As this is a sad and stressful time for the community I thought I would share this (just a little something I wrote a while back, shortly after I had started playing CoV) in the hopes it will bring a smile to the face of anyone who could use a bit of humor now. Apologies if this isn't the correct forum. Before I slip back into the shadows I'd like to thank the folks of Paragon for making an environment that was not only great to play in, but that could also foster a community like the one here.
Smith from the Times So the lady says to me, Are you tan from the sun? and I reply No Im Smith from the Times.
Heh a little reporter humor to lighten the mood there. At any rate, where was I?
Oh yeah, I was telling you about the interview
Who? Me? Come now Mister Smith, do I really look like an evil sorcerer from another world maniacally bent on global domination? Doctor Durron-uu-obezai said over his steepled talons. I had a feeling he was smiling at me, but to be honest it was hard to tell.
Aside from the claws, the glowing eyes, the stylish though functional otherworldly headdress, and the cape, Doctor Durron-uu-obezai? I looked up from my notepad feeling slightly confused.
Erhm yes yes, aside from those. The Doctor placed one hand over his chest and extended the other toward me. Please, call me Doctor D. My public relations people say it humanizes me.
Why, yes, it does at that Doctor D, I said as I made a note of the new moniker. I really apologize for asking a question like that I mean it is obvious to me and any other sane person that you are just an average Joe like the rest of us.
Doctor D laughed jovially like a department store Santa with a bad hangover. I had not realized that Mua ha ha ha ha ha haaa could sound jovial, but he made it work. Thats me, Mister Smith, just an average Joe with a unique fashion sense.
And a Legion of Darkness, Doctor D, you cant forget that.
A Legion of what? What on Target Sol Three erhm Earth are you talking about Mister Smith?
It was then the massive double doors at the far end of the cavernous hall opened just enough to allow a single figure wearing dark black armor to enter the hall. He paused for a moment and then began running towards us. As the sound of his metal shod feet striking the floor rolled across the hall to where we sat I turned back to Doctor D.
Like him for example Doctor D that creepy armor and those glowing red eyes just scream Legion of Darkness to some of our more flighty readers. I glanced back at the armored figure and saw he was still running towards us.
Oh! Oh yes I see it now erhm but only if I aaah squint my eyes. Some of your readers have the most amusing flights of fancy Mister Smith. Doctor D chuckled as the armored figure continued running. The figures pace seemed to have slowed down somewhat.
Indeed they do Doctor D thats why I get assigned all the tough stories like this one. People know that I cut right through the nonsense and get to the truth of the matter. I grinned at the doctor and looked back at the armored man. His pace had slowed further and he seemed to be breathing heavily.
Thats what I like about you Mister Smith there is no pulling the wool over your eyes, Doctor D looked away from me and back to the armored man. The man had stopped running and seemed to be taking a break. Doctor D looked back at me. I looked back at the armored man and then back at Doctor D. I looked down at my watch and Doctor D looked out a window. Then we both looked back at the armored man and then back at each other. Doctor D drummed his fingers on the arm of his vaguely throne-like chair. I studied the tip of my pen for a moment.
I have to admit that I love the décor here, I said as the armored man raised one hand and waved to let us know he was okay.
Oh? Thank you, I did it all myself Doctor D said distractedly as the armored man began running again.
I am a little curious about that skull like object next to your chair though, I said and motioned toward Doctor D with my pen. I bet there is a story behind that.
Oh this old thing? Heh Doctor D said as he used his foot to push the remarkably realistic looking skull under his chair. That is left over from my ah Halloween party. You know how after a big party you always find bits and pieces left of the guests erhm left by the guests in the oddest places for months afterwards.
I know just what you mean Doctor D except I usually find empty beer bottles not so much the skull-like objects, I shrugged my shoulders, but then I would be willing to wager that my parties are not anywhere near as fun as yours are, Doctor D.
That would be a safe bet. Doctor D sighed and sat back in his chair while rolling his eyes skyward. He looked back at the armored man and then back at me. I looked back at the armored man and then out the window. Doctor D looked at his watch. I studied my fingernails for a moment and then looked back at the armor man. He was jogging at a fairly steady pace. I leaned back in my chair and Doctor D leaned forward in his. I cleared my throat. Doctor D coughed quietly. The armored man was almost within speaking distance and he picked up his pace.
Those are very nice shoes you have on Mister Smith, Doctor D said as he looked down at my feet. They are quite stylish.
Thank you. They are very comfortable too.
You'll have to tell me where you bought them before you leave. I tend to be on my feet all day issuing edicts and ultimatums, decreeing fates and things like that. I need a nice looking pair of shoes with good arch support.
I am certain I have one of their business cards. I can give you that.
That would be marvelous, Mister Smith. Thank you.
Master Master the armored man gasped as he made his way up the raised dais.
General! You are such a big joker with that whole Master thing Doctor D gave me an apologetic shrug of his shoulders and turned back to the general. What do you mean by barging into here like this?! Mister Smith is in the middle of conducting an insightful interview into my character.
My apologies Mast erhm Mister Smith, the General said as Doctor D motioned toward me with his head a very polite man that Doctor. The ummm tour group we have been waiting for has arrived.
Tour group? What tour group? Doctor D looked from me to the General and back again.
The one with the ah gritty anti-hero type young man and the plucky young woman with whom he constantly engages in spirited dialogue laced with sexual innuendo and the bumbling sidekick type person who could be easily discounted but who would only come back at a crucial moment and ruin everything.
Oh yes that tour group. For a moment I thought you meant the Grand Worshipful Order of Pillockry tour group, Doctor D looked at me and chuckled in embarrassment. I had no idea the Grand Worshipful Order of Pillockry offered tour groups. I made a note of it as that was the sort of thing my readers would be interested in knowing.
They are aaah due in next week I believe erhm sir, the General offered helpfully if hesitantly.
Erhm yes, well please excuse me Mister Smith, Doctor D rose and stroked his chin thoughtfully. I need to deal with ah yes, deal with this tour group personally. Should only take a moment.
Take your time Doctor D Ill just chat with the General here.
Once Doctor D had gone I turned to the General and saw he was concentrating on studying his fingertips. I cleared my throat politely and his glowing red orbs swiveled nervously in my direction. Some people could be a little shy when talking with a reporter, but I was used to dealing with it. So, General, maybe you could help clear up this little misconception about a Legion of Darkness spreading terror across the globe?
Oh ah you mean the photography club? The General glanced towards the door Doctor D had used to leave the room.
Photography club?
I cant tell you the number of times we have had people mistake a powerful flash and a good telephoto lens for a death ray.
Oh sure! Happens all the time. The thing about the spreading terror probably just comes from folks who are a little camera shy.
You know how they are heh, the General tended to end his sentences with a nervous laugh and a glance toward the door. I knew that only proved he was not really a general must have been a nickname of some sort.
Yes indeed. Now perhaps you might be able to shed some light as to why the somewhat oppressed looking people in the nearby village refer to this rather isolated mountain citadel as the Fortress of Doom?
Oh heh that question again? The General fidgeted where he stood for a moment. The locals have a rather odd accent that takes some getting used to before you can understand everything they scream erhm say. They dont call this place the Fortress of Doom they call it The Orchids Bloom. We have a lovely garden with plenty of orchids that ah bloom.
I see! I knew it had to be something like that. I glanced outside and saw ink black storm clouds boiling across the sky. A moment later lightning began to rain down from the heavens. The weather certainly changes quickly around here, doesnt it General?
Ummm yes. Would you ah care for a cup of coffee or tea by any chance?
Oh, I wouldnt want to impose.
It would be no trouble. We just had one of those nifty machines that brews up a single cup of coffee or tea installed in the break room.
Tempting as that is too much caffeine keeps me up all night. You wouldnt believe the stuff I write at two or three in the morning.
It was then that I heard Doctor D laugh his jovial laugh again. I motioned toward the sound with my pen. It must be nice working for a boss who laughs all the time, eh?
Erhm yes, yes the General glanced toward the door and leaned closer to me. He does tend to drone on a bit during weekly staff meetings though. The man never met a PowerPoint slide he did not like.
I know the type. My boss is the same way. We usually send each other text messages during the particularly dull parts.
You do that too?" The General's eyes glowed with humor. "The Doctor almost caught me doing that last staff meeting!
It was then Doctor D returned through the same door he had used to leave. He paused to straighten out his cloak and then walked over to us.
Thankfully the back door was much closer to the dais than the front doors.
My apologies for the delay. I almost discounted the sidekick, but remembered not to at the last moment. Doctor D nodded at me and then turned to the General. General you may marshal your ah
Photography club, sir?
Riiiiiight marshal the photography club for the next phase of our aaah Doctor D motioned almost pleading toward the General. The General raised both his hands helplessly.
Looks like your secret is out gentlemen, I said smugly. Youre making a documentary, arent you?
Curse you and your piercing insight Mister Smith, Doctor D said and glanced over to the General.
I shall marshal the photography club for the next phase of the documentary sir the General turned and started to walk toward the front doors.
Oh for goodness sake use the back door. Doctor D said with a wave of his hand.
Thank you sir, the General gave a polite bow and left the room.
I would like to thank you for your time Doctor D I hope you will let us conduct a follow up interview at some point?
For you Mister Smith? Of course, Doctor D said over his steepled talons and then he laughed again.
As this is a sad and stressful time for the community I thought I would share this (just a little something I wrote a while back, shortly after I had started playing CoV) in the hopes it will bring a smile to the face of anyone who could use a bit of humor now. Apologies if this isn't the correct forum. Before I slip back into the shadows I'd like to thank the folks of Paragon for making an environment that was not only great to play in, but that could also foster a community like the one here.
So the lady says to me, Are you tan from the sun? and I reply No Im Smith from the Times.
Heh a little reporter humor to lighten the mood there. At any rate, where was I?
Oh yeah, I was telling you about the interview
Who? Me? Come now Mister Smith, do I really look like an evil sorcerer from another world maniacally bent on global domination? Doctor Durron-uu-obezai said over his steepled talons. I had a feeling he was smiling at me, but to be honest it was hard to tell.
Aside from the claws, the glowing eyes, the stylish though functional otherworldly headdress, and the cape, Doctor Durron-uu-obezai? I looked up from my notepad feeling slightly confused.
Erhm yes yes, aside from those. The Doctor placed one hand over his chest and extended the other toward me. Please, call me Doctor D. My public relations people say it humanizes me.
Why, yes, it does at that Doctor D, I said as I made a note of the new moniker. I really apologize for asking a question like that I mean it is obvious to me and any other sane person that you are just an average Joe like the rest of us.
Doctor D laughed jovially like a department store Santa with a bad hangover. I had not realized that Mua ha ha ha ha ha haaa could sound jovial, but he made it work. Thats me, Mister Smith, just an average Joe with a unique fashion sense.
And a Legion of Darkness, Doctor D, you cant forget that.
A Legion of what? What on Target Sol Three erhm Earth are you talking about Mister Smith?
It was then the massive double doors at the far end of the cavernous hall opened just enough to allow a single figure wearing dark black armor to enter the hall. He paused for a moment and then began running towards us. As the sound of his metal shod feet striking the floor rolled across the hall to where we sat I turned back to Doctor D.
Like him for example Doctor D that creepy armor and those glowing red eyes just scream Legion of Darkness to some of our more flighty readers. I glanced back at the armored figure and saw he was still running towards us.
Oh! Oh yes I see it now erhm but only if I aaah squint my eyes. Some of your readers have the most amusing flights of fancy Mister Smith. Doctor D chuckled as the armored figure continued running. The figures pace seemed to have slowed down somewhat.
Indeed they do Doctor D thats why I get assigned all the tough stories like this one. People know that I cut right through the nonsense and get to the truth of the matter. I grinned at the doctor and looked back at the armored man. His pace had slowed further and he seemed to be breathing heavily.
Thats what I like about you Mister Smith there is no pulling the wool over your eyes, Doctor D looked away from me and back to the armored man. The man had stopped running and seemed to be taking a break. Doctor D looked back at me. I looked back at the armored man and then back at Doctor D. I looked down at my watch and Doctor D looked out a window. Then we both looked back at the armored man and then back at each other. Doctor D drummed his fingers on the arm of his vaguely throne-like chair. I studied the tip of my pen for a moment.
I have to admit that I love the décor here, I said as the armored man raised one hand and waved to let us know he was okay.
Oh? Thank you, I did it all myself Doctor D said distractedly as the armored man began running again.
I am a little curious about that skull like object next to your chair though, I said and motioned toward Doctor D with my pen. I bet there is a story behind that.
Oh this old thing? Heh Doctor D said as he used his foot to push the remarkably realistic looking skull under his chair. That is left over from my ah Halloween party. You know how after a big party you always find bits and pieces left of the guests erhm left by the guests in the oddest places for months afterwards.
I know just what you mean Doctor D except I usually find empty beer bottles not so much the skull-like objects, I shrugged my shoulders, but then I would be willing to wager that my parties are not anywhere near as fun as yours are, Doctor D.
That would be a safe bet. Doctor D sighed and sat back in his chair while rolling his eyes skyward. He looked back at the armored man and then back at me. I looked back at the armored man and then out the window. Doctor D looked at his watch. I studied my fingernails for a moment and then looked back at the armor man. He was jogging at a fairly steady pace. I leaned back in my chair and Doctor D leaned forward in his. I cleared my throat. Doctor D coughed quietly. The armored man was almost within speaking distance and he picked up his pace.
Those are very nice shoes you have on Mister Smith, Doctor D said as he looked down at my feet. They are quite stylish.
Thank you. They are very comfortable too.
You'll have to tell me where you bought them before you leave. I tend to be on my feet all day issuing edicts and ultimatums, decreeing fates and things like that. I need a nice looking pair of shoes with good arch support.
I am certain I have one of their business cards. I can give you that.
That would be marvelous, Mister Smith. Thank you.
Master Master the armored man gasped as he made his way up the raised dais.
General! You are such a big joker with that whole Master thing Doctor D gave me an apologetic shrug of his shoulders and turned back to the general. What do you mean by barging into here like this?! Mister Smith is in the middle of conducting an insightful interview into my character.
My apologies Mast erhm Mister Smith, the General said as Doctor D motioned toward me with his head a very polite man that Doctor. The ummm tour group we have been waiting for has arrived.
Tour group? What tour group? Doctor D looked from me to the General and back again.
The one with the ah gritty anti-hero type young man and the plucky young woman with whom he constantly engages in spirited dialogue laced with sexual innuendo and the bumbling sidekick type person who could be easily discounted but who would only come back at a crucial moment and ruin everything.
Oh yes that tour group. For a moment I thought you meant the Grand Worshipful Order of Pillockry tour group, Doctor D looked at me and chuckled in embarrassment. I had no idea the Grand Worshipful Order of Pillockry offered tour groups. I made a note of it as that was the sort of thing my readers would be interested in knowing.
They are aaah due in next week I believe erhm sir, the General offered helpfully if hesitantly.
Erhm yes, well please excuse me Mister Smith, Doctor D rose and stroked his chin thoughtfully. I need to deal with ah yes, deal with this tour group personally. Should only take a moment.
Take your time Doctor D Ill just chat with the General here.
Once Doctor D had gone I turned to the General and saw he was concentrating on studying his fingertips. I cleared my throat politely and his glowing red orbs swiveled nervously in my direction. Some people could be a little shy when talking with a reporter, but I was used to dealing with it. So, General, maybe you could help clear up this little misconception about a Legion of Darkness spreading terror across the globe?
Oh ah you mean the photography club? The General glanced towards the door Doctor D had used to leave the room.
Photography club?
I cant tell you the number of times we have had people mistake a powerful flash and a good telephoto lens for a death ray.
Oh sure! Happens all the time. The thing about the spreading terror probably just comes from folks who are a little camera shy.
You know how they are heh, the General tended to end his sentences with a nervous laugh and a glance toward the door. I knew that only proved he was not really a general must have been a nickname of some sort.
Yes indeed. Now perhaps you might be able to shed some light as to why the somewhat oppressed looking people in the nearby village refer to this rather isolated mountain citadel as the Fortress of Doom?
Oh heh that question again? The General fidgeted where he stood for a moment. The locals have a rather odd accent that takes some getting used to before you can understand everything they scream erhm say. They dont call this place the Fortress of Doom they call it The Orchids Bloom. We have a lovely garden with plenty of orchids that ah bloom.
I see! I knew it had to be something like that. I glanced outside and saw ink black storm clouds boiling across the sky. A moment later lightning began to rain down from the heavens. The weather certainly changes quickly around here, doesnt it General?
Ummm yes. Would you ah care for a cup of coffee or tea by any chance?
Oh, I wouldnt want to impose.
It would be no trouble. We just had one of those nifty machines that brews up a single cup of coffee or tea installed in the break room.
Tempting as that is too much caffeine keeps me up all night. You wouldnt believe the stuff I write at two or three in the morning.
It was then that I heard Doctor D laugh his jovial laugh again. I motioned toward the sound with my pen. It must be nice working for a boss who laughs all the time, eh?
Erhm yes, yes the General glanced toward the door and leaned closer to me. He does tend to drone on a bit during weekly staff meetings though. The man never met a PowerPoint slide he did not like.
I know the type. My boss is the same way. We usually send each other text messages during the particularly dull parts.
You do that too?" The General's eyes glowed with humor. "The Doctor almost caught me doing that last staff meeting!
It was then Doctor D returned through the same door he had used to leave. He paused to straighten out his cloak and then walked over to us.
Thankfully the back door was much closer to the dais than the front doors.
My apologies for the delay. I almost discounted the sidekick, but remembered not to at the last moment. Doctor D nodded at me and then turned to the General. General you may marshal your ah
Photography club, sir?
Riiiiiight marshal the photography club for the next phase of our aaah Doctor D motioned almost pleading toward the General. The General raised both his hands helplessly.
Looks like your secret is out gentlemen, I said smugly. Youre making a documentary, arent you?
Curse you and your piercing insight Mister Smith, Doctor D said and glanced over to the General.
I shall marshal the photography club for the next phase of the documentary sir the General turned and started to walk toward the front doors.
Oh for goodness sake use the back door. Doctor D said with a wave of his hand.
Thank you sir, the General gave a polite bow and left the room.
I would like to thank you for your time Doctor D I hope you will let us conduct a follow up interview at some point?
For you Mister Smith? Of course, Doctor D said over his steepled talons and then he laughed again.