Heraclea

Peregrine

Kentucky Derby or Breeder's Cup?

Twinkie. No other confection has the supervillain stopping power I need.

Jaycees or Kiwanis?

How do I:

live
get my sister to sleep with me
swear in foreign languages
talk to my kids about Bin Ladin

Anybody but the Yankees.

Spalding or Louisville Slugger?

Duracell

Prego or Ragu?

Fisher Price

Clutch or automatic?

Tropicana

La Choy or Kikkoman?

Walk

Haydn or Mozart?

Mutts.

Cosmopolitan or Piña Colada?

Marine

Tomayto or tomahto?

Dunkin

MD 20/20 or Thunderbird?

White meat

Hawaiian Tropic or Coppertone?

Cable

Train or plane?

Iceberg

Pipe or cigar?

Progresso

Left handed or right handed?

Inland.

Incandescent or fluorescent?

Cloth

Paper over the top, or under the bottom of the roll?

Wallpaper

Yurt or tipi?

Mountain Dew

Jimmy John's or Subway?

Pharaoh. Roman Emperors were always getting offed by their guards. Pharaoh is a gig with legs.

Monarchy or republic?

Claussen

Green or black olive?

Mastic.

Flint or obsidian tools?

Sugar cone

Tarot or I Ching?

Flat head

Costco or Sam's Club?

Jeopardy!

Dating Game or Newlywed Game?