A Holiday Public Safety Announcement




Good Evening and welcome to Pixel 8, Paragon's Premier television channel for news and entertainment. Home of the Pixel 8'ed News Team.

As you all know Christmas and the Holidays are a little different here in Paragon City and so we here at Pixel 8 would like to remind our non-super powered viewers of a few safety guidelines to help get you through the season.

First, if you have little ones, please remind them that not everyone in a red suit is Santa Claus. While our red-suited heroes will likely give the curious tot a pat on the head and a kind word, there are those Vigilantes and Rogues who may take the opportunity for a little Alignment shifting.

Likewise everyone should remember that opening random presents lying around the streets of Paragon is BAD. While your toddler might think the flying confetti is pretty, that won't be Frosty leaping out of the box. For those parents who don't wish to disillusion their children out of believing in Frosty the Snowman, simply inform them that it was the magic hat that gave Frosty his powers and kind heart. If they don't see a hat on Mr Snowman, they should run.

Just remember kids: No Hat Gets You Squished Flat.

In related news DJ Zero has once again opened his ski slopes and the winter chalet and once more he has refused admittance to the general public. We have been informed of an official protest group forming to contest this Heroes-Only policy. If you are interested in joining this group or would like more information on the possible 5th Column political leanings of DJ Zero, please go to the website on your screen now.

Have you seen this child? A concerned Father has reported his baby missing this holiday season. Upon presenting a picture of the child to the police the man was at first accused of having lost a small baby gorilla. Indeed, the police were considering pressing charges for animal cruelty as they suspected the man had shaved the poor animal down and let it loose in the winter snow. It was later determined that, despite photographic evidence, the child was indeed human. If you have any information regarding this missing child, please call the number at the bottom of the screen.

On a positive note, if you find yourself short of cash this holiday season, the Paragon City Council has announced a way for common citizens to earn some extra money! Today the Mayor described the details of the new "Clean Up Our Town" campaign which will go through mid January. As we can all remember from last year, Winter here in Paragon inexplicably brings with it some five to six inches of fallen confetti in nearly all parts of the city. The Mayor has declared a bounty on such detrius and the city will pay any citizen a flat rate per pound of confetti they bring in to the appropriate collection points. All received confetti will be recycled through the "Hollows Landfill" project.

And now, here's Phil with the weather! Say, Phil, can we expect a white Christmas?

(Phil) It's not looking good for that right now, Dave, except for this one part of Croatoa which seems to be blanketed in the stuff!

My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw



Awesome, as always Mister Claw.

There I was between a rock and a hard place. Then I thought, "What am I doing on this side of the rock?"