Sounds like a proper background for the start of a vigilante character. Curious about his AT.
An abrupt end to a peaceful morning on patrol. Tony Vance was (removed "among") one of the few police officers to survive the Galaxy City disaster. Before he knew it, the city was torn apart before his eyes. His only home, gone within seconds. Officer Vance was tired. Tired of fighting day in(removed a comma) and day out, of protecting this city to just have it crushed in seconds. So he took action.
New paragraph
While searching the abandoned police station for any weapons he could find, Tony came across a cache of confiscated villain equipment. The tech there was just what the officer needed to defend himself and fight his way out of Galaxy City. Finally, he searched the cell block for any prisoners left behind. After all he couldn't just let them die trapped in their cells. Tony promised to free them on the condition they followed his orders. Naturally they chose survival.
New paragraph
After losing Galaxy City, officer Vance vowed to never let this happen again. "Heroes were put into place to protect us, but I refuse to stand back and not protect myself."
---
The yellow text is things I've changed, added or removed. Those are all just suggestions, and most of those are just for style. There was I think all of one actual typo. Also, the underlined text right at the end is very ambiguous. I can't understand what it's trying to say, so I don't really know what I can suggest to tighten it up, since I'll probably change the idea you were trying to convey.
Please, don't read my corrections as criticisms. I'm just suggesting these things 
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Originally Posted by Arcanaville
Samuel_Tow is the only poster that makes me want to punch him in the head more often when I'm agreeing with him than when I'm disagreeing with him.
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THANKS! It was actually exactly paragraphed as you have it in my description but when I copied and pasted it it looked like a big chunk. Didn't feel like fixing it again. |
Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
An abrupt end to a peaceful morning on patrol. Tony Vance was (removed "among") one of the few police officers to survive the Galaxy City disaster. Before he knew it, the city was torn apart before his eyes. His only home, gone within seconds. Officer Vance was tired. Tired of fighting day in(removed a comma) and day out, of protecting this city to just have it crushed in seconds. So he took action.
New paragraph While searching the abandoned police station for any weapons he could find, Tony came across a cache of confiscated villain equipment. The tech there was just what the officer needed to defend himself and fight his way out of Galaxy City. Finally, he searched the cell block for any prisoners left behind. After all he couldn't just let them die trapped in their cells. Tony promised to free them on the condition they followed his orders. Naturally they chose survival. New paragraph After losing Galaxy City, officer Vance vowed to never let this happen again. "Heroes were put into place to protect us, but I refuse to stand back and not protect myself." --- The yellow text is things I've changed, added or removed. Those are all just suggestions, and most of those are just for style. There was I think all of one actual typo. Also, the underlined text right at the end is very ambiguous. I can't understand what it's trying to say, so I don't really know what I can suggest to tighten it up, since I'll probably change the idea you were trying to convey. Please, don't read my corrections as criticisms. I'm just suggesting these things |
And yes, he IS a vigilantly character! I wanted to show the side of the police force that most likely hated hero's for pretty much taking their jobs.
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The City of Heroes text editor uses HTML "br" tags for new lines, I believe, and those don't copy out of the text box. Moreover, when copying text INTO the text box, the standard ASCII or UTF new line characters aren't parsed correctly. What this means is every time you post text to and from the game, you will lose all new line transitions.
It's... Kind of unpleasant
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Arcanaville
Samuel_Tow is the only poster that makes me want to punch him in the head more often when I'm agreeing with him than when I'm disagreeing with him.
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I wanted to make a Hero (actually vigilantly) Thugs/Traps mastermind. I usually come up with their back story before I make the character. This is what I came up with. I haven't spell checked it or anything of that such, it is from my description in game. If there is any grammar errors or even spelling mistakes let me know.
An abrupt end to a peaceful morning on patrol. Tony Vance was among one of the few police officers to survive the Galaxy City attack. Before he knew it the city was torn to shreads by the attackers. His only home, gone within seconds. Officer Vance was tired, tired of fighting day in, and day out protecting this city to just have it crushed within seconds. So he took action. Raiding the abandoned police station for any weapons he could find, he came across some confiscated villain equipment. The tech was just what he needed to defend his self and fight his way out of galaxy. Before he could, he searched the cells for any left behind prisoners. After all he couldn't just let them die here. He promising to free them if they followed his order. Naturally they picked him over death. After losing Galaxy City, officer Vance vowed to never let this happen again. "Heroes were put into place to protect us, but I refuse to stand back and not protect myself."
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