I'll try yours if you'll try mine
By
5th_Elemental,
Posted on: 2009-04-10 13:04 in Mission Architect
[ QUOTE ]
My original plan for mission 1 was supposed to be more of a nod to the TV show WMAC Masters. In the Final episode, a masked ninja interrupts the title match between SuperStar and The Machine.
Unfortunately I Just could not get it function properly, no matter how I hard I tried, I kept getting multiple copies of Machine and SuperStar. Made for a real challenging fight taking on 3 Machines and 3 SuperStar's simultaneously, but for really bad balance.
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OK, I don't think you can script a fight between 2 named guys as is, you can only script battles between generic minions of each faction. So I don't think you could get a Superstar vs Machine match in the first place, much less have a ninja jump them.
You *could* have a Superstar vs player match get interrupted by a ninja ambush, though, by setting a ninja ambush to come when Superstar is at 75% health or something; maybe set it rogue so it attacks both parties. Though if you do that I think the other martial artists will also mess with the ambush.
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About he description for SuperStar/Machine, this was somethign that was driving me crazy. Maybe you know what I was doing wrong. Anytime I tried to add line breaks, in-game the code would appear. For my sanity's sake, I took the appreciated form.
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The text editor in Mission Architect seems to be kinda unstable from day to day. A couple tricks I found to be useful:
* If it won't take a carriage return, insert the hypertag "<br>" and it will interpret it as a carriage return. "<br><br>" seems needed for a paragraph break.
* For a long description I'll often compose it in Notepad (windowing out of CoH to use it), then copy & paste it into the text box in Mission Architect using CTRL-C CTRL-V. Sometimes Mission Architect will cut off part of the text you paste, in which case you have to paste again, but even with that problem I find it works better than editing a lengthy bit of text directly in Mission Architect, whose text editor seems to occasionally flake out on me (which sometimes fails to recognize carriage returns or backspaces or text I enter doesn't show up for some reason).
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I want to try to make quality work, would you be willing to take another look in few days? Assuming your list doesn't get even longer ^_^
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Well, theoretically I wouldn't mind; in fact you're not the first person who asked for a second look at their arcs after some changes were made. But in fairness I should really work off the current "owed reviews" list before I re-check any story arcs I've already gone through, so I can't definitely promise if or when I could do such a thing.
On a related matter, I wonder what people think of review style? I notice that posting mission arc reviews on this forum has really caught fire over the last few days -- which is a good thing, IMHO. One thing I have noticed that the other reviewers typically use a "movie review" style for each arc they review, telling potential players whether they think the arc is worthwhile; whereas I've been taking more of a "software QA review" style for each arc I review, trying to tell the author problems I found and things I think could be changed or added to make the arc more fun.
Both these review styles seem to be useful; I was wondering if there was a general feeling for which review style is more desirable? If everyone would prefer the film critic style review, I can certainly adjust to match that.
-------
I still owe a review to:
@GlaziusF - 1 of Dream Paper 1874, Bricked Electronics 2180, Bravuran Jobs 5073
@Vox Populi - Freakshow Phalanx 33843
@Reska - End the Deadstorm? 4066
Stratonexus - The Empire - One Alliance 1044
@Cavatina - Melissa Marksovich 20319
@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579, Sad Story of Silas Gritch 1831
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
I've been trying to track who's reviewed one of my arcs, but have not been as good about tracking who's reviewed 2 or more; if you've run through and rated more than one of my arcs and I haven't marked it as such, let me know.
queued:
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
@GlaziusF said I could do any of his story arcs, so I picked the one with the fewest plays, which was The Bravuran Jobs (#5073) at the time of this writing.
This was marked as villainous, 5-30, 5-30, 1-54, 30-54, 1-54. Based on this I decided to play a 27 elec/will brute. Difficulty set to Ruthless (4).
The premise appears to be that you become a lackey for the Comte and Contessa of the fictional evil country of Bravura.
Minor quibble: Comte is French, and a Comte's wife is a Comtesse. Contessa is Italian, and a Contessa's husband is a Conte.
Mission 1
Not a bad intro speech. It seems to be hired by the Contessa requires a tryout. Strangely, her idea of a tryout is to leave her bodyguards at home and have the player bodyguard her through an assassination attempt. I think this is logically insane; if she isn't sure I'm reliable, she definitely should not count on me in such a life and death situation! Logically, her tryout should be something less important to her, like maybe defeating her current bodyguards in a fair fight, or murdering some minor enemy or expendable henchman.
If you really want the first mission to be to extract the Contessa from an assassination attempt, I suggest you change the briefing to be more like, "Your references check out. I hope you are as reliable as reported; you will be personally escorting the Contessa through a dangerous area." IE if the villain is being given such a sensitive job, the contact should imply that there is some level of trust.
Lloyd Fredrickson says "when the inevitable happens" in reference to an assassination attempt on the Contessa; how does he know someone'll take a shot at her? This is either a logic flaw or catapults him to #1 suspect for who is behind the assassination attempt.
The goal in the Nav tool is "Extract the Contessa"; this seems to imply she's already in a danger situation even before I enter the mission. I think maybe "Guard Contessa" or "Escort Contessa" would be more appropriate, then have "Extract Contessa" as a subgoal when the time comes to escort her out.
Okay, I'm in the mission now ... hmm, there is no sign of the motorcade that my contact told me to follow. Instead my objective is "Search warehouses for the Contessa." I think maybe the mission briefing needs to be adjusted to match the actual mission.
There's a lot of Wyvern here but I'm not sure why. Is the Contessa wanted by Wyvern for some reason? Needs some explanation.
Okay, I found Contessa Bravura and her description actually says "you wonder why Wyvern's after her".... so I guess it is meant to be a mystery. In that case maybe change the first line of your popup bubble as you enter the mission to include something like "You wonder why Wyvern is here?" instead of "Ahh, Wyvern" (which sounds like you expected it).
I like Contessa's dialog with her captors, very dignified.
As Contessa exits, she says "It seems we shall get on as houses on fire!" This is kind of a weird thing to say. I assume this is intentional because she's not supposed to be a native English speaker?
I've now completed the mission but have no idea what just happened; I guess my motivation is that I'm a hired thug though who doesn't have need to know. But I actually would've liked to have some clue what's going on.
As we exit the Contessa takes a separate car and abandons my "protection"? Logic problem; Wyvern just jumped her, it does not make sense that she would ditch her security detail.
Debriefing: "Under the auspices of diplomatic immunity, I cannot enlist any denizen of the Rogue Isles in our national service" -- this seems an odd thing to say considering he just hired me to do a job.
"I do miss my homeland. And occasionally I read its wonderful paper -- out loud, to practice my English." This doesn't make sense; he's clearly not an English speaker, so his homeland's newspaper would not be in English. I suspect you meant to say he reads the Rogue Isles paper. After having read the full debriefing it looks like he is alluding to the fact that he can't directly hire in the Rogue Isles, but if you want to travel to Bravura, you could find a job there. I think the phrasing of this was a bit confusing. Also, you can hire hitmen and kidnappers and other criminals in the Rogue Isles, so it seems a little peculiar that he can't hire a lackey for the Contessa here.
Mission 2
Briefing: OK, upon seeing this I now understand what he was trying to say in the debriefing of mission 1. You're not actually going to Bravura, you're going to get "orders" by overhearing him pretend to read a significant newspaper article. An interesting idea, I just found it hard to get it from the mission 1 debriefing.
Entering the mission, I like how you have some objectives marked required and others optional in the nav tool, that's an interesting technique. I guess it makes sense that a villain can choose to blow off helping out the farmers and stuff.
Where is this scene supposed to be? I know it is a Croatoa map, but maybe you should say something like "You find yourself in the Bravuran countryside" in the pop up as you enter the mission, as sort of an "establishing shot".
Found Mazapegul, I thought it was rather odd that he's a Red Cap; Red Caps usually have nonsense names, while Mazapegul seems more appropriate for a ghost, CoT demon or BP spirit.
Suddenly I have 3 warding steles to smash. Mazapegul gave me a clue to smack something, but it's not clear what it is or why I should smack it. Maybe you could have him (in the clue or in dialog) offer to bribe the player with some sapphires or something to do it, and explain a little more about the 3 steles. You might also have the dialog say something like "Boy do I have an offer for you!" or "Can you help out with something before I start making you gems?"
I didn't really want to drag Mazapegul all over the place, fighting every encounter on the map while looking for steles, so I flew to one I could see in the distance. Incidentally you named it "Legacy Chain Warding" but the nav tool says "warding stele"; I suggest you make the names consistent.
Unfortunately, the warding I found had spawned in the side of a hill and although I could target it, I could not actually hit it ("out of range").
This made the mission impossible to complete, so I logged out/logged back in to try and reset the map. Found and freed Mazapegul again. Hmm, it seems like the mission title "Say hello to Mazapegul" has already been accomplished, but the mission is still continuing?
Argh, another warding stele is placed on a slopy hillside making it unhittable. So mission still seems uncompletable.
After having this problem happen twice in a row, I figure the only way to complete this mission is if I get lucky on the position of where the 3 wardings spawn. With a lot of slopy terrain and 3 wardings for the mission to place, my odds of getting a good map seem low.
This is probably a bug outside your control, but you may want to change to a flatter map or change the destroyable objects into glowies or something else to avoid this problem.
I feel like you've put some good effort into this arc but I can't really give a good rating for an arc that has a high chance of being impossible to complete. But I don't want to spike you with a bad rating for something that is outside your control, so I quit the story arc and gave you no rating at all. I hope that's fair!
-----
I still owe a review to:
@Vox Populi - Freakshow Phalanx 33843
@Reska - End the Deadstorm? 4066
Stratonexus - The Empire - One Alliance 1044
@Cavatina - Melissa Marksovich 20319
@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579, Sad Story of Silas Gritch 1831
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
[ QUOTE ]
The premise appears to be that you become a lackey for the Comte and Contessa of the fictional evil country of Bravura.
Minor quibble: Comte is French, and a Comte's wife is a Comtesse. Contessa is Italian, and a Contessa's husband is a Conte.
[/ QUOTE ]
Are you going to tell Their Excellencies that they've claimed the wrong titles for themselves? Lloyd's certainly not.
[ QUOTE ]
Strangely, her idea of a tryout is to leave her bodyguards at home and have the player bodyguard her through an assassination attempt. I think this is logically insane; if she isn't sure I'm reliable, she definitely should not count on me in such a life and death situation! Logically, her tryout should be something less important to her, like maybe defeating her current bodyguards in a fair fight, or murdering some minor enemy or expendable henchman.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, a) already you understand the Contessa very well, and b) when you replay this, try to get her killed and see what happens. (also try to ditch her. I am very thorough.)
[ QUOTE ]
Lloyd Fredrickson says "when the inevitable happens" in reference to an assassination attempt on the Contessa; how does he know someone'll take a shot at her? This is either a logic flaw or catapults him to #1 suspect for who is behind the assassination attempt.
[/ QUOTE ]
Because Lloyd has experienced enough of the Rogue Isles to know that everyone is trying to kill everyone else all the time. He says as much.
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The goal in the Nav tool is "Extract the Contessa"; this seems to imply she's already in a danger situation even before I enter the mission. I think maybe "Guard Contessa" or "Escort Contessa" would be more appropriate, then have "Extract Contessa" as a subgoal when the time comes to escort her out.
Okay, I'm in the mission now ... hmm, there is no sign of the motorcade that my contact told me to follow. Instead my objective is "Search warehouses for the Contessa." I think maybe the mission briefing needs to be adjusted to match the actual mission.
[/ QUOTE ]
Tweaked a bit.
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There's a lot of Wyvern here but I'm not sure why. Is the Contessa wanted by Wyvern for some reason? Needs some explanation.
Okay, I found Contessa Bravura and her description actually says "you wonder why Wyvern's after her".... so I guess it is meant to be a mystery. In that case maybe change the first line of your popup bubble as you enter the mission to include something like "You wonder why Wyvern is here?" instead of "Ahh, Wyvern" (which sounds like you expected it).
[/ QUOTE ]
See previous tweak.
[ QUOTE ]
I like Contessa's dialog with her captors, very dignified.
As Contessa exits, she says "It seems we shall get on as houses on fire!" This is kind of a weird thing to say. I assume this is intentional because she's not supposed to be a native English speaker?
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes. The actual proverb is "get on like a house on fire" which means "to be fast friends".
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I've now completed the mission but have no idea what just happened; I guess my motivation is that I'm a hired thug though who doesn't have need to know. But I actually would've liked to have some clue what's going on.
As we exit the Contessa takes a separate car and abandons my "protection"? Logic problem; Wyvern just jumped her, it does not make sense that she would ditch her security detail.
[/ QUOTE ]
Latter fixed. As for the former... what just happened is what just happened. Hopefully the new intro text clears that up a little.
[ QUOTE ]
Debriefing: "Under the auspices of diplomatic immunity, I cannot enlist any denizen of the Rogue Isles in our national service" -- this seems an odd thing to say considering he just hired me to do a job.
"I do miss my homeland. And occasionally I read its wonderful paper -- out loud, to practice my English." This doesn't make sense; he's clearly not an English speaker, so his homeland's newspaper would not be in English.
[/ QUOTE ]
The latter is fixed. The former... well, technically, you "volunteered", and will continue to do so, for reasons that will become clearer.
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Briefing: OK, upon seeing this I now understand what he was trying to say in the debriefing of mission 1. You're not actually going to Bravura, you're going to get "orders" by overhearing him pretend to read a significant newspaper article. An interesting idea, I just found it hard to get it from the mission 1 debriefing.
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No, he's not pretending. When you control a tiny nation with an iron fist you can tap a pinky on the press quite easily.
[ QUOTE ]
Entering the mission, I like how you have some objectives marked required and others optional in the nav tool, that's an interesting technique. I guess it makes sense that a villain can choose to blow off helping out the farmers and stuff.
Where is this scene supposed to be? I know it is a Croatoa map, but maybe you should say something like "You find yourself in the Bravuran countryside" in the pop up as you enter the mission, as sort of an "establishing shot".
[/ QUOTE ]
Done.
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Found Mazapegul, I thought it was rather odd that he's a Red Cap; Red Caps usually have nonsense names, while Mazapegul seems more appropriate for a ghost, CoT demon or BP spirit.
[/ QUOTE ]
Mazapegul's description also thinks it's rather odd that he's a Red Cap. As does Mazapegul himself.
[ QUOTE ]
Suddenly I have 3 warding steles to smash. Mazapegul gave me a clue to smack something, but it's not clear what it is or why I should smack it. Maybe you could have him (in the clue or in dialog) offer to bribe the player with some sapphires or something to do it, and explain a little more about the 3 steles. You might also have the dialog say something like "Boy do I have an offer for you!" or "Can you help out with something before I start making you gems?"
[/ QUOTE ]
Made it a little clearer as to the interest you have in breaking these things. (also check their description)
[ QUOTE ]
I didn't really want to drag Mazapegul all over the place, fighting every encounter on the map while looking for steles, so I flew to one I could see in the distance. Incidentally you named it "Legacy Chain Warding" but the nav tool says "warding stele"; I suggest you make the names consistent.
Unfortunately, the warding I found had spawned in the side of a hill and although I could target it, I could not actually hit it ("out of range").
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, this is an oddity. You may have noticed playing these mission arcs that occasionally you whiff on an object that should be in your to-hit arc, or smack it when it's looked out of range. The actual hit location for the destructible object is some distance removed from the object model - it only really stands out when there's some vertical distance.
You can actually hit and damage the object with ranged attacks, or by activating an attack power and moving to a different location on the hill. Mazzy is unfortunately no help here as he follows the object's model and winds up out of range of the hit spot.
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This is probably a bug outside your control, but you may want to change to a flatter map or change the destroyable objects into glowies or something else to avoid this problem.
[/ QUOTE ]
In Croatoa there are four types of maps: 1) sloped maps, 2) Perez Park In Yellow, 3) urban areas, 4) maps that don't support hostages. And none of them allow glowies.
I've switched the mission to a sloped map with a smaller portion of the map up on the slope, at least I think so.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
Freakshow Phalanx review (#33843)
Started with a 3 player team: blaster, dark MM, scrapper. Added a tanker after mission 2.
Mission 1
BAB's briefing seems so short! Maybe that's just his way though.
So Freaks are attacking Atlas Park and we're fighting them. We probably could just stealth to the leader, but we have a scrapper so we kill all in our path.
"Rouge Angle" is mispelled ... but honestly I thought maybe you did this on purpose to make fun of people who name their character this.
Ms Anarchy is cool! I like her Freakified costume. But maybe she should give a clue when she dies, hinting that signature heroes are getting Freaked out?
I crashed exiting the mission, and after that I was no longer team leader so didn't get to see any of the mission debriefings, so can't comment on those.
Mission 2
After a fairly uninformative briefing, BAB sends you to a warehouse to beat up more Freaks. Okay.
I thought Statesmaniac's dialog was very funny! Though I wonder if "Yeah, I talk in the third person. Got a problem with that??" should be "Yeah, Statesmaniac talks in the third person. Got a problem with that??"
I thought Citadel's costume looked quite odd, not his normal look at all; it looked like I caught him coming out of the shower or something.
In the exit popup bubble, it says Statesmaniac is babbling even when unconscious, which doesn't seem like it makes sense.
Mission 3
This mission has a much better briefing than the previous two.
I think Hardc0re should maybe be named H4rdc0r3. It's nice how defeating him then links to Sister Psycho as an objective.
I like the Hardc0re and Sister Psycho costumes 
I like the clue in the mission exit popup .. though should it be "Sister Psycho" giving this up, or "Sister Psyche" as described?
Mission 4
In Zapzz's description, I think "premiere" should be "premier".
Love his "Nerf <archetype>!" death message.
Finally meeting Malaise, who seems to be the mastermind of this plot, his motivation for enacting all this was very weak. He had a good AV-style monologue though.
Possible logic problem: Malaise shouldn't be able to beat Sister Psyche in psychic combat, which I assume must've happened to make her into Sister Psycho. Can probably let that slide though for sake of the story.
Overall:
This was a fun romp and I liked the costumes and dialog; I thought the story tying it all together was rather thin, though. Despite that, it was a lot of fun, and so I gave it 4 stars.
I think you could stand to add a few more items of interest in the first two missions, which are a little more bland than the last two; perhaps clues after dropping bosses, and/or glowies that give clues hinting what's going on. And I do think Malaise needs a better motivation for doing all this, better than "to sow chaos".
-------
I still owe a review to:
@Reska - End the Deadstorm? 4066
Stratonexus - The Empire - One Alliance 1044
@Cavatina - Melissa Marksovich 20319
@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579, Sad Story of Silas Gritch 1831
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
GlaziusF - 2nd arc
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
I see I am coming up in the queue. I wanted to say that I made some changes based on the two reviews I received. I hope the story is more cohesive and the gameplay less tedious, while still being challenging.
Why Blasters? Empathy Sucks.
So, you want to be Mental?
What the hell? Let's buff defenders.
Tactics are for those who do not have a big enough hammer. Wisdom is knowing how big your hammer is.
Being next, I wait with both anticipation and dread. Anticipation cause I'll get some actual feedback (that's as good as Pohsyb's was for me during beta) that I can use to tweak it and other arcs....and dread for how bad I screwed it up.
End the Deadstorm review
Mission 1
I found the contact's briefing to be somewhat confusing; I think she is saying she has a foe that is a storm, and the storm creates zombies and also has an avatar who is a kindly old priest. The way this was worded was rather confusing to me; I also felt you overused ellipses (...).
Suggest you reword it to be something like:
"Years ago, there was a terrible storm, a storm that was unnatural and horrible. In its wake, the dead rose from their graves, filled with a terrible hunger. I was helpless to prevent my family from being decimated by these evil risen dead. I have heard scholars call this unnatural event, 'the Deadstorm'."
It's basically the same info as you're providing, but I think presentation can make it more coherent.
I'm a little puzzled as to how a meteorological event can have a champion, but perhaps this will make sense in a bit. Right now it seems the contact wants me to go kill some priest. I think the contact should also say where the priest can be found ("in a nearby catacomb" or something) so as to explain where the player finds herself upon entering the Cimeroran crypt. Am I really in ancient Cimerora? A random crypt or cave? Or what?
I very much like the popup message as I enter the mission, it sets a rather creepy mood for the mission.
I suggest you change the mission title from "Find and Defeat Father Michael" to "Defeat Champion of the Deadstorm", since you already have "Defeat Father Michael" as a subgoal.
Deadone description says "Deadones are different than your ordinary zombie horde". I fought one and it seems like a zombie? Is there a reason you made your own zombie minions instead of copying over, say, Banished Pantheon or Vahzilok zombies? Maybe explain how they are different. I half-expected the Deadones to have storm/dark powers due to their Deadstorm background, but they seem to do dark only; maybe that's for the best though as lots of stormies would be annoying.
I saw there were "Male Deadones" and "Female Deadones" ... I think you can safely just call them all "Deadone", just with different models.
OK, found Father Michael; if he's a stereotypical Catholic priest he maybe should have a black coat or brown cassock though. And his dialog, "And lo, her mercy was lain down upon the unbelievers, and they were lay to rest", doesn't quite scan ... maybe "And lo, she gifted the unbelievers with her mercy; and they were laid to rest." The rest of his dialog seems pretty good though.
Seemed like mad ambushes spawned as I fought him. Might be pretty tough for a soloer.
After I defeated Father Michael, I got a new goal of "Defeat Wiros", but there is no explanation of who Wiros is and why he needs to be defeated. I suggest you maybe add a clue to the clue journal; some clue you find after killing Father Michael that hints why Wiros needs to be next. Maybe something that reveals that Father Michael was just the herald of the REAL Champion of the Deadstorm, who is Wiros. Also the mission title, "Find and Defeat Father Michael" is simply wrong now; should definitely be changed to something more descriptive of the overall mission.
Found Wiros. His description "This huge beast seems to thrive for destruction more than death" doesn't make sense to me ... maybe "This huge beast seems to thrive on destruction."
"I will sever your legs from your torso, and wear your skull as a hat!" seems to be two different threats kinda muddled together. I think maybe he should say "I will sever your head, and wear your skull as a hat!"
Wiros was kind of a pain to kill, mainly because he went Unstoppable, after which I couldn't do enough damage to counteract his regen. I basically had to wait for his Unstoppable to go down before I could actually kill him. I'm not sure if you meant for him to be this hard to kill; I personally was able to drop him, but some players might get frustrated and give up.
All the NPCs referred to their "Mistress" reverently; but they're created by a "Deadstorm". Still finding this quite puzzling; I think dropping a clue or two during this mission as to what the Deadstorm is and/or who the Mistress is, would be helpful for keeping the player involved.
Debriefing: Sora says, "So there are two champions?" Maybe this should be "So there were two champions?" And I suppose the mission subtitle, "Part 1 - The Champions" should've given this fact away. Sora still keeps talking about "the storm" but no one I've encountered has stormy powers at all. Lots of undead though.
Neither Father Michael nor Wiros seemed particularly undead, unlike all the other Deadstorm minions; I dunno if this is because the Champions are actually NOT undead, or if it was simply overlooked. I got the impression that the Deadstorm mainly gains recruits by reanimating the dead though.
Mission 2
Sora is very concerned about this additional champion. But why should she be? Didn't I just kill him in mission 1?
She wants me to go save one of the Deadones who is acting like a good guy; this seems a little implausible (even the contact seems to think so). This goal doesn't seem to be connected to what she was saying in the first paragraph about the two champions. Wouldn't it make more sense to go after this "Mistress" that the other two champions alluded to?
The mission text makes it sound like D'lroth will be hard to distinguish from the other zombies, but in fact he is very easy to tell apart from them, since D'lroth is the only one dressed as a ninja.
D'lroth is supposedly absolutely silent, but apparently he "sketches out the items needed": so I need to find a hammer, a gong and a skull. I'm sorry, but the idea of the ninja zombie silently pantomiming this information is pretty hard to believe. If he must be silent, I think you need a more plausible way for him to communicate this information. Perhaps he gives you an ancient scroll or musty tome or something that has this info in it.
I also suggest you make the Clue name more descriptive; instead of "The Penultimate Mission", make it "The Summoning Ritual" or something like that.
D'lroth just stands there after giving his clue; I think maybe he should either help fight, or else run away.
Some gravestones spawned with the info that maybe objects are under them; I had to destroy 13 of them before I could find the 3 updates I needed. This felt like too many, IMHO; it was tedious to find the last 6 or so of them. I suggest maybe halve the number of false leads. Though I did notice the skull was under a gravesite and the hammer was under a "monument" instead of the "gravestone" name used for all the other objects; I'm not sure if you intended that as a hint or not. But if they have a different name, maybe give them a different visual object too.
Since the mission doesn't end after finding D'lroth, I suggest you change the mission title to be something other than "Find D'lroth".
The exit popup is "With items in hand, D'lroth pledges to serve you in the upcoming battle." I thought the items were to summon the Deadstorm? This message makes it sound like the items were used to hire D'lroth to join us. Maybe rephrase this to, "After you recover the items needed for the summoning ritual, D'lroth pledges to serve you in the upcoming battle against the Deadstorm." Though ... how does he pledge this when he never talks? Maybe needs some thought.
Mission 3
OK, now Sora somehow knows about "She who speaks" when prior to this there was only a mysterious Mistress that the minions refer to. I think you need to give the player some clues about "She who speaks" and why defeating her will cause the Deadstorm to pass.
It looks like the items aren't actually used to summon the Deadstorm ... they're used to summon She who speaks? I think their purpose needs to be clarified, both in the preivous mission and this one.
"Use the items of power in the Summoning Platform" should maybe be "Use the items of power on the Summoning Platform". Or if you want to make it simpler, just "Perform ritual".
After performing the summoning, I got a clue for "the Penultimate Battle", which says I should find and defeat the essence of the Deadstorm, "She who speaks". But my objective list now has "Defeat Wiros" and "Defeat Father Michael" again. So this clue actually seems to be in error.
Bleh, Wiros went unstoppable against me again. I waited out his unstoppable again, but having to do this twice is just painful.
I found D'lroth; he was unguarded, but was in the "kneeling, hands on head" pose when I found him. I think he should either have guards, or else start in a different animation. On my run he promptly aggroed on Father Michael and died; maybe just bad luck on my part.
After defeating Wiros I got "2 Summoning Stones to destroy". I think there needed to be some foreshadowing that the summoning ritual doesn't ACTUALLY summon EITHER the Deadstorm OR She Who Speaks. Since the explanation by the story arc up to this point just said that using the 3 items would summon the Deadstorm, I feel like I'm jumping through a lot of extra hoops now. If you had some clue that you have to perform the ritual, then beat up her champions, then break 2 stones, etc., then it would at least be expected.
I think maybe there should be some explanation for why killing Wiros causes the summoning stones to appear; especially since some of them spawned in places I'd walked past before finding Wiros.
I destroyed the two summoning stones; after EACH summoning stone is destroyed it says "With a shriek, "She Who Speaks" has taken form somewhere." So it shows this message twice. May want to reword this message.
I managed to defeat She Who Speaks (as an EB) ... she seemed to be psychic/dark miasma. I'm kind of confused; is she meant to be the avatar of the Deadstorm? I kind of think maybe she should be necromancy/storm in that case. I also am puzzled as to why she is called She Who Speaks.
Overall:
I got through the story arc but am left with a lot of unanswered questions. The overall goal is to stop the Deadstorm, but what the Deadstorm is and what kind of threat it poses, is never adequately explained; it's not even a presence that is menacing the player. If you want the Deadstorm to be the the big bad, you should spend some more time building it up as a threat, through writing more description.
Maybe emphasize how ominous the sky looks when you first meet Sora for the first time, then when you exit the first mission fill the popup box with a description of how the storm clouds have burst into pouring rain. Then you enter the second mission, which is set outdoors, and maybe you can describe how the rain blankets the graveyard and the dead are crawling out of their graves. Then as you enter the third and final mission, lightning crashes outside as you enter the caves and you know you must destroy the threat of the Deadstorm once and for all.
How She Who Speaks relates to the Deadstorm is never made clear; is she the avatar of the Deadstorm, its high priestess, or something else? Throughout your narrative I think you mix up references to She Who Speaks and the Deadstorm at various times. I kind of think it would make your story a little cleaner if maybe you rename her "Mistress of the Deadstorm" or "Deadstorm's Daughter" or something like that, then make her either necromancy/storm or dark blast/storm.
It's also puzzling to me how a priest and a werewolf became "champions of the Deadstorm". They seem pretty dissimilar; I think it could be believable, but it needs some explanation for how they were selected to be champions. I also think you should maybe change Wiros to not have unstoppable, or at least make it so you don't have to fight him twice if he's going to go unstoppable.
I found the ally D'lroth to be a little unbelievable (apologies if this is an actual toon that was inserted). Is he a telepathic ninja zombie?
I also think you should consider re-using some of the Banished Pantheon mobs, especially the generic zombies and the storm shaman, who seem like they would be a good fit for your concept. You might even tie your Deadstorm concept to the Banished Pantheon mythology somehow, which would give your story a closer connection to CoH canon.
Anyway, I think you have some interesting story elements but they don't quite all fit together for me. The arc was playable but had some moments that were a little less fun (finding 13 breakables and fighting the unstoppable boss twice). I gave the story 3 stars, hope you think that is fair!
-------------------
I still owe a review to:
Stratonexus - The Empire - One Alliance 1044
@Cavatina - Melissa Marksovich 20319
@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579, Sad Story of Silas Gritch 1831
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
GlaziusF - 2nd arc
@Cryfire - 1 of 2503, 1651 or 1638
@Vanden - Knights of Rularuu 75386
@icerose - Operation: Doolittle 58609
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
Thanks for the review. I hope to take all of your feedback and fix it a lot. Hopefully in the future I can have you look at it again.
As for the difficulty fighting both Wiros and Father Michael, they were supposed to be hard without being impossible (as a defender I had a harder time with Father Michael being a Necromancer, than Wiros...go figure).
Thanks for the feedback, PW!
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I thought Citadel's costume looked quite odd, not his normal look at all; it looked like I caught him coming out of the shower or something.
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Heh, you kind of did. The Freakshow were looting him for parts, which is why some of his robotics were exposed.
actually, was wanting to see if I could change which one of mine you're reviewing to my latest work, 58563, The Fusionette Task Force. Not to say I dislike the other ones..but I think I might as well put what i consider my best foot forward.
Want comedy and lighthearted action? Between levels 1-14? Try Nuclear in 90 - The Fusionette Task Force!
Arc ID 58363!
The Environmentalist Encounter
Arc ID: #47796
Faction: Villain
Creator Global: @squeakersman
Difficulty Level: medium, contains 3 EBs
Estimated Time of Play: 3 missions on medium maps mostly caves. About 30-45 minutes maximum I would believe (im too accustomed to running it so it takes a shorter amounter of time lol)
Synopsis: The Environmentalists are a "heroic" group that is not going along with the "do-gooder" action. Squeakersman, the contact, is asking you to show them up, but you soon find out that they are more than just common heroes, they have a very devious plan that involves all of the villainous population.
This arc is very fun, but can be tricky without breakfrees, well for the squishier ATs
I will deffinately go work on one of your arcs
" I don't let me kids play on the Freedom Server" -Oya
I've been reading that the Prisoners standard enemy group has been deleted from Mission Architect in the current patch. 
This almost certainly wrecks my "Celebrity Kidnapping" story arc, which starts with a prison break. Will need to fix that tonight.
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
The Empire - One Alliance review
Played solo on a 50 AR/dev blaster.
Mission 1
Starts with an investigation of a break-in at an auto shop; sounds very different than the premise described in the story arc blurb. Has the conceit that the contact is calling you over the phone, because she isn't in town and needs someone to check it out; an interesting hook.
"over this insecure line" should be "over this unsecured line".
I like the mission title, "Discover the Intruders' Intentions".
As soon as I enter the mission, the mission entrance popup tells me that the Council are here, and "7 Council computers" are listed in the objectives. So now I know the intruders are Council without having seen even one of them. That seems kind of unsatisfying; I suggest you make both these a little more neutral, maybe not mention Council in the entrance popup and just list "7 computers to search" as objective instead of Council computers. This would give the player a chance to move into the mission on her own power and learn that Council are here on their own.
I like the exposition dialog that I get to overhear about the "proper set up" and "We did find that one schematic".
Um, the first computer I clicked on has the name "Get Info off the Network Fake, ambush 1". This sounds more like a private note to yourself. I think you maybe want to name this glowy simply "Computer". Found several other computers that had the same naming problem; a "Get information off the network fake" and a "Get information off the network.
Thinking about it, this mission is set in the contact's friend's auto shop. Why would this friend have 7 Council computers in his shop? Or do we think the Council set these 7 computers up and networked them, right after breaking in to the auto shop? Seems like a logic flaw.
Got a couple nice clues from the computers. The mission completed after I clicked just 3 computers, presumably because I found the right clue; so you might not want "7 computers to search" as an objective, because you don't really have to search all 7. You could maybe have the real glowy have simply "Get information from network" as its objective and leave the objective blank for the fakes. Though, regardless, it's weird that the Council would have a 7 node computer network set up in this place that they're Breaking and Entering.
I kinda like that this apparently mundane B&E investigation is the lead in to an otherdimensional adventure, though.
Very nice mission debriefing that gives the player some good info about the upcoming plot.
Mission 2
I had to read the mission briefing twice, it was a bit convoluted. It seems the contact is saying that Malta are allied with an otherdimensional faction, and Malta took over a Council base, so I need to attack this Council base with Malta in it, in order to learn something. Meanwhile the contact accidentally left something important in Lou's shop that the Council ran off with. Seems to me the portal tech that the Council stole is probably more urgent than taking out some random Malta?
In the second part of the briefing, "Be careful Police Woman" should be "Be careful, Police Woman". She reiterates that she has no idea why she's sending me to fight Malta. This all makes me think that I should really be following up the more obvious lead, helping Betty check into the Council stealing her portal device. I suspect you are trying to set up some sort of foreshadowing with Betty mentioning the portal device, but right now I think it would be more logical for either the next mission to be to find the portal device, or for Betty to not mention the side mission at all, since it's purely distracting.
As I enter, an Operation Engineer said "Oh! A hero. Excellent. We can kill two birds with a lot of bullets." Nice line, but he says it before he even SEES me. I think maybe that line should be moved to "Active" text.
The nav tool says my objectives are "Get information from captive" and "Question Ascendant Archon Francisco". But the contact gave me no information about this mission so I'm not sure I should even know these guys have a captive, or that Francisco is here. Maybe make these objectives more vague, like "Get information" and "Identify Malta's mysterious ally".
OK, as I advance into the base, I see Malta and Council are still fighting here. But Betty made it sound like the Malta had already taken the base over, so really there should be no fighting? Maybe rephrase Betty's briefing to say the Malta are currently attacking a Council base.
Ran into some Knives of Artemis with some good dialog; hinting at the Malta alliance with a mysterious Empire. (But is it the Council Empire or the Nemesis Empire?)
A KoA just said "Keep it down ladies. Enemy Council and Malta could still be here." Hmm, aren't KoA part of Malta? Why would they be worried about other Malta? Maybe rephrase to "Keep it down, ladies. Some Council holdouts are still around here somewhere."
I found Francisco; he's still running around free, so the Malta are definitely not in control of this base. He issued some sort of speech about creating a new world order, which I found odd when he has enemy Malta and KoA running around in his base. When I attacked him, it seemed like tons of ambushes jumped on me, aligned with Council Empire! After I killed him, I got the "Council Empire" clue, revealing that Francisco was actually from the Council Empire, and allied with both Malta and Council. If this is the case, I don't understand why Malta and Council are fighting? They should all be teamed up, not shooting each other. Am I missing something?
Okay, I found and rescued the Gray Knight and a lot more has become clear. I did like his conversation with "Susan". Probably should put a comma after "listened to me" and before "Susan". Gray Knight's clue says that Council Empire are allied with SOME Council, Malta and Knives on our world, while Francisco's clue simply says Council Empire are allied with Council, Malta and Knives. I think you should modify Francisco's clue to say that Council Empire are allied with "some" Council, Malta and Knives too, as the way it's written it sounds like they are allied with the whole group, which contradicts Gray Knight's clue. Maybe say something like "the Council Empire is allied with the Council of our world and an ultraconservative splinter faction of the Malta Group, including several members of the Knives of Artemis". But do make the two clues consistent.
I think it is very strange that "Mark" (Gray Knight) claims the Malta are "about freedom" and his clue suggests that the Malta are abandoning their basic principles. Maybe I missed something somewhere, but ... what principles? As far as I know, the Malta are killers and mercenaries, not some shades of grey organization that claims to have ideals.
This does explain why some Malta and some Council were shooting at each other, but I have to say it is very confusing distinguishing which Malta hate Council and which are friends with Council. Consider making a custom group called "Malta Splinter Faction" and add some standard Malta and some KoA models to it, and use that to represent the Malta working with the Council Empire? Maybe need a "Council Splinter Faction" too.
So far the plot is kind of confusing; but it occurs to me maybe this is intentional on your part, to give it a conspiracy sort of feeling. If so, you can maybe amp this up by using more "conspiracy theory" type language to help set the mood; e.g., Gray Knight gives you a "dossier" instead of a "letter", and have various patrols say "$name has seen too much! Liquidate $himher now!" and have your objectives in this mission be "Find out the Truth" and "Unmask conspiracy".
Debriefing: some nice text here, though I'm not sure why Betty is surprised that the Council would be open to working with the Council Empire; that seems like a natural alliance to me. Betty also tells me her side mission failed; not sure why I should care about that, hopefully it's foreshadowing for something.
Mission 3
Briefing: "Greets, Police Woman" should maybe be "Greetings, Police Woman". Suddenly Betty thinks I found Malta and Knives have chased some Council into Oranbega? When did I do this? She is expositioning about stuff that I supposedly have done, but really haven't. I think it would make more sense if she had learned this on her side mission than to portray the hero as having done it (since really I have done nothing but click on her for the next mission).
"word is those Council have some technical parts the Malta do not want them to have" ... this sentence is very awkward and I'm not even sure what it should mean; because the Malta don't want the Council to have these parts, we should take them? I think should be reworded. I suggest you give these technical parts a name and explain why it is horrible for the bad guys to have it, so that it will naturally follow that the player should confiscate it.
The mission accept message is "Help Betty Sizzle fix her mistake", but the briefing does not explain what this mistake is. Maybe the whole briefing should be reworded to something like:
"$name, following up with my previous investigation, I've found that the Council did indeed steal the McGuffin Device from Lou's shop, and they've stored it in a hidden weapons cache deep in Oranbega. The Malta have found out about this and are mounting a strike operation right now to take it from the Council! The McGuffin would allow whomever possesses it to freely transport men and material between dimensions. We can't allow either of these factions to have control of it!
Portal Corporation entrusted the McGuffin to me personally, so it's my responsibility to get it back. I was hoping you might be willing to help out?
> Help Betty Sizzle recover the McGuffin"
Why this mission is captioned "Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!" and why it is set in Oranbega is a mystery to me, though. The Council seem to have hundreds of those generic prefab bases, why would they stash something in Oranbega?
Mission title: "Recover the Portal Tech" immediately makes me think we are recovering a Technician. Maybe clarify this as "Recover the Portal Technology".
As I enter the mission, the first mob I encounter are Knives of Artemis belonging to a "MaltaKnivesNems" faction. This faction needs a better name. Also, just to warn you, Knives of Artemis in Oranbega is probably the nightmare scenario for a lot of players.
I like the dialog between the KoA and the Council about why they will or won't ally with the Council Empire. I think I need a scorecard to tell who is on which side though, it's very confusing. I guess the "MaltaKnivesNems" faction must be your Splinter Faction that I suggested in the previous mission, to separate the Council Empire aligned types. Suggest you use it also in the previous mission.
Or another way you could simplify it is if all the KoA are pro-Council Empire and all the regular Malta are anti-Council Empire. This seems to be pretty close to the way you have set up and would be easier to understand.
Found Betty Sizzle, she could perhaps use more biographical info. Betty says something about teleporting parts back to base, but the objective is to destroy the parts, so this seems inconsistent. I think she means teleporting the *crates* back.
One of the guards of the Portal Generator said " "$name. Great. What else can go wrong today." Should delete that leading quote mark and change the last period to a question mark.
Finished the mission. I still don't get the "Lions and tigers and bears" note; I saw none of those. The debriefing could use some work, it would be nice if Betty said what happened to the parts that were recovered.
Mission 4
Briefing: I think you might want to call the invading army something other than "the Vanguard" to avoid confusion with the RWZ-based "Vanguard". Maybe "Council Empire Army" or something.
Great map selection for this mission!
I teamed up with a brute for this last mission and his comment was "knives and malta mixed? You need to toss in Tsoo lieutenants and Master illusionists too."
Finished all the objectives in this map, but I think this final mission could've benefited from a named boss or mastermind that is the "big bad guy" of the story arc. It doesn't have to be an AV/EB, just someone with a real name; you can convert one of your Archons or the KoA coordinator to be this person, or you can force a boss to spawn after all the Archons are taken out, maybe. This would give the player more of a sense of accomplishment, I think.
Overall:
An interesting premise and some good writing. I did find it very confusing as to who was on which side of this interdimensional conflict at any given time, since there were some Malta, some KoA and some Council on each side. I think the "MaltaKnivesNems" were always on the invaders' side, so maybe use that faction more, though it needs a better faction name. I do think you should avoid using "Vanguard" as that will be confused with the RWZ Vanguard group.
I kinda think you should swap the Oranbega map for either a Council or Malta map; with no CoT in the story, putting KoA in Oranbega seemed simply cruel.
Anyway, I liked it overall but do think there are some things you can do to make it more clear what is going on and to improve gameplay. I waffled between giving this a high 3 or a low 4 stars; ended up settling on 4 stars because I did feel like the plot and the writing were interesting.
I owe a review to:
@Cavatina - Fusionette TF
@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579, Sad Story of Silas Gritch 1831
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
GlaziusF - 2nd arc
@Cryfire - 1 of 2503, 1651 or 1638
@Vanden - Knights of Rularuu 75386
@icerose - Operation: Doolittle 58609
@squeakersman - The Environmentalist 47796
You can make me owe you a review if you run through and review one of:
Axis and Allies (1379)
Celebrity Kidnapping (1388) [fixed the Prisoners problem]
Teen Phalanx Forever (67335)
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
Thoroughly enjoyed the Teen Phalanx arc. I'll have to try out Axis and Allies once I get a villain up to higher levels -- doesn't seem right doing it blueside. :P
Anyways, I'd love a review of my arc when/if you get a chance:
The Paragon Caper (65246).
Gonna check out your arcs this evening!
Here are my two arcs:
Highschool Revisited
ID #8873
Villainous
Notes:
3 missions long, 1 tiny, 1 small, and 1 medium map.
Custom baddies.
Solo, it contains some bosses and hard Lts, and one EB/AV depending on difficulty
Serve justice to everyone who was mean to you at your old highschool!
A scientist named Max has invented an imersive Virtual Reality device which will allow you to beta test his game, Highschool Revisited.
And then...
Highschool Emergency: HS Revisited part 2
ID #59945
Heroic
Notes:
3 missions. 2 medium, 1 tiny map
Custom baddies
2 bosses/EBs, 1 EB/AV depending on the difficulty setting
This mission is a bit more difficult and a little more serious that the first one.
This is my 3rd revision of the arc, after nerfs and boss placement fixes, it should be much more fun and soloable.
Supers have been hypnotized and are attacking highschools. Find out whodunit and stop them!
Thank you for the look and the advice. I appreciate your time and the detail of your suggestions.
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Um, the first computer I clicked on has the name "Get Info off the Network Fake, ambush 1". This sounds more like a private note to yourself.
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I was unaware those titles translated to a spot the player could view them and never noticed it in game while playing. I did indeed think they were a private note, just to help me keep track of my objectives. The same thing holds true for the custom enemy group, I forgot that that name would display as the faction to the player. I will indeed rename those objects/groups (and will probably use Malta Splinter).
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You could maybe have the real glowy have simply "Get information from network" as its objective and leave the objective blank for the fakes.
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Good point. It seems so obvious now, I am embarrassed I missed it myself.
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As I enter, an Operation Engineer said "Oh! A hero. Excellent. We can kill two birds with a lot of bullets." Nice line, but he says it before he even SEES me. I think maybe that line should be moved to "Active" text.
[/ QUOTE ]
It is the active text. I might have to realize that the tehcnical limits of the MiA might restrict me more than I like or just let the player role-play that they were detected.
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Maybe make these objectives more vague, like "Get information" and "Identify Malta's mysterious ally".
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Maybe. I view the Nav compass more as an out of story, game play aid. I might hide stuff if the plot depends on some type of reveal, but in this case, the reveal doesn't seem vital to me. I can see how it might be more enjoyable to discover stuff as the mission progresses though, so I will probably take your advice here.
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But do make the two clues consistent.
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I will look into better phrasing.
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but ... what principles? As far as I know, the Malta are killers and mercenaries, not some shades of grey organization that claims to have ideals.
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I doubt most of the members of Malta think that. I believe they think they are highly principled, so high they are even above the law.
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So far the plot is kind of confusing; but it occurs to me maybe this is intentional on your part, to give it a conspiracy sort of feeling. If so, you can maybe amp this up by using more "conspiracy theory" type language to help set the mood; e.g., Gray Knight gives you a "dossier" instead of a "letter", and have various patrols say "$name has seen too much! Liquidate $himher now!" and have your objectives in this mission be "Find out the Truth" and "Unmask conspiracy".
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While it seems you are indeed getting the idea behind the arc as is, it certainly is a great idea to use more connotative words to help immerse the player.
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When did I do this? She is expositioning about stuff that I supposedly have done, but really haven't. I think it would make more sense if she had learned this on her side mission than to portray the hero as having done it (since really I have done nothing but click on her for the next mission).
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Pretend you have? One thing I have always longed for, was to feel more like I drive the story as much as the contact. I tried to incorporate that feeling here. I tried to be vague enough about how you obtained the information so you could decide on your own how you got it (whether your network of people found out, or you tracked them down through shipping manifests or hacking into a Malta/Council computer, or beat it out of some baddies, etc.) Maybe it doesn't work well, but that was my intent.
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Found Betty Sizzle, she could perhaps use more biographical info.
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Yeah. I thought the description I wrote when I made the custom critter would be available as a contact (Learn more about Contact), but that feature doesn't exist. I will have to copy that information out into the arc proper. Thanks for the catch, I had forgotten about that.
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I still don't get the "Lions and tigers and bears" note; I saw none of those.
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Is a nod to this:
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Also, just to warn you, Knives of Artemis in Oranbega is probably the nightmare scenario for a lot of players.
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and this:
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I teamed up with a brute for this last mission and his comment was "knives and malta mixed? You need to toss in Tsoo lieutenants and Master illusionists too."
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Malta and Knives and Council in the haunted forest. Watch out for flying monkeys! I knew my villain choices would be a turn off for many. I really like these groups, both from a story perspective, as well as for game play. My arc turning off people for those reasons is just something I will have to live with.
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but I think this final mission could've benefited from a named boss or mastermind that is the "big bad guy" of the story arc.
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Talen Lee felt the same way. I am trying to avoid that, preferring instead to have the face off vs. the Organization, represented by the militaryy leaders, but I will have to consider this more since I have gotten that same feedback from my SG as well. Perhaps naming all 4 of the Archons, having unique speeches, and giving them descriptions designating wings of the military might give that feeling better... How to make it feel more final and satisfying, without a singular big-bad...
Why Blasters? Empathy Sucks.
So, you want to be Mental?
What the hell? Let's buff defenders.
Tactics are for those who do not have a big enough hammer. Wisdom is knowing how big your hammer is.
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@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579, Sad Story of Silas Gritch 1831
[/ QUOTE ]
I pulled down #1831 because it kinda sucked.
Nuclear 90 - The Fusionette TF
Stated level range was 1-14 blue side, so I played a 10 inv/ss tanker.
Mission 1
Briefing: "It seems more than one hero...vanished when they investigated a string of warehouses in Atlas Park. Could you go and check out the warehouses out for us?" This immediately seems like Fusionette is trying to get me killed.... But then I guess that is in character for her. I'm not sure who "us" is in this context, maybe should be "me".
Second part of briefing: seems a little odd that she gave me a product placement for Up-and-Away Burger here; I'm not sure if she's trying to do a product endorsement here (she never struck me as that commercial before ) or, maybe more likely, is just being ditzy. Her giving me a TF name is very cute though.
I'm glad you're mainly using Hellions for this story. The custom mobs are probably too tough for people this low level.
I like Molecular Mandy's dialog when you fight her. Good costume and description, too. I already am getting the idea that Fusionette is unknowingly having me wreck some kind of undercover mission that her broodmates are on. I kinda think you should get a clue after defeating Mandy? Doesn't have to be super fancy, but it would help for people who are not the team leader (and don't see the debriefing) to know what's going on.
Mission 2
Briefing: Not a bad briefing. I totally suggest you change "Longbow reports that a bank known to store some valuable artifacts for MAGI has just been raided" to "Azuria reports that a bank vault she uses to store valuable artifacts for MAGI has been raided".... to continue perpetrating Azuria's incompetence at protecting magical stuff.
"Whats worse" should be "What's worse".
"Agree to investigate" isn't a good match for "Stop the Bank Raid" mission though; maybe reuse "Stop the Bank Raid" for the "accept mission" text.
Second part of briefing: the burger obsession motif is growing on me.
Mission entrance popup: "Goodie" maybe should be "Goody".
I like the Hellion dialog and the reference to Hellion Girlfriends. The constant reference to Up-and-Away Burger is starting to make me hungry.
Fought Neutrino Nick, then in the debriefing Fusionette says he was wearing a weird amulet that broke up when we beat him up. But I didn't see anything like that when I actually defeated him. OK, looking in my clue journal I see "A shattered amulet" (the game neglected to give me a CLUE FOUND for some reason). "'nstuff" should maybe be "'n stuff" or "and stuff".
I suggest you also change Neutrino Nick's "death" chat to be more like "Wha? Where am I? Did someone get the number of that truck?" to better show that he "came out of it" on defeat.
Debriefing maybe should add, "Hey, $name, did you forget my burger? Oh, right, I guess the whole artifact thing really IS more important. Never mind."
Mission 3:
"Okey-dokey $name , Lady Grey" ... you have an extra space after $name and before the comma.
Fusionette should probably explain just a *little* more about who "Jimmy" is, for the sake of people who have not yet been to Faultline to do those missions.
Inside the mission, the subgoals "Save Jim Temblor!" and "Save Electron Elly!" both have an extra ! at the end of them (looks wrong when separated by commas). And since you have to save 3 different people, "Save Jim Temblor?" is not a good mission name. Maybe the mission should be named "Track Amulets to Source" or "Rescue Heroes" or something like that.
More good dialog from the Hellions. I like the "Do you ever wonder if this crime thing might be keeping us from a nice college education?"
Electron Elly says "Man, my mp3 player needs recharging." This doesn't quite make sense because, well, she generates electricity! Nothing she ever has should need recharging. It would make more more sense for her to complain about shorting out her mp3 player ... again.
Jim Temblor's chats as you rescue him are great. He looks so shamefaced about being captured by Hellions! But, in his chats change "embarassing" to "embarrassing" and consider trimming the "..." ellipses preceding his sentences.
Radioactive Reimi's "info" text is terrific! And yet more Up-And-Away Burger references... you're getting a commission from them, I hope? Put a period after "Up-And-Away Burger" and before "She is also under the hypnotic control", though.
Reimi's dialog "Alrighty, finally some action" needs a period at the end of it.
When Reimi dropped, I got "The Mystery Revealed" where it says a Hellion revealed the secret before passing out. But it was Reimi I just beat up, not a Hellion, so this has a slight discontinuity.
"Calls himself Immolation Ken, he supposedly used to work for them MAGI guys but he got kicked out by that Azuria chick for bein' too cocky, so he came out here and gave us a buncha these amulets." <-- is much too long a sentence. I suggest you reformat to something like:
"Calls himself Immolation Ken. He supposedly used to work for them MAGI guys, but that Azuria chick kicked him out for bein' too cocky. After that he came out here and gave us a buncha these amulets."
Debriefing: Ahh yes, first we make a lunch date for Up-and-Away Burger. Then, oh yes, we have to stop evil. LOL.
Mission 4
Briefing: "Ready $name ?", remove space between $name and question mark. I'm rather surprised Lady Grey would personally interrogate Hellions for Fusionette, I mean they've got to be totally grey con to her, and she has defense of the whole world against Rikti invasions to keep her busy. Maybe have one of Lady Grey's lackeys handle that?
Briefing second part, I think "Well what are you waiting for, this is your show, you've proven that you don't need me to butt in, right?" should be punctuated: "Well, what are you waiting for? This is your show! You've proven that you don't need me to butt in. Right?"
Clue from Mandy, "Shattered Amulet" maybe should be "Mandy's Amulet" or "Shattered Amulet from Mandy" or "The Last Amulet" to distinguish it from your first "A shattered amulet" clue (from Nick). Also the text "Thats the last of the amulets... You hope, anyhow" should be "That's the last of the amulets. You hope, anyhow." (note punctuation changes)
Oh no it's K-K-Ken c-c-coming to k-k-kill me! I like his outfit, kind of reminds me of the Outcasts (which are about right for this level). Though I'm not sure why he has the Atomic symbol since he's not a Nuclear 90 and got his powers from a magic book according to the info you wrote. Maybe give him a fiery related symbol instead? Or a K. Maybe trim the leading "..." from his death message also. Ken was okay to fight, but I felt his dialog was not as cool as the stuff Fusionette, Faultline and the other Nuclear 90 said in your story arc so far (their dialog I thought was great). Maybe make him do a little more scenery chewing, or silly fire-related one-liners or something.
Exit popup, "Nice work, That's one less crazy" ... "That's" should be in lowercase.
How is it that the Fusionette TF is over and I haven't had to rescue Fusionette from being captured even once?
Debriefing: Yay, we won, time for burgers, LOL.
Overall:
I really liked this arc. The characterization of Fusionette and the other NPCs was outstanding (except for Ken, who can use a little more personality). Even the generic Hellions had good dialog. The Up-and-Away burger motif started out being weird but really grew on me by the end of the story arc. I thought it was very fun. I gave it 5 stars and recommended it to a friend who I know is a huge Fusionette fangirl.
-------------
I owe a review to:
@HolyEvilAoD - 2 of Council's Good Graces 1571, Council's Long Con 1579
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
GlaziusF - 2nd arc
@Cryfire - 1 of 2503, 1651 or 1638
@Vanden - Knights of Rularuu 75386
@icerose - Operation: Doolittle 58609
@squeakersman - The Environmentalist 47796
Pippy - The Paragon Caper 65246
in queue:
WynterPhrost
You can make me owe you a review if you run through and review one of:
Axis and Allies (1379)
Celebrity Kidnapping (1388)
Teen Phalanx Forever (67335)
Teen Phalanx Forever is (for the moment) on the front page of the story arc list (sorted by rating)! Yay, I'm so psyched! Thanks to everyone who looked at it so far!!
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
Thanks for the advice! Made the alterations you suggested, and glad you enjoyed the arc.
Want comedy and lighthearted action? Between levels 1-14? Try Nuclear in 90 - The Fusionette Task Force!
Arc ID 58363!
Please try mine out, I tried to do something interesting with established characters (IE those from the L Frank Baum books). I'm actually working on a novel, updating one of the Oz characters and this was done as something of a break, just having a laugh with the characters. It was also done for roleplaying purposes on Virtue. I'll do one of yours in exchange.
Arc Name: The Prisoners from the Land of OZ
Arc ID: 49326
Morality: Good
Faction: Clockwork, Vahzilock
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Sakura-kishi
Difficulty Level: Medium-ish? (has two AVs)
Synopsis: Story Description: Princess Dorothy and Tiktok have gone missing; Ozma of Oz sends Glinda the Good to Paragon to investigate. What do the Clockwork King and Dr. Vahzilok have to do with it? (based on the public domain characters created by L Frank Baum)
Estimated Time to Play: 1 hour or so
Council's Good Graces
Stated level range is 15-19
Played on 19 db/ninj stalker
Mission 1
Briefing: Nicely written. I kinda wish he would tell a little more about what the job is before he makes you decide whether to accept it. But even after accepting it he seems very closemouthed and "Don't ask" about it, so that seems to be how this contact is.
Mission title: "Eradicate the warehouse and seek clues" should probably be "Eradicate everyone in the warehouse and seek clues".
Defeat all and search 6 crates sounds like a lot to do, but the map doesn't seem too big to hopefully it's not too bad. I think you can maybe drop the "Defeat warehouse manager" text from the nav tool as that is implied by the "Wipe out everyone inside".
The fact that this warehouse is full of Council, yet I'm supposedly getting into the Council's Good Graces makes me immediately suspect the contact is playing me false.
Debriefing: The contact explains why I wiped out a Council base but I still suspect I'm getting played for a fool. Grr.
Mission 2:
Briefing: "wreck havoc" should be "wreak havoc".
10 glowies to click, ouch! Seems a little much, especially as most have no info; I think we could've gotten the idea with just 3 computers and 3 file cabinets, or even one of each.
Actually, I was able to complete the mission by killing the boss and clicking only enough glowies to get both clues, so that wasn't too bad.
Debriefing seems OK but didn't knock my socks off or anything.
Mission 3:
Briefing: "Colonel Brimley under the 5th Column" should be "Oberst Brimley under the 5th Column".
Okay, in the mission now. I'm surprised these guys are still Council and not 5th Column based on the briefing, but I guess Brimley IS Council-in-name-only so maybe it makes sense.
Archon Brimley really should have some special background story in his "info" box, since he's the big bad of the story arc. He also says "The Council is on to us" but his faction is "Council" so this doesn't make sense. It might be ok if he said something like "Galdi is on to us" or "Council Internal Security is on to us". Or if he said "the Council is on to us" and belonged to 5th Column.
Brimley says "You'll never suceed!" suceed should be succeed.
Debriefing: Galdi says "The traitor took a cyanide pill, huh?" This wasn't obvious during the mission; maybe put a clue you get on defeating Brimley that says he took poison before you could capture him.
Overall:
I was uneasy at how in-the-dark this story kept me for most of the arc. Maybe it makes sense for Galdi's motivations but it makes the player feel like a tool, which is a little less fun. The mission briefings were well written but told you very little (intentionally, I know) and as a result, I still was not sure Galdi was really working for the Council (and not working for Agent Indigo or someone to set up double agents) until I got to Brimley and heard him express worry about the Council being onto him. I think I would've liked some of the earlier clues to more clearly paint Brimley and the other boss as having been up to no good, rather than solely take Galdi's word for it.
There's nothing really wrong with the missions but there was nothing that jumped out as me as really wonderful and awesome either. I think you need to add *something* more to make the story stand out a little bit more. As a result I gave it 3 stars. Hope you think that is fair.
------
I owe a review to:
@HolyEvilAoD - Council's Long Con 1579
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
GlaziusF - 2nd arc
@Cryfire - 1 of 2503, 1651 or 1638
@Vanden - Knights of Rularuu 75386
@icerose - Operation: Doolittle 58609
@squeakersman - The Environmentalist 47796
Pippy - The Paragon Caper 65246
@Sakura-kishi - The Prisoners from the Land of OZ 49326
@Wrong Number - Death to Disco 84420
in queue:
WynterPhrost
You can make me owe you a review if you run through and review one of:
Axis and Allies (1379)
Celebrity Kidnapping (1388) [fixed the Prisoners problem]
Teen Phalanx Forever (67335)
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
The Council's Long Con review
Stated level range is 20-35, played on a 33 MA/ninj stalker.
OK, looks like the concept is we have to aggressively recruit a scientist away form some other organization.
Mission 1
Mission briefing: "kidnaping" should be "kidnapping". Galdi wants me to recruit this guy but doesn't say who it is or who he works for. Surely I have need to know for THAT much.
Accept message: "sow dissention" should be "sow dissension".
Second part of briefing: Finally he tells me something about what I'm supposed to do! Sabotage a Sky Raider device, okay.
In between talking to Galdi and hitting the mission I apparently decided to expand my mission to also steal 3 weapons and 3 piles of goods. This doesn't make much sense to me, isn't the stated goal to NOT be noticed? I don't buy the idea that making it look like a smash & grab will make it less conspicuous. Also, this makes the official mission title, "Sabotage the Sky Raiders' Prototype", incorrect since I was able to sabotage the prototype and the mission would not complete. If you want to keep all these objectives, the mission maybe should be something like "Cause Trouble for Sky Raiders".
Mission objective "Bug the Prototype" should probably be "Sabotage Prototype" since we're not really planting a bug.
Found the prototype; it was a wall safe? I suggest you pick a different glowy, one of the floor-standing techy looking devices.
After stealing 3 piles of iPods and Gameboys and another 3 piles of Sky Raider weapons, I suggest on exiting this mission you add a popup which says, "You make a quick detour to the Black Market to fence your stolen goods before reporting back to Galdi."
Mission 2:
Briefing: OK, so he's sending me to bust up a Sky Raider base. Not sure why I'm really doing this other than Galdi told me to do it though; it's unclear to me how either this mission or last mission contributed to the goal of recruiting a Sky Raider scientist. If they even have scientists. Needs a bit more explanation of the motivation, I think.
I do like the mission title, "Trash the Sky Raiders' base" and the "Costly Equipment" destroyable objects. The dialog you gave the Sky Raiders guarding the equipment is great too! The "vintage roadster" equipment was pretty funny as well.
Mission 3:
This mission seemed very simple, I stealthed to Duray and took him out. The hardest part of it was just locating Duray on the big map.
The mission briefing made it sound like he would be an AV/EB, but he spawned as a lieutenant for me (level 33, lowest difficulty). He also looked like a Jump Bot and not a person in a suit of powered armor. There IS an actual Colonel Duray model in the Silver Mantis SF; you might consider designing a custom model for Colonel Duray that looks like that guy, only with some extra cybernetic looking armor.
Debriefing: "He'll blame Kaku for the failure" ... but Kaku has not been mentioned in the story up to this point. Needs some explanation, or maybe a mention earlier on that Kaku is the scientist we're targeting for recruitment.
Mission 4:
Dr. Kaku was in the very first room for me; I thought this would make it too easy, but it's cool that his rescue was linked to the next objective to take out a Jump Bot. I kind of wonder if you want to use one of the scientist in white lab coat models for Kaku; he looks like a jump bot.
The mission title, "Extract Dr. Kaku" is now incorrect since I've rescued Kaku but the mission is still going. Suggest you change it to something like "Extract Dr. Kaku and his work." You could even add a glowy representing his notes, in either hard copy or computerized form.
I found "Jump Bot Forcefield" .. this name is a little awkward, maybe it should be "Prototype Jump Bot" or "Forcefield Jump Bot Prototype" to make it clear he's the objective.
Debriefing: "I just hope they don't get too exited" ... should be "excited".
Overall:
I liked this arc a lot more than its prequel. It had a better defined story, and the premise of recruiting another scientist (without simply kidnapping him) was interesting. I started off thinking mission 1 and mission 2 didn't contribute much to the original plot, but it seemed to be better explained in mission 3; I might suggest you add a little more explanation (even if cryptic) in the debriefing for mission 1 and mission 2 as to HOW that is helping move the plot towards the goal of recruiting Dr. Kaku.
I thought mission 2 was especially fun and I liked the dialog in it. Mission 3 was over a little too quick (though as a stalker I had the advantage of directly stealthing to him and ambushing him) and I think maybe needed to have more to do. Maybe consider setting up something like the Silver Mantis SF where you have to stir up some trouble destroying hardware before Colonel Duray will come out and face you? I think Duray should have a more visually interesting model also.
I thought this was more fun and a better story than the previous one, and I gave it 4 stars.
------
I owe a review to:
Lazarus - 1 of MacGuffin Delivery 1567, Amulet of J'gara 1709, Portal Bandits 3326
doodaa - Poaching the Lion 1841
@Scuzzbopper - What Price Victory? 58307
GlaziusF - 2nd arc
@Cryfire - 1 of 2503, 1651 or 1638
@Vanden - Knights of Rularuu 75386
@icerose - Operation: Doolittle 58609
@squeakersman - The Environmentalist 47796
Pippy - The Paragon Caper 65246
@Sakura-kishi - The Prisoners from the Land of OZ 49326
@Wrong Number - Death to Disco 84420
in queue:
WynterPhrost
You can make me owe you a review if you run through and review one of:
Axis and Allies (1379)
Celebrity Kidnapping (1388)
Teen Phalanx Forever (67335)
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
[ QUOTE ]
I think you can maybe drop the "Defeat warehouse manager" text from the nav tool as that is implied by the "Wipe out everyone inside".
[/ QUOTE ]
You can't. If there's no text there, the nav bar will simply say "Warehouse manager".
[ QUOTE ]
10 glowies to click, ouch! Seems a little much, especially as most have no info; I think we could've gotten the idea with just 3 computers and 3 file cabinets, or even one of each.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thought I fixed that, honestly. There are only two clues you need to find, the rest of the glowies are non-required clicks.
[ QUOTE ]
Briefing: "Colonel Brimley under the 5th Column" should be "Oberst Brimley under the 5th Column".
[/ QUOTE ]
No. He was a Colonel. The 5th Column used military ranks. Like Colonel Burkholder. And many of their named bosses. Pretty much all of their named bosses used military ranks, not simply "Oberst" or the like.
[ QUOTE ]
Debriefing: Galdi says "The traitor took a cyanide pill, huh?" This wasn't obvious during the mission; maybe put a clue you get on defeating Brimley that says he took poison before you could capture him.
[/ QUOTE ]
This was in the defeat message you get when you beat him, but it's not obvious enough. Thanks for pointing that out.
[ QUOTE ]
I was uneasy at how in-the-dark this story kept me for most of the arc. Maybe it makes sense for Galdi's motivations but it makes the player feel like a tool, which is a little less fun.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, aside from the first mission, Galdi's as in the dark as you are. You are uncovering a conspiracy, after all.
Regardless, thanks for the other comments and picking up on the typos. On the smaller fields, I usually don't put them into a Word program so I can sometimes miss them.
[ QUOTE ]
In between talking to Galdi and hitting the mission I apparently decided to expand my mission to also steal 3 weapons and 3 piles of goods. This doesn't make much sense to me, isn't the stated goal to NOT be noticed? I don't buy the idea that making it look like a smash & grab will make it less conspicuous.
[/ QUOTE ]
You're already breaking into their lab. There's no way they're not noticing that you're there. In order to throw off their suspicions, you steal a bunch of their stuff in order to obfuscate your actual goal.
[ QUOTE ]
Also, this makes the official mission title, "Sabotage the Sky Raiders' Prototype", incorrect since I was able to sabotage the prototype and the mission would not complete. If you want to keep all these objectives, the mission maybe should be something like "Cause Trouble for Sky Raiders".
[/ QUOTE ]
The main mission is to sabotage the prototype. The other objectives are working toward that goal. So "Cause trouble for the Sky Raiders" is not the main goal.
[ QUOTE ]
Found the prototype; it was a wall safe? I suggest you pick a different glowy, one of the floor-standing techy looking devices.
[/ QUOTE ]
It's in the wall safe. It's not something they're going to leave sitting on the floor.
[ QUOTE ]
After stealing 3 piles of iPods and Gameboys and another 3 piles of Sky Raider weapons, I suggest on exiting this mission you add a popup which says, "You make a quick detour to the Black Market to fence your stolen goods before reporting back to Galdi."
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't really like after mission popups. Plus, I think it's better if I leave it up to the player to decide what they did with them.
[ QUOTE ]
it's unclear to me how either this mission or last mission contributed to the goal of recruiting a Sky Raider scientist. If they even have scientists. Needs a bit more explanation of the motivation, I think.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, he explains the exact motivation later in the arc.
[ QUOTE ]
I do like the mission title, "Trash the Sky Raiders' base" and the The mission briefing made it sound like he would be an AV/EB, but he spawned as a lieutenant for me (level 33, lowest difficulty). He also looked like a Jump Bot and not a person in a suit of powered armor. There IS an actual Colonel Duray model in the Silver Mantis SF; you might consider designing a custom model for Colonel Duray that looks like that guy, only with some extra cybernetic looking armor.
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, it used to be the AV Colonel Duray. It seems like they took him out of the MA for some reason and it just defaulted to a Jump Bot.
Blaaaargh. That's annoying.
Thanks for finding that. I've changed it to Captain Castillo for now and altered the mission dialogue to suit that. Hope they add Duray back soon...
[ QUOTE ]
Debriefing: "He'll blame Kaku for the failure" ... but Kaku has not been mentioned in the story up to this point.
[/ QUOTE ]
Oops. I thought I'd mentioned him before then. I've changed it to the "scientist who built the prototype" to make it more clear, then cleared up who Kaku was in the next mission.
Needs some explanation, or maybe a mention earlier on that Kaku is the scientist we're targeting for recruitment.
[ QUOTE ]
Dr. Kaku was in the very first room for me; I thought this would make it too easy, but it's cool that his rescue was linked to the next objective to take out a Jump Bot. I kind of wonder if you want to use one of the scientist in white lab coat models for Kaku; he looks like a jump bot.
[/ QUOTE ]
No, he used to be a Sky Raider Engineer. But it seems like they took THOSE out of the MA too (probably to combat farming without risk), so he got replaced with the Assault Bot again. He's been fixed into being a Porter.
[ QUOTE ]
I found "Jump Bot Forcefield" .. this name is a little awkward, maybe it should be "Prototype Jump Bot" or "Forcefield Jump Bot Prototype" to make it clear he's the objective.
[/ QUOTE ]
Good point. I'll go change it.
[ QUOTE ]
Maybe consider setting up something like the Silver Mantis SF where you have to stir up some trouble destroying hardware before Colonel Duray will come out and face you?
[/ QUOTE ]
Sadly, I could only connect it to one objective. Plus, that's mostly rehashing most of the previous missions.
Thanks once again for the review. I've fixed some of the problems and cleared up why you're doing what you're doing.
[ QUOTE ]
Here's my attempt at a heroic story arc, to give you all something else to check out, if you're interested:
[/ QUOTE ]
I'll give it a look, PW. If you want to review a different arc than the one I presented, run a search on my global, I think it's unique enough to only spit back my missions.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)