Heavenly Battle's:The Black Bible Of Lucifer - Trailer
By
EmperorSteele,
Posted on: 2010-04-03 08:33 in Mission Architect
Your horrific abuse of commas and periods makes me not want to play your arc simply because reading the text might drive me mad. But LOL on the gamedaily thing!
-STEELE =)
Allied to all sides so that no matter what, I'll come out on top!
Oh, and Crimson demands you play this arc-> Twisted Knives (MA Arc #397769)
Quote:
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Originally Posted by EmperorSteele
Your horrific abuse of commas and periods makes me not want to play your arc simply because reading the text might drive me mad.
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I have to agree. I only played the first mission, but I think the arc can be much improved by cleaning up the spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I would also suggest changing the names of some of the bad guys.
Here are some examples:
Possessed Co Worker - What makes this guy a Co Worker as opposed to just a Possessed Worker?
Receptionist - This company seems to have a lot of receptionists. I just didn't like the name and thought something better could be used
Level 5 Possession - I just didn't like the name and thought something better could be used.
Villain Description: The same description was used for most of the villains in the first mission. I would generally suggest developing an individual description for each villain. Here is the description:
"The Satanic Servant's are people who worshiped Lucifer in satanic ritual.They are most suseptiable to possession and perfect host's for the demon's."
There is no need for an apostrophe in Servants or demons. There should be 1 or 2 spaces after each period and it should be consistent throughout the arc (if you use 1 space after the period, use 1 space each and every time).
End of mission statement:
"++You have collect allot of information.Tell God's Gift to make sence of it.It doesnt look like good new's++"
There is no need for all the plus signs. They detract from what you are trying to say. Allot should be spelled 'a lot' and sence should be spelled 'sense'. An apostrophe should be used in the word 'doesn't' and there should not be an apostrophe in the word 'news'.
God's Gift Statement:
Infiltrate The Verion Corporation Building =+=Chapter 1=+= You bring me bad new's Rude Dog.It seem's lucifer's plan is in full swing.He's spawning demon's,his minions are possessing the people of earth and he is now letting them loose on the street's. Lucifer is a mastermind when it come's to decieving man one word from his cold lip's are like poison to the ear's. If we will have any chance of stopping his evil plan we must strike now! Come back at sundown and i shall have a plan.....
Get rid of all the equal and plus signs. They serve no purpose. Clean up the grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I would suggest just copying/pasting your verbiage into a Word document and using the spell / grammar check as a first step.
I think this arc has the potential to be pretty good and I really enjoyed the trailer. I hope this does not come across as harsh as I am just trying to point out some areas for improvement.
Good luck!
@ThrillKiller
Quote:
omg ME next! critique mah ARC plox: "HOT FIST ACTION" if you can find the energy after getting worked over by these hotties. most ppl want a ciggarette afterwards :P
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Originally Posted by Simian_Stalker
I have to agree. I only played the first mission, but I think the arc can be much improved by cleaning up the spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I would also suggest changing the names of some of the bad guys. here is how I could do you better...Good luck!
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Quote:
You should probably create another thread to have your arc reviewed as opposed to hijacking a thread from someone who is seriously interested in arc feedback. |
Originally Posted by Hard Kisses
omg ME next! critique mah ARC plox: "HOT FIST ACTION" if you can find the energy after getting worked over by these hotties. most ppl want a ciggarette afterwards :P
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However, I did the first mission (Hot Fist Action - had to see what that was about) in order to "critique mah ARC plox". It's a farm and not a very good one. I would assume the devs will delete it soon.
@ThrillKiller
**RELEASED**
ARCH_Trailer:youtube.com/watch?v=Jiy4FN39GRk
ARCH ID:394482
=+=Heavenly Battle's:The Black Bible Of Lucifer=+=
Backstory: After the Great Heavenly War between God and Lucifer where the fallen one was defeated.Lucifer retreated to his lair for 666 year's writing a book that had the power to enslave men's heart's and soul's.
This book was The Black Bible a sick twisted and cursed perversion of the Original Bible.
If this book were to be read by mortal's they would be put under Lucifer's curse and forced to serve him in a new dark age...his new world order.
**Feature's**
+Deep Story+
+Awesome Map's+
+Custom Character's+
EU_SERVER:UNION
Created by @God's Gift
I would like some feedback on how i can improve the mission please.
(Also someone is deleting my post's for some unknown reason.I had already posted this yesterday and someone deleted it.I would like an explaination on why this was deleted)
(Something so weird has happened.Gamedaily.com have added my arch trailer in there "City of heroes:Going Rogue video section".It has nothing to do with going rogue but it seems that whoever adds the video's to gamedaily are thinking that my mission has something to do with it.Its pretty cool cause iam sucking up allot of views and iam very honored that people actually think its something from going rogue.But either way it has nothing to do with it so iam gonna have to send them an email so they take it off.) You can find it here http://www.gamedaily.com/games/city-...e-videos/list/
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