't all it's cut up to be. Last year I broke my leg at work. The bone healed completely in ten minutes. In order to hide my powers though I hadda wear that danged cast for 2 months! Well... at least Janice in accounting signed it.. heh."
Fire Armor Tank - "That urban myth about being able to light your own farts? It ain't no myth. I'm here to tell ya. That'll be the last time Ma makes beans for Thanksgiving dinner."
Fire Blaster - "You don't know how tempting it is when some wanna-be Lothario walks up to me in a club and tells me how hot I look in that dress."
Necromancy MasterMind - "They're just not so useful around the house. My husband doesn't understand I get tired after a day of villainy. So, I asked one of my minions to make dinner. I think he was over reacting; all he had to do was remove the eyeball from his salad and keep eating, but noooooo..."
Psychic Dominator - "Being a villain can get lonely sometimes (hot date). Most nights I just sit alone at home (hot date). I guess I can understand why (hot date), but it still does wear on me a times (hot date). What? Oh my! You're asking me out? What a surprise! Of course, I'd love to go out with you! (your treat)"
Claws Scrapper - "Picking your nose while distracted? Bad idea."
Dark Armor Stalker - "I'm not invisible; I just look like a little cloud of smog. I'm only REALLY invisible in Los Angeles."
Spines Scrapper - "You know what really ticks me off? When people come up behind me and scream 'boo!' at the top of their lungs. Yeah, they think it's funny but my civies don't have holes in the right spots for my spines. Well, at least they don't BEFORE I get startled."
Super Strength Tank(male) - "Yeah, my girlfriend isn't talking to me right now. I got a little over excited the last time I spent the night at her place. I think she's over reacting. I told her I'd fix the wall behind her bed. And the doc said it was only a MINOR concussion."
Super Strength Tank(female) - "I think my boyfriend is over reacting; after all the surgeons were able to sew it back on."
Electrical Armor Stalker - "Yeah, going invisible and spying on naked women is fun, no doubt, but you have to take precautions. Example? Well, let's just say spying on a team of female athletes in the showers after the game is not advisable when your powers are electricity-based."
Fire Controller - "Fire Imps do NOT make good pets. At least; that's what my home owner's insurance provider says."
Empathy Defender - "Yes, being a doctor with super powers is a good gig. What gets old is yelling 'hey look over there! Is that Elvis?!' to my surgical team so they don't see the green glow."
War Mace Brute - "If ONE more jerk asks me how's my hammer hanging...."
Ninja Mastermind - "Oh sure, you THINK it's cool to have ninjas at my beck and call? They appear out of nowhere when I need someone killed... but when the trash has to be taken out? Whoosh! Nowhere to be seen."
Robotics Mastermind - "Clean, quiet, yes yes, robots do make the best servants both at home and in the field. Well... there was the unfortunate time when one of my Battle Drones fell in love with the dishwasher, but we won't speak of that or the water damage to my kitchen floor."
Illusion Controller - "My therapist was always telling me that I need to build REAL relationships with people instead of always living in a dream world. Then I introduced her to my Phantom Army men Hans, Franz and Sven... now she pays ME for our therapy sessions."
Storm Defender - "I swear, you get blamed for every bit of bad weather by the people who know who you are. Take my sister for example; she blames ME for the bad weather during her wedding! Her wedding to my former boyfriend who she stole from me. It's not MY fault it rained at her wedding! And hailed.. lightning... hurricane winds.. and the tornado? Totally not my fault."
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw