Arc Title: One Night Bridge ID: 475777

I am looking for feedback so I can improve this arc. I am willing to review your arc if you review mine.

Arc ID: 477906
Arc Title: One Night Bridge
Factions: Council, Crey, Cult of Stars, Awakened Division
Morality: Vigilante
Length: 5 Missions
Level Range: 30-54
Description: The Peacebringer Tracer Brightstar is looking for Vigilantes to help her bring a rogue Warshade to justice. [SFMA][SLMA]

Well since you played and reviewed one of my arcs. Then it seemed only right for me to do the same!

Are you new to messing around with AE Glenn? The reason I ask is due to your unbridled enthusiasm. You seem very pumped up about jumping head first into the machine.

Not too long ago I was just like you. When I first started with AE, a mere 4 months ago, I was very excited. The environment is very spirit crushing around here. Try and not let the elitists crush your spirit.

I'm only mentioning this because your arc is going to be nit picked to death. Prepare to be bombarded with unusual questions, lol. Some fellow authors feel that the lore must be applied to AE 100%.

While I am in a camp that if a person isn't 100% in the lore and what they're doing makes sense it just doesn't matter. People who aren't open minded irk me to hell and back. Sorry.

Anyway- enough of my griping. Just don't want to see you have your enthusiasm squashed. Getting plays for new arcs is very hard and there's a lot of negativity in the AE community.

Overall your story seems good. It definetly reminds me of a classic storyline that you would find in a comic book.

All the dialogue needs a run through a grammar/spellchecker. Not saying your grammar is wrong. It's just good practice. When you commented on my arc that I needed more commas. I knew you must be a commaholic. No offense is intended- but you're using too many comma's, IMHO, even though you are passing the grammar checker. My english teacher beat it through my head for years because I had the same problem.

Maybe it's just a matter of style.

M1 Intro-

Seems like you could add some more here. More descriptive if possible.

M1 Popup-

You hear the unique din of both Council and PPD gunfire.

Typo here. But was also thinking it might sound better if phrased.

You hear the distinct richochet of Council and PPD gunfire down the hall.

M1 Collectibles-

I would change the lab equipment to file cabinets/desks or something like that. Seems a bit odd to be searching lab equipment while looking for patient info.

Character descriptions -

All could use a bit of pumping up. Also would make each one unique to add to the story. Lot of the same descriptions for many different types.

Rescued nurse inactive-

Seems to be a typo here.

M3 sendoff-

I think so. If she truly is planning to build a dimensional portal, she has two ways of getting hold of a dimensional stabilizer. Raid a heavily fortified and Vanguard defended portal corp. building or attack a lightly defended secret Crey lab. I think it is safe to say where she will strike next. I am sending you in alone on this one. A PPD presence will tip her off and we do not want her to flee before we can catch her.

Something is off here. It isn't flowing plus need for capitalizations.

Here's how I'd write it-

She has the two ways of getting her hands on a dimensional stabilizer. Raid a heavily fortified Portal Corporation building defended by the Vanguard. Or attack the lightly defended secret Crey lab.

I think it is safe to say where she will strike next. You are going to have to handle this one alone. A PPD presence will tip her off. We do not want her to escape like a slippery eel.


M3 Compass-
Investigate the Crey Lab 1 Dimensional Stabilizer Schematics, 1 Head Researcher's Log, Head Reseracher, Research Assistant, Lead Technician

Couple of typos and take the 1's out. Tighten it up some.

M4 sendoff-

I liked the idea. You use the cell phone gimmick which I am a fan of myself. Think this could be expanded upon. If it were me I'd have the cell phone call as a clue and the sendoff completely different. The way it's set up it seems like the contact is the one talking.

If it were changed to a clue. They'd also get that ding simulating a cell phone. Only problem here is depending on the player to actually read the clue.

M4 Popup-

The defectors should all be meeting in this building. The security is pretty tight for a secert meeting. Oh well, fighting criminals is good exercise.

Typo.

After a long time of looking for the people to subdue. I was forced to give up because I couldn't find them.

Even tried it twice. First time I found Alex at the very end and went back trhough the entire map twice- killed everything. Just could not find the other guys.

Second time I found Alex/Sunny roughly together at the very end. But the last person couldn't be found. Really man I tried.

Only thing I can think of is a smaller map. Or see what's going on with your spawns.

Well I'll leave you with this feedback. Didn't rate it because I can see the potential- just needs some more work - possibly more unique map selections. Wouldn't hurt to see some colored text.

Feedback Reply

Yep I am new to the AE but I have been a level designer for years.

I love critics; they let me know my faults.

As for the cannon debate, I did mark my arc as cannon related so I expect every Red Shirt Guy out there to tear it to shreds. I did spend a considerable amount of time revamping my arc. I think I got rid of all the errata. Off your recommendation, I reworked the 4th mission. I reduced the map size and gave every boss a call out so the bosses are now harder to miss. The 5th mission has been completely redone as a choice mission. I have to say I have been having a blast play testing it. I did go through all of the dialogue several times. I rewrote whole sections of the dialogue to be clearer, added more color-coding and fixed numerous grammar and style errors.

As one of the first testers, your feedback is invaluable and has already helped with making this arc much better. Thank you.