Ok, let the honesty begin.
The first topic to discuss is structure in the most general sense. Specifically adding line breaks between your paragraphs. It takes no extra time to add them and doing so makes the story look more polished and easier to read.
As for the content itself, I felt it suffered most from lack of solid viewpoint.
The beast sniffed the air; its eyes seeing the heat emanating from the walls of the underground cavern in which it and its kind lived. Its fears ablated(sp), the 10-foot tall, horned reptile returned to eating the treelike fungus growing from the rock.
This certainly sounds like the beasts point of view after all Kel Nen is at that moment hiding around a corner from which he will later leap.
We then get lines such as, In his mind he spoke to himself.
Which is an internal dialog but delivered in the third person. Sometimes there is no viewpoint character, nobody whose eyes focus the action. Instead the author tells the story. That's called omniscient (all knowing) narration. The author narrates mentioning what this or that character may be feeling anytime the author pleases.
The trouble with using omniscient narration is that all the characters are kept at arms length. This tends to make the story less exciting to any reader since they never become involved with the characters.
A much better choice here would be first person viewpoint from Kel Nen's perspective and all in the present tense.
Next on the list is the often given advise, Don't show, tell.
There are several sentences of exposition that would read better as action.
We know what Kel Nen sees, hears, thinks (once) and does but what are not made of aware of is how Kel Nen feels.
From the story we can deduce that Kel Nen is a young man from a warrior culture that has rights of passage involving the slaying of predatory animals. What I can not deduce is what Kel Nen thinks and feels about anything that happens to him.
Without extra information the story is a blank slate into which many alternate Kel Nen clones can be forced each with vastly different and possibly even interesting motivations.
One can almost feel closer to the weapon than the man given the amount of time the author has devoted respectively to each.
Kel Nen was not in good shape. His leg was wounded from a powerful and deep bite This sounds like a serious leg wound yet between receiving it and describing it Kel Nen is able to perform some leaping without dificulty.
Spelling errors to correct include; ablate instead of abate, shreads instead of shreds, leapt should likely just be leaps.
Measurements such as the ten foot tall beast, the six foot shaft, and the five hundred pounds of the beast seem out of place in their detail. Is Kel Nen carrying a ruler? Perhaps you may want to drop the specific references and go with more subject ones.
That's all for now as it's getting late and my eyes are bluring but I hope you take the asked for advise in the spirit it was intended.
"That which does not kill us... "
Okay, I'm an honest writer (as in I write books). In TargetDummy's ramble, I noticed just a few things he had absolutely wrong that really should be looked at...
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That's called omniscient (all knowing) narration. The author narrates mentioning what this or that character may be feeling anytime the author pleases.
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Omniscient by definition does indeed mean all-knowing, therefore, there is absolutely no reason why he should not know the exact heights/lengths of things or exact thoughts of characters.
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The trouble with using omniscient narration is that all the characters are kept at arms length. This tends to make the story less exciting to any reader since they never become involved with the characters.
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Not true. It depends on just how you write it.
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A much better choice here would be first person viewpoint from Kel Nen's perspective and all in the present tense.
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First person is good and all, but maybe not present. Present tense is very difficult to write good, and even first person can be a little challenging because of the limited viewpoint.
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Measurements such as the ten foot tall beast, the six foot shaft, and the five hundred pounds of the beast seem out of place in their detail. Is Kel Nen carrying a ruler? Perhaps you may want to drop the specific references and go with more subject ones.
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Footage is a very easily mentally measured length. Not difficult at all, and if one tries, one may even be able to get it down to half-feet. I could ramble about this, but I have to go.
Later
Co-Founder and Official Gravis Cordis Forums representative (I know, I can't spell ;p)
http://www.graviscordis.com
Well thank you for the critique. That was the first draft of the first chapter. I intentially made if vague from Kel Nen's point of view because I wanted to start the story off with something exciting.
I considered using 1st person, but for the story I have in mind, it would be rather dificult.
Next time I sit down with it I probably will change the jumping stuff because it never sat well with me either.
The purpose of this chapter was to introduce Kel Nen at a major point in his life. The details of how he feels and who he is will be addressed in the next chapter. As I said, the first chapter was just to make some mindless action to entice people to read further on.
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Okay, I'm an honest writer (as in I write books). In TargetDummy's ramble, I noticed just a few things he had absolutely wrong that really should be looked at...
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I'm often absolutely wrong so I try to take it in stride. 
Well I am enticed. You obviously have a well developed background. I can tell from the description of the weapon and Kel Nen's prayer. I dont think you should publicly break down a writer like that TargetDummy, some people feel very vulnerable when they put something out they have put so much effort into (I know I do, I stress until I get that pat on the back). Although you do have some very good advice for all writers, I will take some notes. That maybe why you got such a backlash. I PM advice if I have any.
Anyways, I really like it so far and am waiting for more.
I wanted honest opinions. I can take critism. If he had some problems with my opening chapter, then I wish to hear it. For everyone that says something, there are 5 more who don't.
I won't deny that getting "You're awsome!" posts are good, but they are not always helpful.
But thank you for the positive feedback
You're awesome!
But then, I know you. It's nice to get some more background on Kel.
Thanks Sovi
Anyway, I will be adding more once I write it. I'm glad the innitial feedback is positive, mostly.
Okay, so I sat down and wrote the first chapter (about) of the back story for my kheldian, Kel Nen. Please let me know what you thing. I can take critism and praise, I just ask that you are honest. I must also remind you that this is the first draft. I have not yet revised it so things may change and errors will be fixed later. Enjoy.
The beast sniffed the air; its eyes seeing the heat emanating from the walls of the underground cavern in which it and its kind lived. It smelled and saw nothing. Its fears ablated, the 10-foot tall, horned reptile returned to eating the treelike fungus growing from the rock.
The young warrior, Kel Nen, had made a mistake. He tried to use his sonar like hearing by making a small noise. Lucky for him, he was hidden from sight and the retah beast did not notice him. Kel Nen was glad the beast did not hear as well as his people. This area of the vast underground realm he called his home was warmer than others, thus why the retah beasts dwell in these regions. It also helped Kel Nen blend into the surroundings, since both he and almost all creatures that Kel Nen knew of saw heat instead of light.
The beast snorted, giving Kel Nen a sonic view of what was around the corner of the cave. The beast was full grown, but had seen conflict in its life. Its tail was missing. More importantly, it was alone. Retah beasts often travel in groups of 2 or 3, to help feed them. This one must have challenged the leader of the pack, and lost.
Kel Nen gripped his weapon tightly. The weapon of his people, the Meriba, was a shovel with a pick on the head of the blade. The front edge was sharpened so that the weapon could be used as a shovel, a pick, as well as a bladed weapon with spikes for stabbing and the blade for cutting. On the other end of the wood like staff was a 6-inch in diameter sphere. Normally, these weapons would have leather made from retah skin wrapped around the shaft, but Kel Nens was missing it.
In his mind he spoke to himself, I bow to the strength of my forebears. I let their strength guide and inspire me as I attempt to outshine them. I vow to push beyond my limits and use my newfound strength to protect my kin. For the glory of my forebears, Krisho.
His vow taken, Kel Nen rushed around the corner and swung his weapon with practiced skill, wounding the beasts front right limb.
It howled in pain from the wound and before it could react, Kel Nen brought the weapon down into its shoulder. Now survival kicked in and it leapt at Kel Nen, pushing him to the ground with ease. These beasts were never easy to take down and Kel Nen had gotten lucky with the first two wounds.
Kel Nen knew he had to get out from under the retah beast before it tore him to shreads. Using the heavy sphere on the end of his weapon he smashed it into the creatures face. The beast fall off of and Kel Nen rolled away and quickly got to his feet.
The beast turned and the pair stared at each other briefly before it charged at him. Kel Nen swerved to his left and swung the blade striking deeply into his opponent. Blood poured out of the creature and it moaned in pain.
Kel Nen did not rest his attack. He went for another slash flowing from the first as his meriba twirled around him. The beast would not be taken down so easily, however.
It spun and ducked under the attack, and sunk his sharp teeth into Kel Nens leg. Kel Nen shouted in pain as he brought the bludgeoning end of his meriba into the retah again. It released his leg and Kel Nen backed off a little, changing his stance to protect and make up for his wound.
The retah slashed at Kel Nens legs, trying to trip him, but Kel Nen jumped back, just as the beast wanted. By the time Kel Nen hit the ground, the beast was already in the air as part of its pounce. Kel Nen was unable to avoid the 500 pound creature as it pushed him to the ground with its powerful limbs once again. This time however, Kel Nen heard bones breaking.
Kel Nen was not in good shape. His leg was wounded from a powerful and deep bite; some of his ribs were cracked from the weight of the beast as it fell on him; and his upper right arm was broken from the beast pushing it to the ground.
The retah moved quickly to bite Kel Nens face off, but the would be warrior was not done yet. The shaft of his meriba flew into the jaws of the beast. The beasts powerful jaws shattered the wood like shaft and it recoiled from sharp pains of splinters in its mouth.
This mistake was Kel Nens last hope. Luck had been fortunately with him, for in his left hand was half of his meriba; the half with the blade. With all his might, Kel Nen stabbed the blade into the beasts neck. It sank in deep and blood began to pour onto Kel Nen. The beast gave one last snort and fell on top of Kel Nen.