I would like to formally announce my plans to run for mayor of this fine city. As a freelance reporter for the citys largest newspaper, The Paragon Times, I, Cliff Barstoe, am throwing my hat into the ring, as it were. Being a reporter, I can bring the truth to the people and with my fellow citizens, get the city moving toward a brighter future.
True, my esteemed rival, Mr. Gaankak, has experience with the financial dealings of the city, but money cannot be all we care about. This great city needs a vision of success, driven by the will of the people and with the support of our hero community. Even if we overlook the City Councils decision to INcrease hero health costs last year, and then their motion to place the costs on the civilian population, we still need to look for other methods to decrease crime and the ever prevalent muggings.
I have seen the groups of heroes, standing near the trams and statues of our fallen heroes, calling out for work, begging for influence calling for power-leveling. Who can blame them? Paragon has relied on one massive, incredibly dangerous nuclear plant for power long enough while overlooking the immense source of electricity and heat we have in abundance! If I am elected, I will begin a program that allows heroes to make Influence and increase their security levels simply by volunteering at power-providing plants. Heat-based heroes will create electricity and steam heat similar to the way Terror Volta does, but without the dangerous radioactivity. Electricity-based heroes can just have large transformers installed in their homes, during their free time, meters will calculate how much energy they provide the city. Checks will be sent direct to the heroes, ending the hours of boredom and end-of-the-arc complaints.
Another issue several heroes have raised with my campaign staff relates to the Hollows. This broken, dilapidated and extremely hazardous section of the City is the doom of many newer heroes. Why does City Hall insist on placing important contacts hither and yon in such a place? It is a question that deserves answering, and my answer is: There is NO reason! Some of the Citys contacts must take refuge there, to keep a finger on the pulse of activity, but they dont need to hide in the furthest corners, exposing valiant youth to such horrors as Pumicites and Trolls many times more powerful than they are.
I will enlist some of the recognized Super Groups, whom the City already recognizes and is on good terms with, to clear this zone, once and for all and allow City Crews to repair the roadway. I also would implement a tram system here, serving the corners of the zone, getting heroes at least within sight of their goals.
Legalize Drugs? On this issue I would have to disagree. Superadyne is one of the worst plagues to settle here, and only total eradication will serve our population. City scientists are already at work on programs and treatments, but more needs to be done. We have many defenders who have stepped forward, interested in helping and healing those afflicted. Again, public service enhances the city and empowers our heroes.
So far as our alternative population, such as Trolls and Demons, we need to embrace diversity! Hold on, Hold ON! Quiet please, let me explain!
I have, on staff, a Trollkin who has been awarded some of the highest honors the city can bestow! A true Hero, who resembles our Trolls, but is from an alternate world and stands beside us as a friend. Would you know from appearances? No, but it is her heart that matters, and we would trust entirely to it. We need, as a city, to find common ground with the other races, not be divided from them. Many Trolls only seek a safe place to live, and heroes descending upon them at every celebration of their culture or block party is no way to do that. Demons, some of the deceased (life-challenged) and other misunderstood races need a place to air their grievances without fear of retribution! I will make this city safe for ALL inhabitants, who wish to be peaceful with their neighbors.
Vote for Cliff, vote for a free City!
Citizens of Paragon City,
I hereby declare myself Mayor of Paragon City. Do not resist or you will all be destroyed.
My first act as Mayor is to abolish all crimes from the city. Mugging, theft, burglary, murder, robbery and such similar illegal activities shall be punishable by extermination. Vigilantism is hereby illegal and shall be punishable by extermination. Only Heroes sanctioned by my will (hereby known as the Extermination Squad) are allowed to act as judge and jury under my command.
Futher details will soon follow. Have a nice day citizens.
.....I hereby pledge that I will legalize a safe form of Superdyne, putting illicit sales of the drug out of business and creating additional income for this city by selling this through city-run dispensaries. A portion of this revenue will go towards education programs, which are sorely needed for our current 'dyne addicts, colloqially refered to as the "Trolls".
The remainder can be used to fund homeless shelters. I believe that shelters are a vital need of this city, for even some of our heroes have fallen upon hard times. Haven't you heard the cries "Please gimme some INF!!" and "PL me PLZ!!11!!"?
A small modification to our city's teleportation system and these poor souls could be whisked to a warm place and given a baloney sandwich and a mug of nice, hot tomato soup!
Haven't you heard the cries of the homeless and wanted to make a difference? I have, and if I am elected, I will do everything I can to make this city a better place.
My work as the Chairman of the Paragon City Chamber of Commerce has proven that I have the leadership to get things done. I recently organised a local retailers map for distribution to the new heroes of our city, so that they could instantly find such attractions as Icon, Cooke's Electronics, Mutagenics, Image Inc., Freedom Corps and the YMCA. this map has already been published and will be distributed in early 2005.
Many of our heroes have been burdened by debt because of thier rather frequent use of our fine medical facilities. Under my leadership I can create a less expensive HMO-style system, utilizing med-school dropouts and mortificators. Financing will be quite affordable, and insurance billing can be handled by reformed members of the Family.
I pledge that under my leadership, Perez Park will recieve more attention from the Parks Department, pruning the underbrush more frequently so that visitors can traverse this area much more easily, rather than the overgrown jungle it currently resembles.
I pledge to fund more police cars so that traffic enforcement can be better handled. Currently, as many of you have noticed, many of our city's drivers are driving drunk, unlicensed, or both. Paragon City's drivers will be made fully aware of how neccesary it is to obey the traffic laws of Rhode Island while driving in our fair city. Fully 70% of traffic ticket revenue can be used to fund enforcement efforts, the remainder can be diverted to the general fund. We have enough policemen, we simply need patrol cars for them. currently, 96% of our patrolmen say that they would rather enforce traffic issues than do the foot patrols that they currently do.
During this city's April 1st election, Vote Gaakak For A Better Tommorrow!!
Do any of my fellow candidates wish to declare thier plans for improving our great city?