Foxbow was concerned about things, he realised. Possibly for the first time in his life - all 4 weeks of it - he had something to worry about. His mate was with child. He was pretty sure he knew how that had happened but it was a blank from here on in. He'd looked at books of course but he wasn't fond of raising it like a human baby. Would a diaper fit if the child had a tail? Why were people looking oddly at himself and Kitisha? And what the hell was animal husbandry all about? He'd been told he had to be her husband now and he'd looked up the term. He hoped it wasn't what he'd seen. That sounded forced.
Life in the New Heros Union had gone quite well but he was still getting lost in the base. He'd considered marking out a route that he could follow from the leisure rooms but they'd told him not to. So he generally used the technique of running around blindly until he got where he wanted.
Right now, though, he was in a tunnel. There were lots of tunnels under this city, Fox thought. Why did it never collapse? And how did they avoid the gas mains? He also wondered how much protection this T-Shirt was going to afford him? He liked it because of the logo - touch me, I'm Foxy - but it probaby wouldn't stop bullets and he other costume was in the tailors getting blood out of the fabric and several bullets too. Council were down here. He'd seen one of them run in. Plus he could smell the Wiener schnitzels in the air. Council seemed to like German food. Odd, as Wiener Schnitzel is Austrian but they probably didn't know food like him. Raw was better but cooked - by someone else - was good too. Especially meat. Fox had made a pledge to himself that he was going to try all the meats, German first.
The thought of fried Veal in breadcrumbs was making him hungry and he sniffed the air again. Heavy leather approaching. Black & creaky too. Noisy and heavy. Fox tucked himself into an alcove and waited for the jackbooted person to go by before punching him in the back of the head. He grabbed the figure by the lapels and swung him hard into the wall before pulling off his mask. The stink of sweat and mustard filled the air and fox's nostrils. "Ew." Fox commented. "What have you been eating?"
"Weisswurst." The figure replied.
"Ach." Fox punched him out. "That's for eating Weisswurst at this time of day." He slapped a tag on the fallen, kicked him in the gut for good measure and continued on down the tunnel. He could see several of the enemy just talking to eachother. He was a distance away so they hadn't seen him. He listened in. They could be discussing tactics or battle plans or... last night's ballet? Wierd. When they got to discussing the main dancer's pirouettes and arguing if he was taught the Vaganova method or the Legat method, Fox decided to concentrate on an explosive arrow. It was easier than wishing for earplugs.
Four minutes, seventeen magical arrows, five punches and one tooth later Fox had the... whatever it was they'd stolen. He looked at it. It looked like a disc drive. Maybe a contact would know what to do with it. He'd just seen the guy coming in. He was on his way to food and... He kicked a trooper awake. "Leave you untagged if you got any Leberkäse." He offered. He'd hunt later.
((Guess who had Wiki open when writing this?))
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!
((Any bits of the game people want me to make fun of?))
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!
Fox had had a busy month and he thought sourly that it wasn't going to get any easier soon. His mate Kitisha was expecting their child any day soon and he was having to shop for that as well as deny mad zombies, mad mages, mad mutants and mad plants their chances for domination over this city and the world. Sam often found himself wondering what would happen if a group like, say the warriors gathered all their forces and started wiping out the Devouring Earth or the Circle. Sure, he thought, they'd gain an unbreakable power base in the city but at least it'd be quiet.
He was on the train now, trying to avoid the eye of the kid across the way who so seemed to want an autograph as he headed back to Galaxy City. He'd spent most of the day fighting those thrice damned Vegertables and he was tired. They'd run him close on several occasions today but no way was he ever going to be beaten by a Portobello mushroom on steroids. His phone was ringing. He wanted to ignore it. He was going to ignore it. He had to shop for supplies for baby and mate and go home.
He answered it. "What want?" He asked. It was one of his contacts. A weasel of a man that Fox liked about as much as you can like oily slime. Still. "I going... In Galaxy?" He asked, repeating what the Weasel had said. "Ok... I go..." He shut the phone off and sighed, accidentally meeting the kid's eye. "Fox hate spiders." He admitted as the boy moved closer at speed, book out.
One autograph, thirty minutes and a destroyed base later, Fox was headed uneasily into the mini-supermarket near his den and he was feeling... Uneasy. He thought there had been more Tarantulas then he had beaten down there. Had one scuttled off? Unusual. He headed in. "Ozzie." He said in greeting to the manager.
"Sam." He replied as Sam headed towards the freezer aisle.
"Oh, [censored]." The manager said and Fox turned, drawing his bow. It clattered away as the Tarantula Queen crashed through an aisle and landed on Sam. Two of it's legs pinned his harms to the floor and Sam winced slightly. If the new armour hadn't stopped most of that... Still he could feel his blood. Not good.
The Queen leered at him from her grotesquly still human face. "You destroyed my base," The voice said in a parody of a female human. "You bested all my troops and you sprayed on my Lieutenant!" A pincer raised. "Any last words, Mr Fox?" She asked, angling closer.
Fox appropriated an eyebrow raise. "Fox hate spiders?" He offered before sinking his teeth deep into her face. She reared up in pain or shock. Fox wasn't sure which but, as her pincers were in his arms, she pulled him upright. Bonus! He thought as something ripped free from her face. He pulled himself free before she retaliated and slammed an energized fist into the hole where her nose should have been. "You!" he exclaimed, firing another punch. "NOT!" Punch. "Taste like Chicken!" A bonesmasher dropped the queen. Fox spat out the lump of flesh he'd bitten off and picked his bow up. "Say goodnight, Grace." He commented before putting an energy arrow between her eyes. He tagged her and walked back over to Ozzie. "I sorry for that." He told him.
Ozzie looked unperturbed. "Don't worry about it, Sam. This is Paragon. I'm insured for everything from floods to swarms of locusts to thunder gods."
Sam looked at him. "There many Thunder Gods?"
"About 15, last I read. Look," he added, gesturing to Fox's arms. "Shouldn't you get those seen to?"
"I do self later." Fox told him before returning to the shopping he'd had to put down earlier as Ozzie flipped the sign to 'closed'. He finished and returned to pay. "This happen often then?" He asked.
"Sure. Had Statesman in her a few months back. Nemesis threw him through the window and into the Ice cream freezer. Chunky Monkey and Tutti Fruitty everywhere. I'll clean up."
Fox wondered why Statesman was playing with monkeys for a few minutes before he reached home and safety.
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!
Great work just read all from start to finish, and as for the "any1 want me to make fun of a certain part of the game"
Make fun of the lack of windows in ALL mission maps, the people that sit in those offices must have some serious skin issues not being able to get much form of sunlight and all. 
Fox sat on his setee and wondered what time it was. Star Trek had just ended, with Picard saving an alien planet full of humans with ridged noses from an erupting volcano by firing some sort of phase beam down into it. Personally Fox thought that'd just make the volcano more active but what did he know? He wasn't a script writer. At least this time they hadn't fiddled with the transporter settings or gone into that imaginary room of theirs that kept trying to kill them. He was bored. It was somewhere around o130 in the morning and it was that period between hunting and sleeping that he always found so annoying. He'd tried a topping on his rats this time and didn't think it had worked... All he had to do now was wait for Kitisha to return home.
The telephone rang and he picked it up. <Hello> Said the voice at the other end. A female one. <Is this Mr Sam Fox?>
"Yes and I not double D in anything." Fox replied.
<Please hold for Lord Recluse.>
"I not hold for..." Fox paused. His brow crinkled. "Hold for who?" He asked.
<Lord Recluse.> Said a deep, obviously masculine voice that stripped the earwax from Foxs' ear. <And I am not best pleased with your interference in my plans.>
"I happy for that. What want?"
<Just to tell you that I plan to kill you at my earliest convenience.> Fox turned down the volume as Deep Space 9 started.
"You call at this hour to tell that? Not keep office hours?"
<Being the leader and demigod of villainy is a 24-7 job.> Recluse hissed. <And the last time I had a window here, Statesman flew in through it. I have difficuly keeping track of... Why am I telling you this?>
"Not know. Maybe you need holiday? Two week in Bahamas? Unstress you."
<That was where Sister Psyche and Bahamas fisheries thwarted my plans to contaminate the world's supply of Salmon. Forgot to buy a licence, didn't I?>
Fox tutted. This was getting wierd. <Anyhow.> The voice concluded. <You will die at my earliest convenience.>
A little light went on above Foxs' head. "Is this Mr Hawton from 15b? I TOLD you do great Recluse voice but not believe it!"
<I...> Fox heard something click in the background. <Mental note, exterminate Mr Hawton from 15b, Grand Phippher Apartments, Galaxy City.> The click sound again. <Goodbye, Mr Fox.> He hung up.
And Fox woke up. Sprawled across his settee, dead rat hanging from his hand, drizzling what remained of it's life's blood over the floor. Picard was still firing lazers at the Volcano. And failing this time. Fox tried to place himself and held his head so the rat bounced off his nose. "Not ever try cheese on rat again..." He told himself.
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!
((Well, I GOT a window joke in there...))
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!
Sam Looked down on his latest target and tried not to think about the last few months.
His mate had given birth to a lovely little fox/feline cross called Vixtina. In a sewer. She'd given birth in a sewer. Fortunately there had been a hero midwife on scene. Two weeks later, Artemis, Goddess of the moon and the hunt and granny, had come visiting and aged Vixtina to fighting age over her parents objections. Then they'd both gone missing and returned, joined with things called Peacebringers or something. Then they went away again. Fox had gone hunting and now knew that Ireland was at least 10,000 superjumps away and, next time, he was catching a boat there.
He'd met a Druid there who'd used his better magic than the idiot summoner to enable Fox to speak perfect English simply because he couldn't understand a word Sam was saying.
Sam considered the irony that now he was using broken English because that's what people here were used to and he didn't want people thinking he was some sort of shape shifting alien in Foxs' form. Still the animal languages were there and he used them to tell a cat singing "Moonlight serenade" off-key to get lost. The Carnival were down there and fox was waiting for the illusionist to solidify... They'd stolen several potent magic books from the Knives and Fox was looking to take possession. He just needed... Ah!
As the woman solidified, Fox whacked her with an arrow he'd got from a comic book speciality shop. He didn't know why it was there but a boxing glove arrow was more effective than a normal stun arrow. If floored her and he swung the bow upright to unleash one of his magical rains on the three below. The third arrow was his usual back up to the rain, an explosive arrow. No-one was around so Fox felt free to notch two of the stunblast variety. The fencer fell. The strongman looked irked. The illusionist looked up and got Sam's boot in her face as he jumped down. He ducked as the strongmanpulled a chunk of building out and threw it at him. Sam could see a lady in the bath now. He shook his head and thrust a punch into the gut of the strongman. And grimaced. NEVER hit a man in the stomach when he's wearing armour, Fox belatedly reminded himself as he felt the strongman pick him up and hold him above his head.
The strongman flipped him over and Sam punched his fist hard into the top of the helmet, dazing the man inside and breaking three fingers. The blinded strongman pulled his helmet free so he could see again. And saw Fox coming. And the truck he'd just borrowed before it hit him head on. The truck wasn't going to kill him as he had time to brace. But it did have the power to stop him as it smashed him against a lamp-post.
Sam hopped out and looked again at the lady in the bathroom. "Um," he said, taking no account of her nakedness, "You bill M.A.G.I. for repair, yes?" He asked, tossing one of the agengy cards through the hole.
He turned back to the books the Carnies had stolen. Xyistal would want to see these. A book on newt cooking, an introduction to Sanskrit, The red book of Necromancy, Hex weaving for idiots and... The Bunty annual 1973? Fox looked at it for a moment. "Huh." He said. "Always knew there was something odd about the Four Marys." He said before powering up the transporter to base and vanishing off the street.
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!
Foxbow had found himself a group. He still wasn't quite sure why or how but he was in. It had started in Talos when a lady he occasionally talked with told him of a Devouring Earth plan to use a chemical bomb under Talos within ninety minutes. Fox asked her why she wasn't sending in the army. You know, bomb disposal, armoured troops, that sort of thing. She said they were all in some place called Tie Rack. Oh, and fox would need assistance to defuse the bombs. Fox thought of the book in his backpack. "Bomb defusing for beginners." Nope, no phone numbers for handy help in there. He started jumping towards the location whilst reading up on bombs.
And Kitsu accidently ran into him at speed.
After apologising to each other and checking nothing was broken, Fox asked Kitsu if she'd like to assist. She agreed and they spent the next half an hour or so shredding lettuce and setting fire to mushrooms. During that time the small feline told him that she'd managed to join a group of people calling themselves the 'New Heroes Union'. Fox considered the phone calls he'd been getting, especially the death threat ones - he was going to have to go ex-directory it seemed - and the fact that his 'contacts' kept sending him places to die, and asked if he could speak to someone about joining. Kitsu said to meet under Talos station in an hour.
An hour later, Fox waited under the station where he'd been for twenty minutes as he'd lost his watch yesterday. He wondered what the heck he was doing here. Kitsu arrived along with a muscular human and... A dragon. He was pretty sure of it. He could smell the fire that surrounded her. Just slightly. She was sat in the yoga position with her wings flapping. Kitsu told him they were waiting for others. Then the next arrived. Fox could smell her. He closed his eyes and cursed silently. "Miss Bunny!" Kitsu called out.
He opened his eyes and looked at her. Yup, he thought, she was a rabbit. Grey fur, long ears, impressive thighs and everthing bar the puffy tail. He tried to remain composed as he thought how bad it would look on his resume if he ate a co-worker before joining. She was looking afraid. Aw, great, he thought. I'm dribbling. SAY SOMETHING!
"Um, I promise I won't get hurt by you." He babbled. WHAT? He thought.
"Huh?"
"W-when hunting you." WHAT???
She was looking almost scared now. Keep it simple, stupid, Fox told himself.
"I mean I would not hurt you."
"T-that's good to know." She replied, nodding slowly.
Their base was enormous. Their living room bigger than his whole apartment, fox thought. They brought him into the living room, where they had a table, chairs, a sofa and... an Altar bench? He sat there and told his story until a boss arrived. And he told it again. He'd told it so often now he was thinking of having a card written with it on it.
Twenty minutes and a glass of water later, Fox was on probation, whatever that meant. He needed to go home to sleep for the early morning hunt so made his farewells. He gave Kitsu a hug and a platonic lick on the cheek before jokingly asking Miss Bunny if she'd like a lick on the cheek. She shuddered.
((Thanks, guys!))
'You lose more of your femininity every day Doroe. It's very appealing.' - SLEDGEHAMMER!