Steelclaw's Guide to Protective Parenting
By
Crime_of_Fashion,
Posted on: 2008-04-24 09:01 in Player Guides
This is the best guide any parent could have. Lighthouse or Ex should give this its own sticky and put it in the Guide to Guides, both!
My son will be turning one next month, and I already have fears of what his Internet life will be like. I hope that CoX is still around in 5 to six years so that he can play it with me. If it isn't, I am sure I will be able to take your advice here and use it on whatever game we end up playing together.
Thank you again for a great guide. It is a must read for every parent out there!
I was really impressed by this. Smart. Very smart.
It is critical that you pay attention at this time.
Gaming in Limited Times
Guide to Plant/Ice Doms
[ QUOTE ]
Capt Random Man: Hey, we should totally hook up some time. I live in New Yucks, where are you from?
Daughter Girl: I was born on Pluto, but now I live at the North Pole with Santa, protecting the elves.
Capt Random Man: I meant in real life.
Daughter Girl: I cant tell you. Santa doesnt like visitors.
[/ QUOTE ]
Ha! Brilliant. 
/em salute
As a guy in a stable relationship with a loving women who also plays COX I love this guide. We are looking at bringing small people into our lives in the near future.
Your guide is a good bench mark for all parents, and would be parents on what to keep an eye out for.
Crime of Fashion Level 50 Rad/Rad Corrupter
My Toons
My Rad/Rad Corrupters Guide
Mindscape - Reworking
my kids are still too young to play the game, but they love to create the costumes. I have 2 servers dedicated to just my kids toons. They make the costumes and I will lvl them to 2. Then that toon is pretty much done heh.
I do have a friend that lets her kids play tho. She only lets them team with people from her friends list. That way she can control who her kids interact with. I think that is a pretty good idea. When my kids are old enough to play as well I will probably use that as one of my rules as well.
It is more restrictive, but it allows for teams and more peace of mind.
Warlord: You are looking at a man that can run you through with this sword without batting an eye.
Monk: You are looking at a man who can be run through with that sword without batting an eye.
--old Korean folk tale
Great stuff here Steelclaw. My little one is only 3, but hopefully someday I can share the joy of gaming with her. 
Make a man a fire and keep him warm for the day, SET a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.
Incarnates: K'lir(Fire/Dark Corr):Hot-House Flower(Plant/Fire Dom):Kinrad X(Kin/Rad Def):Itsy-Bitsy Spider(Crab):Two Ton Tony(Mace/WP Broot):Teeny Weeny Widow(Fortunata/Widow) : Zeroth Law (Ice/Fire Tank)
[ QUOTE ]
my kids are still too young to play the game, but they love to create the costumes. I have 2 servers dedicated to just my kids toons. They make the costumes and I will lvl them to 2. Then that toon is pretty much done heh.
I do have a friend that lets her kids play tho. She only lets them team with people from her friends list. That way she can control who her kids interact with. I think that is a pretty good idea. When my kids are old enough to play as well I will probably use that as one of my rules as well.
It is more restrictive, but it allows for teams and more peace of mind.
[/ QUOTE ]
My daughter is the costume designer of our family. She will literally stay in the character creator for hours on end until everything is absolutely perfect. Her characters rarely get any higher than 8th level before she deletes it to make room for another toon.
Having a restricted number of friends with whom they can play is a great idea. Another good one is to create an SG yourself and make sure every person who joins is either someone you know or approve. If everyone in the SG understands they are playing with a kid, then you have neatly defeated the concern of strangers having access to your child.
Now you just have to worry about the SG-mates charging you baby sitting fees and cleaning out your refridgerator.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
I'm all for playing with your kids. I think that playing games with your family is a great way to build on the typical parent/child relationship. In addition to a parent, you become a friend. You show your kids that you see them as people instead of responsibilities or objects, and while playing the game you approach them on equal footing rather than as adult and child.
That being said, it's necessary to trust your child to make responsible decisions before you allow them to play games on the internet without supervision. If your child is not mature enough to make good social choices, then they are not mature enough to contribute anything of value to the community when you're not around.
Like respect, mistrust is a two-way street. If you feel the need to be overprotective, you should seriously question whether your child should be involved in the activity in question at all.
This Guide is intended for those of us who have children that play the City of Heroes games. Whether they only play with you in a team environment or they play the game on line alone, here are some helpful hints to keep them safe while still having a blast on this game we all love. These thoughts are primarily directed towards City of Heroes/Villains but can be applied to the internet in general as well.
FIRST OF ALL
On every box of City of ever sold, on the splash screen every time you start the game, there is a small white square with a big black T in the middle of it. One thing we need to keep in mind as parents is that this game is recommended for teens and above. This is not to say that younger kids cant enjoy it, just that we, as parents, need to keep in mind that content is directed at an older audience.
Another thing you have to be mindful of is that this is a MMORPG. Strangers will have access to your kids through chat channels. Most of these people are in the game to have a good time and will treat the younger heroes and villains with respect and good humor. However, there are predators in every ecosystem, and giving your kids the tools to keep safe is an expression of love and good parenting.
So, keeping these two things foremost in our minds, how do we go about educating our rookie super-beings in protecting themselves?
ITS A JUNGLE OUT THERE
The first thing we need to talk about are the predators. In the wild, lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) dont just lay around their dens waiting for their prey to come to them. They find a nice watering hole where all the tidbits are likely to gather. I have sat down and explained this to my kids. I have told them that just because someone they meet on line says that they are 12 years old and from the same town as them; it does not mean they are telling the truth.
A lot of people get nervous about this; they say they dont want to scare their kids. Well, I Do. I want my kids to be very nervous about who they talk to and what information they share. Fear is natures self-defense technique and its a heck of a lot more effective than karate.
When I first set my kids down to let them play, I laid out a few basic ground rules. The first and foremost of these rules was: Dont tell anyone anything. I explained that if I ever caught them giving out their real names, real age or real address/phone number while on line their computer time would be revoked. Period. No discussion or argument allowed; automatically waived their right to Counsel.
This is a big one. Admittedly the way they talk to others on line with grammar, spelling and so on, are pretty good indicators of a younger age, but not conclusive. The way I explained it to them was that the best defensive power for any kid on the internet is that of invisibility. The bad guys cant get you if they cant see you.
Which brings me to the next point.
PRIVILEGE VERSUS RIGHT
No one wants to be the bad guy. Well, except for those City of Villains enthusiasts out there. You really dont want to lower the hammer on your own kid, but sometimes it is necessary. One of the things I made clear to my kids when I let them play is that their computer time was not a right.
Thats important, so lets say that again. Even if the computer is in the kids room and they are the only one who uses it; playing City of Heroes is a privilege that can be taken away. They may cry, rant and rave about it and likely will. My daughter, in particular, loves to use the argument but my super group is running a task force tomorrow! Theyll be mad at me!
Then I guess you shouldnt have told that hero under Atlas your real name.
Rules and Consequences for breaking those rules should be agreed to before they play. I dont care for arbitrary punishment. We dont want to breed resentment here, especially over a game that is supposed to be fun. Let them know what you expect of them and what will happen if they miss those expectations. I personally have them written down on a list next to the computer, but you dont have to be that obsessive. I tell them that if they break the rules, they lose CoH/V time. The number of weeks lost depends on the nature of the transgression.
WARNING: CONTENT UNDER PRESSURE
Next we need to worry about the games content. We already covered that this is geared towards a teen-age player. Now, if your child is younger than that, then you have to consider whether or not you want them reading/experiencing some of the mission matter. There are two ways to accomplish this.
First and by far the better option: Play The Game. Heck, youre introducing them to the game because you love it, this should be easy! Missions and contacts are generally organized in 5 or 10 level lumps. I strongly suggest your character be at least 15 or 20 levels ahead of your kids, giving you a chance to at least get an idea of the stories available before they get there. This is a game about heroes and villains; so evil sneaks in there frequently as evil is wont to do.
On the other hand, we are adults and we have responsibilities that keep us from playing 24/7. For those of you who simply cant dedicate the time to keep ahead of your budding comic book characters, there are on line sources that can give you a pretty good plot summary for each arc or task-force. Paragon Wiki is my favorite. Also, use the forums as a tool! Since I have started playing and posting, I have always found the people here in the forums to be extremely helpful and willing to answer my questions. If you are unsure of whether or not you want your kids to play through 40th level villain content, post your concern in the Player Questions forum.
EVEN FF DEFENDERS DONT LIVE IN A BUBBLE
Your kids will not be playing alone, even if they solo all the time. There are other players in the game and spammers lurk like cockroaches. This one was a big concern for me, because my daughter, much to my eternal discomfort, is one of the ones who hang around under Atlas and chat with others.
Now, I could lower the hammer and demand she run solo missions, never talk to anyone and avoid super groups like the plague, but thats one of those arbitrary rules I dont like. She loves talking to people; telling them she likes their costume or name, doing dance emotes with them and generally being social. Instead of playing the dictator, I said she could do all that, but she had to do it in character.
Kids use their imagination a whole lot more than we do as adults. Role playing for them is practically second nature. I tell mine that they can converse with anyone they want, team some missions, compare fashion notes, but they have to do it as their hero when it comes to personal information. It actually has led to some interesting and amusing conversations.
Capt Random Man: Hey, we should totally hook up some time. I live in New Yucks, where are you from?
Daughter Girl: I was born on Pluto, but now I live at the North Pole with Santa, protecting the elves.
Capt Random Man: I meant in real life.
Daughter Girl: I cant tell you. Santa doesnt like visitors.
If your kids are always responding like the hero or villain they are playing, it not only protects them, it makes it more fun for them. There are problems with this however. Any game where people are role playing together will have those players who want to play a scene of a more risqué nature. It is a bit more difficult to protect them from this since some of these players feel the need to play on local or broadcast.
The first thing I do is make sure all the naughtiness filters are On. This is easy, since they are on by default and need to be manually switched to off. It does lead to awkward questions though. Hey Dad they just said they think Barbie the Barbarian is pretty and they want to <Bleep!> her. What does that mean?
They want to honk her nose, dear.
Basically I tell my kids that they do not have to play with someone if they dont want. If the other person is saying things that either confuse or make them angry, I tell them to leave. I have made sure that my kids know exactly how to use the /ignore feature.
Another thing to teach your kids is how to use the delete button on the email tab. There are two ways to handle emails; deletion and accumulation. With deletion you should tell your kids that if they do not recognize the name, they should not read it, just click on delete. You will also need to be very firm about telling them to never, never, neh-vah follow a link provided in an email. If they absolutely MUST know what is on the web site their SG mate sent to them then you can take a look at it first and give it the okay before they do.
The accumulation method is a bit more authoritarian but also works. It simply states: Do not access email ever. I dont care if the word is red and the E is jumping up and down screaming You have effing mail at the top of its lungs. Do Not Click It. This works better for protecting your kids, but can cause some friction and resentment down the road. I use and recommend the first option.
YOUR KIDS TRUST FUND
I do not recommend hovering. No, I am not talking about the Flight power pool ability. What I mean is I dont recommend you standing behind your kids as they play, every time they play. First of all, your older kids will immediately interpret this as you not trusting them. You, in turn, will respond that if they werent doing something wrong then they shouldnt mind you watching. And before you know it, youre turning into an after-school special.
The first few times they play you will have to hover. They will have a million questions and will need your input. I dont know about your kids, but mine seem to be allergic to actually reading instructions. They will run through the tutorial, get the whole laundry list of how to attack a bad guy from the police contact, then inevitably Dad.. it keeps telling me that its out of range. What does that mean?
It means youre trying to punch that guy 100 yards away instead of the one standing right in front of you, son.
That would be a COOL power! How come they dont have stretchy arms?
Welcome to the forum, son.
After the initial confusion fades though, they will be off and running and you should quietly bow out. You need to trust them to make the right decisions. There are two methods I use to give me an in as they venture out on their own.
First, I take full advantage of that learning process. While I am teaching them how to run, jump and blast, I slip in the lessons on how to keep safe from people other than the computer run ones. I strongly suggest doing this in a clear, straight-forward dialogue. Trying to teach your kids subliminally rarely works, in my opinion. I find the if you do this then you will lose that works much better than drugs are bad, mkay.
At this time I also give my kids the reasons for the rules. I dont just lay down the punishment. I tell them, in general terms, that there are bad people out there who would take advantage of them if they could. I say the rules are armor and shield against these people. My son, at this point, says a sword would be much cooler than dull old armor. I suggested a scrapper.
The second method I use to keep me in the loop is enthusiasm. You love this game. Hopefully your kids will love it too. As any parent knows, if your kid loves something, they will talk your ear off about it. Both ears. Then go for the gray matter once the ears are gone. Use this to your advantage!
I know you will reach times when you want to scream enough is enough already! Especially when they yell for you across the house to come see their newest discovery only to find out they are amazed at how easily their 10th level scrapper can mow down 1st level Hellions. (Thats my sons thing.) Or to see how pretty the new costume theyve been slaving over for 3 hours in the character creator is. (daughter) No matter how much you want to roll your eyes and explain how you were doing something important at the top of your lungs; dont.
They are communicating with you. They are keeping you in the information loop. A kid who feels comfortable showing you how high they can get their hero to jump from a stand still while swimming in water will also ask for help when someone says something to them in-game they dont understand. If you sever those lines of communication with your kid because you have better things to do then you are not doing your best as a parent to protect them.
THE END-MISSION REWARD
I have found playing CoH/V with my kids to be rewarding and a whole lot of fun. A great side benefit of it is the dialogue it starts. Talks about City of have branched off into discussions about real life heroes and villains and real-world history. We have discussed the possibility of alien cultures, the workings of the legal system and a multitude of other topics.
Its a great game. And with just a little effort, our kids can enjoy it too. Just remember:
1) Clearly state the rules and punishments for violating them.
2) Always answer personal questions as the character they are playing.
3) If they dont like or understand what someone is saying; they can walk away.
4) /Ignore is their friend.
5) Never follow a link from an email. Delete emails from those they dont know.
6) Maintain your and their enthusiasm for sharing the game with each other.
Its all part of parenting. We do the best we can to give them the tools they need to survive, then step back and secretly get the cushions ready in case they fall. As a parent it terrifies me to see them walking towards what I perceive to be a roof ledge. But sometimes they surprise you. And its such a wonder to see them step off the ledge, spread their wings and Fly.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw