Feedback on Architect Mission This Is War, Part I - the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz: An interesting story, and contrary to what Venture said, I found the reveal at the end interesting. I am curious as to where this story will go from here. No real complaints, but two bugs though. In mission four the nav text was all goofed up. It said I still had to rescue Cher'tak after I already rescued him, and it said that pestilence was the last rider to defeat when it was really famine (I was told that this was a problem with the MA itself). And in mission five, the rescues automatically completed, although this may have been intentional (Turns out it was. The author said it didn't make much sense for an elite assassin squad to get captured, and I agree).
Whoops, completely forgot to update this thing. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Some of the changes suggested have made some very generous improvements when implemented. Sadly, there are other things I can't do much about until we get more tools to play with.
Like Arek...ideally, he'd have taunt and keep drawing the player off the purposefully weaker main boss, whose concept is less of a direct fighter and more behind-the-scenes operator. Sadly, at this point the closest I can come to this is have him be a big threat who'll keep interfering with you unless you take him out. 
As for Serpent Drummer, his rescue (and that it can fail, illustrating the idea that war is hell) is the whole point of that mission. If he were just an ally, it wouldn't come across nearly the same. Also, failing that mission gives no penalty whatsoever (well, except not getting the tickets for beating Dra'Gon 
). All it does is give you different return dialogue.
Finally, a clarification: the Lineage of War is basically the Rikti military. It's the same idea if a rogue General were to take over the US Army. Most any officer opposing this General would do so with the mindset that the rogue was no longer serving the Army, but that he or she is by working to stop the takeover.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
Hunting the Dark Dragon review (arc id 2922)
Premise is that the CoT are summoning dragons to fight the superheroes. Level range is 40-50 hero side. The arc claims the player can choose the outcome, which sounded intriguing.
Played a 50 AR/dev blaster on Heroic.
Mission 1
Briefing: Peter Stemitz is the contact and I like how the briefing is trying to convey his personality (err, personalities). The verbiage is a little awkward though. Instead of "Perhaps you know me not. In such case, I should say I know you not; buzz off" maybe "Perhaps you don't know me. In that case, I oughta say I don't know YOU; buzz off!"
Accept prompt: usually this is written as if the player is saying it. So I suggest you change "Yes, you'll be that hero" to "Yes, I'll be that hero".
So I'm in Oranbega looking for dragons. The first "dragon" I find is a lizardman looking fellow in black clothes whose info says he's a drummer in a rock band. Pik's description says he's a water dragon, but he is a red dragon, which seems to violate the standard color coding for elemental dragons. Maybe he should be aqua blue, or be a fire dragon.
The CoT guarding Pik's dialog: "This thing's too shripmy to be a dragon". "shripmy" should be "shrimpy".
Got "A Drummer's Take" as a clue from rescuing Pik. This refers to "Lanerbalan" without explaining what Lanerbalan is; needs some explanation. I'm not sure I understand what "prefer more sociable forms - something he asked you guard as he went for help." I get that he's a humanoid dragon (sociable form) but not sure how I'm supposed to guard him; Pik actually took off after being rescued, so could not be escorted.
Found Officer Blake, another lizardman who is purportedly a dragon. This one is in a police uniform with a big flashlight. His info describes him as a Mirus dragon, but I have no idea what that is. Also mentions he is the brother of Lanerbalan's Prime Minister; I have no idea who that is, so this info is kind of confusing.
Rescuing him gave me the "Officer Blake's Briefing" clue, which purports that Blake is "filling in more details" but is actually completely confusing, referring to a tornado, a band, Rynn and Blake. My suspicion is that if I rescue the 4 dragons in the correct order, their clues make sense in sequence, but I must be rescuing the later dragons in the sequence so their clues seem meaningless to me.
I found and rescued Player, another dragon-man. This one is apparently the leader of this mysterious band. "Player" is a rather confusing name to give a non-player character, incidentally. For some reason Player spawned as an EB ally for me. Considering the police officer dragonman is only a lieutenant ally, this seems out of line for a musician. I'm guessing on higher difficulty he'd spawn as an AV ally, which I think would be far too strong a helper. As it is, the EB Player utterly crushed Rollister, the big bad guy of this mission, who spawned as a lieutenant for me.
I do like Rollister's dialog though. His exposition helps clear up what the heck is going on in this mission. Apparently the "dragons" were summoned here from an other-dimensional rock concert.
Surprisingly, after Rollister says "This is madness!", the NPC allies neglect to say, "No, this is Lanerbalan!" and kick him down a bottomless pit.
Found Rynn, the last dragon, after extensive searching; turns out she was perched on a little ledge above everything else.
Puzzlingly, after rescuing the dragons they give me a classic guitar and (apparently) dimensionally warp out of there. Why couldn't they have done that before I got there? Seems like a plot hole.
This is pretty weird so far, but I'm starting to get a Buckaroo Banzai sort of vibe from the story, what with the rock band and the funny looking people from the 8th dimension. Will see where this goes.
Debriefing: contact makes the right noises for a punk rock musician confronted with the reality of guitar-wielding dragon people. It's too bad guitar isn't a permissible "battle axe" customization. Stemitz does mention "This Dark Dragon sounds like trouble." Huh? No clue or dialog that I saw mentions any Dark Dragon. Appears to be a continuity error.
Mission 2
Briefing: Contact continues to think we are after someone called Dark Dragon. Since we have no info about Dark Dragon, he wants to send me to the villain respec for no really good reason other than it being a CoT hangout. This mission really needs a better lead-in.
Second part of briefing: there's a great disturbance in the Force between the first part of the briefing and the second part, and Stemitz suddenly can't sense the Thorn Tree any more, and suspects the Dark Dragon. Seems awfully coincidental timing, but okay. I might suggest you have the "Thorn Tree" vanish from magical radar before the mission briefing, and have that be the reason why Peter Stemitz thinks it's a good place for you to check out.
Entering the mission, I find that I'm in an Oranbega mission full of Malta; close to a nightmare scenario. With the objective of finding a "survivor", I end up finding a CoT prisoner who I free from the Malta; I then get ambushed by sappers who promptly drain all my END. I squeaked out a victory against the ambush in a tense fight.
I got a clue called "The Thorn's Story". Nitpick: I'm not sure calling a single CoT a "Thorn" is correct terminology. I've seen Thorn Wielders and Thorn Casters, and they have tools called thorns, but I can't recall ever seeing a CoT person actually called a Thorn. Consider calling him something else like "CoT survivor" or "Guide" (after the actual mob; I assume you pre-placed him and he wasn't random).
In "The Thorn's Story", "attepts" should be "attempts". I think it's weird that the CoT would summon Dark Dragon but be unable to control him; the CoT are constantly summoning demons and stuff, they should have a better handle on this sort of thing. Especially if the Dark Dragon is just another rock musician or something.
It's also rather weird that the Malta came in and "made a deal" with the Dark Dragon. It doesn't make sense to me that the CoT, who are expert at summoning demons and making deals with them, would be unable to work with Dark Dragon, yet the Malta, who aren't magical at all, should be able to come to an arrangement with Dark Dragon. Also this story seems to be missing an explanation of the C-4 and cordite smell in the mission entry popup, which I originally thought meant that the Malta had set explosives to blow up the CoT base.
You might consider (if you have space) inserting some of the villains whose respec got interrupted, as either captives of the Malta, or body bags. Just for flavor.
Found an optional Desk glowy that gave me the "Tome of Transit" clue, but this clue does not seem to give much information; in fact, 3 of its 4 sentences are devoted to telling me what the Tome doesn't say, which is an odd way to write a clue. Would be nicer if the clue said more about what the Tome actually does say. I definitely think this clue needs something more to it; right now it doesn't tell me anything I didn't already know.
A little later I found another optional Desk glowy that also claims to have a copy of a book on summoning beings, but didn't give me a clue that time. I suspect there's multiple copies of this desk, all of which give only one clue; I think it'd be simpler if you just made one glowy for this, since the extras don't give any more info.
I beat Fiction Green Epsilon and got the clue "One Strange Dragon". In this clue, "According to the TacCom" should probably be more specifically "According to Fiction Green Epsilon". "While familiar with magic, he's no stranger to technology, his world advanced in both" doesn't quite scan; also, Paragon City is highly advanced in both magic and technology, and yet people still specialize. Maybe just "The dragon was familiar with both magic and technology."
Also, "For their aid, he 'paid' Malta the Thorn Tree." How exactly did the Malta aid the Dark Dragon? It's not stated here, and it's not clear how the Dragon can pay the Malta the Thorn Tree when pretty much the Malta could've just taken it once the Dragon left, anyway.
The C-4 and cordite smell was never explained, nor was the sudden disturbance in the Force that Peter Stemitz experienced. I conjecture that maybe the Malta used explosives on the Thorn Tree for reasons unknown; if this is the case, though, there should be more clues or dialog to this effect somewhere in this mission. As it stands now, I have no clue what the Malta were doing there.
Debriefing: the contact now says "He said the Dark Dragon called them?" but this is not stated anywhere in Fiction Green Epsilon's clue. Continuity error. I agree with the other questions Stemitz raises; why bring in Malta at all?
Mission 3
Briefing: I'm afraid I don't like this briefing at all. The contact expositions that the loss of the Thorn Tree has dealt the CoT a major setback, which has nothing to do with the current mission and is also probably false since the Thorn Tree is essentially destroyed every time a villain respec trial or a Statesman TF occurs, so how bad could it be? Second, he can't sense Dark Dragon by magic and this makes him paranoid. But wouldn't it be possible that he can't sense Dark Dragon because the Dark Dragon simply went back to his home dimension, which would be good?
Then he says he's going to call Crimson, which he totally could've done before this mission briefing, in order to make this briefing have some sort of actual content in it. So my mission accept message is essentially "wait while Peter's on the phone" and yet he's told me absolutely nothing about the mission at all.
Second part of briefing: OK, so now he explains the plan, which is to attack a random Malta base for no real reason except that we think Malta are involved. Well, that and Crimson thinks we should do it.
These seem like pretty weak reasons to go attack this base; I suggest you come up with a better rationale for why this mission is occurring and how it contributes to finding the Dark Dragon.
At this point in the story I must say that (a) why the Dark Dragon is bad has not been explained, and (b) the contact is sending me to attack random villain bases with no apparent justification other than wishful thinking. The fact that there actually IS information at each of these randomly selected bases feels rather implausible. I really recommend you come up with some sort of clues that the player can find in each mission that lead her to the next mission, rather than having the contact choose seemingly random targets for you to go after. This would give the player more of a feeling that they're on an investigation.
Inside the mission: for the sake of people who aren't familiar with this map (from the RSF or otherwise) you may want to put something in the mission briefing or mission objectives that they need to go through a door to get to an interior part of the base.
Found Sister Hecate, who has some fairly meta dialog wondering why she's just standing around guarding instead of patrolling. If she's the security chief, can't she choose to patrol instead of standing guard?
I got the "Security Code" clue from Sister Hecate. It's described as "You found this code in the satchel." What satchel? None was ever named. Suggest you change to "You found this code on Sister Hecate."
Deeper inside the base, the Malta and KoA give way to a custom faction of Space Pirates apparently hired by the Dark Dragon. I...don't understand why there are Space Pirates here. They haven't been previously mentioned in the story and this mission has no clues, dialog, or other information explaining why there would suddenly be Space Pirates present. The Space Pirates themselves have info stating that the Dark Dragon hired them, but this also seems somewhat unbelievable. They seem to be guarding the safe in the back; the keycode to this was presumably on the KoA boss, so shouldn't the safe be guarded by KoA and not Space Pirates? Anyway, this story element didn't make any sense to me.
Inside the safe I find "Arachnos Base Blueprints". In this clue, it says "These are blueprints of a submarine dock....From its location, a skilled navigator could reach any point in the city undetected". I think you are saying that from this base, you can pilot a submarine to, say, Steel Canyon. Is this what you really mean?
I'm kind of puzzled as to the relevance of this clue to the Dark Dragon main plotline. I'm hoping this will eventually all prove to be connected and explained somehow.
Debriefing: even the contact thinks that Space Pirates are a ludicrous story element.
Mission 4
Briefing: the contact is baffled by the plot of this story arc and basically asks me what to do. (I am not kidding.)
Second part of briefing: we somehow decide that Dark Dragon clearly wants to conquer this submarine base from Arachnos, and we can't let that happen. Considering Arachnos is already the arch-enemy of Paragon City, I'm not sure why Dark Dragon controlling this base is any worse, though. And what would a dragon from another dimension want with a submarine base anyway? Seems implausible.
I like the Base Commander's dialog when I rescue him.
It seems like there were some Space Pirates guarding the Base Commander, but the rest of the mobs here are Malta. I kinda would expect the Malta to have some dialog wondering who the heck the Space Pirates are, and whether they could trust them.
I find a glowy that gives me the clue "Message from the Dark Dragon" that basically taunts me for rescuing him. I guess he was shapeshifted into the Base Commander? It was established that dragons can shapeshift in this arc; this is kind of annoying, though, because there is no way for the player to stop this. Also, now I have to kill Scirocco. But why do I have to fight Scirocco, when it seems like we both have a common enemy in the Dark Dragon? Does not really make sense.
Scirocco spawns as an EB for me, and he beats me up the first time with his tornados and electric powers, but on my second try I pop a lot of purple inspirations (he could debuff DEF so I used more than I normally would) and beat him.
Debriefing: contact says "We've been played". Grrr. Stemitz explains the brilliance of the Dark Dragon's master plan to wipe out all mages capable of summoning dragons to this dimension.
Mission 5
Briefing: contact now tells me that Longbow has tracked the Dark Dragon to a building in Faultline. But....Stemitz and I have been on the Dark Dragon case for 4 entire missions now, how is it that we have had no clue of where the Dark Dragon is, but random Longbow are able to find him? This doesn't make sense to me. I suggest you add some kind of clue to the previous mission that lets the player track down the Dark Dragon.
The promised "player decision" occurs here. Stemitz exposits that the Dark Dragon has promised to leave in 30 minutes (I think?) but he's broken our laws, so maybe we should beat him up, too. But I need to decide whether to win the mission and catch the Dark Dragon, or not.
Since so far the Dark Dragon has only attacked CoT and Arachnos, I actually am not sure which "laws" the Dark Dragon has broken. I'm also somewhat annoyed by the plot forcing me into making bad decisions in previous missions. I decide to let the timer run out and see what happens.
I let 30 minutes elapse and talk to Peter again. The final debriefing is rather unsatisfying; he just says "It's done. The Dark Dragon is gone." It would've been nicer if we found out a little more about what the Dragon's motivation was and whether this was the right choice or not. As is, I didn't get much sense of closure.
Overall
I felt like this story really didn't make sense as presented. There does not seem to be a logical progression from one mission to the next. Currently, each mission has the contact send me to a seemingly random location, hoping something of interest is there. I think the story would be significantly strengthened if each mission naturally followed as a result of clues found in the previous mission.
There are also a lot of dangling plot elements that are introduced, but nothing is ever done with them, so they end up being purely a distraction. Why is it significant that the dragons are in a rock band? What purpose do the Space Pirates serve in the story that the Malta and KoA weren't already handling? Why on earth do we think Dark Dragon would care about a secret submarine base? I mean, if I could use the guitar the musicians gave me to prove to the Dark Dragon that we're nice people and he should stop messing with us, that would be great. As it is, the dragons being in a rock band and space pirates guarding the secret blueprints are just bizarre and distracting. I think you should either add some reason these bizarre elements are present (perhaps as a recurring motif or an important later plot element) or else cut some of them to keep the story more focused.
It's also annoying that the plot mandates that the player and the NPCs make unreasonably bad decisions at certain points, in order to make Dark Dragon's master plan really work. (One specific example is the scripted fight with Scirocco, when both parties should really know better.) This makes the story feel more forced. I'd suggest you try and rewrite Dark Dragon's master plan in such a way that this isn't required.
With the problems I had with the story, I could only give this arc 2 stars. Hope you think that is fair.
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
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I felt like this story really didn't make sense as presented. There does not seem to be a logical progression from one mission to the next. Currently, each mission has the contact send me to a seemingly random location, hoping something of interest is there. I think the story would be significantly strengthened if each mission naturally followed as a result of clues found in the previous mission.
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Well, you're certainly entitled to your opinion. I am a little saddened that you missed so many details, though - like the other parts of Rollister's dialogue. Those are the main clue to start the main plot off, so if you don't read them...yeah, you're not going to have any clue what's going on. And since you missed so many of these clues throughout the arc, I can't say I'm surprised that you felt the missions were random.
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Briefing: Peter Stemitz is the contact and I like how the briefing is trying to convey his personality (err, personalities). The verbiage is a little awkward though. Instead of "Perhaps you know me not. In such case, I should say I know you not; buzz off" maybe "Perhaps you don't know me. In that case, I oughta say I don't know YOU; buzz off!"
Accept prompt: usually this is written as if the player is saying it. So I suggest you change "Yes, you'll be that hero" to "Yes, I'll be that hero".
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That's the way he talks in his regular missions, so I wanted to keep that same feel. It's supposed to sound strange. The accept text is on purpose too. I wanted action responses, not verbal ones. I know most other people go for verbal, which makes it the 'accepted standard', but Pik's red, so you likely got my take on using standards. 
Thanks for catching the typo, though - and the bug with the spawns. Yes, Player's an EB (not AV; tanker AT), so should've spawned as a boss for you on lowest difficulty. Odd. Guess I'll be filing another bug report.
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Puzzlingly, after rescuing the dragons they give me a classic guitar and (apparently) dimensionally warp out of there. Why couldn't they have done that before I got there? Seems like a plot hole.
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Dimensional warp? Where? I don't remember writing any dimensional warp, so I'm somewhat confused as to where you got that from. 
As for guarding Pik, he asks you to guard the information he gave you, not him, hence why Peter insists you can trust him in the debriefing.
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Stemitz does mention "This Dark Dragon sounds like trouble." Huh? No clue or dialog that I saw mentions any Dark Dragon. Appears to be a continuity error.
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That was in Rollister's dialogue.
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Briefing: Contact continues to think we are after someone called Dark Dragon. Since we have no info about Dark Dragon, he wants to send me to the villain respec for no really good reason other than it being a CoT hangout. This mission really needs a better lead-in.
Second part of briefing: there's a great disturbance in the Force between the first part of the briefing and the second part, and Stemitz suddenly can't sense the Thorn Tree any more, and suspects the Dark Dragon. Seems awfully coincidental timing, but okay. I might suggest you have the "Thorn Tree" vanish from magical radar before the mission
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Well, I don't really know of any other place the CoT has enough magic gathered in one place to cover up their archdemon summoning, so very much I think it's a 'good reason' to go there, which is the reason stated in the briefing. If you know of another such place though, do please inform me. I'll consider the Thorn Tree vanishing beforehand, though.
As for the Thorns, the Circle of Thorns is indeed often referred to as just 'the Circle' or 'the Thorns' by in-game contacts. Thanks for the typo again. And yeah, you'd think the Thorns would have a better handle on this, wouldn't you? That's the point.
Oh, and about 'cordite and C-4': neither of those are something you can smell from a distance pre-detonation. The explanation you're looking for is 'Malta uses heavy weapons against their opponents', which is a known fact. It's also an easter egg (like Rollister). Thanks for the info about the clues, though. I placed multiple copies of the optional glowies to make them easier for players to find. Apparently not enough though, as you didn't find the bookcase, which there are more of than the desk. Go figure.
Regarding the TacCom (character limit in clue window) and the Thorn Tree, the explanation you're looking for was in the Thorn's story and the Weedkiller Operative dialogue: the dragon hired them to take out the Thorns around. Yes, it's that simple. The Thorn also told you that the dragon called in Malta, so there's your explanation for the debriefing. I will think about putting in a 'how they did it' for the Tree, though. Didn't feel it was necessary, and I'm still not sure it is. But I'll think about it. And yeah, it's loss is really bad for the Circle and hurts them a lot, even if only temporarily, which is something the villainside respec contacts pretty much hand bells and whistles on in each of the trials.
Regrading the dragon just going home: yep, it's possible. But would you take the chance? Okay, you personally might, but Peter wouldn't. The game portrays him as someone who wants at least some measure of certainty, so I kept him that way. I will think about rearranging the briefing some though, mostly since you missed the reason for going to that particular Malta base, which really is very blatantly stated as Crimson thinking that if Malta has a dragon, than that base is where they'd stash him.
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Inside the mission: for the sake of people who aren't familiar with this map (from the RSF or otherwise) you may want to put something in the mission briefing or mission objectives that they need to go through a door to get to an interior part of the base.
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There are 2 details outside that are very easy to find which inform the player to head through that door.
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Found Sister Hecate, who has some fairly meta dialog wondering why she's just standing around guarding instead of patrolling. If she's the security chief, can't she choose to patrol instead of standing guard?
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Not until the game mechanics support it.
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I got the "Security Code" clue from Sister Hecate. It's described as "You found this code in the satchel." What satchel? None was ever named. Suggest you change to "You found this code on Sister Hecate."
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The satchel is in her defeat text.
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Deeper inside the base, the Malta and KoA give way to a custom faction of Space Pirates apparently hired by the Dark Dragon. I...don't understand why there are Space Pirates here. They haven't been previously mentioned in the story and this mission has no clues, dialog, or other information explaining why there would suddenly be Space Pirates present. The Space Pirates themselves have info stating that the Dark Dragon hired them, but this also seems somewhat unbelievable. They seem to be guarding the safe in the back; the keycode to this was presumably on the KoA boss, so shouldn't the safe be guarded by KoA and not Space Pirates? Anyway, this story element didn't make any sense to me.
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Debriefing: even the contact thinks that Space Pirates are a ludicrous story element.
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Yes, I hung a lampshade. I like lampshades. 
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Inside the safe I find "Arachnos Base Blueprints". In this clue, it says "These are blueprints of a submarine dock....From its location, a skilled navigator could reach any point in the city undetected". I think you are saying that from this base, you can pilot a submarine to, say, Steel Canyon. Is this what you really mean?
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Yes. It's also an easter egg.
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Briefing: the contact is baffled by the plot of this story arc and basically asks me what to do. (I am not kidding.)
Second part of briefing: we somehow decide that Dark Dragon clearly wants to conquer this submarine base from Arachnos, and we can't let that happen. Considering Arachnos is already the arch-enemy of Paragon City, I'm not sure why Dark Dragon controlling this base is any worse, though. And what would a dragon from another dimension want with a submarine base anyway? Seems implausible.
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Hmmm...okay, that is a problem. I'm assuming the player character to be taking a lesser of 2 evils stance, which I really shouldn't be doing. I would say it's common sense to not let the archvillain you're chasing get more resources, but you have a point in asking how that is any worse than Arachnos having the place. I'll have to work on that, thanks.
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I find a glowy that gives me the clue "Message from the Dark Dragon" that basically taunts me for rescuing him. I guess he was shapeshifted into the Base Commander? It was established that dragons can shapeshift in this arc; this is kind of annoying, though, because there is no way for the player to stop this. Also, now I have to kill Scirocco. But why do I have to fight Scirocco, when it seems like we both have a common enemy in the Dark Dragon? Does not really make sense.
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Wanna know something funny? I had that for a while. People complained that it was out-of-character for their heroes to work with someone like Scirocco (criminal, villain, Arachnos top-tier, etc.) on an arc labeled as heroic. So nowadays, his objective is to kill all intruders in the base, which includes you - and yes, he will attack the Malta as well.
I do have a question here, however: what gave you the idea that he knows about the dragon? I don't recall presenting the Malta attack as anything but a Malta attack from his point of view.
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Briefing: contact now tells me that Longbow has tracked the Dark Dragon to a building in Faultline. But....Stemitz and I have been on the Dark Dragon case for 4 entire missions now, how is it that we have had no clue of where the Dark Dragon is, but random Longbow are able to find him? This doesn't make sense to me. I suggest you add some kind of clue to the previous mission that lets the player track down the Dark Dragon.
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I'll think about it. The idea is that Longbow is an organization with a ton of manpower and resources at its disposal, whereas you're just one person (of a few, if you're on a team) - so now that Peter called them, they help by providing intel, just as they often do in the regular game missions.
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The promised "player decision" occurs here. Stemitz exposits that the Dark Dragon has promised to leave in 30 minutes (I think?) but he's broken our laws, so maybe we should beat him up, too. But I need to decide whether to win the mission and catch the Dark Dragon, or not.
Since so far the Dark Dragon has only attacked CoT and Arachnos, I actually am not sure which "laws" the Dark Dragon has broken. I'm also somewhat annoyed by the plot forcing me into making bad decisions in previous missions. I decide to let the timer run out and see what happens.
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Oh, just associating with criminals, conspiracy, the whole attacking other people with gregarious violence thing. Granted, they were villains as well, but the legal system in Paragon does follow ours in that regard. The Citizen Crime Fighting Act doesn't cover that stuff.
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I let 30 minutes elapse and talk to Peter again. The final debriefing is rather unsatisfying; he just says "It's done. The Dark Dragon is gone." It would've been nicer if we found out a little more about what the Dragon's motivation was and whether this was the right choice or not. As is, I didn't get much sense of closure.
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Um...you let the timer expire and expected to be just handed this information? No. For this, you have to fight the end boss. Seriously, you give me all this 'this doesn't make sense' here, and then you want Peter to magic up info out of nowhere? Granted, his is a shaman, but here I'm the one who says 'that makes no sense; how would he know?'.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I don't think I'll be making the clues you missed more obvious (mostly since people tell me they're almost too obvious already), but I will think about addressing some of the details you mentioned - like why Malta is the group specifically used. I do agree that 'what can the big bad do with the base that Arachnos can't?' isn't answered, but should be, so thanks for pointing that out. That really is a plot hole.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
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I am a little saddened that you missed so many details, though - like the other parts of Rollister's dialogue. Those are the main clue to start the main plot off, so if you don't read them...yeah, you're not going to have any clue what's going on. And since you missed so many of these clues throughout the arc, I can't say I'm surprised that you felt the missions were random.
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I am reasonably certain Rollister never mentioned a Dark Dragon within the hearing of my character. I do remember he had some exasperated comment about how they had summoned a bunch of random people from a rock concert though. I'll concede that it is possible that I missed something Rollister said. However, if this is, in fact, the "main clue to start the main plot off", I strongly recommend that you award this as an actual Clue in the clue journal after Rollister's defeat. If you'd like to believe I was simply neglectful of your dialog, that's cool, but bear in mind that if a team does this story arc, it's quite possible the first player to arrive at Rollister will see the dialog and the player bringing up the rear of the team will never see it, and will end up missing a part of your story. If it's important to your plot, add it as a clue.
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I know most other people go for verbal, which makes it the 'accepted standard', but Pik's red, so you likely got my take on using standards.
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Well, certainly you should adhere to your artistic vision. But I do think sticking with the genre conventions will make it easier for you to communicate the story to the people playing through your story, so bear in mind that violating the "accepted standard" may generate confusion in your audience.
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Well, I don't really know of any other place the CoT has enough magic gathered in one place to cover up their archdemon summoning, so very much I think it's a 'good reason' to go there, which is the reason stated in the briefing. If you know of another such place though, do please inform me.
[/ QUOTE ]
Just as a point of fact, the Envoy of Shadows, who I'd argue is the main demon prince the CoT are summoning in the canonical story arcs, does not get summoned at the Thorn Tree. Nor do Baphomet or ARCH-A.
I don't have a problem with your using this map, though; I just feel the player's motivation for going to this particular location needs to be stronger.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Space Pirates apparently hired by the Dark Dragon. I...don't understand why there are Space Pirates here. ... even the contact thinks that Space Pirates are a ludicrous story element.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, I hung a lampshade. I like lampshades.
[/ QUOTE ]
It sounds like your intention is that the Space Pirates should be a joke, but if that's the case, I think you need to work on the delivery. Perhaps you could change the Space Pirates' dialog from their current gibberish to some sort of cynical nod towards the ridiculousness of this plot. Have them say something like, "Hey, it's pretty crazy that we're working for this Dragon, but the Space Pirate business has been slow ever since the Rikti built that hyperspace bypass, and the Dark Dragon's coin looked pretty good." It would still be a pretty silly story element, but at least that way the player would get to share the joke.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Inside the safe I find "Arachnos Base Blueprints". In this clue, it says "These are blueprints of a submarine dock....From its location, a skilled navigator could reach any point in the city undetected". I think you are saying that from this base, you can pilot a submarine to, say, Steel Canyon. Is this what you really mean?
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes. It's also an easter egg.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm not sure you understand what I'm saying. To clarify, I don't think you could navigate a submarine to the inland parts of Paragon City, which is what your clue is implying. I think it would make more sense and still have the meaning you intend if you said it connected to the extensive sewer system, which would allow villains to rapidly infiltrate any neighborhood of the city.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
why do I have to fight Scirocco, when it seems like we both have a common enemy in the Dark Dragon? Does not really make sense.
[/ QUOTE ]
Wanna know something funny? I had that for a while. People complained that it was out-of-character for their heroes to work with someone like Scirocco (criminal, villain, Arachnos top-tier, etc.) on an arc labeled as heroic. So nowadays, his objective is to kill all intruders in the base, which includes you - and yes, he will attack the Malta as well.
I do have a question here, however: what gave you the idea that he knows about the dragon? I don't recall presenting the Malta attack as anything but a Malta attack from his point of view.
[/ QUOTE ]
I hear you on the "damned if you do/damned if you don't" of some people thinking it's dumb to work with Scirocco and other people thinking it's dumb to fight with Scirocco. Unfortunately, this mission seems problematic either way.
You are perhaps correct that Scirocco wouldn't necessarily know about the Dark Dragon, might not realize the significance of the Space Pirates in his base, and might choose to attack the player even if the player has been fighting the Malta invading his base. However, as the player, I shouldn't need to defeat Scirocco as he isn't relevant to the Dark Dragon investigation. Perhaps you could make Scirocco an optional objective? It seems like eluding Scirocco and chasing after the escaped Dark Dragon would be a reasonable course of action.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
how is it that we have had no clue of where the Dark Dragon is, but random Longbow are able to find him?
[/ QUOTE ]
I'll think about it. The idea is that Longbow is an organization with a ton of manpower and resources at its disposal, whereas you're just one person (of a few, if you're on a team) - so now that Peter called them, they help by providing intel
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry, but based on this reasoning, Peter should've called Longbow in the first place; the player was not necessary to the story at all. This may have some real world logic to it, but I feel that making the player irrelevant to the plot really hurts the story. I hope you will consider making the player more important to the plotline; the player should be the protagonist, after all!
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I let 30 minutes elapse and talk to Peter again. The final debriefing is rather unsatisfying; he just says "It's done. The Dark Dragon is gone." It would've been nicer if we found out a little more about what the Dragon's motivation was and whether this was the right choice or not. As is, I didn't get much sense of closure.
[/ QUOTE ]
Um...you let the timer expire and expected to be just handed this information? No. For this, you have to fight the end boss. Seriously, you give me all this 'this doesn't make sense' here, and then you want Peter to magic up info out of nowhere? Granted, his is a shaman, but here I'm the one who says 'that makes no sense; how would he know?'.
[/ QUOTE ]
Excuse me, but your story blurb specifically states "player chosen outcome", and letting the Dark Dragon go is portrayed as a valid choice. What you are saying here is that you don't get a real ending to the story if you take this choice. If you really want the player to get to "choose" what to do here, you should have a detailed ending of your story for both branches of the decision. If you prefer to give all the story in the "catch him" branch and put no story in the "let him go" branch, I think it would be more honest for the story to label the "catch him" branch as the correct decision and "let him go" as failure, instead of claiming that the player has a meaningful decision here.
I'm sorry to sound so adversarial here, but I do hope some of these suggestions help you out. Good luck!
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
No worries, it's cool. Unfortunately, you seem to have misunderstood some of the things I wrote back:
[ QUOTE ]
If you'd like to believe I was simply neglectful of your dialog, that's cool, but bear in mind that if a team does this story arc, it's quite possible the first player to arrive at Rollister will see the dialog and the player bringing up the rear of the team will never see it, and will end up missing a part of your story.
[/ QUOTE ]
Actually, this is not possible. Rollister tells the player of the Dark Dragon during the fight, not before - at 1/2 health, to be specific (I used to have it on defeat, but got some feedback that it didn't feel like it belonged to someone falling over, so I moved it). You really did miss this, I'm sorry.
[ QUOTE ]
Just as a point of fact, the Envoy of Shadows, who I'd argue is the main demon prince the CoT are summoning in the canonical story arcs, does not get summoned at the Thorn Tree. Nor do Baphomet or ARCH-A.
I don't have a problem with your using this map, though; I just feel the player's motivation for going to this particular location needs to be stronger.
[/ QUOTE ]
I wasn't saying that Thorn Isle was the only place the Circle did that stuff. I'm saying it's the only place I know of where they can do so without other people immediately catching on due to the overpowering magic presence of the Thorn Tree, which Peter explicitly states.
If you don't think that's a strong enough reason to motivate an investigation by the player, that's okay; your personal preference. I think it is. It follows logic, context, and common sense.
[ QUOTE ]
It sounds like your intention is that the Space Pirates should be a joke, but if that's the case, I think you need to work on the delivery. Perhaps you could change the Space Pirates' dialog from their current gibberish to some sort of cynical nod towards the ridiculousness of this plot. Have them say something like, "Hey, it's pretty crazy that we're working for this Dragon, but the Space Pirate business has been slow ever since the Rikti built that hyperspace bypass, and the Dark Dragon's coin looked pretty good." It would still be a pretty silly story element, but at least that way the player would get to share the joke.
[/ QUOTE ]
Negative. Their involvement is to cast light on the nonsensical nature of many of Paragon's established villain groups by lampshading a new group via temporary appearance. Doing what you suggested would overpower that. It's an interesting idea, but not what I'm after.
[ QUOTE ]
I'm not sure you understand what I'm saying. To clarify, I don't think you could navigate a submarine to the inland parts of Paragon City, which is what your clue is implying. I think it would make more sense and still have the meaning you intend if you said it connected to the extensive sewer system, which would allow villains to rapidly infiltrate any neighborhood of the city.
[/ QUOTE ]
I do indeed understand what you're saying. I am saying it is so. Paragon City has a ton of underground rivers that do indeed lead to its inland parts. From there, any number of things could be done, from surfacing in lakes and rivers to drilling right up through the ground from the sub, and yes, getting into the sewers. However, I do not feel it necessary to explicitly say so. Players have imagination. I want to stimulate that, not just shoehorn it in somewhere.
[ QUOTE ]
You are perhaps correct that Scirocco wouldn't necessarily know about the Dark Dragon, might not realize the significance of the Space Pirates in his base, and might choose to attack the player even if the player has been fighting the Malta invading his base.
[/ QUOTE ]
Scirocco sees Malta and you. There are no space pirates in the final room. I made sure they did not appear there for exactly that reason. All he sees are Malta and you.
[ QUOTE ]
However, as the player, I shouldn't need to defeat Scirocco as he isn't relevant to the Dark Dragon investigation. Perhaps you could make Scirocco an optional objective? It seems like eluding Scirocco and chasing after the escaped Dark Dragon would be a reasonable course of action.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes you should. You are a hero. You're supposed to arrest people like Scirocco.
Okay, so hero is not necessarily equal to hero, and your character may indeed want to just drop it and let someone else handle the guy. One way or another though, I am forced to make an assumption on the personality of the player hero, and going by the majority staple, when given the opportunity to bring in a notorious, well-known, high-profile villain who has committed a multitude of crimes, most heroes will not ignore him because they happen to be doing something else at the moment.
[ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry, but based on this reasoning, Peter should've called Longbow in the first place; the player was not necessary to the story at all. This may have some real world logic to it, but I feel that making the player irrelevant to the plot really hurts the story. I hope you will consider making the player more important to the plotline; the player should be the protagonist, after all!
[/ QUOTE ]
I don't see how calling for backup to track down the end boss is making the player irrelevant to the story, sorry. I do understand that you'd like the player to be the one doing the tracking down. Unfortunately, I can't just cater to you here. I also have to account for characters who don't have the necessary tracking skills.
[ QUOTE ]
What you are saying here is that you don't get a real ending to the story if you take this choice.
[/ QUOTE ]
Looks like it, as I do consider it a 'real' ending and you don't. The Dark Dragon goes away, your contact isn't sure whether it was the right choice, but near as anyone can tell, it looks like things worked out okay. However, there remains just that smidgen of doubt that won't go away. Personally, I like endings like this because they keep people questioning things a little longer instead of just going 'now it's over, you're done'. I also know that's something not everyone here shares with me, you being one such person. But that's okay. I know I can't please everyone.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
It sounds like you have a very clear vision of how you want your story arc to work. I felt like this vision needed to be more effectively communicated to the player, but as you said, opinions differ.
Thanks for the discussion, and best of luck!
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm all for effective communication with the player...it's just that (no offense) most your suggestions don't strike me as particularly effective. I mean, they would be for you of course, and probably players like you, but for me they would make the story way too straightforward and give it a 'too convenient' feel.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. I realize this happens in comics and stories all the time. Heck, most of the normal game is given in this kind of linearly doled out fashion and demands the unmitigated use of about one and a half brain cells. It's still fun, but now that players can write their own arcs, I want more. Not more stuff, mind you. More questions. More uncertainties, more things to think about, more things that just kind of happen because I like to think that CoH isn't a static world that only 'the usual' ever happens in.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
Hunting the Dark Dragon 2922
Played with a level 50 Fire/Fire blaster, has mostly set IOs in all powers (No purples)
Difficulty setting set at 3
Mission 1
Starts out good. The Circle of Thorns summoned some dragons, who appear to be a rock group from their own fantasy world, which was a mistake made by the Circle. Ok, cool. I set off to rescue the guys and defeat the boss.
The first Dragon I rescue is Rynn. Soon after I find Pik, whose clue doesnt quite make sense, the last sentence is Something he asked you guard as he went for help. He didnt ask me to guard anything, or made any reference to guarding anything.
I soon fought and defeated Rollister (Who kept me in perma hold/stun practically). The clue from Rollister states something about Player, but I never got the chance to rescue him at this point. Perhaps Player should be the first hostage to rescue? He was actually the last one I got.
I know you cant tell a player to go left or right, but Rynn was being held before the tunnel splits off in different directions. I am assuming she is set to front.
Mission 2
Circle of Thorns have summoned the Dragons from under Thorn Isle, due to the power of the Thorn tree, but our contact feels its presence disappear. I am sent to investigate.
First thing I see is Malta
great. Absolute pain in the [censored], but its still a challenge. Throughout the mission, though, The Dark Dragon is referenced, as if I should know who it was. This is the first time I have heard of him. I often asked myself if this whole arc was actually a sequel because it seemed I am missing something I should have known about.
I then vaguely recall the COT saying something about
a world being destroyed
or they need the Dragon to help with something
Good intentions it appears by the COT.
It also appears the Dark Dragon hired the Malta to
destroy the thorn tree? To stop the Circle of Thorns magic?
Other than how the story is progressing, through the clues, dialogue, etc, I see no problems with this mission.
Mission 3
I am now, in Warburg at a Malta base due to a stolen Flier. I never played this map so I never knew I could enter the building in the middle. I did notice the mercenaries dialogue about the door, but never knew I could actually go in it. My mistake, I wouldnt say you need to make it clearer though, nice use of dialogue. Also, a patrol of mercenaries made their way to the flier and jumped on it, like they were investigating it. Pretty cool to watch.
I enter the building, fight a boss and now come across
dun dun duuuun, Space Pirates! I have no idea why they are here, but damn, they look cool. Nice descriptions and powers used. They killed me quite a few times.
I open the safe in the back and find blueprints to secret underground rivers leading to an Arachnos submarine pen? Quite confusing and the story is really starting to get tossed around, like the author isnt quite sure were to go to next. I trudged on.
By this time we are told that the Dark Dragon wants to go back to his world, but wants to make sure no one can summon him back to Earth. It would appear he used the Malta to take out the Circle of Thorns and he used me to take out
Malta?
Mission 4
I am warned that Scirocco might show up, ok
.I dont know why he is involved now, but
I am in an underground cave that leads to an Arachnos submarine pen, pretty cool map. Nothing but Malta in the base though, who say they have been tricked (Why were they in the base?). I see a computer that has a message on the screen, which makes Scirocco show up, asking where the hell all the submarines have gone. He was a push over, never got me past half health.
Though now I truly have no clue where the story is going, or why these things are happening.
Mission 5
The Dark Dragon, who I still have no clue what it is or where it came from (I can assume the COT summoned it, but I couldnt find any proof of it) is now in a building in Faultline and I have 30 mins to find him, the contact thinks its a countdown timer for something.
I am given a choice, to either capture him or let him go. Though at this point I have no sympathy for him so I decided to take him out. Only, in the last room, there are a lot of guys who suddenly agro me all at once. The robots come out, the shadow guys go invisible and I get knocked back to all hell. I revive myself and put the beat down on the Dark Dragon, only he runs down the elevator at a sliver of health left and I am booted from the map. Mission failed. I never got to read his description or the description of the other dragon present in the room. Huge let down. I am left clueless.
Overall, I couldnt decide between 2 or 3 stars to rate this mission. Quite frankly, the story was a mess and seemed more complicated than it needed to be. I think I have an understanding of what happened, but it still doesnt make sense. The only reason I would rate this arc a 3 is due to the first mission and the Space Pirates.
How did the Dark Dragon get summoned with the rock group, or was the rock group an unintentional side effect? I dont quite understand why the Circle was even summoning Dragons in the first place, only that vague sentence about needing to defend a world
or perhaps destroy one. There should be more lead up to him, perhaps a clue about him.
How does the Dark Dragon know about Malta and Arachnos and why does he use me to shut them down? He doesnt want to get his hands dirty or has too much other stuff to do? I suppose I can buy that.
Why are the Space Pirates there? The coolest thing in this arc, seemingly, has no point at all from what I can remember.
The whole thing with Arachnos and Scirocco made no sense to me at all. This is the biggest criticism of mine. How does the Dark Dragon even know about Scirocco? Arachnos was planning a sneak attack
on what? The Dark Dragon tricked me into stopping this attack? Wha
? What did he do with the submarines?
I suppose I can look past everything and say It may not make sense, but its what happened, but I cant get past why Arachnos was ever involved.
Although after writing this, I believe I will end up giving the arc three stars. It just looks like this arc is a rough draft, and the end was kind of a shrug of shoulders, as if to say, oh well.
Hmm...looks like I really do need to put some more clues in the first mission. Apparently, Rollister just isn't enough of a blabbermouth. If you recall his dialogue as saying "something about
a world being destroyed
or they need the Dragon to help with something" instead of that the Circle will be destroyed unless they can stop the Dark Dragon, I guess I have to admit that it's too subtle a hint.
[ QUOTE ]
It would appear he used the Malta to take out the Circle of Thorns and he used me to take out
Malta?
[/ QUOTE ]
Interesting that you figured this out by mission 3. Most people don't until 4. I think I might have to bury that a little deeper.
[ QUOTE ]
who say they have been tricked (Why were they in the base?)
[/ QUOTE ]
Wait, Malta saying they've been tricked? That's...odd. I put that in mission 5, not 4. I'll have a look at this, thanks. As for why they're there: they're the ones attacking the base. Regarding Arachnos, your contact explained their involvement in mission 4's debriefing: Scirocco and his Mu Mystics are evil mages comparable to the CoT, and the Dark Dragon's objective was to remove and/or disincentivize the main groups of evil mages who could summon him again.
[ QUOTE ]
How does the Dark Dragon even know about Scirocco?
[/ QUOTE ]
Um...he reads the paper? I dunno. Scirocco is an infamous archvillain known to most people in the game, so I didn't feel that warranted explanation. You think it's necessary?
[ QUOTE ]
Arachnos was planning a sneak attack
on what?
[/ QUOTE ]
Okay, here I have to say "Paragon City - duh". Seriously, it's the only place they ever attack, so where else would it be? I even wrote 'on Paragon' into the clues twice.
Still, thanks for your feedback.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
Hmm...looks like I really do need to put some more clues in the first mission. Apparently, Rollister just isn't enough of a blabbermouth.
[/ QUOTE ]
Whatever dialouge text there was, it was spammed away too quickly and forgotten about while I was reading the clue. I would think a clue about the Dark Dragon would be less confusing than trying to catch what Rollister said while trying to fight him.
[ QUOTE ]
Wait, Malta saying they've been tricked? That's...odd. I put that in mission 5, not 4
[/ QUOTE ]
Hmmm, perhaps it was mission 5. I remember trying not to die fighting a boss while reading the dialogue.
If so, then that makes more sense. Malta now sees they've been had and are retaliating for it.
[ QUOTE ]
Okay, here I have to say "Paragon City - duh". Seriously, it's the only place they ever attack, so where else would it be? I even wrote 'on Paragon' into the clues twice
[/ QUOTE ]
Hmmm, then would the Arachnos attack just be a coincidence? Paragon is huge.
Or was that also a part of the Dark Dragons plans, to get Scirocco out in the open so I could defeat him?
If that is how it was supposed to be portrayed, I didn't catch on. I suppose I was already too confused to actually retain even more story.
[ QUOTE ]
Um...he reads the paper? I dunno. Scirocco is an infamous archvillain known to most people in the game, so I didn't feel that warranted explanation. You think it's necessary?
[/ QUOTE ]
I know about him, but how would the Dark Dragon know about him?
I think in the first or second mission there is some text talking about how the Dragons used to live in this world, only they are shape shifted so we don't know. They left this world due to...persecution or something? Now they live in their fantasy world full of other creatures who see everyone as the same, not different.
If I am supposed to be clued in on the fact the Dark Dragon himself used to reside on this world, and therefore knows all the biggest magic users, I wasn't.
But I now see your intent was to make me ask questions and be confused, I guess your arc does what you want it to do. I bumped up the rating for it.
You asked for Feedback on "This is War, Part I - the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz". You asked for some specific feedback about the ending, but since I took notes when I was playing it, I figured I'd give you as much as I could.
Typos
In the mission return text on the first mission, "ignore" is misspelled, and in the same place on the third mission, "already" is misspelled.
Minor Constructive Criticism
There are at least two times that you say something like "you heard that correctly" or "that is correct", and then repeat the last sentence. I'd only use it once in a given arc, or it feels repetitive.
I know that Dra'gon is optional, but since he can make short work of Serpent Drummer, and he can spawn right in your path on the way out, I'd make Serpent Drummer not be an escort. Nothing is more frustrating than the stupid AI escort running in to its death and failing the mission for you.
Why no dialogue from the Riders? I can understand if you've reached max file size, but if not, I'd suggest adding some.
You may just consider this personal preference, but I'm not a fan of meta-game terms being used in-game. The clue about the "Brute" is something I'd change. I'd just call him a villain, or a tough villain, or something else instead of using a meta-game term.
Confusion
Cher'tak claims he is loyal to the Lineage of War when he's an ally of mine facing the Riders. Aren't they the bad guys that want to destroy Earth? What am I missing there?
One of the Rikti on your side twice displays an "unseen smirk". First, I don't think the Rikti have mouths, though that could just be me missing some other form of mouth since they can't open or move in CoH. Second, if it's unseen, how did I see it? If you're trying to imply a "tone of thought" to what he's saying, I'd describe it as such. I figured you meant to show his eagerness for battle, but I thought it might have been intended to tell the player (but not the character) that he was hiding something or was going to betray me.
Amusement
I loved the bit with the Malta guy carrying the explosives. Nice one.
Specific feedback about the end text
I don't remember the exact text anymore, but I'd say one of two things:
If the thing looks like a Nemesis Automaton, but you intend to have a surprise in a later mission that it's something else, then go with Nemesis Automaton. Don't have Lady Grey muse about it being something else.
OR
If Lady Grey really thinks it could be something else, then assume the character isn't sure either. Don't flat out call it a Nemesis Automaton, simply present that as a possibility. (Nemesis automatons are pretty distinct, so you'd have to imply it could be some new version)
As for the "I'm glad that's over" feeling, I'd have to read the text again to give you something constructive there, and I'd rather not have to run the whole thing again just to read it. Can you PM me the end text, please?
Please try my custom mission arcs!
Legacy of a Rogue (ID 459586, Entry for Dr. Aeon's Third Challenge)
Death for Dollars! (ID 1050)
Dr. Duplicate's Dastardly Dare (ID 1218)
Win the Past, Own the Future (ID 1429)