Ironik

Yeah, I dislike those kinds of descriptions. I took the Mu Mastery powers for my time-traveling cyborg Brute because the red lightning powers matched his primary/secondary powers. I ignored the description entirely because Scirocco's "abilities of an ancient race" stuff has zero bearing on my guy. He generates electricity and that electricity is red, end of story.

"Alien" is an origin the way "Cleveland" is an origin, meaning "not at all."

doom?

It's easier to attach things to backs in real life than in CoH.

Can't stuff it up any worse than Raimi did. His Spidey was the biggest cinematic disappointment I've ever experienced.

Awesome.

Slightly less awesome, but not terrible.

This design is stone-cold awesome. You should add it to the favorite costume thread at the top of the forum. Also, I'm totally stealing it.

You asked for a rationale, I gave you one. Now go to bed happy, for I have solved your problem and soothed your troubled soul.

Oh, just me then. Okay, I'll just hug myself.




...and weep.

The internet is for arguing about trivia. You've used it, you know that.

What's the party line on Natural? After all, Superman is a Natural origin. So is Harry Potter.

Um, because other video games potentially take money away from CoH because they're competition to this game while kids are the next generation of CoH players. Duh.

When my cousin was little (who now has a 5-year-old of her own), she had a complete alternate lexicon than the rest of us did. She would look at cars and mysteriously mutter "ainjer-unny." No one could understand her until one night at the dinner table my mom cracked the code. When my cousin wanted a knife to butter her roll, she asked for a "sharp." When she saw a pan on the stove, she called it a "hot." We realized that she had somehow internalized all the warnings for items but not their names. Once we had that breakthrough, we understood that a word like "ainjer-unny" for a car was "danger honey."

And YOU were driving!

bah-dum-bum!
*tish*

Hugs all around.

I read the first three books years before the show came out and my interest sort of petered out, so I think the show really brings the stories to life in a terrific way. Anything they want to do to mess with the books while keeping the core solid is fine by me.

Handmade costume, too. Only the Supes one was store bought.

My cousin used to play CoH, but as you can see he doesn't have much time nowadays as a stay-at-home dad.

Creeeepy.

Will some of you nice ladies do humanity's future a huge service by doing these robonerds a service? They are seriously starting to freak me out.

Oh come ON! I just got my hospital bills, I can't be buying this sort of awesomeness right now. Damn yer eyes, damn them straight to heck.

I like the first two pages. It's a grabber that made me go, "Uh-oh, what's going on here?" So no, I don't think going linear would be an improvement.

The main sticking point for me is that you've referenced stuff that's in the game, such as "top 100 SGs" and such. I don't think that matters for the sake of your story. As far as *your* world is concerned, why not make the Justice-Knights one of the few groups of heroes running around? Just ignore everyone else, or at least most of them.

The part I liked the best was that Sin is spying on his own people because the J-K was decimated by a mole setting them up. That's the kind of thing which seems perfectly rational yet tends to destroy relationships precisely because it fosters distrust. But what else can he do to prevent it from happening again?

I didn't understand the new recruits coming in and getting the tour except as 1) giving other characters cameos and 2) allowing you to do the info-dump about the HQ. I get that J-K is recruiting to fill out their ranks, but I think it would be more interesting to see that this is a wounded SG with the members who are demoralized by their experience with betrayal. (Empty chairs at the table are good for this.) Which underscores why they would react so negatively to Sin spying on them: betrayal upon betrayal. Of course, Sin doesn't see it that way. Thus is all good conflict born, because both sides have legitimate arguments.

As for the info-dump about the Rikti ship, why not make the meeting about *that*? Make it a snappy give and take, like, "How's the power supply?" "Still working it out, but we're at a consistent 72%." [lights flicker -- put dark panel here -- lights come back] "Sorry, make that 65%." Adds a touch of humor while showing they are still working out the bugs. Which explains later why the telepad can't send them all down at once. Also, make that element integral during the fight later. Nothing like a last-minute save from the second squad -- and if you've thrown enough action at the reader, then people will kind of forget you've got your deus ex machina waiting in the on-deck circle.

Plus then the discussion about private quarters could be re-purposed. Now it reads like internal SG talk from your forums. Instead, have someone say that they'd really, really, REALLY like it if they could get some air in the section of the ship where they can have private quarters because they are sick and tired of sleeping in the bunk under so-and-so. "I'm not 9 and this isn't camp. Plus, Indian food disagrees with him. I'm begging here." "Yeah, why can't we just go back to our homes, sleep in our own beds?" "Because we are more vulnerable alone. Our enemies know everything about us and I'm not about to let you suffer the same fate as [fill in hero]." Then you show the empty chair and them hanging their heads. Implied murder is powerful, too.

The action scene that makes up the last third was just kind of chaotic and I wasn't able to follow it very well. Only Nurse Frigid and Abraxxas had distinct personalities on the bad guy side, and only Sin Stalker seemed fully developed on the hero side. Compared to the clarity of the Stalktress action (realizing it's only three characters instead of a dozen), the J-K v. I-K fight is messy. I think you just need to break it down into smaller chunks so it's easier to follow.