A List by Way of Introduction...

Steelclaw · 07-31-2009 06:30 PM

For those who may not know me... My name is Steelclaw.. and I make lists... usually humorous ones... usually... Welcome to my madness...

So these heroes and villains walk into a bar

So while the Forums were down and I was enduring a slow torment of not being able to post lists I got to thinking about Pocket D more specifically what kinds of conversations you could expect to hear from the various visiting villains and heroes who frequent the establishment.. Hmmm Heroes and Villains mingling in a singles bar environment

Ms. Liberty: Hey there Ive been watching you from across the bar.. Your pick up technique is amateurish.. I especially love the time you used the tired old Your legs must be tired cause youve been running through my mind all night line I almost burst something laughing so hard.. but young and inexperienced is kinda my thing If you come back to my place tonight I could train you up a little

Citadel: Well hello there gorgeous You are by far the most attractive thing Ive seen in here tonight I would love to get your number Hmm? Oh! Im sorry! No, I wasnt speaking to you.. I was talking to your cell phone.

Atlas(when he was alive): Hey baby I am going to introduce you to the one word that will soon become your favorite one for life and that word is proportional..

Mender Lazarus: Hey there sexay thang I feel sorry for your father because Im about to become your new daddy.. SLAP!! (rewind) Hello there beautiful I was wondering if you could give me directions to your place? Stop laughing (rewind) Excuse me miss but do you like fine literature? No? (rewind) sports? (rewind) animals? You do?! Oh wonderful.. I have a couple tickets to the circus Oh, circuses are cruel to animals? (rewind) tickets to the zoo? (rewind) a protest against animal cruelty in DC interested? You are? Wonderful.. lets talk about that..

Ghost Widow: Im flattered by the attention but you see.. Im dead a relationship with someone living just wouldnt have any future to it I could date you but Id have to kill you first You would? Well I have to say Im impressed at finally finding a man who doesnt have commitment issues.

Statesman: Well arent you a lovely young woman? I was wondering if maybe I could buy you a drink? What? Oh come now, an older man just means Im more experienced. What do you mean I once dated your grandmother?

Clockwork King: Please, give me a chance! I know I look like a big clanking piece of machinery on the outside.. but remember its whats on the inside that counts! No, Im NOT talking about those little Gears things!

Doctor Vahzilok: Please, my dear, come back to my place I want to get to know you one piece at a time.

Lord Recluse: Yes I am Lord Recluse owner of my own army ruler of an entire Island Chain Recluse my name and my nature always alone strong in my solidarity yet lonely.. oh so lonely perhaps perhaps I may have been good.. perhaps a woman a very special woman.. could have drawn me out of my seclusion could have made me feel like a man instead of a villain I would share my wealth and power with such a woman I would make her queen of my world Hmm? Your phone number? Well.. certainly.. I suppose I could give you a call.

Lusca: Man If one more drunk Peacebringer hits on me Im going to scream!

Wretch: Am Wretch handsome enough yet? No? Okay Wretch buy you another drink.

Silver Mantis: A kinetic defender hmmm? No sorry Im not intere wait a second.. do you know a scrapper or blaster? Maybe even a tank friend of yours? You alone wouldnt be enough to satisfy me.. but if you buffed a friend while HE did it to me .. now that could be interesting.. Maybe even two or three friends at once.. do you think you could speed boost an entire group as they were taking turns with me? What? Im talking about fighting what did you THINK I was talking about?

Captain Mako: Sharks mate for life you know Of course, how long you live after mating with me is iffy

Swan: Hello Ive been doing a psychic survey of the guys in this place.. all the guys in here want to have sex with me But you youre different You want to cover my body with vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, butter scotch and whipped cream and liberally sprinkle nuts, jimmies and cherries Then eat it all with no spoon while I sing happy birthday to you No, Im not going to fulfill your fantasy I just thought an intervention was necessary for your eating disorder.

Ice Mistral: You wish to do what with me? I see. You DO realize that living tissue that suffers extreme frost bite has to be cut off, right?

Back Alley Brawler: Yeah, see Id be flattered except I just saw you flirting with Positron.. who turned you down then you hit on Scirocco who turned you down Now youre here talking to me Sorry lady.. but when it comes to Disease-of-the-Month-Club Membership Ill just say no

Blue Steel: You wish to invite me to your bedroom? Very well.. first youll have to provide proof of health insurance and sign these Waiver of Liability forms. Oh! And since well be at your house Ill also need to see a copy of your homeowners insurance.

Nemesis: It was my pleasure to help you Miss After those ruffians attacked that woman outside.. which led to those heroes defending her with their AoE attacks.. which led to that flower pot being shaken loose from the window ledge.. which led to that alley cat being startled.. which led to the cat knocking over that trash can.. which rolled down that hill and knocked you off your feet.. which just HAPPENED to be right in front of me so I could catch you moments before you hit the sidewalk well.. I just HAD to ask you here for a drink.. it was almost like Fate itself was Plotting to get us together.

Synapse: Have you ever spent the night with a super speedster before? 45 times in an hour and thats only because I insist on smoking a cigarette each time err cuddling and talking? Ummm.. sure.. but at superspeed I can get that done in 2.5 seconds where are you going? Oh, come on! It was a JOKE!

Manticore: Listen Im flattered really but Im a married man and Im just not interested Shell never know? lady, my wife is a psychic you think she doesnt check up on me when I get home? Ive been scanned more times than a UPC label

Scirocco: No, Im sorry Its not that Im not interested but I have this curse on me that makes any act of good or charity I attempt twist to become evil and that doesnt translate well to the bedroom or relationships... >sighs< Do you know how many times Ive heard women say I think Emo guys are hot?

Malaise: I would love your company this evening Do I think youre pretty? Well I suppose but that really doesnt matter Im going to use my illusion powers to make you look like someone else anyway oh, now dont be mad the flesh is the ultimate deceiver it is a misleading shroud that covers the true beauty within Am I going to make you look like Angelina Jolie? No Im in more of a Johnny **** mood tonight Where are you going?

Jim Temblor: Yeah, Im not interested in a quick hook up either. What I really want is a life partner Someone I can depend on Someone stable and well-grounded Who always looks before she leaps Ive had too much drama and tragedy in my life so far I just want a girl who can take care of herself and not disrupt what little peace Ive managed to scrape together Oh, Im sorry My names Jim Jim Temblor Fusionette? Nice to meet you.

Serge: Johnny ****? Hmmm Okay but only if youre Sean Connery and the voice had better be DEAD ON.

Generic 0003962278: Im a playboy millionaire And I would LOVE to spend time and money on a lady as lovely as you What do you mean no? Okay then just to show you how serious I am about this Ill let you in on a little secret in reality Im Batman Please stop laughing at me.

DJ Zero: Okay, so were a few short months away from opening up our portal to Praetorian Earth Soon well have a bunch of doubles wandering around in here.. Well have to take precautions against open battle in the hallways again But first we have a more important order of business The pool bets okay Who is betting that Malaise ends up hooking up with himself?

My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw

Imoba Strife · 07-31-2009 07:01 PM

Dude, that was classic!