MrCaptainMan

So here's my queue:

A Bad Hand from a Worse Dechs 195202
The Galactic Protectorate Parts 2 and 3
Every Rose 17702
Hillbilly Cannibal Mayhem 21207 (didn't have banjo in the title, but it did have it in the description!)
Power Play 187269
Ctrl + Alt + Reset! 137561

That's seven. I tend to get through one per day on average, so that's about a week's worth there.

Any comments on my 'style' of reviewing, such as it is, would be appreciated, btw

Eco.

A.E.'s Premium Quality Mission: "guaranteed qualityyyyLOADING ERROR 0.000459" by @Dave Clark 5, ARC ID 148476. Neutral mortality, Long (1 med, 2 unique maps).

Description is marketing blurb for a ‘superior AE simulation’, which then is corrupted by error messages. Arc is flagged as a humour arc, says no EBs or AVs but the system warning says it may contains EBs.

I’ve decided to take in Tarquin Wilde, my lvl 22 En/EN Stalker. He looks like this and here’s his bio:

“Oh I say, you're a bit of alright, aren't you, you delightful poppet. We really should charter a landau and adjourn to my townhouse for a spot of tiffin and an enquiry into the health of your father. Come on, don't be shy, I can sense from your chi that you've a penchant for tickling and gingham. It's all about the chi, m'dear. I learned from the Ancient Masters of Maharr in the mystic orient how to see it, hear it..aha, taste it. I can feel your chi, m'dear, and what an exquisite texture it has, like velvet on the lips...I can shape chi, use it, m-hmm…bend it to my will. What do I do for a living? Ah, well, angel, I could tell you, but then I'm afraid I'd have to kiss you...or kill you.”

OK, I’m tentatively looking forward to this. Off you go, Tarquin:

“Modern technology; I’ve largely no time for it. It’s all so indecently hurrisome. I prefer to take my time over…whatever it is I’m doing…or whoever. Honestly, the youth of today just don’t know how to take it slowly. This Architect Entertainment fad that’s all the rage lately. I gather it’s some sort of elaborate zoetrope, isn’t it? I’m not convinced what delights it could hold, over say a glass of Domaine Romanée-Conti shared with the cigarette girl from the Thursday evening shift at Raffles on the deck of my Lurssen Capri as dawn rises languidly over the beach at Palau, but one must be open to new experiences…which as it happens is what I told the cigarette girl when she winced that time on the deck…

“So; I decided to give it a whirl…I was rather pleased from the off, I must say, when I started up this gadget. The ‘contact’ was a very fetching piece of cookie called Fritz. He’s wearing a light blue argyule sweater vest that sets off his boyish blonde good looks perfectly, and such a cute little half cape.

“Oh, I say…he even calls me sir…

[Fritz’ briefing doesn’t actually tell me what mission 1 is, it’s set up as an intro to the AE system. The ‘accept’ line has me instruct Fritz to provide me with an example of what the AE has to offer, and coincidentally matches Tarquin’s Voice perfectly! ]

“Fritz offers me an example mission. I’m to investigate a Rikti base beneath Atlas Park, and ‘Defeat 291,987,244 Rikti Bosses and (placeholder)’, which is rather alarming. I must be done by noon, I’ve a tanning session booked, and then it’s my afternoon calisthenics with Ralph and Lydia. I daresay there’ll be some amusing ‘god from the machine’ come to save the day, as they say in the theater…

[Fritz’ briefing has 2 small red flag typos, for example ‘quAElity’ – These give me a hint that all is not right with the AE system. Tarquin hasn’t spotted anything’s up yet. The contacts bio is done and fits very well. Oh, Fritz’ look is hilarious. That cape!]

Mission 1: Defeat 291,987,244 Rikti Bosses and (placeholder)

“Well! That transmogrification process was most invigorating! I wouldn’t be at all surprised if their digitizing equipment had some sort of toxin-filtration system. I haven’t felt so utterly cleansed since the Dalai Lama and I took that extreme internal flush course together in Sumatra…I appear to be in a cave; it all looks most realistic. I’ve even got some kind of little head-up display giving me instructions. It’s like I’m in some kind of computer game! There seem to be a few gremlins in the works, however, or else Fritz spends more time grooming that magnificent hairdo than testing out this invention.

[the entry popup is corrupted, and the Nav instructions contain, among the rikti objectives, ‘rabbitual criminal’. Nice pun]

“I jog idly into the cave, keeping to the shadows, and find a Tuatha having a romantic chat with a Circle of thorns ghost. An unlikely couple, one might think, but after you’ve seen the Krankies perform their ‘after hours special’, my dears, nothing can surprise you...

[The mobs are in the ‘mishmash2’ custom group, which also contains Hordeling Berserkers, Demons, etc]

“Deeper in the cave, it turns to some Rikti caverns. It’s been a few days since I’ve engaged in any physical activity whilst standing up, so I stretch my chi a little on some ghosts guarding a crate of ‘He4ro Cloning materials’. I think I’m supposed to smash this too, so I do.

[no clue from the destructable]

“I delve deeper (one of my fortes, believe me), and discover some kind of alien device. I probe it mercilessly, but its files seem to be corrupt, and not in a good way. I move on.

[the glowie ‘rikti hyper-drive unit’ was an arachnos computer; I take it as further evidence of errors in the AE. I hear some very funny patrol dialogue too, btw]

“After another corridor, I enter a room and spy a fellow in a stripy black and white outfit with rabbit ears. And a bunny tail. Has someone been speaking to Fritz? This little biscuit is right up my passage. The eye-mask, the gloves…restrain me! I say hello…and the impertinent trotter attacks me with a shovel! I’m all for a bit of rough and tumble when the weather’s right, but not before we’ve even exchanged our Dental Certifications! I’m afraid I have to put him down. He babbles about cloning or some such nonsense before he collapses like an aunt almost past her prime after a rum punch rohypnol cocktail. I find another piece of alien tech, and I’m soon up to the elbow in its innards; it gives me no joy, however. According to my little HUD, I’m still looking for the ‘rabbitual criminal’; I’ll sweep the cavern and tunnels once more for him.

[Hmm, clue for that glowie ‘corrupted’ too]

“Well, I don’t know where the chap is hiding, but I can’t find him at all. I’ll pop outside and see if Fritz can shed any light on the matter…

[After scouring the map, I exit to check the mission objectives. No Clear All, which was what I feared. Ah, hang on. I only dealt with Rabbitual Criminal because he was on his own, and of course he doesn’t look like any of the other mobs. He’s got a spawn though associated with him. I’ll see if defeating any tuatha or ghosts near him will do the trick]

“Fritz doesn’t know anything, sadly, so in order not to upset the boy I resolve to have one last look…I return to the scene of my altercation with the Rabbit boy, and take out my considerable frustrations on some ghosts loitering in the area, and the mission completes! Perhaps Fritz was able to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, or something.

[Yep, the ghosts were on the lower level of the room that RC was in. Perhaps you could make that objective a ‘boss only needed’ obj to avoid what just happened to me]

“Anyway, all’s well. I pop outside to gaze adoringly at Fritz as he dials up his Quality Assurance department. I always find that people look so bewitching when they’re on the phone. They tend to stare off into space, their eyes take on a lovely misty quality, they’re often quite unaware that they’re being watched through a Zeiss Victory Diavari 6-24x72 T* Riflescope with thermal enhancement and fractal optimisation software. As they talk into space, their head titled to one side, one might imagine that they are dreaming of a better place, or of a loved one, perhaps, or a long-lost cherished pet…Luckily for Fritz, I’m right here staring him in the face as he tries to find the answer to this problem, not 2500m away caressing a hair-trigger whilst my camomile tea brews. Fritz apologises, and assures me that the errors have been dealt with. He has such a deliciously penitent look on his charming face that I forgive him and move onto

Mission 2: [something v funny]

“When I enter this time, I appear to be in a bank of some kind. However, there’s definitely something amiss, as the instructions are more than seven kinds of messed up. There’s even a warning to evacuate the system! Normally I’d be the first to leave, after the women and children of course, but I feel for poor Fritz, so I decide to investigate. Perhaps I can discover something that might help…

[the entry popup warns in big red letters ‘EXIT NOW FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY’ – I exit, just to see what Fritz’ return dialogue is, and…wow.

Hang on, lemme think a bit about this a sec.

That’s really good. /claps. Full marks for that little piece of writing. And now of course, the entry popup wont be there anymore. Really clever. If you look at it a certain way, its like you’ve managed to put four missions in! anyone reading this who plays it afterwards, I recommend leaving when you get advised to I wish I’d exited with Tarquin, now. (I know that I have actually exited with tarquin., but this is written as I go, remember lol. I in fact owe you a mea culpa here, I saw the ‘EXIT NOW’ popup and just thought it was flavor. I bet a lot of players just carry on and don’t get to see your wonderful use of the Return Before Completion dialogue. Back inside…yep, no entry popup, but there is still a small reference to leaving the mission in the Nav. If you removed that, there’d be no ‘instruction’ to leave again on entering the ‘new’ mission, and it would be flawless IMO]

“Oh dear oh dear…this is appalling. Is this indicative of the type of quality I can expect from Architect Entertainment? I’m seeing things labelled ‘Bug Fix Program’, there are malformed objects around…there’s even a truck parked inside the bank! It’s quite annoying, actually. I’ve paid good money for this…well, I haven’t actually paid anything, but I might have done…yes, it’s extremely vexing. I’m peeved. No, I’m more then peeved, I’m getting frabjous. And when I think about poor Fritzt and the overtime he’s undoubtedly going to have to do this evening when he could be showing me his brass rubbings (he looks the type who likes a bit of a rub), well, it fair works me up into a lather!…and when I get worked up into a froth, I need release. I shall have to go on a killing spree, it’s the only thing that will do – since there aren’t any Mai Tais to hand.

[I rampage around the map demolishing stuff. A few clues drop telling me about the bug fixes]

“Midway though my exhilarating ballet of ultra-violence, I defeat ‘Ted‘s Private File’, and receive some strange information…as the mission has apparently ended, I leave to show it to Fritz.

[Ted’s private files clues and the mission complete relate something odd happening in the IT dept, I think. They’re recordings of some kind. Is the IT dept under attack, perhaps?]

…

[the exit popup kinda has me thinking ‘Is this a Meta Too Far’?…I won’t spoil it, but how many onion skins are we unveiling here lol]

“As I exit, I am presented with something rather baffling; I put it down to the disarray that the system is experiencing. Fritz offers me compensation – not dinner, box tickets to Phantom and then a 2am skate on the frozen lake in Central Park, alas, unless Customer Service has developed in giant strides lately. It seems that I have to repair to the A/I/ dept, downstairs.

[So far, the ‘its all virtual, jump in the AE array and get digitised’ thing has been fine. Now, however, I’m supposedly going to a real-world (within paragon city of course) location? I hope you at least make a nod to this]

…[ah yes, you do. Lol its very silly but fits the arc great.]

Mission 3: Help the AE AI Geeks!

[as soon as I saw what the ‘AI Dept’ looked like upon entry coupled with the entry popup, I literally burst out laughing. Awesome]

“Good grief, this is no way to run a business! There’s obviously something very very wrong going on. I shall have to do some serious dusting to get my compensation. Let’s see if there’s anyone around who can help me.

[nav says 3 AI systems to reset, 6 employees to rescue, and - diamond – ‘form to fill out’. Tarquin hasn’t got his ‘HUD’ now, of course, so he’s just having a look around]

“Heavens to Betsy! The bugs from the AE have somehow manifested themselves in the real world! Goodness. I find a gorgeous little filly called Julie being menaced by a few of them. I do love a damsel in distress. They’re so grateful, usually. I free her with little difficulty. She runs off without so much as a whispered half-promise of sensual nights beneath silk sheets, the little tease. Luckily I am distracted from her ingratitude by a rather hunky young chap by the name of Anthony; I wouldn’t mind getting stuck in an elevator with him on a hot summer’s day during an air-conditioning malfunction. He too disappears before I can facebook friend him. I also see a huge pile of documents; these are I assume the forms for my compensation. I decide to leave them until later; there are more forms to fill out than I had to when I was auditioning for the movie that won me my Most Outrageous AVN award!

[lol the glowie for this has a really long activation time. Which is funny]

“I find some kind of ancient altar, and fiddle with it a tad. Something goes ‘click’. What cowboys would try to use magic to run their AI? Idiots.

[ah..lol excellent. I was wondering why the bugs were manifesting in reality! Magic! Ta-daaa! ]

“On an upper floor I find some malfunctioning computers; I prod things until I they stop smoking.

[2 more amusingly clued glowies]

“’Ted’ isn’t any more eager to reward my heroics with a long slow exhale at the nape of my neck than Julie was. Honestly, he works for a Computer IT department; you’d think he’d jump at any chance for a bit of tiffin. Next up I rescue Demetric, who’s wearing a baseball cap on backwards. Before I can chastise him severely for this appalling sartorial calamity, he runs away. I’m not going to chase him…

[The rescuees have amusing dialogue and bios]

“And at last, here’s Fritz, shaking like an innocent schoolgirl framed by the Bad Girl set for stealing, ushered into the Principals office by a stern-faced matron, nervously eyeing the Principals cane as he cracks his knuckles and pushes up his shirt sleeves. I shall not let Fritz depart without a thank you. He’s the cause of all my woes this afternoon. I’m hours late for Ralph and Lydia, and as for my tan, well I shan’t be surprised if I’m taken for an albino. It must be all of 14 hours since my last session under the lamp!…I see to the scruffy devils threatening Fritz and when they’re done I ready myself for his thanks – and the ungracious wretch dashes off like a startled fawn!

[Fritz actually spawned fairly close to the start, not right at the end, if you’re thinking your spawn placements are messed up; I just wanted to leave him till last because of Tarquin, and also because I suspected he might be an ally, and I didn’t want to baby-sit. He wasn’t an ally; he was another captive, again with funny dialogue and bio.]

“All that’s left for me, then, is this no-doubt paltry compensation. I sigh with resignation and return to the forms. I whip out my Girard-Perregaux Tourbillon Rose and Black and complete them, and then make my way back to the sales floor.

[mission complete]

“I leave, and Fritz has the audacity to try to tempt me into his infernal machine again! I’m having none of that! I was right about this awful contraption. Never again!”

[lol the debriefing is a classic Buck Rogers-style ending /facepalm moment]

[end]

Top banana. Quirky, funny, laugh-out-loud in places. On heroic it’s quite easy, although if more than 3 of those bugs gang up, they can be a little worrying. They’ve got electric drains (I think?), which could have been trouble, but Tarquin always takes a load of blues with him, so it was ok. The bugs look awesome too, I must point out. I wondered what their odd chins were, but it’s a beard costume piece of some sort? Doesn’t look like a beard. Good one. And that mechanical trick you pulled before mission 2 was wonderful. 5-stars.

Eco.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
OOps - Thanks, Fredrik - Changed the ID.

Pop - I'd have a lvl 20-54 range - At lvl 12 it was a little bit annoying at times with the Mezzes, but even the ambush would have been copable with on a scrapper or a tanke with better protection, I think. Psy Blast/Men6tl Manip is as unprotected as a catholic on his wedding night at lvl 12!


[/ QUOTE ]

That's a good idea. Otherwise, were the mobs reasonably well balanced? I've been thinking about altering or removing a couple of the mastermind types (I just wish you could get them a space-y ray gun without having to resort to pets. >_> )

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure that if I'd been at level 20ish, with some more attacks, Psystem would have been much better off. I'm no uber player, and even at lvl 12 i was able to finish it. If there hadnt been an ambush, I don't think I'd have bothered mentioning any problems combatwise, but I did try to avoid fights as much as possible after I'd had a go to check out their action. How many MMs do you have? If its 2 different types, I'd leave it. If its 3 or more, I'd reduce it.
Eco.

[ QUOTE ]
Hey MRCaptainMan can you replace Red Typhoon with Akhdar Blood, arc 247198. It's a newer creation of mine and I just got it done the other day. Thanks

[/ QUOTE ]

Hm.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I just had a quick look at your new arc, and the description prompted me to check insiode the first mission.

I don't think my tongue-in-cheek style of reviewing is appropriate for your arc, I'm afraid. I don't want to get into a big political discussion, but the invasion of Iraq doesn't really lend itself to what I like about the superhero genre. I'd also point out that some of the names you use for your mob group (including the group name itself - Al Tahira was the name of Mohammed's wife, according to wikipedia) might garner complaints if you're not careful (Ulema, Halal, etc).

After establishing that Akhdar Blood was not the arc for me, I thought it prudent to have a quick look at Red Typhoon as well. It appears to be another military style arc, this time with North Korea and China as the backdrop, and its got Malta.

I'm terribly sorry, but I won't be reviewing your arcs. I'm not really the audience you're looking for. Apes from space, kung fu roosters, diabolical schemes, sharks with lazers, villains with names that follow 'the Adverbial Adjective Noun', that's the sort of escapist stuff I like. I don't enjoy paramilitary 'incursion' style stories, and so your arcs would probably get a 'meh' at best. In addition, I absolutely loathe Malta with a raging fervour that cannot be described using the paltry tools humanity has invented for communication so far.

My apologies. There are many more reviewers on the forum, hopefully you can have better luck with them.

Eco.

OOps - Thanks, Fredrik - Changed the ID.

Pop - I'd have a lvl 20-54 range - At lvl 12 it was a little bit annoying at times with the Mezzes, but even the ambush would have been copable with on a scrapper or a tanke with better protection, I think. Psy Blast/Men6tl Manip is as unprotected as a catholic on his wedding night at lvl 12!

Eco.

PS I hope no-one minds that the style of these reviews has no obviiusly changed drastically from their original. I'm having a blast doing it this way.

The Invasion of the Space Ape Armada by @PoptartsNinja, Arc ID 81043 Heroic Morality, Medium length (1 unique, 1 large map)

The description tells of the vicious Admiral Silverback of the eponymous Space Ape Armada and his mission to conquer Earth. The level range is 1-54, so I’m taking my lvl 12 Psychic Blast/Mental Manip Blaster in. They are called The Psystem, and here’s their bio:

“The aeons-old seed of a long-dead galactic Empire, the collection of Artificial Intelligences now known as The Psystem drifted through the vast reaches of space for millenia before entering Earth's solar system during the time of the second Rikti Invasion. The invasion fulfilled the long-dormant parameters for the AIs to awaken, and so they formed a psychic assembly and manifested a humanoid body for themselves. The entities collectively known as The Psystem are sometimes hard to fathom, effectively being a democracy in one body, but luckily for Paragon, the majority seems to be a moral one”

I’ve no idea how they’ll play this, but I’m hoping it’ll be fun for all concerned Take it away, guys:

“WE ARE SUMMONED BEFORE PRESIDENT OF EARTH / NO / WHAT? / NO / EXPLAIN / NOT PRESIDENT OF EARTH / HE IS PRESIDENT OF COLLECTIVE ‘AMERICA’ / HOME OF THE BRAVE LAND OF THE FREE / FREE WHAT? / FREE WILLY / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES”

[Right. Brilliant. See, this is why my home server’s not Virtue. I get carried away. Anyway, the contact is ‘The President’, and his briefing basically outlines the threat from Admiral Silverback and the requirements for mission 1. It’s a clean setup, and it made me laugh, especially one line, which I’m sure the Psystem will comment on shortly]

“ALIEN ARMADA THREATENING COLLECTIVE AMERICA / ALIENS FROM WHERE? / HISTORIC PRECEDENT SUGGESTS SPAIN / NO / WHAT? / NOT SPAIN / NOT OCEANIC ARMADA / SPACE ARMADA / THREATS BROADCAST ON RADIO / ON TELEVISION / LEAFLETING CAMPAIGN / PROJECTION ONTO EARTH MOON / MOON? / MOON / MOON NOT FOR EATING / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES / REQUESTED ACTION / DEFEND AGAINST GROUND FORCE / ACCEPTED”

[The apes threats have been projected onto the Moon - fantastic lol. The President tells me I have to defeat the leaders of the ground force and find the TP co-ords for Silverback’s mother ship so we can take the fight tom him. Classic Independence Day stuff, so It’s particularly apt that today is July 4th ]

Mission 1: Stop Ground Invasion

“ WE ARE HERE / LOCATION OF INVASION GROUND FORCE / WE CAN SMELL / YES / BAD SMELL / SUGGEST MANIFESTATION OF OLFACTORY SENSE BAD IDEA / VERY BAD / BAD SMELL / LUDO SMELL BAD / SHUT UP, YOU / SUGGEST REMOVING IRRITANT SENSE NODE / CUT OFF NOSE TO SPITE FACE / NOSE OBJECTS / FACE SECONDS OBJECTION / SHUT UP, YOU / CONCENTRATE / EXPLORE”

[entry popup tells me I can smell something…animal…I’m in an outdoor city map, Steel I think. I have a little wander around, spy the mobs. They’re very well designed Flash Gordon styler ‘space-monkeys’ – They seem a little grey, unfortunately, but the helmets and faces and general shape and size are good. They’re wearing skintight space suits. I like them a lot. I meet MMs, psychics, punchers and I think some with guns too]

“LOOK, MONKEYS / WHAT? / MONKEYS / MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO / NO / MONKEY ON MY BACK / MY? / WHAT IS THIS THING YOU HUMANS CALL LOVE / SHUT UP, YOU / NOT MONKEYS / APES / APE ARMADA HERE / ENEMY OF FREE WILLY / FREE WILLY? / FREE WORLD / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES / ATTACK”

[I discover a teleport beacon, with an amusing bio. It’s lightly guarded. I destroy it and keep searching for the leaders.]

“HERE / THING / OBJECT / OBJECT D’ART? / NO / TELEPORT HOMING DEVICE / YES / YES PLEASE / PLEASE DO / LOVE, LOVE ME DO / SHUT UP, YOU / DESTROY AND INVESTIGATE FOR CO-ORDINATES”

[After that, I decide to use my flight pack to locate the leaders and get the mission done quicker]

“ACTIVATE FLIGHT PACK / UP / UP / UP, UP AND AWAY, IN MY BEAUTIFUL, MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON / WHAT? INSANITY / NO / SHUT UP, YOU / SCANNING GROUND LEVEL / SOARING LIKE AN EAGLE / EAGLE NOT MADE OF SENTIENT HYPERSOLID EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL METAL / UWAGA / ALIEN APE LEADER LOCATED / ATTACK / --- / <<< / >>> / HEY / --- / HEY JUDE / SHUT UP, YOU / ><<><> / ALIEN LEADER DEFEATED / WARNING / AMBUSH / WARNING / WARNING / YES WE CAN SEE THAT / DEFENSIVE PARAMETERS OVERWHELMED / SYSTEMS CRASHING / FALLING DOWN / TIIIMMMMBBBBEEEERRRR / FACE OBJECTS / ACTIVATE REMANIFESTATION / YES PLEASE”

[So I found the leader, a Gorilla MM. He was belligerent, and a fun fight, and he went down ok, but the ambush associated with him proved a little too much for this lvl 12. I should have run, basically, I’m not complaining. I hosped and came back, tooled up with inspirations.]

“ACTIVATING FLIGHT PACK / PACKED LUNCH? / NO / LUNCHBOX? / NO / BRUCE BOXLEITNER RETURNS! / SHUT UP, YOU / WARNING / ALIEN APE LEADER LOCATED / WHAT, ANOTHER ONE? / YES / ATTACK / WE MUST ANTICIPATE AMBUSH THIS TIME / TIME, IS WAITING IN THE WINGS / HE SPEAKS OF SENSELESS THINGS / A GIFT FROM YOU AND ME / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES / ATTACK / --- / … - [[][**&^%][];’x776. / MAKESNOSENSE / MATHS IS COOL, KIDS / ..,.,.. / SUCCESS / WARNING / WARNING / WARNING / SHUT UP, WE KNOW ABOUT THE AMBUSH / HERE IT IS / ..,,.. / <<><<> / EASY PEASY PUDDING AND PIE”

[The second gorilla leader was more diplomatic, but still fought me, and after he and his ambush had been defeated, I exited with the co-ordinates of the mother ship]

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISTER PRESIDENT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU / NO / WRONG PRESIDENT / NEXT TASK PRESENTS / PRESENTS? / WILL THERE BE CAKE? / YES / THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE / SHUT UP, YOU / MISSION IS IMPORTANT / SAVE WORLD / WHICH WORLD / EARTH / ALIEN MOTHERSHIP PARKED BEHIND MOON / TELEPORT ONTO SHIP / SINK SHIP? NO / NOT OCEANIC SHIP / NOT LIKE TITANIC / LEO AND KATE NOT ON SHIP BEHIND MOON / ON SHIP / MULTIPLE STAGE PLAN / NO THANKS / TOO COMPLICATED / WAIT / SHUT UP, YOU / VOTE? / NO TIME / EXTRAPOLATE FASTEST WAY TO DEFEAT ALIEN SPACE APE ARMADA / … / INITIATE SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X? / ADVANTAGE / ALIEN SPACE APE ARMADA IMMEDIATE ANNIHILATION / YES / DISADVANTAGE / WE DIE TOO / INCIDENTAL DAMAGE / STAR KNOWN AS SOL AND PLANETS KNOW AS SOL 1 TO 9 / PLAN B? / AS PER PRESIDENT’S REQUEST / AGREED”

[So the President’s plan is simple. I’m to TP up to the mother ship, defeat Admiral Silverback, steal some technology in case they try to come back, and plant a few bombs]

Mission 2: Defeat Admiral Silverback!

“TELEPORT SUCCESSFUL / ENTERING INFILTRATION MODE / BE VEWY VEWY QUIET, I’M HUNTING WABBITS / SHUT UP, YOU”

[I enter the tech lab map spaceship, and see a new mob – an Irrdiape lol. Then I meet a fantastic space ape captain, with awesome hilarious dialogue.]

“INFILTRATE / STORM THE GATES / ATTACK / <<>><<><>>><&g t; / FIGHT / FIGHT, DAMN YOU / _____ / SUCCESS / ONWARD AND UPWARD”

[The Irradiapes are quite hard. They’ve got that electric field thing, and /rad too. One’s a handful. Two would be impossible I think.]

“ALERT / ALERT / WARNING / OFFENSIVE THRESHOLD REACHED / LOWER REAR TORSO SUGGESTS PLAN A / NO / YES / NO / YES / SHUT UP, YOU / COWARDY CUSTARD / BE QUIET”

[I come to a bottleneck with an orange Irradiape blocking the way. Hmm…I’ll try flying past him]

“YIKES / JEEPERS / JIMINY / ETCETERA / THAT WAS CLOSE / NEXT FLOOR / ATTACK / … / --- / <><><> / ACQUIRE TECHNOLOGY / ABSORBING / NO / WHAT? / NOT ABSORBING / EATING / CHEWING / MASTICATING / SWALLOWING / CONSUMING / SHUT UP, WE KNOW / WE HAVE TO PRODUCE ACQUIRED TECHNOLOGY LATER / YES / BRIDGE TO CROSS LATER”

[hmm…maps starting to strike me as a bit big, now. I’m on floor three, I think? There are a few large rooms here, anyway. I collect some alien tech for the brainboys back on Earth]

“INFILTRATION MODE COMPROMISED / STEALTH MODE INSUFFICIENT / VOICEBOX SUGGESTS TIPTOE / FEET SUGGEST VOICEBOX STOP SHOUTING / ALERT! / ALERT! / ATTACK / … / ,..,,.,. / [x3.142={oP.l}+(c) / AUCCESS / BOMB PLANTED / GERANIUMS PLANTED / NO / ALIEN LEADER SIGHTED / INITIATE OMEGA ATTACK PLANE ALPHA BRAVO TANGO FOXTROT WALTZ / CHAAAAAAAARGE! / … / <<><>><> / YOU CAN TAKE OUR LIVES BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREE WILLY / SHUT UP, YOU / WARNING / AMBUSH / WARNING / YES WE CAN SEE THAT / WARNING / ANOTHER AMBUSH / WARNING / LOTS OF AMBUSHES / ASSUMING PRONE POSITION / FACE SUGGESTS PLAN A / NEGATIVE / RECONSTITUTION AND RETURN / IF AT FIRST WE DON’T SUCCEED / NUKE THE SITE FROM ORBIT, IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE / SHUT UP, YOU / MEDICAL TELEPORT ACTIVATING”

[OK, I’m afraid it’s quite late at night now, so I’ve got to log. I’m gutted I’ve got to leave it, cos it means I’ll have to do the whole of Mission 2 again. I will, tomorrow, but I should be honest and tell you what I’m feeling now. The mission’s too big and there are too many Masterminds. I just met Admiral Silverback and defeated him, but then a giant ambush of MMs and bubblers arrived, and I’ve still got other objectives to do. I’d like a much more linear map than this one. As for the difficulty of the mobs, I know I’m level 12, but the arc is 1-54, so you’re going to get lowbies in it. Be back tomorrow and try it a little more carefully ]

…

[OK, July 5th has dawned; I’m back for another attempt at mission 2. Where did we leave the Psystem?]

“INITIATING TELEPORT / ARRIVAL ACHIEVED / ACTIVATE FEET / AVOID COMBAT / WHAT? / NOTHING”

[I move through the ship, having a much easier time of it this time. Perhaps I was a little tired last night. The apes powersets include devices too, sometimes getting webbed is annoying, but thanks heavens for Blaster Defiance I plant a few more bombs and collect more tech. There are no clues for the tech glowies, or system messages either, that I can see]

“ALIEN LEADER SIGHTED / ENEMY FORCE CONSIDERABLE / LOWER INTERNAL ORGANS SUGGEST PLAN A / NEGATIVE / ATTEMPTING STEALTH EXTRACTION OF INDIVIDUALS / YES / WE HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY / SHUT UP, YOU”

[I encounter the final room, which contains the Admiral, another ape leader, and some minions. I pull the captain, who appears to be some kind of religious ,maniac. I pull one by one, in an attempt top get the Admiral on his own]

“INCOMING / VOCAL DIATRIBE SUGGESTS ZEALOT / POSSIBLY USED CAR SALESMAN / WARNING / RETREAT / DAMAGE LEVELS RISING / SOUND THE FAMOUS BATTLE CRY / RUN AWAY RUN AWAY / <<><>>< / >><><<> / THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE / YES / PROCEED”

[I clear the room till there’s just one minion and the Admiral, but he aggoes with the first hit on the minion. I’m forced to run to the elevators, which are close enough. I accidentally kill the Admiral before defeating his mob, and then the ambush arrives…]

“CLEARING HOSTILE / LOOK. OVER THERE / YES YES WE CAN SEE / YOU MISSED A BIT / SHUT UP, YOU / OOPS / WARNING / WARNING / ALIEN LEADER IN ATTACK MODE / YES YES / FIGHT / <<>><>< / >>><<<<>< / ><>>><>> / SUCCESS / LOOK OUT / CAN YOU HEAR ME MOTHER / SHUT UP SHUT UP / INITIATING AMBUSH RESISTANCE POSTURE / AMBUSH RESISTANCE POSTURE FAILED / INITIATING CLOSE INSPECTION OF GROUND POSTURE / EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT NOT WORKING / RELOCATE AND REGROUP”

[I run for it, thru the elevators, but the ambush follows. I go back upstairs and fly to the last room, and plant the last bomb just as the ambush arrives again, and kills me. I hosp and return. Almost there]

“REGROUPING AT FINAL LOCATION / ESTIMATION OF ENEMY FORCES / 8 ALIEN APES PLUS 5 WAR ROBOTS / ALL / EQUIPPED WITH FORCE FIELDS / LOWER REAR TORSO SUGGESTS PLAN A / NO / EARTH MUST BE SAVED / WHY / FOR A RAINY DAY / EXTRICATE INDIVIDUALS AGAIN”

[pulling again]

“STRATEGY WORKING / INEFFICIENT / SHUT UP, YOU / LEFT ELBOW REGISTERS SURPRISE / RIGHT KNEE ENTERING SULK MODE / ATTACK”

[And finally…]

“FIGHT / >><><< / >< / >><<><<<>><<&g t; / ><>>< / GET YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE / SUCCESS / VICTORY / EARTH IS SAVED / THE MOTHER SHIP IS OURS / CHIN SUGGESTS TAKING COMMAND OF SPACE APE ARMADA AND SUBJUGATING EARTH TO BENEVOLENT DICTATORSHIP / NO MORE TEARS / NEGATIVE / VOTE? / NEGATIVE / PRETTY PLEASE / SHUT UP, YOU / WE SHALL RETURN TO LAUDINGS, VICTORY PARADES, BUNTING, BALLOONS, PHOTO-OPPORTUNITIES / ETCETERA / ACTIVATE TELEPORT”

[Mid way through the pull I find the final spawn from the admirals group, giving me the mission complete popup. I stay to finish off the ambush anyway, it’s so much fun.]

“THANK YOU MISTER PRESIDENT / WE REQUIRE NOTHING IN PAYMENT / HAWAII WOULD BE NICE / SHUT UP, YOU”

[END]

Right, that was great fun for the most part. This morning, the annoyances I suffered last night weren;t nearly so evident, although as you can see I did die quite a few times. One thjing wehich was a bit of an irritation was that every time I died I had to fly through the whole map agaimn, and often I was flying past groups of apes with mezzes. I didn’t ever die on my way back to the final room, but it got close a few time.

The Space Apes are a great custom group, nicely varied bunch, bios and text and dialogue all sterling. Made me laugh out loud in a few places. The mention of the Oracles was intriguing; do I sense a sequel in the works?

All in all, good fun – can’t ask for much more. 4-stars.

Eco.

My Queue is now:

The Invasion of the Space Ape Armada 81043
A.E.'s Premium Quality Mission: "guaranteed qualityyyyLOADING ERROR 0.000459" 148476
Red Typhoon 4912

At some stage I'll also get on to

The Galactic Protectorate Parts 2 and 3
A Bad Hand from a Worse Dechs 19502
Every Rose 17702
A random arc with the word Banjo in the title.
Power Play
Ctrl + Alt + Reset! 137561

Eco.

Entrusted with the Other Secret by @ObsidianDevil. Neutral Morality, Very Long (2 Unique, 2 small, 1 medium map)

According to the description, Mender Tesseract needs assistance with something which will ‘rewrite the future of Ouroboros’! The level range is 35-54, and it warns that the arc may contain EXTREME bosses. I’m taking my lvl 37 SD/WM tanker, Casey Crockett in. Casey was the first tank I tried that I really liked, and here’s his bio:

“Born in the Old West to famous pioneer parents Lois and Clark, the all-American folk-hero Casey Crockett worked on the railroads all his life, wielding his mighty sledgehammer to drive the bolts home. Challenged by Paul Revere, an evil railroad magnate, to a footrace against Stephenson's Rocket, from Little Big Horn to the Alamo, Casey put his all into the race, and won, but alas at the cost of his big heart, which burst under the strain. Obeying his dying wishes, the good folk of Deadwood buried him in Boot Hill, an old Injun burial site, with his hammer. Centuries later Casey awoke to find himself in Moth Cemetery. Paragon had a new hero. With his trademark 'steel-drivin’ man' beret and his mighty hammer, Casey Crockett is a true American hero!”

It says in the description that it’s meant to be done after the Ouroboros arcs. Casey hasn’t yet done those, so I feel that he should first, so I can remember what they were about etc. Trouble is, he doesn’t have an O-portal yet, so I go visit Montague and do the Cimerora introduction arc…which I then find out doesn’t work lol. Finally, a kind soul in the Steel WW drops an O for me, and I’m able to access Orou and then do the arc.

Sooo, with that out of the way, I return to KR and Casey steps up to the plate:

“S’up? I’m what you might call a natural time traveler, on account of I was born in 1864. At’s probably why this hot stuff Tessie wants me to help her with her little problem, yo? Some kinda group in the future messin’ with time, tryin’ to remove the menders from the Enclave. ‘At ain’t good, ‘parently. Ok. The Menders can’t go ‘cos they’re time-locked out, somehow, but Casey is on the case, haheh.

[Intriguing enough premise to start, the briefing from the contact, Mender Tesseract tells me I have to travel to the future to prevent the assault by someone called ‘Time-Lock’ and his followers/associates. She at one stage calls me ‘inferior’, which is in line with her canon voice, but Casey doesn’t have to like it]

Mission 1: Defeat Timelock Leaders

“I arrive at one of the islands around the Enclave, an’ I start looking for the leaders of the assault. ‘At’s what Tessie asked me to do. There’s a load of strange-looking dudes in power armor readying themselves for the big push, I’m thinking. I warm up a little by playing a number on their heads with my hammer. They got some kind of ‘lectric act going on, some got guns, some just use their fists. They all gets a taste of the hammer, though.

[The Timelock customs are an easy bunch for Casey at heroic I have some fun mowing through a few groups of them]

“After a warm up, I spy one of the leaders. She’s a slimbo with wild hair and a skintight armored suit. I put my shoulder to the shield and give her a rumble. She fires arrows at me, but ‘at’s what shields were made for, she don’t seem to realize. Her boys try to distract me, but Casey sticks to the tracks. She falls, yo.

[Time’s Arrow, TA/pain dom. She conned a yellow lieut at Heroic. Typo in her dialogue ‘buttefly’ should be ‘butterfly’. Her dialogue is nicely crazy, goes with her bio]

“I carry on driving, and soon enough I meet another two standouts. One‘s a glowing red guy, and the other is one of their chiefs. He’s a real strange looking dude. He looks like a caveman, loincloth, big club. He’s a little tougher than the lady with the bow…but not much…

[Clubbor looks hilarious. His dialogue is funny, with 1 line of pure win ]

“I find a weird device of some kind, with a dent in it the ‘xact same size as the head of my hammer…after I finish with it, that is…only thing is, before I smashed it to bits it was clearly displaying an image of me, dead…I been dead before, in the past…don’t want to be dead again in the future…And then on the other side of the mountain, I find a robot drobe acting all pushy. I squash him between my shield and my hammer. He seems to think we’ll be meeting again…

[Time-Shift looks very good, his anims a nice touch too. His powersets appeared to be No Idea/DiedRealQuick Im sorry. He conned yellow too, and was defeated before I could note his powers. He has a typo in his clue ‘concider’ should be ‘consider’. His bio details his origin, and I’m afraid I scoffed a bit when I read it. I like the ‘plans from the future’ thing, but the cause of his pain seems a bit silly to me, as it isn’t explained in much detail]

“When I report back to Tessie, she starts complaining, and wants me to go back in time to before the assault took place to stop Time-Shift from attacking. She ain’t being too nice for someone who needs me to do this for her, I’ll tell you that for nothing. I’ve a serious inkling to jus’ wave the girl bye-bye and let her an’ Ouroboros rot, past, present an’ future. But-there’s that image of me dead I gotta think about. Maybe I can hammer some info outta Time-Shift…

[Re Tesseract’s line in the briefing ‘I'll have none of your "I may die" whining’ – tbh, Casey’s the type of guy who doesn’t think too deeply about stuff; he’d very probably have smiled and left her to it at that point. It’s made even worse by ‘ if you can manage to save your own future skin, you can call that a bonus.’ – I know she’s insulting to the Player in canon, but in canon I can’t just drop her arc without being able to immediately replace it with one of forty thousand more. I had to think for a while why Casey would continue, and there was that slim reason, the image. Perhaps you could bring that out into focus a bit more to give the Player a reason to keep helping her]

Mission 2: [sorry, forgot to note it down – some variant of checking out the Time-Lock base]
“I arrive at the place [tech lab map], and it’s crawling with Time-Lock guards [conning blue and green this time, unfortunately.] I ain’t interested in dawdling, so I work up to full steam and plow on through. I find a computer with some emails on it, describing some kind of temporal virus. It’s a whole load of science mumbo-jiggery to me, but maybe Tessie’ll make sense of it. I find some elevators and move up to the next floor…

[I’m afraid I too am as confused as Casey about exactly how the temporal virus works]

“On the next floor, I turn up the dial a notch or two, and scout around for anything interesting. Ain’t nothing going on here, so I move up another floor…

[Casey’s travel power is superspeed (how else was he able to beat that train ), and I do just race round the whole floor, find nothing but guards, and then use the elevators]

“On the next floor, in the last room, I find a few more guards, drive them into the ground, and there’s another computer. This one has video’s and images of me doing normal daily stuff; polishin’ my hammer, bench pressing, washing my unitard, that sorta thing.

[I’d replace ‘remembers watching themselves.’ With ‘remembers watching $himherself’, it’ll scan better.]

“There’s another strange device here, too. I read the manual attached to it [er, I’m stopping to read a manual in an enemy base?] It’s more timey stuff, don’t mean diddly to me…I hear a noise just then, and there’s Time-Shift, bold as a clock, coming at me from behind! He still ain’t much of a fighter. He teleports out before I can finish him…Well, I guess I better go see what Tessie has to say…

[The ‘Defeat Time-Shift’ objective didn’t appear until the last clue was found, and Time-Shift spawned behind me in the same room. I was zoomed right out, so I saw him appear. It looked a bit odd. If you want him to be the last thing the Player does, perhaps you could try fiddling with your spawn placements and the map choice to have a more consistent clue-clue-clue-boss spawn chain]

“The lady ain’t happy…seems I messed something up, though I sure don’t know what – all I did was what she asked me to…

[She’s really getting on my nerves now, I’m sorry. She says ‘I think I prefer the future where you were dead.’, and that makes me want to smash her face in. Casey’s reaction would again be to simply let her deal with it herself, though. Small typo in debriefing ‘You also allow Time-Shift’ should be ‘You also allowed Time-Shift’]

“But she has found out who’s behind all this. The emails have been traced to a Fifth Column base at a point in time before the Council war – Tessie says she’s going to come with me to make sure I don’t mess anything else up…heh., you know, I think that maybe she’s sweet on me. ‘At would ‘splain all her piss n vinegar – she’s acting like she don’ care!

[OK, I’m getting flashbacks to Hardcase here. She’s really treating me like dirt. Is this supposed to be a comedy? I ask, because in my arc The Audition, the contact, Synapse, constantly berates the Player for messing up every mission, and I have got a very few feedbacks from people complaining that they didn’t like the abuse – but The Audition is an out-and-out comedy, and the ‘/facepalm, gah, you eedjit!’ stuff from Synapse in it is totally played for laughs. Tesseract’s attitude here is a turn-off for me, I’m afraid…but I see that Casey has thought up a possible reason for her behaviour ]

Mission 3: [Damn, I did it again]

“This nazi base is a warren of caves. I plow in at full pelt, straight into some of them Fifth Column guys from back in the day. I pound em into meat with my hammer, and then free Tessie. She’s pleased to see me, I can tell, gets all excited and rushes off to work out some them nerves on some Fifth. After a romantic chase around the base, I find a computer, and scan it. It turns up a small drive. It ain’t a bunch of flowers, but I’m sure Tessie’ll be pleased…

“She tells me that now, the time-stream has unlocked the Menders now, so they’ll be ok for the Comin’ Storm, but she wants me to go ahead back to that first assault and prevent it from happening. I mustn’t be careless, though – this’ll be a different time-line from my previous jaunt there…

[Bzzt – does not compute! I’m lost now. Who is the real power behind Time-Shift? Why am I going back to the first assault, and why is it in fact a different first assault? Tesseract’s still being snide, too. Casey’s still willing to go with the flow, luckily]

Mission 4: Scout a Brave New Future

[I just realized I hadn’t checked any of Tesseract’s dialogue for when the player comes back before completing it, so I had a look at this one, and she out and out threatens me with death. I’m afraid that I hate your contact. This is, remember, purely my opinion here, but I personally don’t give a monkey’s how spot on canonically a contact is, if they’re being an a-hole, then I’ve got to have a pretty good reason for doing what they ask me to or I’m not interested in continuing. In the canon Ouro arc from Pilgrim, she has one line of dialogue, basically. It’s a little insulting, but it’s over in a flash. My criticism isn’t that you’ve got the Voice wrong, it’s that I don’t want to be belittled by a contact when I’m supposed to be a respected superhero. If Mender Tesseract had a very long canon arc where she had 15 or more interactions with me, and every time she spoke to me like that, after doing it once to see the story pan out, I’d avoid it on all my toons like I do Crimson and Indigo. Why do you need her at all? There are other Menders you could use]

“As soon as I arrive back at the scene of the assault, I power up and zoom off on a recce. Them Time-Lock boys can’t keep up with me at full steam, which suits me fine. I slow up when I find a body bag, however, and stop dead for a moment when I see who’s inside. It’s [someone]…

[er…what?]

“Further into the area, I find another dead body. This time, it’s [someone else]…then I meet that glowing red dude again. He shouts at me while I’m pounding him into the earth…

[‘The Alpha’ has appeared three times now, he’s not an objective, he does have dialogue, but there’s no other mention of him. /confused]

“ And then, I see Time-Shift, and nearby is a barrel, containing [something]…I crack my knuckles, and charge. He don’t know kung-fu, ‘at’s for sure. When he’s on the ground, a bunch of his friends arrive, too late. I put em all down too. I prod his body with my hammer and notice a medal round his neck. It has [something] on its front and [something unbelievable] on its back. I’m sure interested to see what Tessie has to say ‘bout all this!

[hmm…that mission had me shaking my head at the clues, especially the goo one, and then Time-Shifts dialogue sort of hinted at what’s been happening, and then Tesseract’s debrief explains it, but, well, maybe I’m stupid, but it wasn’t at all clear to me until she stated it clearly what’s been going on. And I’m still baffled about The Alpha, and why the Fifth were involved…]

“Tessie explains what she’s worked out about this whole confusin’ mess, but I;m none the wiser, truth be told. I just let her babble on. I figure I’ll just go along with her, so what she asks me, and then after, we’ll go get some chicken. Yeah.

[I’m as confused as Casey about what the reveal means. My view of time-travel stories is that it’s ok to be confused whilst they’re happening, but at the end, you should be able to sort of take a chronological overview of everything and have it make sense. I can’t with this. Not yet, anyway. Maybe after the last mission]

Mission 5: Mend the Timestream

“So Tessie’s got one last mission for me before we can go to Big Charley’s Cluck n Cookhouse Grill – I gotta replace that drive we found earlier in the Fifth base. Sounds easy, and when she tickles that pillar and sends me there, it sure enough is. I run through the caves to the mainframe, beef about a bit with the few guards that are near it, and restore the timeline. Casey Crockett, Mender!

[That took about as long as it did to type that. I SSd thru the base, ignoring all mobs, defeated 2 yellow conning Fifth, and clicked the glowie. The battles ‘raging’ in the base, were sparse to say the least. I think I saw three.]

“As I leave and return to the future, I forget everything, but luckily Tessie gave me 2 letters to take with me into the past. I read one, which tells me what happened. The other I’m supposed to give to Tessie. She doesn’t recognize me on account of the timelines being reset, o’ course. I give her the letter, and everything is back to square one…no, I never did get to take her for chicken…”

[small typo in debriefing, ‘not be love letter’ should be ‘not be a love letter’ .The Souvenir explains everything in point format, but unfortunately I still can't get my head round what went on]


[end]

Ah, I’m awfully sorry, but the last half of that fell to pieces a bit IMO. It was mechanically ok, there were only the minima typos I noted above, it was easy enough (maybe too easy in places), but it just didn’t seem to make much sense towards the end. Coupled with tesseract's annoying attitude, I think it needs some work. And who was ‘The Alpha’, lol?

So, just 3-stars from me, I’m afraid. I’d like to finish on a positive, so I’ll say this. I think the title is excellent, and Clubbor’s my favourite unique custom of the weekend so far (out of 4 arcs and around 12 potentials).

Eco

Qr - Getting from 0-50 in 56 hrs is too fast IMO.

Also, if the 'have nots' are lobbying for the Devs to reduce the lead over them that the 'haves' have, then that's just another route to 'making your own fortune'.

Eco

"-upid machine, why don't they make the buttons bigger?...Oh, sod it, I give up!...[bibubibibipipibupip]...Gavin? It's Alain...what? No, I don't know who else would be calling you at this hour...look, I tried to leave you a memo but this stupid device is playing up again, it won't record...well never mind that, you're awake anyway, aren't you?...well were you sleeping?...oh...oh...OH!...er, well please passs on my regards to the lady...[whispers]..d'you want me to pop round and give you a spot of Transference, you know, to help you...no no, of course not....What? What do i want? Oh yes, well it's a bit delicate. See, this Major Davis woman from the SUI? She's asked me out to dinner...I don't know, maybe I'm her type...well maybe men with green titanium skin are her type!...look, that doesn't matter, the thing is, I don't know which tie to wear...Really? Are you sure?...OK, if you say so. Now about shoes...Hello?...Hello, Gavin?...Blast, he must have accidentally leant on the reciever..."

[etc]

Nice souvenir lol.

Eco.

Grey skinned rather. Stupid iPhone.

Eco

Gah! I forgot to read the souvenir! /facepalm! Idiot. I've logged out now. I'll check it out in the morning.

Re naked aliens vs jumpsuits-I thought they looked like get/skinned aliens rather than silver suited. They looked great.

I think the PoV approach really helps me to relax and have fun with an arc, I'll be doing it like that a lot from now on.

Coming soon: Americam Folk Hero Casey Crockett is Entrusted With The Other Secret!

Eco

QR - I'll get on to them, don't wory, M_M.

Eco.

A Close Encounter by @Baler, Arc ID 233720. Heroic Morality, Long (3 small, 1 unique map).

Description is a sort of vague call from the Special Investigations Unit for the player to sign up and help. It’s for 1-54s, so I’m taking my lvl 37 Kin/Rad Defender, The Accelerated Man, in on this one. Here’s his bio:

“Al Bejesus was a flawed genius. His genius was in the field of particle acceleration. His flaw was a tendency to move to practical tests of his incredible inventions before he'd ironed out the theory completely. One fateful day, his genius and his flaw clashed, with disastrous and explosive results. Al theorized a tad incorrectly that if a single particle could be accelerated in his hadron collider to phenomenal speeds, then more particles would produce even more speed. Like, say, the amount of particles in a human body. Strapping himself into a laxly-tested device, he flicked the switch. His eyeballs, fingers, toes, nipples, all of his skin and a lot of his surface muscle particles were accelerated right off his body, but the bloody mess that was left displayed amazing powers when he emerged from the 19-month coma that ensued. Replacing his outer layers with technological prosthetics, he spent hours with a thesaurus, and then The Accelerated Man thrust himself into the fray against the forces of darkness!”

I login as AM…and the servers go down for daily maintenance! Is this an omen of things to come? Find out soon, in The Amazing Scientific Journal of the Accelerated Man!

[and…start]

“-‘s not working. Every time I switch it on it just sits there and the little number thing doesn’t go up. Look, I’ll try agai-”

“-ust stopped it and I’m sure it wasn’t recording anything, Gavin. Where did you get it from?…And how much was it? I hope you got a receipt, I’m already over-budget with having to buy those hydroelectric shock absorbers for the Centripetaloscopic Gyroscillator-oh,hang on, the little number’s are going up…Yes, they’re going up now!…What? Really? It’s recording right now? Oh I see! Haha, D’you know what must have happened?…I think I must have got the…ah, yes, how did you guess? Well anyway, it doesn’t matter, it’s working, that’s the main thing…Yes alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Gavin. Bye…Right, that’s that sorted out…I’ll just….switch…you off…

[footsteps, door opens and closes, three hours of silence, door opens and closes, footsteps]

“…OK, now I can-oh! It’s on already! What? Oh, never mind. It’s working. Right...ahem...Alain Bejesus, AKA the Accelerated Man here, Journal entry 575b point 3. This case started when I was put in touch with a Major Davis of the Special Investigations Unit. Davis asked me to take some surveillance photos of a mysterious paramilitary ‘prescience’ at a ‘classified crash site’. Having recently upgraded my prosthetics, I needed to test them under field conditions, so I surmised that this would, ah, be a good opportunity. I didn’t really know much about this SIU or Major Davis, but she seemed a genuine sort...

[googling the SUI brings up a Canadian civilian police agency. I was a bit confused by the lack of any information about your SUI – we can now give our contacts information, this would be a good place to put sth about the SUI maybe?]

Mission 1: Gather Intelligence Data

“Once in the area of the crash site, a lightly forested region in the countryside, I set off to investigate, and run into some unpleasant fellows in bandanas and whatnot brandishing guns and generally behaving like thugs. They set about me with twin swords and fancy martial arts moves, which is no way to greet a man of science! I introduced them to the concept of kinetic energy transference, and they became rather lethargic after that. It was terribly invigorating for me, though. My new inertial exchange algorithm seems to be performing well past its theoretic norms. Gavin, remind me to ask Professor Ginormous if he’s found any strangely successful results whilst using the BigFoototron I designed for him last month; it uses the same waveform to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow….Where was I? Ah yes, the investigation. After giving those military looking chaps a short lesson on Newton’s Third Law, I proceeded at a fair old rate of knots around the area. I discovered a group of the troops surrounding a captive – and it wasn’t human! I’m afraid I had to resort to violence in order to free the being – oh, and Gavin, take a side note for Dr Mentalist: I suspect I’m starting to enjoy dealing out physical justice to miscreants a little too much – Is this normal? – Thank you Gavin…ah, the alien – yes, it didn’t thank me for the rescue, just rushed off. Luckily, I was able to photograph it before it vanished…

[The customs are nicely costumed, but look more casual than I’d expect a paramilitary outfit to be, They appear to be wearing jeans, for example. The clue for the freeing of the alien says that he rushes off, but he didn’t, he just did the ‘rubbing my elbow’ animation and then stood there in place. This may be because the outdoor map has no ‘run to exit’ possibilities]

“After freeing the alien, I had another delve about, and found some interesting items to photograph for Major Davis. The items I photographed were all alien artifacts of some sort. I returned to Major Davis, who told me that the alien I photographed was new to her. The group trying to get the crash remnants were the Eagle’s Talons, a low-grade army-for-hire affair. They’d been hired by Earth For Humans, and the warehouse where they’d taken the artifacts was known. I readily agreed to lend a hand to stop the handover of the artifacts and maybe unveil what was going on…

[The ‘accept’ line is ‘always a pleasure working with you Major’. There should be a comma before ‘Major’, but more importantly, I haven’t met her before, so this jarred for me. Also, at this stage, I’m not hugely sure why what these guys are doing is so wrong – the aliens might be the bad guys, the artifacts don’t actually belong to anyone, do they (apart from the aliens I mean)? - and Earth For Humans – isn’t that a legitimate political organization?]

Mission 2 : Secure the Wreckage

“Once inside the warehouse, I turned the first corner to find my way blocked by a hard-faced woman in a baseball cap and a grim looking man in a military short-sleeved shirt and fatigues. There was no way I was going to be able to sneak past them, and as they looked like they meant business [yellow minion and orange lieut] I decided that offense was the best form of defense to apply here. I soon made short work of them. The woman was shooting bullets all over the place, and that man certainly seemed impressed with his own bladework, but really, it’s simply a matter of scientific principles. If they only understood that when I split the total kinetic energy of a body into the sum of the body’s center-of-mass translational kinetic energy and the energy of rotation round the center of mass, they’d realize that all that frantic ducking and weaving and swiping about with their swords and blasting around with the bullets only made things worse for them. Really, the average thug’s level of ignorance of simple physical laws is astounding…which is what made me a bit peeved, I’m ashamed to say. After they displayed such an appalling lack of education, I’m afraid any qualms about hurting them fell away. I decide that it would be an invaluable scientific education for them if I were to show them that whenever they meet me, they are part of a system, which has a total kinetic energy equal to the sum of the kinetic energies of the bodies it contains, and that due to the fact that it is I who can control the distribution of that kinetic energy and also transform it from and into other forms of energy and transfer it between said bodies at will…uh, well, they’d be essentially screwed. But – it would be a learning experience for them!…

[kin is awesome. I had no trouble. On Heroic diff, the spawns were 3 max, I was meeting 1 orange lieut and 2 yellow minions, and they couldn’t reduce my health or end more than halfway before my Trans x2 put them back up again. Great fun]

“…I pushed on, finding some boxes and crates. They contained the artifacts the Talons had taken from the crash site. All I needed to do now was secure the warehouse…

[The stuff in the boxes etc is the same stuff that was in the collectibles on Mission 1. This mission comes across a little bit repetitive without anything else to spice it up]

“As I was brushing my hands off after defeating the final thug, the technicians from the SUI arrived to take the artifacts. I reported back to major Davis, who wanted me to wait around while they interrogated the miscreants I’d apprehended, I assumed to see where the crates were going to be shipped…

[hmm… now I’ve got this image of AM standing in a corridor, arms crossed, tapping his foot and looking at his watch whilst the lights flicker and ‘BZZZT’ and grunts and screams are heard from the interrogation rooms]

“After the goons had told what they knew, Davis had another request for me. It seemed that the aliens were [something which I won’t spoil]. Davis wanted me to infiltrate an Earth for Humans labs to see what they were angling for. My scientific curiosity was definitely piqued by this; I agreed. Davis kindly supplied me with a device which would let me make a record of what I found there – I’ll splice the sound from that recorder into this journal entry now, hold on…there we go…any second…wait just a minute…ah, what’s it doing now?…Oh, for goodness sake!…I know, I’l-“

“oing? What’s wrong with good old fashioned audio tape recorders, that’s what I want to know! All these newfangled digital thingamajigs are more trouble than they’re worth!…Yes, I’ve done that!…No, I haven’t done that – should I have done?…Well why doesn’t it say so on the front, then?…well I managed to estimate the entropy of a proton falling into a black hole to fifteen quadrillion decimal points using vacuum tubes, I don’t see why…Yes, Gavin, I know what to do now…No, Gavin, I’m sure I won’t need you for anything else tonight…Yes Gavin, sorry to interrupt you – what were you doing, anyway?…Really?..Oh but that’s a marvelous opera!...Front row, really? That was lucky!…Yes yes, of course, I’ll let you get o-hello?…hello, Gavin?…hm…OK, now then…I press…this!

Mission 3: Check Out the Lab

“Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? OK, here I am, uh, I’ve just entered the Earth for Humans base, and it appears to be fairly quiet so far…I’m just jogging along a corridor, hello…who’s this?…ah, the specimen is humanoid, grey-skinned, slightly oval reptilian face, naked, shorter by some way than an average human, slim…I shall attempt contact…ahem. Good evening, my name is Alain-gah!…Aaaiiieeghghghrrruuurghh….NNGGGGGG!!!!!…ahhhh …why, you little swine…ugh…aarghh…why, I’ll…hmmmf..grhhh…ahhh…hang on let me turn this thing off it’s getting in ….aaeeeeiii…the-”

“…[tap tap]…OK, well, they’re not friendly, anyway. I’ve just stopped to catch my breath and report in. They appear to have some kind of psychic assault powers, and there are also slightly squatter types that are tough little beasts who pack a bit of a punch. Those ones are also quite resistant to damage. I fought a few of them and then encountered a larger group [2 minions with psi blast and I think a superstrength/regen?] guarding a human lab technician. It took me a bit of effort to subdue the aliens or whatever it is they are, and then he ran off after telling me [something]…

[nice animation on the lab tech ]

“Hm, there are a few computers here…I’ll have a quick look at their files if I can…[tikitikatikatikadikatikatidika]..hm, interesting. Encrypted files…and also [something]…that’ll do, I think…I don’t fancy meeting a big group of those little butch fellows…er…ahem!…Accelerated Man, signing off!…[footsteps for 2 minutes, door opens, door closes, footsteps, city noises]…taxi!…[slam]…yes, SUI HQ, plea-oh, good grief, it’s sti-”

“-at’s too much, how am I supposed to pause the dratted thing?…Oh, blow it… Um, yes, well, I reported back to Major Davis with the files…

[I enjoyed that mission, but you should know that the lab tech and the two computers both spawned in the first room on the right by the stairs. I had a little look ahead, and noticed that there were some elevators leading to another floor. There was no need to go up there as I played it. I’m quite happy to have small maps, especially when the story elements are not huge too, as they are here, but I thought I should point it out in case you didn’t realise]

“Major Davis rushed the files to the lab whilst I used the toilet [the briefing does say ‘use the facilities’ lol], and, well, since my buttocks got blown off at 574 TeV per nucleus in the ion collider accident, it takes me quite a long time to have a movement – heh, that’s quite ironic, really, if you think of my powers…aanyway, I have prosthetic buttocks now, and they’re serviceable enough, so that’s that….Where was I? – Ah yes, when she returned, she had some interesting information about our alien friends. They were [something that made me go ‘oooh, niiiice’ – I must say I like the little tweak/twist to them that the briefing for Mission 4 reveals].

“Someone had to shut down the alien’s lab, and I immediately volunteered. Well, just think of it. Me? The Accelerated Man? In an alien laboratory? With my reputation? QED!…

Mission 4: Shut Down the Lab

“Once inside, I knew what I had to do – Look for any alien technology and take extensive notes of it to further the March of Science!…And then destroy it of course so that couldn’t be used for any nefarious aim…by now, I knew enough about these aliens abilities and tactics to be quite casual about any meetings with them. I must say, I surprised myself with how many of the creatures I was able to beat off.

[Fantastic combat in this mission, I really enjoyed it. I noticed grav powers being used by some minions too, and energy melee. Found myself fighting quite large groups of multiple spawns at times, too, and it was good fun stuff]

“I did find a number of arcane esoteric devices, and they proved as susceptible to ultrafast entropic decay as the test hamsters back in my lab. After I’d destroyed a number of them, I heard a strange noise, and felt an odd psychic tingling in the back of my head…I felt drawn on to find something…someone…

[woah! Met a big bunch of them together, aggroed some more on the way up the stairs, and that fight was hard. I succeeded though! Wicked]

“In the depths of the base I found a room with quite a few of the beasts, and one who was not naked as the rest were. The naked ones attacked me, of course, but the lone one, who was wearing a power suit of some kind, didn’t. After I’d finished off the others, this one said [something], and I led him to the exit.

[hmm…the clue from him was a bit strange, if you ask me, considering what came before.]

“Once out, Davis and the alien leader conversed, and…

[a resolution occurred – the end debriefing makes it a little clearer what has happened, but I had to read it again to fully grasp it.]

“I had amassed a great deal of data for my experiments, and also gained some valuable combat experience. A most instructive day….ahem…this is Alain Bejesus, AKA the Accelerated Man, Journal entry 575b point 3, signing off…okaaay…what?…Off! Off, I said, you stupid machi-”

[end]

So, overall, it’s Fun. The customs look good, are just about in this side of challenging (do they all have /regen?) and the leader in the power suit matches them nicely. The plot is fine, I could see it in canon easily. I didn’t notice any typos. Mission 2 is a bit of a ‘meh’ point, and perhaps the arc as a whole could have some more bells and whistles, but it made sense, didn’t have any hideous mechanics or EBs or what have you, and I’d be happy to see the alien group again. I’m not like ‘Woohoo! Get the bunting out! Let’s have a parade!’, but I don’t feel I’ve wasted my evening at all. If we could mark out of 10, it’d be a 7 IMO, but we can’t, so have 4 stars instead.

Eco.

QR - Sometimes, it's difficult to differentiate between JABOSTH and Just A Bunch Of Stuff That Made Me Go 'Meh'.

Eco.

[ QUOTE ]
I *think* this actually worked for my problem.... I had petitioned the devs because when I published my arc it was at 96% and when I went in to edit it (before I touched anything) it popped to over 107%. I petitioned and was told that the system was artificially padding my arc.

Looking for solutions, Turg directed me here. I d/l IGOR- Ran it, there was no change. *HOWEVER* when I went back to check my arc yesterday (Sunday) it was fixed at 88%. Now I don't know if it was IGOR that did it, or just all of a sudden the game fixed it, either way, I am happy- and Everyone can now enjoy "The Quest for Fish Melee" Arc 99058 .

[/ QUOTE ]

I published The Echo before I15 went live, and at Publish it was at 98% and publishable, editable, playable, no problems. After some weeks, without me doing anything to it, it jumped to 107%, but was still Published and still playable. I couldn't edit it anymore for fear of it not letting me publish it again, but I could go into the edit screen to see it reported as 107%.

I petitioned support too. All I got was 'we don't know. Reduce the size of your arc' lol. I didn't.

When I15 hit, it dropped to 98%.

So alls well I guess.

Eco

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
When i15 went live I only lost about 30 badges, because I stopped actively looking for more after seeing the badge-farm arcs that were being made. However, I thought that once i15 went live, I'd start to badge-hunt again.

Seeing my total badgecount drop by 30-odd in one swoop made me realise that badging can never be about the destination, because that elusive number of 'all' badges will never be fixed. Aiming to 'get em all' is utterly meaningless. The most anyone cam day is they've got em all so far, and knowing that yesterdays So Far can even be more than today's - and we've seen some serious negative badge progress with I15 - makes badging beyond the normal rate of progress even more risky

It's such a relief.

Eco

[/ QUOTE ]

Now if you'd just get over your whining and moaning about how unfair the market is.

[/ QUOTE ]

/splutters wine back into glass.

Lol what? Me? Moan about the Market?

What?

What?

...

What?

Haha that's so out of left field I don't know how to respond lol.

I think you must have me co fused with someone else. Or you're making a joke?

When have I whined about the Market?

Eco


Eco

As a storytelling MArc writer, I am strongly against limiting the make-up of individual spawns to any prescribed mix of minions, liuets, etc. One of the missions in The Audition, for excample, has spawns made up from a custom group that has just one minion in it. Every mob the Player encounters in that mission is the exact same minion from that custom group. It's not a farm by any stretch of the imagination. The mobs the Player encounter are supposed to be identical for narrative purposes.

Another mission uses two groups. One is made up of storm elementals, renamed as 'servitors' - they are supposed to be sort of general purpose 'energy' multi-purpose drones and are largely there for atmosphere. The other group has 5 EBs in it, and each EB appears just once.

Forcing each spawn (or each custom group, which has been suggested before) to have minions, lieutenants and bosses in it would ruin those two missions, and further reduce the options all storytellers have.

Eco.

Case. Not vase lol.

Qr - I don't have a clue what Naruto is (I'm guessing ninja anime, though?), but that Pain review was absolutely hilarious. I don't think you're griefing. You could take a little more care to make sure you're not attributing bugs in the system to design, though, as in the destructable vase.

Eco

QR - Sounds good, Bubba. I'll add it to the queue.

But no more requests, please (sorry, I should have said earlier) until Ive cleared the short one I have now. I'd like to run anyone's who asks, but i'll start to panic if i end up with a massive list!

Eco.

QR

So my queue is now:

A Close Encounter 233720
Entrusted with the Other Secret 120462
The Invasion of the Space Ape Armada 81043
A.E.'s Premium Quality Mission: "guaranteed qualityyyyLOADING ERROR 0.000459" 148476
Red Typhoon 4912

At some stage I'll also get on to

The Galactic Protectorate Parts 2 and 3
A Bad Hand from a Worse Dechs 19502
Every Rose 17702
A random arc with the word Banjo in the title.
Power Play
Ctrl + Alt + Reset! 137561

Eco.

This Costume Contest Sponsored By Tubbius! Arc ID 101933Heroic morality, Long (2 mediums, 1 unique map).

Description: Tubbius wants to hold a costume contest in Atlas, but the heroes are missing! Blush has an AWESOME costume. If she can help find the rest of the contestants, Tubbius can hold the contest, and Blush can win!

Blush is accompanied on this run by special guest star Eliot Greenleaf, a lvl 16 kin/elec defender. Here is Eliot’s bio:

“My mother was Illya La Fey, an elf of some standing. You may have heard of her? My father was William Greenleaf, a human. I never met my father, he died when I was still a babe in arms, but my mother told me so many stories of his exploits in fairyland. What she didn't tell me until yesterday, my 18th birthday, was that I have a sister. She too is a mortal, my father’s child from his former life, before he became stuck in fairyland. I must find her, tell her she wasn't abandoned, that her father died trying to leave this magical place, striving to be able to hold his daughter once again. I have inherited my father’s natural origin, but I have enough of my mothers blood to be able to cross the magical barrier that separates here from Paragon City, so now I must go to my sister. I must find Lucy Greenleaf.’

In we go!

Eliot’s an elf. He can do magic, he creates electricity out of the ether or something, and he also does all this speedy stuff and power exchanges and things like that. It’s good for me, cos I get tired a lot, when I’m bending gravity or bubbling. Mom says the magic is why we’re friends, we’ve got it in common, and he says it’s magic too, but he’s an elf – it’s like normal for him. I’ve tried to get him to go to G.I.F.T. and apply for a recategorisation but he just laughs and says I’m weird.

Tubbius is reminiscing again, the daft old buffoon He’s telling the story of how he had some help from me and my friend Eliot one time, starting with a rescue mission to the Atlas park sewers…

Mission 1: Find the Missing Heroes

We enter the sewers and Eliot does some elf magic on me and I’m like all zipzipzip. He’s good like that.

In the first big chamber we find Waddle, being menaced by a group of snowmen. Waddle has a vendetta against these guys, and I don’t blame him. With Eliot’s buffs and my grav attacks, the snowmen are no match, really. We also save Phineas, that environmental protestor, again.

Eliot, and I, accompanied by the plucky penguin hero Waddle, go deeper into the sewer system. We find Capon, and check this out - he's a chicken! Ha, yep, a mutant rooster who can like do kung fu moves and stuff! Honestly, seeing him all 'buck-buckaw!' and crane kicking with his little wings flapping is awesome hilarious.

VIBRATE is the next hero to be rescued – by now, our little band are steam-rollering away, no problem. VIBRATE’s a guy in a power suit, seems a bit energy inefficient lol, but he does ok. He’s got these shrieky blasts too.

Lastly, we found Santa on his knees in the gloop, but we soon freed him and then the whole gang of us polished off the rest of the snowmen, leaving a lovely, uh, clean sewer lol

Tubbius pauses here in the story, the twinkly-eyed old podger, and then resumes with the tale.

Phineas had been investigating, and had discovered that Tubbius’ old enemy Pistola (on Santa’s Naughty List since like forever) had allied with the Council, and was kidnapping heroes. Tubbius still needed more heroes for his costume contest, so we had to go rescue them from the Council!

Mission 2: Find the Missing heroes

The Council were hiding out in an office complex. Eliot and I enter, and immediately those nasty fascists start on us. We fight through wave after wave (well, alright, so I’m exaggerating a bit, sue me!) of Council, and then in a room we findthe first hero to rescue, the Paragon Bomb. He’s a very large man! Unfortunately, before we can free him, I catch the attention of a huge group of goons (I like ran in, looked at The Bomb and was like ‘Ha! Easy, only 3 guards – er…’ and then looked left…and right…) and they sent me back to the hospital! My bad! We regroup and have a fairly touch and go job of it in that room, but the forces of Blush and Eliot prevail! One free hero to help!

He’s a very large man, did I mention that?

Further in, we find in fairly quick succession Lord Mime, an old gripper in quite cool white gloves and a black suit who turns out to be a dab hand with a bow, and the Orange Butterfly, a mysterious martial artist in an orange tunic. Lord Mime doesn’t say much, cos, you know, he’s a mime.

And lastly, we rescued good old Tubby Santa again, just before the big fight with Pistola – who fought like my sister! He was easy.

After that, we left. Surely now there’d be enough heroes for a costume contest!

Yes, there were, but first, we had to deal with one more problem, Tubbius told us. There was someone hanging about in Atlas Park pretending to be him!

No-one should pretend to be Santa! My dad told me that when I was little.

So, to Atlas!

Mission 3: Stop Tubbius Regalis

We arrive in Atlas Park to find this Tubbius imposter right there! Right there! Right there, waiting for us! The cheek! He attacks us, rants a bit, shouts for help from some men in bandannas who come crawling out of a sewer grate, and then falls like tree in a storm, and that’s us done! Victory, in a very very short amount of time!

And after all that hard work – Santa says that the costume contest can’t happen because all the heroes have run off to do some heroing elsewhere! Like, what? Typical.

Ah well. Eliot tells me he’s got to run and do some housework, and I need a shower anyway, so we part company from Tubbius, the chortling old grampus, and I go home.

[end]

Hmm…Weaker than the first two, and that last mission very much a let-down, so 3-stars for this one.

COMMENTS ON THE TUBBIUS TRILOGY OVERALL

The Tubbius Trilogy is, on the face of it, mechanically sparse, narratively silly, text and dialogue-light, extremely easy, and pretty short. It’s mostly a collection of Rescue [someone], Repeat, Defeat [someone], and each mission as I played it ended up being a Defeat All in practice, because of the allies, who turn a solo player into a steam-roller team and steal most of the rewards from you if you’re not careful.

It also has a few commas missing or in the wrong place, and the framing device of Tubbius telling you the story of how you helped him out earlier doesn’t quite work perfectly (and is abandoned for the second arc in the trilogy (although I should point out here that this could be unjust ‘criticism’ because @Tubbius himself doesn’t actually claim it’s a Trilogy at all afaik – that’s what I’ve taken to dubbing it).

So why am I so enamoured with it, then?

Words like ‘cute’, ‘sweet’, and ‘nice’ spring to mind. I feel strongly that the main criteria for judging an arc should be this: Is it enjoyable? If I’m playing an arc with gritted teeth, indigestion and an overwhelming desire that it be over as soon as possible, then perfect grammar and spelling and the presence of a Deep Meaningful Theme about Someone Learning Something is irrelevant.

Waddle has just 6 lines, I think, none of them very complicated or revealing, and his bio contains just one bare character trait, but he’s just such a Smile Generator that it’s a pleasure to fight next to him. Likewise, Capon the mutant chicken looks just cutely ridiculous doing MA moves (he’s really short with wings, honestly, you have to see him), and Tubbius, from the start, spawns real affection IMO.

The last arc is the weakest, although it does contain Lord Mime, who’s another good creation, even though he has no dialogue at all. It’s the sheer incongruousness of his look and the bow lol.

The last mission of the CC arc is crying out for the Atlas Park fashion show map, ALL the customs you’ve rescued so far, and Tubbius, for a Big Fight against a slightly beefed up Pistola and Tubbius Regalis, culminating in a successful costume contest. I was gutted that Tubbius didn’t get to have the CC! Poor Santa!

And surely, “…and the winner is…$Name!” is a must-do?

I totally recommend this trilogy for heroes at lvl 15-is looking for a lazy fun 9-mission break from the Hollows. Everyone in CoH should meet Waddle, IMO.

Eco.

Polar Emergence Neutral Government User Interface Network (PENGUIN), by @Tubbius, Arc ID 29205 Heroic morality, Long (3 missions, 2 medium, 1 small map)

The description warns that Crey have recently started a secret program called the Polar Emergence Neutral Government User Interface Network, and it warrants investigation.

Investigation? Blush bubble is ALL ABOUT the investigations! I’m in!

So the contact is Jonathan St John Smythe. My mom always says never to trust a guy with too many names, so I’m gonna watch him carefully. He’s a doctor, maybe, and his medical supplies he gets from Crey have dried up, and now Crey’s stopped returning his calls. He wants me to go check out what’s up. Easy!

Mission 1: Learn Shipping Information

So I’m to check the base out, and find out where the medical supplies are going. I enter the base and almost immediately these grumpy Crey geezers try to throw me out. I’m here on an INVESTIGATION; don’t they know how important that is? I give them a taste of 40gs.

A little way in I find a computer; my awesome hacking skillz soon discover a…floppy disc? These things still exist? I’ll have to check it later.

Just round the corner from that, I rescue an environmental demonstrator called Phineas, whose wife is also being held captive in here somewhere. He mentions something about ‘PENGUIN’ before he runs off. I think I remember my Dad spouting off about articles he wrote about Crey – something about ‘our feathered and furry friends’?

On the next floor, I run into a big bunch of Crey. They’re a bit too much for me, so I retreat for a rest. I get tired a lot when I’m using my powers.

After a rest I venture upstairs again, and find Phineas’ wife Melinda. She drops some photos.

With nothing else left to find here, I head out and back to Smythe. This PENGUIN thing needs more investigating. There’s something going on at Crey facilities to do with Arctic experimentation.

Smythe sends me off to a warehouse in Kings Row. There’s been a lot of Crey activity there lately. Perhaps I can discover something.

Mission 2; Learn about PENGUIN

Brrr – this warehouse is cold. Too cold. I overhear some guards talking about snowmen. Wouldn’t surprise me. I turn the corner and run into three Crey goons. I turn the gravity up to 60gs for them. Mid-way through the fight my mom calls me on my cell. How embarrassing! I’m like “Mom! I’m BUSY!” I don’t tell her I’m on an investigation though. She freaks out when I get super. It’s not like she wasn’t fighting Baron Seventies and his Bad Old Boys when she was my age! She hears the last Crey choking and she’s like “What’s that?” and I tell her it’s Janice, and anyway she tells me I have to go home for dinner real soon.

When she’s gone, I figure I can do this quick. I power up my force bubble, and head into the warehouse. The Crey are all like “hey!’ and “you can’t go in there!” and I’m like ‘Stop me then, granddad”. Then I overhear some of them talking, and they mention a guy in a Santa suit who sounds like he’s on an investigation too! Can there be two guys in Santa suits heroing in Paragon?

Some of them chase me but I give them the slip and find a refrigerated box. I’ll need some kind of biotech data card to get it open, though. Some Crey spot me and just won’t let me alone, so I mess with them a little.

I take another look around, and nearby I’m attacked by a woman in a power suit called STROBE. She’s such a girl - she doesn’t even get one hit on me! She has the required card on her, which lets me open the box. It contains snow, and the label says the snow inside was ‘Defeated by PENGUIN experiment #923353: Waddle' – weird.

I leave through a side door and head home for dinner.

After dinner, I sneak out and return to Smythe. He’s mighty interested in the contents of that box. Walking snowmen! I’m like all blasé and stuff, on account of my Dad telling me all about the Winter Lord invasions. Smythe tells me to go to the Crey’s Folly base referred to on the label of the box. It’s time to find out what PENGUIN is once and for all.

Mission 3: Infiltrate the Lab.

Woah, like it’s cold in here! Really really cold. Down the stairs into the first corridor, I see why! Walking snowmen! They’re big and slow and kinda cuddly, so I decide to practice a few squeezes on them all. I work my way into the base, and after a few of the frosties fall, I find Tubbius! Yay! He’s come to clear the snowmen out and find out what’s going on. We can do the job together. On the way, I think I’ll also use my awesome hacking skillz to see what’s in the My Documents folders of any computers we come across.

We clear our way round a big room, and then we find a…kind of little penguin-man called Waddle. He’s incredibly cute. He ‘hates snowmans!’, which is cool. Now there are three of us! We’re like the Three Musketeers…if the Three Musketeers had been a girl, Santa and a mutant penguin.

We carry on into the base. The snowmen are easy targets for the incredible trio.

Hey, maybe we could call ourselves that! No, hang on, ‘incredible’ doesn’t alliterate with ‘trio’…the Tremendous Trio! Ew, no. The Titanic Trio…? Nope, sounds like an old movie. TheThrilling Three…aw I’m terrible at this.

It’s not brain surgery, this stuff, it’s not much of a challenge, more like a workout for my powers. But these two guys are so much fun to be around, I’m having a blast.

I find the last computer in the room with the last two snowmen, and Waddle and Santa finish one of them off while I hack. Then I give the last one a little 60g squeeze, and bang! I feel a sudden rush of power! I think I just increased my powers or something. My moms going to freak that it happened in Crey’s Folly, I’ll probably be grounded or at least on restricted Hollows duty or something. Pff…

Anyway, the files explain who Waddle is. He is…heh, he is the mysterious new hero Waddle, and he is a penguin in Paragon City.

We leave the base and Waddle rushes off. I say goodbye to Santa and return to Smythe, who doesn’t really have much else to say.

What a day.

[end]

Conclusion: Can one custom with a single line of dialogue really be worth 4-stars? Yep. Waddle FTW.

City of Ho Ho Ho, or a Claus in Paragon, by @Tubbius, Arc ID 18775 Heroic morality, Medium length (3 missions, all small maps)

The description of this (The first in the Tubbius Trilogy) briefly introduces the contact, Tubbius, who’s ‘a bumbler’ who needs help.

It’s a short but cute description, and so I’m taking in my short but cute grav/FF controller, Blush Bubble. Blush is currently lvl 15, and here is her bio:

‘Blush is the product of a long line of 'masters of the dark arts', but she doesn’t have to like it. She'd have preferred to have been born a mutant, or got her powers in some cool lab explosion. Magic is sooo 1890s. It was such an embarrassment admitting to her friends that her mom and dad actually call themselves 'wizards'. And those fogeys at M.A.G.I didn't make things any easier. She'd tried applying to G.I.F.T., arguing that maybe her magical ability was genetically based, but they weren't having any of it. She’s just glad that her powers at least don’t look that magical. When she concentrates, her dad might call the resulting phenomenon 'The Dread Evocation of the Protection of G'Narhl!', but she calls it a force field.’

So without further ado, I log in as Blush, and start:

So the contact is this loopy fat guy in a red suit, calls himself Tubbius Claus. He says he’s Santa, on vacation. So he’s either a crazy bum in a red suit, or he’s Santa, on vacation. What? Santa’s not real? Look, my dad rescued a little midget personification of Time last Christmas, and he got to the alternate dimension where the little ankle-biter was being kept by visiting a ski lodge floating in voidspace or somewhere weird. So if this guy says he’s Santa, that’s OK with me. Besides, he kinda reminds me of my Granpa.

Tubbius wants to tell me a story about his early days as a crimefighter. I’ve got a few hours to kill before I have to go to the Mall, so that’s cool.

He says he was in trouble and needed rescuing, and I was the one who came to his aid! That’s why he looked familiar, I guess? It’s not my Granpa I’m thinking of.

Mission 1: Rescue Tubbius

His story begins, and I’m in an apartment building, looking for him. The building’s full of Outcasts. I smile sweetly, and do my gravity thing.

After giving some Outcasts a few hugs, I go upstairs and find a box of donuts. They’re tasty. A little while later I find a note on a bulletin board talking about going to Santa’s office in City Hall and sacking ‘the room for Santa's Wish List’! These Outcasts are a bunch of scumbags! What about the kids?

I’d better find Santa quick.

On the next floor, I find some more donuts, and here’s Santa too. He’s being menaced by an Outcast in a leather jacket. He looks like the kinda guy my mom would call ‘a bad sort’. He’s got 6 friends with him. Time to party, boys.

As I attack the thug in the rug, he shouts for help. Ha, some gang leader he is! 6 of them against a girl, and he needs help!

To be honest, 9 outcasts is a bit more than I can handle, but Santa needs my help so I gotta try, right? I concentrate on the three that are crowding him. Once I’ve given them a little cuddle, they go down and Santa has some room to move; this is pretty cool actually, cos I get tired quick when I’m squeezing bad guys. Pistola’s the name of the leader of the Outcasts, and, well, with Santa helping me with these thorny plant-things and blasting me with some kind of healing energy, he’s soon out of ammo.

There’s some more donuts nearby too, which is lucky, cos I need the energy!

Hmm…I think it’s all coming back to me now. How’d I forget all this, anyway? I’ll ask my mom.

She says it might be a Giant Psychic Robot, or something called a PsychoChronoMetron, or possibly Nemesis brainwashing, but probably I just forgot like I forgot my sister’s birthday last year.

Anyway, Tubbius tells me that after I rescued him, he was worried about some Trolls that were on their way to his office. They wanted to steal the kids’ wish list! He rushed off to save it, but they captured him and took him to the sewers. It was time for another rescue!

Mission 2: Find Tubbius’s Wish List

So here I am in some really stinky sewers, and I’ve got to rescue Santa, defeat the naughty troll leader Graatak, and find Tubbius’ wish list too. I don’t like trolls anyway.

This sewer is disgusting. I don’t want to be down here any more than I have to, so I bubble up and run through.

I find Santa. Poor Santa, those nasty trolls are making him kneel down in the sewer muck! That’s not right. He’s Santa! Time for some squeezing.

Once I’ve rescued Santa we set off deeper into the sewer to look for his wish list. The poor old guy says he’s cold and he doesn’t like it down here. I don’t either, but it’s much better fighting the Trolls with his company. He makes me smile even when we’re trudging knee-deep through glowing green gloop.

In a big room we meet Graatak. He’s throwing webby stuff around, so I bring a pool table in through a wormhole and throw it in his face. It doesn’t improve his looks any, so I try a fridge, then a small atlas, and finally I lob a forklift truck at him and give him a little squeeze to finish him off. Then we find Santa’s wish list!

Those trolls had stuffed it in the garbage.

After leaving, Tubbius reminds me that after that little adventure, one more thing happened. Pistola escaped from prison and came after Tubbius! At City Hall! Time for another rescue.

Mission 3: Cast Out the Outcasts.

Inside City hall, I find Santa in the first room, squeeze his guards a few, and after they ‘oof’ to the floor Santa and I head upstairs. The old duffer’s surprisingly spry for his big fat roly-poly size.

We fight through 2 floors of Outcasts. He pricks them with thorns and strangles them with creepers and when they complain I throw pinball tables at them. It’s excellent fun.

Fun fun fun.

On the final floor, we find Pistola. He’s ranting about getting his revenge on Santa, on the Trolls, on everyone, for not getting enough presents as a kid. He seems pretty upset about it.

So I give him a hug

The fight is a disco fever carnival party of funfun, with wormholes. Santa and Blush FTW!

As he crashes, he drops his cool shades. I think I’ll take em as a souvenir.

And with that, it’s storytime over, so I say goodbye to Santa, until next time…

[end]

tl;dr: A romp. 4-stars.