Short stories I wrote for class.
By
Billyboy,
Posted on: 2006-10-01 19:56 in Multi-Media Fan Creations
Not bad! Have you ever considered joining up in the roleplaying forums?
I really like roleplaying a character but I don't think I'm on regularly enough to follow a RP thread.
Maybe I'll check them out though.
Are we allowed to make suggestions and such?
Scarf_Girl�s Official Kid Brother!
Yes please. Sorry I hadn't said so before.
So you're in high school?
I really like the character name.
The Alt Alphabet ~ OPC: Other People's Characters ~ Terrific Screenshots of Cool ~ Superhero Fiction
[ QUOTE ]
The gravel shifted under the feet of three gargantuan thugs, arms thicker then tree trunks and piercing eyes looking through the opening of black ski masks. It was pitch black on the rooftop of The First National
[/ QUOTE ]
The bolded parts is a repetition....Maybe you could exchange the first black for dark, or the 'pitch black' for something else...
[ QUOTE ]
air , shaking the windows of the surrounding skyscrapers and sending a cloud of dust high into the air.
[/ QUOTE ]
'Nother repetition...maybe something like "A loud blast rang through the silent city" or "...Dust high into the night"
[ QUOTE ]
As he [u]floated[u] down silently
[/ QUOTE ]
The word 'Floated' makes it sound like he is just drifting down peacefully as a feather would or a leaf. Maybe a word like 'rocketed' or 'flew'.
[ QUOTE ]
Steel let out a sigh as he looked down at the crooks slumped together then up to the old man and thought, People just dont appreciate anything.
He walked to the roofs edge, turned to the old man, who marveled at Steels great wings, and said, Phone the police.
[/ QUOTE ]
It may be just me, or your writing style, but the quotes should be on the same line as 'thought' and 'said'. (I think)
Those are the only things I found...Your descriptions for the most part are fantabulous and I love how you said this sentance: [ QUOTE ]
Unbeknownst to the hooligans, Steel Hawk sat perched high above them, watching patiently in his high tech armor, wings drawn, preparing for the perfect moment to strike.
[/ QUOTE ]
Scarf_Girl�s Official Kid Brother!
First <. .> I'll state that I'm absolutely giddy that someone has posted prose on the forum. >,< I'd hug you, but I'm a guy and I have this distinct suspicion that would creep you out <@.@> So I shall refrain! I'll put my opinions in red <^-^> remember, they're just opinions and suggestions! Also, remember <,< that even though I re-write sections to give you an idea; the goal is just to give you ideas <@_@>; Try not to use EXACTLY what I write unless it really really strikes your fancy; I'm just trying to toss out ideas (plus its my best method of explaining what I'm thinking <~_~>
Night Hunting
The gravel shifted under the feet of three gargantuan thugs, arms thicker then tree trunks and piercing eyes looking through the opening of black ski masks. It was pitch black on the rooftop of The First National bank except for their flashlight beams which lit their scheme. - This paragraph isn't bad; but it feels awkward. Your descriptions aren't bad, its the order (among other things). Here's some examples of what I mean:
[color= red]"The gravel shifted under the feet of the three gargatuan thugs, arms thicker than tree trunks and piercing eyes looking through the opening of black ski masks."
This is kinda a run-on sentence... more importantly, while you have several bits of good description in here; it gets lost in the phrasing. It needs to be broken up into more managable sentences <@_@> Here's how!
"Three massive shapes strode across the rooftop, gravel crunching with each step. Menacing eyes peered from beneath dark ski masks scanning the area, while thick muscled limbs worked with surprising deftness." - Gets the same ideas across; But its a bit easier to read.
You shouldn't repeat "black" so quickly either - "Pitch black" for the night, or "black" for the masks (I recommend for the masks - all you have to do is say its night and people get the impression that its dark!). Otherwise you bored the audience! Use a Thesaurus wherever possible to avoid repeating words very often; its hard, but very important (Developing your vocabulary is one of the critical things in writing!) [/color]
"It was pitch back on the rooftop of the First National Bank, except their flashlight beams, which lit their scheme." - I think this is just overly complicated. Its good in concept; but it can be cut down! "Only the thug's flashlights allowed any visibility."
[color= red]Concievably you might be able to ditch the sentence altogether. [/color]
Unbeknownst to the hooligans, Steel Hawk sat perched high above them, watching patiently in his high tech armor, wings drawn, preparing for the perfect moment to strike. [color= red]- One problem here is, you've shifted perspective! Generally that's not a good idea unless you are changing chapters. It can get very confusing for the audience! So... you have 2 big options here! 1) Integrate this paragraph with the first, so that Steel Hawk is already watching them (and tell it from his perspective); or 2) (My suggestion) Keep following the thugs, but hint that he's there. He'll show up and be plenty cool when he makes his full appearance <^,~>
Anyways, my suggestion: "Above the would-be bank robbers, a form shifted in the darkness. One of the men scanned the sky nervously, but gave up after only a moment. It's just my imagination."[/color]
Suddenly a loud blast rang through the air, shaking the windows of the surrounding skyscrapers and sending a cloud of dust high into the air. Through the newly created hole the crooks readied themselves for entry into the bank. [color= red]- Mkay, here's the problem here... you never mention them getting themselves away from where they planted the charge! Or that that's what they're working on! - That's not too hard to fix though <^,~> And it's a good chance to use dialogue (which is important!)
Here's how I'd do it:
First; a basic description: "The shortest of the bunch finished his work, and signaled the other two."
Then - A tiny bit of dialogue!
"Ok, Mikey you got the detonator right?"
"Yeah, yah I gots it."
"Good, lets get behind that stair well."
- Why dialogue for expendable thugs? It reminds the audience they're still people and makes things a bit more exciting. It also lets you direct them exactly where you want them to be without having to use a ton of description. (Description can be great, but overused it gets dull!)
So in full:
The shortest of the bunch finished his work, and signaled the other two.
"Ok, Mikey, you got the detonator right?"
"Yeah, ya I gots it."
"Good, lets get behind that stair well."
Ten seconds, and a massive explosion later, the trio prepared to rapell directly into the bank vault. - I added this bit just to clean up your original idea. It was good, but needed specification!
Note that you don't always need a "He said" "She said" either - it depends on how many people are actively participating in the conversation; when its just two people, the back and forth becomes pretty plain to see and 'He said" "she said" gets very slow! <@.@>[/color]
Now, through the dust and confusion, Steel Hawk launched his assault. [color= red] - Good, but you've shifted tense! <o.o> Steel Hawk has gone from the present (Now), to attacking the past (launched).
Solution: Drop "now". Its just not needed ^^ "Through the dust and confusion" works perfectly on its own. Also, I recommend re-writing this line into a whole paragraph. The reason? You want to describe Steel Hawk decending on them; much as you do in the next paragraph. They shouldn't really be seperate to be honest. The other thing, of course, is going to depend on who you decided to open with. If you started with the Thugs - you're going to want to make Steel Hawk a sort of "batman" to them - Ie: at first at least, they don't know where he's at, and that's going to scare the living crap out of them! If you start with Steel Hawk, you're going to want him to be tracking them meticulously; every move already thought out three steps in advance.[/color]
As he floated down silently, Steel drew in his large metal wings, quickening his descent. He clenched his fist tightly and struck one of the brutes in his great square jaw with such a force, he sailed through the air into a second, incapacitating them both. They slumped over top each other in unnatural positions. Grasping one of the unconscious villains by the scuff of his shirt, he easily tossed him at the remaining thug, who was now franticly racing towards the fire escape. The throw was so powerful it knocked him off his feet where he hit his head on an air conditioner, rendering him unconscious as well. [color= red] - Use the advice I mentioned above this. This goes together with the previous sentence. [/color]
Just then, as Steel was binding the crooks hands and feet, an elderly Yiddish man emerged from the window of an adjacent building. [color= red]- Main thing don't use "Just then"; drop it and go with "As Steel was binding the crooks" (you don't need to specify their hands and feet - use the readers imagination for your own ends <^,~>.
Now, here's the only complaint I have with the part - how do we know the old guy is Yiddish? <o.@> Does he have a yamulka and forelocks? (If so, describe em!); rather than say he's "an elderly yiddish man" describe him as "an older man" - and then use his dialogue and description to make the reader think "Oh, he's an old Jewish guy". [/color]
Eh! Whats with all the racket, ya crazy metal bird? he shouted down.
Steel let out a sigh as he looked down at the crooks slumped together then up to the old man and thought
People just dont appreciate anything.
He walked to the roofs edge, turned to the old man, who marveled at Steels great wings, and said
Phone the police.
And with that Steel Hawk leapt from the roofs edge, silently disappearing into the night.
[color= red]Overall I like the story <^_^> I think you have some good things going. The BIG thing you need to work on is a concept called "Show, don't tell". The concept is this; Show people the details, show them the environment, but where you can avoid it, don't just tell them things about characters.
What I mean is - if you have a character who's a total jackass - don't tell them "Jim was a jerk."
Instead, make Jim ACT like a jerk - and let them draw their own conclusions. (Hence what I mentioned about the elderly yiddish man)
Other than that its mostly about practice, and lots of it <^-^>m If you want ALOT of practice, give this a try... www.nanowrimo.org - it starts in November <@_@> its fun! <^.^> (I do it!)
Oh, and as for keeping thing within the amount of space you are allowed to use - here's a big thing too.
Stephen King's advice is "Kill your darlings" - what that means is this - say you've got this enormous paragraph y ou just love - but its huge, and it really doesn't mean a whole lot to the story; its just a grandiose explanation of something simple.
Kill it. Don't let it hog your space!
Thus - if you run out of space trying to cram your entire story in, the first thing you should drop is the very end. After Steel Hawk ties them up - its all gravy; so if you find yourself incapable of fitting the end in there, while making the rest of the story meatier - drop that part with the old Yiddish guy.
^^m I hope this helped! You did good <^o^>m (And remember >_< all of this is just one guy's opinion <,<[/color]
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
I should have mentioned as well that I only had what was left of a class to write it (I think it was about 40 minutes).
I never know how to end my stories so they always seem like I just threw something on there to make the teacher happy.(that's definitly not what happened with this at all. 
)
I really need to work on my dialogue though. It seems wooden when I write it so I usually just avoid it.
I can post another story I wrote for a test, obviously it was really rushed cause it was a test but I'd like some feed back on it.
<._.>; well now I feel like [censored]. 40 minutes? <~.~> oi; that wouldn't be easy.
So uhhh...
...
...
$^#@.
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
Noooooo lol mist (whos name until having looked at it more I've always thoguht was misinformedsquirrel)
It's cool and your suggestions will really help me alot in future writing.
(test)
The assignment for this one was to write a sequal to a story we had previously read. ( It was a guy talking to his friend, asking for forgiveness. Then it turns put he's talking to his grave, he had killed his friend in a drinking and driving accident 1 year earlier)
Snow fell onto Doug's thin, wiry
Here, I'll post the one story from the test and another 40 minute one.
(test)
The assignment for this one was to write a sequal to a story we had previously read. ( It was a guy talking to his friend, asking for forgiveness. Then it turns put he's talking to his grave, he had killed his friend in a drinking and driving accident 1 year earlier)
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Snow fell onto Doug's thin, wiry hair. Clutching his overcoat to his neck, he breathed in deeply."Hey Joey. Merry Christmas."
As he knelt down, Doug ran is fingers across Joe's name. The granite was icy cold and sent a shiver through his fingers.
Rising to his feet, he nearvously pawed at the snow beneath him.
"Maddy and I are getting married in the spring" looking up at the overcast sky, he sighed deeply." I'm sorry Joe. She was so upset after the accident. Someone needed to comfort her."
Doug rested a tiny pink envelope against Joe's marker. A hint of light broke through the clouds and made the gold lettering across the front shine brightly. It read "Douglas and Madeline, May 1st."
Slowly Doug rose to his feet once more and began to walk away, Hands gripped tightly in his pockets and a tear frozen to his face.
------------------------------------------
Any help with this one?
The other is coming soon.
Sorry these stories don't have anything to do with superheroes. I just need help with'em
Here's another 40 minute one I did. I hate the ending to this one.
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A cold wind bit Jonathon's face as he lay flat out on the ruins of a church bell tower.
Shouts of anger cried out all around him but all he could hear was the slow, controlled beating of his own heart. The war was dangerous for everyone but a sniper was a sitting duck.
Back home, in the back of speakeasys, John was an ace card player. Champion of the storerooms, he had won more greenbacks off of the toughs then any other patron.
But here, all the way across the Atlantic, thinking you were lucky could mean you were cocky. Being cocky could get you killed.
The only thing keeping him alive was his corpse like stillness. Any sudden movement, no matter how slight, and he was done for. The same fate destined for the enemy snipers waiting, watching among the gunfire and sweat.
There. In the mill. Was it movement?
If he takes the shot he may seal his fate.
Though if he doesn't..........
The outcome may not be what he wants.
The odds stacked against him, dare he take the gamble.
Not bad at all actually.
Tho' if your teacher wants a POLISHED story in 40 minutes... yargh! More than likely what's required is a good 'draft', which then can be run through the editorial wringer, much like we're helping you with, right here.
"City of Heroes. April 27, 2004 - August 31, 2012. Obliterated not with a weapon of mass destruction, not by an all-powerful supervillain... but by a cold-hearted and cowardly corporate suck-up."
These are what she's accepted and given me from 90-100% on.( except for the first story I posted. That hasn't been marked yet.) I think it may just be to get us writting again after the summer months.
Sweet.
Here's a strategy that works for me really well.
Quick Outline of Plot Elements
Write "Main" prose - action, mood, really important dialogue. Make it simple and direct. Check for grammar here.
Flesh out the story - add character details, rewrite sections that don't 'flow' or fit the mood, add incidental dialogue. Try and maintain the same 'tense' as what you already have in place.
It's the writing equivalent of an artist starting a portrait by sketching circles and rough guides, the adding in details to turn the rough sketch into a finished piece. Along the way you can see what it's GOING to look like... and it can still be critiqued as a complete concept even tho' it's not finished.
"City of Heroes. April 27, 2004 - August 31, 2012. Obliterated not with a weapon of mass destruction, not by an all-powerful supervillain... but by a cold-hearted and cowardly corporate suck-up."
I still think this post should be in the roleplay forum.
RETRACKED!
...actually I disagree...the written word is as much a form of art as an actual drawing. the difference being the medium used to "paint the picture" as it were. now if it was dialog between members here...then I could see it being more a roleplaying thing...short stand alone stories....naah...these are works of art. you just have to read them to see the picture is all.....~
...the sword is truth...
~whiteperegrine~
Hmmm I retrack my previous statement keep em here!
[ QUOTE ]
...actually I disagree...the written word is as much a form of art as an actual drawing. the difference being the medium used to "paint the picture" as it were. now if it was dialog between members here...then I could see it being more a roleplaying thing...short stand alone stories....naah...these are works of art. you just have to read them to see the picture is all.....~
[/ QUOTE ]
I shall agree. <. .> I am a writer as well as artist.
Coincidentally, writing and art are also both very much crafts - akin to making kitchen cabinets. Anyone can learn with practice <,<b it just may require more from some folks <@_@>m but it CAN be done!
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
As per before, I'll use red to outline my suggestions ^^m hope I can help >,< (and as always <,< remember I'm just one opinionated squirrel!)
Snow fell onto Doug's thin, wiry hair. Clutching his overcoat to his neck, he breathed in deeply."Hey Joey. Merry Christmas."
As he knelt down, Doug ran is fingers across Joe's name. The granite was icy cold and sent a shiver through his fingers.
Rising to his feet, he nearvously pawed at the snow beneath him. [color= red] spelling correction - "nervously" [/color]
"Maddy and I are getting married in the spring" looking up at the overcast sky, he sighed deeply." I'm sorry Joe. She was so upset after the accident. Someone needed to comfort her." [color= red] - Only change here, your quotation mark is a space over in the wrong direction; which is visually confusing. Otherwise great. [/color]
Doug rested a tiny pink envelope against Joe's marker. A hint of light broke through the clouds and made the gold lettering across the front shine brightly. It read "Douglas and Madeline, May 1st." [color= red] - Only things I'd change here - describe him handling the envelope; give it a bit of weight with the audience. It doesn't have to be much; just a "Doug turned the pink envelope over in his hands for a moment before placing it against Joe's marker." - or something similar. I'd also modify the phrasing on "A hint of light broke..." "hint" and "broke through the clouds" feel awkward together to me - use a thesaurus to find another word for "hint of light"; I think you'll find some useful words! Also, for the envelope's text, you could just leave out the "It read" and instead italicize the words. That's purely my opinion though. [/color]
Slowly Doug rose to his feet once more and began to walk away, Hands gripped tightly in his pockets and a tear frozen to his face.
[color= red] ... Holy crap. *THIS* is good stuff right here! <o.O> Seriously - I've outlined a few minor changes - but this is good prose. For being so short, you managed to pack alot of feeling into a small space. So uhm... yes <@.@> GREAT JOB! If I had stars, you would be getting em <@.@> /impresseded[/color]
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
Looking over this one <@_@> lessee what we turn up <. .>m
--------------------------------------
A cold wind bit Jonathon's face as he lay flat out on the ruins of a church bell tower. [color= red] - not much I'd change but I'd add "into" after bit, and "the" instead of "a" when it comes to the tower. The first change is for descriptive purposes - it just give you a bit more of the sensation of the cold; the latter change is because its not just ANY church belltower - it is the one in this story - unless there were multiple belltowers in the story "a" is too impersonal. [/color]
Shouts of anger cried out all around him but all he could hear was the slow, controlled beating of his own heart. The war was dangerous for everyone but a sniper was a sitting duck. [color= red] - ok; what we need to do is re-format this paragraph. Its got too many ideas going in one paragraph <@.@> actually even per-sentence! I'll go sentence by sentence and explain how I'd change things.
"Shouts of anger cried out all around him, but all he could hear was the slow, controlled beating of his own heart."
The problem here is, you're attempting to mesh the chaos of a battlefield with the calm of the sniper - this is a good concept; but you need to space it out further. Also, being this is a modern battlefield (well WWII at least) - angry shouts are more likely to be sergeants orders than anything else. So your first sentence you'll want to transform into something describing the battlefield situation. Use multiple sentences (form a paragraph with them) to describe that.
Then describe the sniper - contrast him to the battlefield; the previous paragraph describes the chaos - now you describe him, being calm and patient. Then dig deeper into his character - create a new paragraph as necessary, and remember where possible to show, rather than tell.
He was a gambler - rather than tell us he was a gambler; perhaps jump into his mind and think about the odds; or, perhaps even leave it out - depending on how deep you are going into the character. The question is - do we want him to be a vague character? Do we want him to be "just a sniper"; or do we want him to be say... PFC. Berny Williams from Rockford, IL? (Both have advantages!)
This is the difficulty with short stories - finding the balance between story and characterization <@_@> if you want the story to be about the situation, talk about the sniper's position, his heart pounding, etc... maybe a couple *tiny* snippets of who he is (thinking about mom, a girlfriend, dead buddies, etc...); but don't spend too much time on it. Conversely, if the story is about the character himself, perhaps devote more attention to him where you can, give him a couple paragraphs where you're directly "in his head"; and thinking. Sorry if thats vague >< You've hit a complex problem with this paragraph and I'm trying to sort it out <,< but I'm hardly trained for this kinda thing <'x'> so I hope this is helping! [/color]
Back home, in the back of speakeasys, John was an ace card player. Champion of the storerooms, he had won more greenbacks off of the toughs then any other patron.
But here, all the way across the Atlantic, thinking you were lucky could mean you were cocky. Being cocky could get you killed.
[color= red] - the big blurb above applies to these two paragraphs above this line as well [/color]
The only thing keeping him alive was his corpse like stillness. Any sudden movement, no matter how slight, and he was done for. The same fate destined for the enemy snipers waiting, watching among the gunfire and sweat. [color= red] - this has excellent tension! But you have a problem; your descriptors. Gunfire and Sweat aren't really related closely in the mind - they do go hand in hand - but not in the sense you can stick em together in the same sentence. You want to find complimentary descriptors. For example - gunfire goes with chaos, sweat goes with grime or tension. Also, where possible, the thesaurus is a wonderful tool >.> just to help you find different descriptors. [/color]
There. In the mill. Was it movement?
If he takes the shot he may seal his fate.
Though if he doesn't.......... [color= red] - "Though if he doesn't..." - ... is all you need, any more is just excessive <@_@>
The major problem with this paragraph though is the broken nature of the first bit; form it into a sentence - "Over in the mill, movement?" something like that. [/color]
The outcome may not be what he wants.
The odds stacked against him, dare he take the gamble. [color= red] Its a bit too vague, too expositiony - you've got the right idea; but you want to make it more relevant to being in the mindset of the sniper; also "The outcome may not be what he wants." - we know that - that's part of the danger and tension already <^,~> you've already set up that things are uncertain. Instead, focus on increasing that tension; make the combonation of fear and exilhiration palpable. I'm trying to avoid writing out whole sentences for ya >.< cause its tempting for me to do it that way, but its best you come up with the ideas yourself, so I'm trying to give pointers. Hope its helping!
Anyways <@_@> this one is prety good - but you're layout is kind of 'odd' I guess >.< just keep practicing! <^_^> [/color]
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
side note Squirrel...but ta save my peepers could ya use a different color than red...say yellow? that red is rough on a blue background... am I being selfish? you bet 
~
...the sword is truth...
~whiteperegrine~
Oh >.> I guess I could try that...
I honestly prefer blue in corrections <;_;> its not such an "angry" color; but red does the job... hrmm... yellows... me must think on this >.>
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
/threadjack
Is anyone besides Mist and I participating in NaNoWriMo? I wouldn't mind putting together an 'Art Board support group' type thing on either Livejournal (preffered) or DA or something else all together.
I know lots of people from CoX participate. but, I only hang out on this board with any frequency. Sometimes Virtue, but 2 or three times a week as opposed to every couple of hours >.>
Anyway. Just curious....
/unthreadjack
These pieces show promise, I've been writing fiction for uh... <.< >.> a long time! both proffessionally (not as often as I'd like) and for myself (far more often). Short Pieces like these are not my favorite, but I've written quite a few of them, as they are both great practice and fun to read when very well written. (imo)
The biggest thing to remember about pieces under 500 words (and really, under 2000 words) is that Every. Word. Counts. I tend to approach 500 word pieces more like poetry than prose. They have a pacing and rhythm that is very distinctive from larger works. If you are curious, I have a couple on my LJ (see sig) that are examples of what I mean. Also, there are a couple of groups in my profile that are specifically for short 500 word works (non_plot specifically) The weekly writing challenges there are lots of fun.
You definatly are on the right track. Remember, writing is like drawing. If you don't practice it, you never improve.
So recently I had to write a short story for my grade 11 english class( that's what I get for not doing homework and paying attention 2 years behind)
Anyways the story couldn't be more then a page and here's what I came out with.
Night Hunting
The gravel shifted under the feet of three gargantuan thugs, arms thicker then tree trunks and piercing eyes looking through the opening of black ski masks. It was pitch black on the rooftop of The First National bank except for their flashlight beams which lit their scheme.
Unbeknownst to the hooligans, Steel Hawk sat perched high above them, watching patiently in his high tech armor, wings drawn, preparing for the perfect moment to strike.
Suddenly a loud blast rang through the air, shaking the windows of the surrounding skyscrapers and sending a cloud of dust high into the air. Through the newly created hole the crooks readied themselves for entry into the bank.
Now, through the dust and confusion, Steel Hawk launched his assault.
As he floated down silently, Steel drew in his large metal wings, quickening his descent. He clenched his fist tightly and struck one of the brutes in his great square jaw with such a force, he sailed through the air into a second, incapacitating them both. They slumped over top each other in unnatural positions. Grasping one of the unconscious villains by the scuff of his shirt, he easily tossed him at the remaining thug, who was now franticly racing towards the fire escape. The throw was so powerful it knocked him off his feet where he hit his head on an air conditioner, rendering him unconscious as well.
Just then, as Steel was binding the crooks hands and feet, an elderly Yiddish man emerged from the window of an adjacent building.
Eh! Whats with all the racket, ya crazy metal bird? he shouted down.
Steel let out a sigh as he looked down at the crooks slumped together then up to the old man and thought
People just dont appreciate anything.
He walked to the roofs edge, turned to the old man, who marveled at Steels great wings, and said
Phone the police.
And with that Steel Hawk leapt from the roofs edge, silently disappearing into the night.