Paragon Hero-Scouts Troop 216

ScoutStarHolder: Alright boys, I'd like you to all welcome our newest scout... Billy42339

ScoutForBlood: Hey Billy!

DownNScout: S'up Bill...

ScoutOfTheBorder: Hola

UMakMeWannaScout: Noob

Billy42339: Hey everyone...

ScoutStarHolder: Billy's family has just moved here from Pittsburgh. So we need to help him get used being a Hero Scout.

Billy42339: Well, I was a Boy Scout back in Pittsburgh... this isn't that different is it?

UMakMeWannaScout: Uber Noob

ScoutStarHolder: Well, I don't know anything about Boy Scouts... but here in Hero Scouts we have one concern and one concern only...

ScoutForBlood: BADGES!!1!11

ScoutOfTheBorder: Batches? We don' need no steenking batches...

DownNScout: Speak for yourself...

Billy42339: Oh yeah! Badges are cool... I had loads of 'em back in Boy Scouts...

ScoutStarHolder: Fantastic! Here's your first one... You have hereby earned the Knowledgeable Badge!

Billy42339: Err... huh? How did I get that? I mean... I didn't do anything to earn it... did I?

UMakMeWannaScout: Trifecta-Noob

ScoutStarHolder: You're here aren't you? Anyway... enough dilly-dallying.. let's go to City Hall so you can earn your Patriot badge!

Billy42339: Oh! Okay! I had my Citizenship Badge back in Boy Scouts... I had to take a test about the history of the nation... oh ... and do some volunteer work at a local hospital... I got this aced!

ScoutStarHolder: Sounds... er... interesting... now Billy, go stand at the base of that statue right there.

Billy42339: Oh! Is he a famous hero? Should I read the plaque? Will there be a test on what it sa...?

ScoutStarHolder: Congratulations! You just earned your Patriot Badge!

Billy42339: Who the what now?!

DownNScout: Count yourself lucky... MY first Exploration Badge was Top Dog... I still have the bruises...

ScoutStarHolder: Now, now... don't brag about badges Billy doesn't have yet...

DownNScout: Bragging? My parents are still considering suing.

ScoutStarHolder: We'll get that one for you too, Billy... as soon as I find a rental agency who'll foot me a catapult without all those pesky questions...

ScoutForBlood: I still say you should have gone for the Freedom badge on the way down.

Billy42339: Wait... catapult? Top Dog? What kind of badges are these?

UMakMeWannaScout: You are a square in all three dimensions...

Billy42339: What?

UMakMeWannaScout: Noob.... Cubed...

ScoutStarHolder: Okay boys... Now that we've got Billy two of the easier badges... it's time for all of us to work on our Team Defeat project of the month... the Regenerator Badge!

ScoutForBlood: YES!

ScoutOfTheBorder: You worry me Blood... jus' a leetle beet...

DownNScout: Great... more bruises...

Billy42339: Regenerator Badge? Team Defeat project? What... what are you talking about?

UMakMeWannaScout: You are an Egyptian god... Ah-Noob-Us...

ScoutStarHolder: The Regenerator Badge... There is a street gang around here called the Trolls... you get the Regenerator Badge when you kill 100 of their toughest members!

Billy42339: KILL?!?

ScoutStarHolder: Oh for the love of... FINE! If you're one of those pinko liberal types... when you "arrest" 100 of their toughest members...

Billy42339: But... I can't kill... heck I can't even arrest anyone... much less a gang member!

UMakMeWannaScout: Your own reality show... Boob-Tube Noob

DownNScout: You don't have to kill 'em all by yourself... it's the team total that counts...

ScoutForBlood: Just sit back and relax... I'll kill all one hundred before you guys even kill one...

Billy42339: I'm not killing ANY! What kind of sick scout troop is this?! This is nothing like Boy Scouts!

ScoutStarHolder: Well, Billy... what kind of things did you used to do in Boy Scouts?

Billy42339: We used to do stuff like camping.... learn knots and rope craft... stuff like that...

ScoutStarHolder: Knots and rope craft? Heck... we have a badge having to do with that kind of thing.. but I usually save it for rainy days when we can't go outside...

Billy42339: I want to earn THAT badge then!

ScoutStarHolder: You sure? It's a heckuva lot more boring than killing Trolls...

Billy42339: I LIKE boring! I EXCELL at boring!

ScoutStarHolder: Well... okay... if you insist...

(Ten minutes later... Billy is now firmly tied with yards of ropes and knots to the statue above the Patriot badge)

Billy42339: Hey! What are you doing?! I can't even move my fingers...

ScoutStarHolder: That's the point! Now, some Scout Masters like to ease their troops into things but not me! I'll be back in twelve hours...

Billy42339: TWELVE HOURS?!

ScoutStarHolder: Sure... by then you'll have earned the Restrained, Entangled, Imprisoned, Confined, Caged AND Jailed badges! Not bad for your first day...

Billy42339: No! Wait! Don't go!

ScoutStarHolder: And you might want to ask your parents for a Re-Name Token for your birthday... Billy... what kind of name is THAT? Okay Scouts... let's go kill some trolls!

(Everyone leaves Billy there except for UMakMeWannaScout who remains behind)

Billy42339: C'mon man... untie me... help me out...

UMakMeWannaScout: Butter

Billy42339: Butter?

UMakMeWannaScout: Make you slick... make you slide right outta those ropes...

Billy42339: Do you have any with you?

UMakMeWannaScout: Nope. But that's what you need...

(He leaves as well and Billy struggles for fifteen minutes before he gives up... five minutes later he lets out a strangled groan)

Billy42339: Of course... I need Noob Lube... I hate that kid...

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My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw

HA HA My favorite was UMakeMeWannaScout *quickly goes and makes a Egyptian god toon named AH-Noob-Us* :P

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Cancel the kitchen scraps for widows and lepers, no more merciful beheadings and call off christmas!

one of the best reads yet lol, 10/10 stars

you know now that i think about it, this could be turned into some kind of AE mish for kicks lol

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