Arc #195149 -- "The Horsemen Chronicles (Part I)"
By
Citizen_Razor,
Posted on: 2009-06-07 22:36 in Mission Architect
I gave this arc a review in my Lowbie Thread.
Thanks for your play through and review. I made a few changes based on your comments (all on the Test version and will be brought to Live when Issue #15 arrives).
<ul type="square">[*]Corrected a few text errors, particularly putting in $hisher substitutions in place.[*]Added a few Skulls/CoT battles in Mission #2 to liven things up a little bit. Hey, the Skulls are invading Oranbega. I doubt the CoT would just sit around and let that happen.[*]Made the Omega boss battles in Missions #3 and #4 optional. I changed the goal of Mission #3 to get the artifact before Omega does. In Mission #4, your primary goal is to free the hostages. Hopefully those two changes will reduce the time it takes to complete this arc and make the arc a little bit less repetitive. I so wish I could make Omega ambush you when you free Sam Wincott, but I don't want to set up a situation where you have three or four Omegas ambushing you and wiping the floor with you.[/list]
If anybody else plays through this arc, feel free to give me some feedback. I am constantly striving to improve this arc.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
@GlaziusF
Running on an ice/axe tank, diff 2. I may regret that.
Did you know there's like half a dozen missions titled "the four horsemen"?
---
You know, just to get this out of the way, I don't get this story. Tyrant's trying to invade our dimension! There's an EB in every mission! LEVELS 10-14!
10-14 are when you start taking down the bosses of minor gangs and investigating some of the groups you'll fight the leaders of at 20. Not when you save this entire dimension from evil mirror Statesman.
Ah, the Vazhilok pollutant plot.
...but exactly how am I supposed to know that a corpse used to have a water department ID badge? There are LOTS of corpses that don't have water department ID badges on them.
So, I have to find the right body, backtrack to fight a boss, then go back to the boss room to fight another boss.
Ah, the first of five Five Parts Of Arbitrary.
---
A... a village in Oranbega? Oranbega is a giant sprawling subterranean city! That's like saying "a village in Manhattan", there's no place for it to be.
You can call it "a small section of the Oranbega caves" or something.
It could have been something light in that display case, yes. Or it could have been something heavily that was magically levitating, as magic things tend to do!
So this guy can teleport out and he's already got the thing I was trying to stop him from getting.
...why am I fighting him, again? Honest question, here. It doesn't seem to even slow him down any.
Also, you don't need multiple patrols saying the same thing.
---
Multiple patrols saying the same thing here, too. On entrance, even. (also street punks don't really say "fellow")
...and can I get a little variety on the decoy chest messages, too?
Okay! Now I have what this guy was trying to find!
...why am I not just bailing? If he can't get it his portal won't be complete.
---
Okay, okay, wait a second. This guy is trying to open a portal from Praetorian Earth to this one that is going to lead to the entire planet being slaughtered and/or enslaved. (I don't know if Alpha has told me this yet but it's in Omega's description every dang time I fight him.)
And an office building is more important than this?
...yes. Apparently it is. So much so that I just GIVE UP THE THING THAT CAN SAVE THE PLANET.
...how do I know Sam Wincott keeps a badge of honor in his locker? And that he took it to work today?
Ah, I see. But I found the glowie before I sprung him.
You know, the same boss fight over and over again just gets kinda boring after I've seen him maybe twice.
---
Clockwork at Portal Corp. The guys who study Rularuu for a living. Um. One of the guys broadcasting for a farm team could probably knock them over with his pinky, but okay...
Okay! I have the last artifact! Now this guy can't open a portal over to this side!
Why am I even bothering to do anything else in this lab?
...why are the Clockwork building portal machines? How do the Clockwork even know how to build portal machines? Wouldn't they have done this already so Clocky can get a pep talk from his world-conquering other self?
...having scooped up all but one of the crates, the HUD text tells me I have to find the etched clockwork piece. But... I already have it.
...okay, they're not building portal machines. They're tricking me into destroying them to make their job easier.
And picking my damn pocket.
So let's see, thus far I've put the entire world in mortal danger THREE TIMES, and I had no choice in any of them.
...and apparently this last time IT TOOK. The one thing I wasn't supposed to do under any circumstances JUST FREAKING HAPPENED.
Gee, exit text, do you think I've forgotten about the bit of fingerpointing you did after the first mission? Eesh.
---
Storyline - *. I want to go negative here. I understand this is a setup for a larger arc, but I just oopsed my way into DOOMING THE ENTIRE WORLD. THREE TIMES. Most people can only manage once and they have to TRY even then!
Design - ***. The custom is nice. But a lot of times I passed Cavatina's position on the map by the time I dug up the glowie that was supposed to spawn him and I had to backtrack. For the first four missions can't he just start out on the map?
Gameplay - ***. Fighting the same two bosses mission after mission after mission just gets boring.
Detail - *. Omega has what I assume is his default description in the first mission. Reading it there ruined the rest of the story.
Overall - *. Not an average, since I would really rate story and detail lower than 1 if I could. Detail because I ruined the plot of the arc for myself in the first mission just by checking somebody's description. Story because I have to be dumb enough to doom the world multiple times for it to work.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
[ QUOTE ]
You know, just to get this out of the way, I don't get this story. Tyrant's trying to invade our dimension! There's an EB in every mission! LEVELS 10-14!
[/ QUOTE ]
EBs start showing up in Lv10-15 arcs in CoV. Clamor, at the end of the Posi TF, is an EB. But really, if there was a way to make the critter a boss on Heroic without making it an EB and having it scale down to a Boss on Heroic, I would've went with that. Since there isn't, I made it an EB.
[ QUOTE ]
10-14 are when you start taking down the bosses of minor gangs and investigating some of the groups you'll fight the leaders of at 20. Not when you save this entire dimension from evil mirror Statesman.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was going for an epic storyline that spanned across all levels. One of the things that I find disappointing about CoX is the lack of a "epic" storyline that starts when you're Lv1 and spans all the way until you're Lv50. Sure, there's the Kheldian storyline and the SoA storyline, and I supposed the "Destined One" storyline as well, but the SoA storyline is weak, and the "Destined One" storyline is scattershot.
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, the Vazhilok pollutant plot.
...but exactly how am I supposed to know that a corpse used to have a water department ID badge? There are LOTS of corpses that don't have water department ID badges on them.
[/ QUOTE ]
Good point, something I'll have to think about.
[ QUOTE ]
So, I have to find the right body, backtrack to fight a boss, then go back to the boss room to fight another boss.
Ah, the first of five Five Parts Of Arbitrary.
---
A... a village in Oranbega? Oranbega is a giant sprawling subterranean city! That's like saying "a village in Manhattan", there's no place for it to be.
You can call it "a small section of the Oranbega caves" or something.
[/ QUOTE ]
Noted.
[ QUOTE ]
It could have been something light in that display case, yes. Or it could have been something heavily that was magically levitating, as magic things tend to do!
So this guy can teleport out and he's already got the thing I was trying to stop him from getting.
...why am I fighting him, again? Honest question, here. It doesn't seem to even slow him down any.
Also, you don't need multiple patrols saying the same thing.
---
Multiple patrols saying the same thing here, too. On entrance, even. (also street punks don't really say "fellow")
...and can I get a little variety on the decoy chest messages, too?
Okay! Now I have what this guy was trying to find!
...why am I not just bailing? If he can't get it his portal won't be complete.
[/ QUOTE ]
In the version on Test, Omega is optional and you can bail without defeating him.
But at this point, you're not supposed to know why Omega is collecting the artifacts and what he is planning on doing with it. So ideally, you want to capture him and interrogate him and find out what he's doing.
Obviously I need to change the character description.
[ QUOTE ]
Okay, okay, wait a second. This guy is trying to open a portal from Praetorian Earth to this one that is going to lead to the entire planet being slaughtered and/or enslaved. (I don't know if Alpha has told me this yet but it's in Omega's description every dang time I fight him.)
And an office building is more important than this?
...yes. Apparently it is. So much so that I just GIVE UP THE THING THAT CAN SAVE THE PLANET.
...how do I know Sam Wincott keeps a badge of honor in his locker? And that he took it to work today?
Ah, I see. But I found the glowie before I sprung him.
[/ QUOTE ]
Another thing I changed on test. Now Sam Wincott tells you that the badge was taken from him. There are no more lockers.
[ QUOTE ]
You know, the same boss fight over and over again just gets kinda boring after I've seen him maybe twice.
---
Clockwork at Portal Corp. The guys who study Rularuu for a living. Um. One of the guys broadcasting for a farm team could probably knock them over with his pinky, but okay...
Okay! I have the last artifact! Now this guy can't open a portal over to this side!
Why am I even bothering to do anything else in this lab?
...why are the Clockwork building portal machines? How do the Clockwork even know how to build portal machines? Wouldn't they have done this already so Clocky can get a pep talk from his world-conquering other self?
...having scooped up all but one of the crates, the HUD text tells me I have to find the etched clockwork piece. But... I already have it.
...okay, they're not building portal machines. They're tricking me into destroying them to make their job easier.
And picking my damn pocket.
So let's see, thus far I've put the entire world in mortal danger THREE TIMES, and I had no choice in any of them.
...and apparently this last time IT TOOK. The one thing I wasn't supposed to do under any circumstances JUST FREAKING HAPPENED.
Gee, exit text, do you think I've forgotten about the bit of fingerpointing you did after the first mission? Eesh.
---
Storyline - *. I want to go negative here. I understand this is a setup for a larger arc, but I just oopsed my way into DOOMING THE ENTIRE WORLD. THREE TIMES. Most people can only manage once and they have to TRY even then!
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, that's a bit harsh, but I can see where you're coming here. I wonder if I changed the description of the boss so that you didn't what the boss was doing until the end, if that would change how you perspective the story.
In any case, you make many good points. I'll have to take a second look at the story and figure out how to move the story forward without making the hero being stupid.
[ QUOTE ]
Design - ***. The custom is nice. But a lot of times I passed Cavatina's position on the map by the time I dug up the glowie that was supposed to spawn him and I had to backtrack. For the first four missions can't he just start out on the map?
[/ QUOTE ]
Cavatina is only there to force the mission to be Lv10-14. He's already gone from the arc on Test, since you can manually set the level limits there. The Madness Mage only shows up in Mission #2 now.
The thing is, I wanted to "save" Omega for last. I wanted the player to find the artifact and defeat Cavatina *then* fight Omega. But the current MA setup only allow you to tie an objective to one previous objective. So I could either have you find the (missing) artifact then fight Omega, or defeat Cavatina then fight Omega. But not find the missing artifact and defeat Cavatina then fight Omega. My compromise was to find the artifacts, then fight Cavatina, then fight Omega.
In any case, it's a moot point as Cavatina is no longer in the second version of the story.
[ QUOTE ]
Gameplay - ***. Fighting the same two bosses mission after mission after mission just gets boring.
[/ QUOTE ]
Removing Cavatina should help, as should making Omega optional in Missions #4 and #5.
I debated with myself whether I should not even introduce Omega at all until the final mission. But I was concerned that some players might find Omega too difficult and get frustrated when they reach the end of the arc and only to fight the "unbeatable" boss and feel like they wasted their time on the arc. So I put Omega in the first mission to get that out of the way. If you can beat him in the first mission, you're set for the rest of the arc. If you can't, well, at least it's only one mission and you haven't wasted that much time.
So on one hand, you have some repetitiveness. On the other hand, you have frustration if you can't beat the "Big Bad" at the end of a long arc. Which one is worse? I don't know.
[ QUOTE ]
Detail - *. Omega has what I assume is his default description in the first mission. Reading it there ruined the rest of the story.
[/ QUOTE ]
Clearly I'll have to change that.
[ QUOTE ]
Overall - *. Not an average, since I would really rate story and detail lower than 1 if I could. Detail because I ruined the plot of the arc for myself in the first mission just by checking somebody's description. Story because I have to be dumb enough to doom the world multiple times for it to work.
[/ QUOTE ]
Sorry you didn't like it. I hope some of my changes will address some of your concerns, but ultimately I think my story just didn't work for you. Ah well.
Still, thanks for playing through my arc. You provided some very good feedback and gave me a lot of things to think about.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
For the Badge.. you could describe that it was "ripped off his shirt leaving behind a hole" (and assume it's a badge attached to the shift via a pin). Then it would be obvious that something was taken here and what it was (judging from the rest of his uniform)
//AtCbM// www.crystalblue.dk
Victory - Mare,Dagger of Pain,Keep,Hogun and Bloodpetal
The Keep-Arcs: 164260, 188373, 192610, 196090 and funny side-chapter 218575.
Mender-Arc: 266163
In the last week, my arc has been rated several times. Only one person bothered to leave any feedback, though. At least it was positive feedback.
[ QUOTE ]
Very cool story, like the way it ties in with Going Rogue. Very fun to play arc for the lowbies. :-)
[/ QUOTE ]
I've made some changes to the arc on Test. Right now I think that as soon as Issue 15 hits live, I'm unpublishing #195149, copying over the test version to live, then republishing it with a new arc id #. I only have 17 ratings, so it's not like I'm losing a high number of ratings, and it's too much of a pain to go to the saved file and change everything all over again. If there were a way to republish from a saved file (instead of directly from the MA interface itself), I'd do that. But since there isn't, there's no point in doing all of that work.
When Issue 15 hits, I'll make a new thread with the new arc ID # for this arc and its counterpart (and Part 2, if I have it finished by then).
However, if you want to check out the polished version of this arc, it's currently published on Test. Arc Id #225334.
Likewise, I have a new story arc, also on Test, that is the villainous counterpart to this arc. It's called "The Wolfpack Chronicles (Part 1)" and its Arc Id is #225335
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
Qr - it IS possible to trigger multiple objectives off the same Collection objective see my arc The Audition, for example 
I have 16 objectives all triggered off one 'wallsafe' glowie. These are a mixture of Destructable Object, Ally and Defeat Boss objectives.
Eco
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
|
It is possible to trigger multiple objectives off the same collection objective, as you say. It, however, is not possible to trigger ONE objective off multiple objectives.
For example ...
I can set a situation where you click on a glowie, which then makes a boss, a destructible object, and a defensible object all show up.
However, you can't make a situation where in order for a boss to show up, you have to defeat his lts, find a glowie, and successfully protect an object. You can make a boss show up by defeating his lts, make a boss show up by finding a glow, or make a boss show up by protecting an object. But you can't make it so that you have to do all three in order to make the boss show up.
That's what I meant.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
After thinking about it, I decided to just go ahead and make the necessary changes to this arc. I didn't like how it currently was, and although the tweaked version was already on Test, I knew that most people would rather play the Live version. Besides I had already asked several people to review my arc and I didn't want to just up and change the Arc ID #. But at the same time I knew there were a lot of flaws in the arc currently on live and I didn't think it was fair to tell people to "wait until Issue 15" when some of the flaws could be fixed right now.
So I went through this arc and made a lot of changes, based on the feedback and recommendations of various people.
Entire Arc
<ul type="square">[*]Removed Cavatina the Lv10-14 Madness Mage from the entire arc and removed all mentions of him. He was only there to force the level range to be Lv10-14 anyway, and he was essentially shoehorned into the story. [*]A reviewer mentioned that when he checked Omega's information, he had the plot ruined for him. Apparently this was so bad that he gave my story a 1-star rating because of it. In any case, I changed the info for Omega in each mission to demonstrate what you know about him at that given point. That should prevent the player from having the story ruined for him/her.[*]Changed mentions of Omega sending artifacts to Praetoria. Now Omega keeps all artifacts until the final mission (this closes a plot hole).[/list]
Mission 1
<ul type="square">[*]Changed the description of the Body Bags clue to show that the corpses are wearing an uniform with the Water Department ID badge.[*]Changed the description of the body that had the ID badge ripped off. It is now a hole in his shirt. Because the other bodies have the ID badge, you know what kind of an ID badge it is.[*]Changed the mission objective description. It now says "Keep an eye open for anything unusual" and will disappear once you find the correct body bag.[*]Reduced the number of glowies.[*]Added more interaction text.[*]The Vahzilok have been placed in their own custom group called VahziIok. Players were finding it too difficult to fight the Vahzilok. By putting them in a custom group the number of mobs were reduced to 3 per group (instead of 4) or 1 Lt and 1 minion (instead of 1 Lt with 2 minions). That should make it somewhat easier to deal with the Vahzilok mobs. [/list]
Mission 2
<ul type="square">[*]Added information in the mission introduction to show that your contact has been researching into Omega.[*]Cavatina the Madness Mage was changed into Tarsis, and the level range changed from 10-14 to 5-14 (hopefully that'll make the critter a little bit easier to deal with). [*]Rationale for Tarsis bringing Omega to Oranbega added.[*]Description of Oranbega village changed to Oranbega section.[*]Number of Skulls patrol reduced.[*]Added Skulls / CoT battles. [*]Added more interaction text.[/list]
Mission 3
<ul type="square">[*]Added more information from your contact about Omega in the mission introduction.[*]Changed the Omega battle so that it is optional.[*]Changed the treasure chests to rubble.[*]Changed the mission objective so that it now reads "Locate the third artifact."[*]Mission completes when you locate the third artifact. [*]Added more interaction text.[*]Reduced the number of the Outcast patrols.[*]Added an Outcast ambush when you locate the third artifact.[*]Added Outcast/Troll battles.[*]Added Troll patrols. [/list]
Mission 4
<ul type="square">[*]Added text in the mission introduction to clarify the situation you find yourself in. The Hellions now do free most of the hostages, they just don't free all of them. [*]Changed the Omega battle so that it is optional.[*]Removed the set of lockers objective. [*]Changed the order of Sam Wincott (captive) and Nate Pohula (captive). Nate Pohula should now be the second captive you find, and Sam Wincott should now be the last captive you find.[*]Mission completes when you free all hostages.[/list]
Mission 5
<ul type="square">[*]Added text in the mission introduction telling you that your contact now can override Omega's teleportation signal.[*]Added reason for why you have to capture Omega instead of simply leaving with the fifth artifact.[*]Replaced Cavatina boss with Crackhammer (Clockwork Prince Cannon) boss. Updated dialogue accordingly.[*]Changed the "Crate" glowie into "Robot Parts" glowie. [*]Reduced the number of glowies.[*]Added more interaction text.[*]Changed the mission objective to "Find the Etched Clockwork Piece." When you find it, the objective disappears and directs you to the next one -- Destroy Portal Devices.[*]"Portal Creators" renamed into "Portal Devices."[*]Added an objective after you defeat Omega. You now must find the Portal Computer and reconfigure it so that Omega's mission is not successful. [/list]
Changes to Make when Issue 15 hits Live
<ul type="square">[*]Set the level range to Lv10-14. With the removal of the Madness Mage, the level range now varies from Lv1 to Lv20, depending on which enemy faction is featured in the missions. I put in a note that the arc is intended for Lv10-14 in the description. [*]Change the final objective in Mission 5 from "Defendable Object" to "Collect An Object." Currently it's not possible, but it will be when Issue 15 hits live.[*]Add keywords.[/list]
I'm still not 100% satisfied with it. I've had a few mentions that the Portal Corps map is too "high-level" for the Lv10-14 range and that the janitor should be able to deal with the threat. However, where else would somebody go to in order to create portals but Portal Corps? Also, there is a problem with the map outlay. The map does not allow for any glowies or defendable objects in the back room, so after you defeat Omega you'll end up having to backtrack to find the computer. I'm considering changing it to a random small/medium tech map instead so that I can have a little more control to chain my objectives in the final mission and to reduce backtracking to a minimum.
Still, I think that the changes I made should strength the storyline and make the gameplay a less repetitive. Instead of 10 required boss battles, there's now only 5, and you're only required to fight Omega three times (although you can fight him five times if you want to). If you've played it before, I'd love it if you replayed it and adjusted your ratings accordingly.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
Thanks to Bubbawheat for his play-through and review, which can be found here:
http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showt...age=0&vc=1
Based on his feedback, I made several changes, mostly correcting a few typos here and there, as well as clarifying plot points here and there. I changed also changed the title color from dark blue to light blue so that it's easier to read, and changed the "Accept" text in each mission to add some variety.
I also changed the setting of the final mission. It uses the same map, but the mission briefing and send-off now refers to it as "a lab in Steel Canyon" instead of "Portal Corps in Peregrine Island."
I played through it on two different toons to make sure that it's solo-friendly.
A Lv11-12 Claws / Regen Scrapper
A Lv10-12 Stone / Super Strength Tanker
Both of them were able to successfully complete the arc without too much trouble. Next I plan on running through this with a ice/ice blaster and a fire/thermal controller.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
This arc is now Issue 15 friendly.
I set the level range on all missions to 10-14, and changed the final destructible object in mission 5 into a clickable object. Keywords have been added. The status has been changed into "Looking for Feedback."
Now it's off to make some changes to "The Wolfpack Chronicles (Part 1)" and to publish it.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
Some feedback:
[ QUOTE ]
Wanted to try this after Wolfpack. Had a lot of fun, now on the side of Alpha. The last mission unfortunately bugged out on my duo team... got the infamous 'boss doesn't spawn' bug, so I wasn't able to defeat the final Omega. I may come back and give it another go another time. Still enjoyed.
[/ QUOTE ]
Looks like that annoying bug strikes again! Bummer.
The arc is now up to 18 ratings with an average of 4. It's slow going. 
I played through it again, this time using a Lv10/11 Fire / Thermal Controller. In the first mission Omega kicked me around, but once I figured out what to do he was cake the rest of the way. My vet powers did help immensely, though. Only my Lv10 ice/ice blaster remains. If I can solo this arc with him as well, I'm tagging this arc "Solo-Friendly."
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
Venture did a review of this arc, which can be found here:
http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showt...age=0&vc=1
Based on his feedback, and those of some others, I made some more tweaks to the arc.
The biggest tweak is that Omega is now no longer an Elite Boss, but a regular ol' Boss. Suggested Difficulty Level to play this arc is at 2, so that the bosses spawn as bosses instead of being downgraded to Lts.
I also added in some information regarding why you, a lowbie, are being sent off to do this instead of the mighty Lv40+ heroes.
I will be taking another look at the final mission when I have the time. Something funky is going on with the chained objectives and I need to figure out what's going on and how to fix it.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788
I am about as embarassed as a person can be with what I'm about to say, but here goes...
CR, I have my notes sitting here in front of me from when I ran "The Horsemen Chronicles (Part 1)" twelve days ago. Because of a series of other activities, both in-game and otherwise, I didn't get the opportunity to write it up as quickly as I usually do. Now, looking at my notes, I'm... well... not entirely sure what they all mean.
I have an excuse. I'm over 50. It's called senility. Add a five month old baby to the mix and you get a kind of idiocy not often found. That said, what I'm going to go ahead and do is transcribe my notes here, verbatim, as kind of a stream of consciousness thing. Hopefully they'll help, but if they don't, I encourage you not to run my arcs until I've had time to re-run yours. It's only fair that you get a quality product in exchange for giving a quality product.
I ran the arc with Captain Huh? (The question mark is part of the name. Long story.) He's a level 13 Claws/SR Scrapper, and he was set on Heroic. So, here are my notes, with new comments in italics...
-----
#1
Very good at keeping my interest and curiosity. Sticks close to canon, which is a good thing.
I believe I quoted Alpha here - "So, I'm sending you instead..." <With the unspoken meaning... "Because you're just not as important...>
Good map - Small Oranbega (or however you spell it), which most people don't have a clue how to use.
#2 (I think)
Part 2 Intro went from "why he's here" to "I've located him" in the same breath (as it were). I'd suggest rewording it a touch to give him some way of learning this. If I remember correctly, I think I was referring to something having to do with Alpha not knowing something, then suddenly knowing it in the next paragraph without any explanation of how he suddenly knew it.
"Since the location of Oranbega is such a closely guarded secret..." Um, yeah, kinda the same way as how stuff stays safe in Azuria's vault? I know Oranbega's supposed to be a closely guarded secret, but... I know I was being tongue-in-cheek here, but it is kinda chuckleworthy, though I know it wasn't intended that way.
Tarsis' clue... How do we know this?
#3 (Actually, I remember doing a WTF after I was done trying to figure out which of my notes went with which mission, even twelve days ago. Somewhere along the lines I wrote a mission number down wrong. That happens when I'm trying to enjoy the mission at the same time as I'm reviewing it. It's SO much easier for me to review missions that I think suck.)
I found it odd that Alpha didn't seem to mind if Omega wasn't captured. You'd think an alternate universe nutcase running around town woul be a higher priority, despite everything else that needs to be done.
It was nice actually getting the artifact before Omega did. In hindsight, I did get kinda frustrated at the recurring theme of "Nothing you do will make a difference." It's hard to stay excited once you figure out you're not going to win any of them.
Exit pop-up... "You, however, know it won't stop Omega..." But... but... you said it would. Why the sudden change of heart?
Well, it's good to see we aren't believers in "The good of the many outweigh the good of the one" theory... Take the red pole stone, huh? PLEASE tell me you know what I was talking about here, because it sure *seems* like I was interested. I've got to re-run this. My notes are driving me buggy. I hate senility, really I do.
Alpha's pretty sure of himself re. finding the other two artifacts considering just how well we've done with the first three.
#4
Losing the stone was pretty predictable given the success rate so far.
How did Alpha know the badge was the 4th artifact?
# 5
How did he suspect the clockwork?
OK, I was distracted while the piece was taken off my body, I gave away the rock like a doof, and I've lost everything else. I think, maybe, it's time to retire from heroing and simply throw myself off a cliff... if I can get that right. I am just too stupid to live. Okay, I actually remember thinking this. Some of it's coming back to me. Not enough to count, mind you, but this does. I know I enjoyed the arc, and was intrigued enough with the concept to look forward to playing it through, but by this point it was fairly obvious that heroing just wasn't my character's gig. When I first published my arcs, a common complaint was that I didn't let the player characters feel heroic enough. I've fixed that, and it took some work. If I'm remembering right, this arc suffers from the same problem for a different reason.
Omega's description - scrutiny is misspelled.
The surprise that Omega was Alpha's alternate self stopped being a surprise somewhere in the first mission. Yeah, I remember thinking about this, too. Alpha's too smart for tis one to escape his notice, especially with a villain named "Omega." Maybe a name change for one of them, or a fix that let's Alpha at least think of the possibility?
-----
That wraps it up. My notes in a nutshell. I've added your arc # back to my list because, dang it, this is a major downer having a memory of mush. I hope these help some, until I can do it up right.
Thanks for putting up with my senioritis.
The SOLUS Foundation - a Liberty and Pinnacle SG
"The Consequences of War" - Arcs # 227331 and 241496
Story synopsis time:
Tyrant has sent a member of the Wolfpack to try and establish a beachhead into Paragon City again. Help the Horsemen prevent this from happening. NOTE: This story arc is set to Level 10-14 and contains an EB (downgraded to Boss on Heroic) in every mission.
I've soloed this arc on those characters:
Lv11 Claws/Regen Scrapper (in test mode)
Lv11-13 Spines/Willpower Scrapper
Lv10-11 Storm/Elec Defender
And now, the feedback (yeah, I'm ripping off Police Woman). Even though I've had only ten people rate my account, and none in the last week or so, I figured I'll go ahead and post some of the feedback I received regarding this arc. I think it's a good arc and I'd love to get some more feedback even if it is in the "sucky" Lv10-14 range.
I am removing the name of the people who provided feedback because I'm not sure what the protocol is. I assume they all sent me the feedback with the assumption I wouldn't post their names publicly for everybody to see.
So without further ado:
[ QUOTE ]
Well that was a well thought out arc. I enjoyed the last mission most of all, the number of items, the dialogue, use of story, language all fit and the inevitability tying it into the GR, well done. Suggestions otherwise, I think the preceding missions didn't feel as epic, perhaps because it was the same thing, collecting objects, as I was hoping that Omega came as an ambush sometimes, or they got there ahead of me so I had to fight them off item. Also it seemed some text lacked emotives in the early mishes.
[/ QUOTE ]
I went back and fixed those text mistakes. There were a few objectives that didn't have any text attached to them, so I corrected that.
Since then, I've also copied the mission over to test, removed a boss fight that I only inserted in the story arc in order to force the level range to be Lv10-14, and tried to vary things up a little bit so that it is not quite as repetitive.
I'd love to add Omega as an ambush, or to have him guarding an objective. Alas, there is not quite enough control in the current MA interface for that to happen. The problem is that, if I were to set Omega as an ambush, then on larger teams there'd be a whole bunch of Omegas EBs ambushing the team, which wouldn't make any sense since there's only supposed to be one Omega.
Still, I am glad you enjoyed the final mission. Which is kinda funny considering the next feedback.
[ QUOTE ]
Enjoyable overall except for the last mission. The map is extremely big for the mobs you run into so it seems like a lot of hassle for the size of the map. 4 stars
[/ QUOTE ]
I took your feedback into consideration, but ultimately decided to keep the same map. It has the right amount of spawn points that I need, and thematically it is what I wanted for my story. Where else would the villains go to send items to Praetoria other than the Portal Corps?
Yeah, the final map is somewhat large-ish, but you can skip most of the rooms and run directly to the elevators.
[ QUOTE ]
I enjoyed that story. Not too hard, not too easy. I don't know if you can do anything about this, but the mobs running away at the drop of a hat did get annoying. The Skulls seem to be the worst. I was having to chase guys all over the map to defeat them.
[/ QUOTE ]
I *so* wish I could do something about the enemy "Run-Away" AI, but alas, that is completely out of my control. I find it annoying too.
By the way, there is a version of this arc on Test. I've taken advantage of some of the changes to the MA interface that's coming with Issue 15 and tweaked the story some. Changes I've made:
<ul type="square">[*]Removed the Madness Mage from Missions 1, 3, 4, and 5. The Madness Mage is only there on Live to force the level range to be Lv10-14. I kept the Madness Mage in Mission 2 because that mission takes place in Oranbega so it makes sense for a CoT mage to be there.
[*]Removed the Rows of Lockers objectives in Mission 4. The new objective is to free all three hostages. Omega spawns when Sam Wincott is freed.
[*]Added a Clockwork boss battle to Mission 5, to replace the Madness Mage battle.[/list]
All of those changes will be coming to Live as soon as Issue 15 hits live. I haven't decided whether I will simply unpublish #195149 and simply publish the test arc on Live under a new number, or whether I'll redo all of the test changes onto my published arc and keep my arc number. I suppose it depends on the number of ratings I have for this arc when Issue 15 hits live.
I am also working (on test) on the villainous counterpart to this story arc, where you help Omega open the portal to Praetoria. That'll be published when Issue 15 hits live.
Play my MA arcs!
Tracking Down Jack Ketch - ArcID #2701
Cat War! - ArcID #2788