Should really be in the Creative or Roleplaying forums (I forget which) 
hate to sound like im picking but...
The first rule of writing is make your first and last sentences good. (Before i buy a book i read the first and last sentence of it)
"Angelica White is often being wrongly discripted as a woman obsessed by a demon."
discripted? - described?
'as a woman obsessed by a demon' - im not sure what you mean here, do you mean a woman possessed by a demon or obsessed with a demon?
Im only commenting on this because of what i said at the start of the post, after reading this i stopped reading.
Proof read and spell check in the future
Described... I wanted to write "The typical discription of Angelica is she was a woman obsessed by a demon". Messed it up when I changed it. 
And I mean possessed.
PS: Ok, I did some editing. As I know me there'll still be typos, but I hope only to a neglectable amount.
Hello everyone,
I am open to criticism.
just wanted to post my new character's background somewhere. It may be of limited interested to you folks and I don't claim to be superb writer. It's just silly to write one and then let it rust on the the hard disk.
So, read if you like.
It's for the Hellmaiden, Science Brute (Dark/Fire). Here's a screenshot made right after the prison escape for your convenience. (Well, to be honest, for my own artistic satisfaction.)
http://www.directupload.net/show/d/665/95R9Ag2C.jpg
[/color]<blockquote><font class="small">Antwort zu::[/color]<hr />
Angelica White is often being wrongly described as a woman possessed by a demon. That's not quite true.
Angelica was part of a research team that was supposed to develop cyborg implants for the mercinaries and security under contract by for Dr. Aeon. The project was top secret, Lord Recluse wasn't supposed to know about it.
Angelica was seemingly a shy, young researcher. No-one knew about her dark desires. By an incident with the ETS (Energy Transfer System Dr. Aeon's showcase project) at Mount Diable a greater demon was trapped alive and brought to the laboratories deep under Aoen City.
Angelica was quiet at the parties, not very fond of the company and smiled only carefully. However, she made it into the bed of the project leader, Dr. Durado, personally selected by Dr. Aeon for his integrety, brilliance and ruthlessness. There she heard about the demon and that it was supposed to be used for a prototype project. She took good care that Dr. Duroda wouldn't regret passing the information to a meaningless, yet very sedulous science damsel.
The projects went on. Studies were made. Results showed that Angelica was about the perfect vehicle for the creation of a high-tech demon soldier. Her aggressive physical training in the recent past made it even better. The Dr. Durado had no problem using his bed bunny and little researcher as specimen, she was easy enough to replace.
A poisoned tea in the cantina, and when she woke up Angelica was deep burried under dark steel pipes and cables, bound to a cross of black steel, with flashing lights and computer monitors around her. She was about to be prepared. Her skeleton system was replaced by one of specially hardenend carbon. Her fingers changed into claws with industry diamond tips. Her skin and muscles interwoven with carbon fibres, her motoric system enhanced by additional micro controllers. The typical procedure for cyborgs.
Some additional modifications were made that were non-standard. Viruses transported additional modifications to every single living body cell left in her and modified her so she would be able to use body heat to produce nano-sized dimesional gates within her sells, to sweat out netherworld plasma. A network to transport this energy that would be vital to the demon was spun around her circular system. Her body temprature was severly raised with special blood modifications up to 60° Celsius (140° Fahrenheit). Nano-Machines were implanted into her skin to produce flames. While a human being wouldn't be able to controll all this by any means it was supposed to be used by a demon after all.
Hardly anyone survives even the standard procedure, but, as a forunate suprise, Angelica did. Her training proved better than anyone hoped for as if it was not to escape that gray science mouse identity, but specifically to be ideal for the procedure. They didn't know that the latter was in fact the case. And that her training included meditation, self hypnosis, and torture resistance training.
Her skull was wired to the conscience transfer machines, her body put in stasis. Then the demon was transported into the laboratory main hall. A three meters tall, winged monster, bound with steel chains to a massive steel obelisc. Nevertheess the beast was raging, flames shooting out of its mouth and it was fighting the chains it wouldn't be able to break in millenia.It proved to be more complicated to connect the demon to the machines than expected, however. So when everybody was busy keeping the beast under control the seemingly unconscious Angelca opened her eyes. No saw it but the demon he returned her gaze. And the rage of anger within the demon turned into one of lust. It fought even harder, but didn't hinder the scientist entrapping and wiring it deeper and deeper into pipes and machines. All seemed to work smooth from then on.
When the ghost transfer system was booted, the connection established more easily than ever as if the mortal soul was active and wanted to be consumed or entrapped forever. The transfer was inniciated. Graphs showed strange activities on both sides. Data traffic was far higher than usual and especially Angilca's end displayed strong activity, some of which was most atypical for a human being, yet no opposition. Dr. Durado was about to cancel the attempt and do some extra research when everything normalized. The demon conscience was transfered smoothly it seemed.
However that wasn't the whole truth. The truth was that the demon didn't drive out Angelica's soul off her body. Neither did he enslave the human soul. The truth is that the demon and Angelica both sacrificed themselves merged to form a whole new spiritual entity. Composed of both of them, yet neither of them. Not a woman, not a demon, but a hellmaiden. The offspring of, and yet the same as the two souls merged, one of which had been darker than anyone would have believed to be possible It was a risky play on Angelica's side, but when she had opened her eyes and saw the demon, she knew her choice was fortunate. The two familiar souls had recognized each other than and silently agreed to become one whole new monster.
The shell of the demon was brought back to the storage chambers for further research. The body of the woman that once was Angelica was brought into a high energetic prison that no demon could ever escape. The scientists were suprised how calm she was when she woke up again demons are supposed to be ever calm. The scientist explained the hellmaiden that they believed to be a demon that she was trapped everworld (opposite of netherworld) lightrays and she would have to bow to the will of Dr. Aeon. As expected the demon tested the lightrays but it didn't hurt it as expected. The Hellmaiden moved out of her prison, burned and tore the scientists apart before she escaped.
A whole new hellmaiden released herself upon a world to toy with.
[/ QUOTE ]