WARNING!!! LONG POST!!!
My dad's a producer (of movies, duh!), and i've seen a lot of scripts, and that is a pretty freakin' above average intro (that's a good thing)! i would, however, like to suggest some things. a couple are cliche, a couple are original. (oh, and for the art, i'm PRETTY amazig at computer animation, if you don't mind a bit 'o help. if it was animated the sound & music etc... would be a snap, and we could submit it to CoH.com) back to the advice: first cliche- a pic of keith. he's peakin around the corner of an alley and on the wall that you see him peaking around, you see blurry shapes dragging someone (btw the blurry shapes will be whoever the ones responsible for JJ's death are, i.e. the lost), and you see a semi-transparent pic of JJ's face over the whole picture. Next thing is a plot suggestion: because the lost (if you use them, and hopefully you will,) turn humans into machines using spare junkyard parts, they essentially remove all that is human. includig someone's soul. let's say that kl found a cool little crystal thingy whe he was six, and gae it to JJ, saying nothing would ever come beetween them. JJ always wore it around his neck on a string as a sign of eternal compaionship. that will be all that KL finds of JJ. Then there will be a shot of KL draping the necklace over the grave. then it starts glowing. the there is a shot of KL looking into the gem, but instead of seeing himself in the reflection, sees his brother. all of a sudden the gem stats vibrating , and then shoots into KL's heart. KL then hears JJ's voice say: "It's okay brother, let yourself become consumed by your need for vengance! give in to your rage! open your heart to darkness! let go of all that is light! become darkess itself!" (a little cliche, i know) Then a dark aura appers around him, and there is a close-up shot of his eye: you see his pupil narrow, and his cornea turn red as his veins close-in on the center of his eye. then the white of his eye turns black, and the veins glow blue with negative energy.
you know what? there's a LOT more of this, and my hands are tired, so email me with your email address (mine is in my signature).
-later!
