Although I'm technically not an "official" reviewer, I've got a short list of arcs I owe reviews to. This one caught my eye because of the theme, though, so I'm going to que it up as well.
It's interesting how different people will run in opposite directions with the same theme. You're looking at a scenario that allows the character to try to prevent the First Rikti War, while my scenario puts the character in a position of having to live through it as it happened, doing his or her best to make a difference without being able to change the outcome.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing your take. It should be interesting.
The SOLUS Foundation - a Liberty and Pinnacle SG
"The Consequences of War" - Arcs # 227331 and 241496
My dad did a lot of research for his story. It's a really interesting arc, but probably not at all what you are thinking it is. I was certainly surprised when he was finally ready to test it.
Oh, and he's a terrible speller, but I'm going to be helping him out with that once we both get back from our trips to the midwest.
...I forgot what experience means.
Oi... where to start...
The intro doesn't give much information, getting right down to business, with no greeting to the player. It introduces a new Mender from Ouroboros, who uses Lazarus' model. Just using Lazarus would be fine. It's almost always better to using an existing character in the lore than one that's just made up out of thin air, especially when they don't contribute the plot, AT ALL.
So, the rikti are going back in time, WAY back in time to stunt the growth of humanity, so that the first actual invasion succeeds. This sounds like an interesting premise. Mission one starts off in an outdoor forest with first of all, no rikti, and a ton of custom mobs, with thrown together, overly colorful costumes, that are supposedly Norse themed cyborgs designed by the rikti. *blinks* I'm sorry, what? None of the mobs throughout this arc have custom descriptions, save one, and that one is a one liner.
Throughout the entire arc, there are terse clues that lead you to the next mission, with no explanation as to how these cyborgs are going to stunt humanity's growth, and the dialogue is sparse, and lacks punctuation. There are far too many bosses and elite bosses that have no reason for being there, other than to just be an objective that makes it difficult to solo (note, it's not especially difficult for a solo built character).
The only glimpse of rikti we get in this arc is in the last mission, in a few patrols with no dialogue. There are more ambushes in this arc than there are lines of dialogue.
So in the end, you scrap a ton of norse cyborgs, and shutdown a rikti central computer, and get a shaggy dog ending, as the "data" they've been collecting (no further explanation) has been transferred to some other place.
This arc has no theme, does not stand on its own, and lacks descriptions and explanations all over the place.
I reserve 1 star ratings for arcs that are unfinished, that should not be published yet, and still need lots of work before they resemble the type of content that the Mission Architect was designed for.
This arc, is a 1 star.
Let's start from the beginning...
The intro and much of the rest of the arc is rather sparse on information. You might want to work with your dad on fleshing it out, taking advantage of the clues and dialogue fields to make the characters and scenarios more understandable.
The use of a new Mender is interesting, but I'm not sure it wouldn't make a stronger story if you go ahead and just use Mender Lazarus, since many people know who he is and you'd already have his established canon as unsaid support for your story rather than introducing someone that you'll either need to flesh out or leave as a relative unknown.
I like the premise of the Rikti going back in time to alter history so they win the first war. Tying the Rikti to Ouroboros is really a neat idea that combines two totally different aspects of CoH canon together.
Your custom mobs are a unique concept, but you might want to include a mix of Rikti in order to solidify the fact that this *is* a Rikti plot and, again, use your clues and dialogue fields to explain in more detail how it all works. That would include giving the custom NPCs their own descriptions.
As you've noted, there are quite a few punctuation and typing errors, but you've already said you were going to look into those after you got back from your trip - which I hope you're enjoying. BTW. 
If you're going to use as many bosses and EBs as you do, you also need to explain *why* they're there. Again, added detail will make a huge difference. Either that, or cut back on the number of big hitters you use.
The use of ambushes makes for a believeable war-like situation, but they've established that the Rikti have translators (provided they are modern Rikti and not the originals or pre-war Rikti). You should work on adding dialogue for the Rikti that supports your premise. Honestly, it looks like you've concentrated more on the technical to the detriment of the story. Shore up the story and it'll be a lot more solid.
As far as the end is concerned, add clues and diaolgue that flesh out the data collection and transfer idea so it doesn't just come out of the blue. The player doesn't have to know it's coming per se, but there should be clues or information that he or she can think back on and do something of an "Oh, yeah..." forehead slap.
As it stands, your arc needs work on its theme and, as I said, it needs quite a bit of prose work to make it stronger, but since this is your first draft, you've got plenty of time and room to fix all that.
My scale uses 1 star for stories that are obviously in the "Work in Progress" stage and looking for critique. Because of that, I went ahead and gave you 1 star. The premise is really interesting. I look forward to seeing what it'll end up looking like once it's fleshed out.
Author's Note: No, I haven't run the arc, yet. This entire post was solely based on information I've gleaned from others whom I'm trusting with being accurate about their information, even if their approach was pretty blunt and faceless. I just thought it would be nice to make it a little more palatable and supportive.
The SOLUS Foundation - a Liberty and Pinnacle SG
"The Consequences of War" - Arcs # 227331 and 241496
[ QUOTE ]
This arc has ... does not stand on its own, and lacks ... explanations all over the place.
[/ QUOTE ]
Please go back and read the description, specifically the part that says:
[ QUOTE ]
This is first of 3 arcs in a single story.
[/ QUOTE ]
I will pass on the parts of your review that are not insulting.
...I forgot what experience means.
I believe, like Venture, that each story/arc should be able to stand on its own, and has a clear beginning, middle, and end, regardless if it is part of a longer series. The devs have made the maximum number of missions for an arc 5, and I believe they intended for stories to be told in that length.
In a series like Harry Potter, each book has its own self contained plot, as well as its piece of the bigger puzzle.
About the lack of explanations. Many Architects that write multi-part series (I myself was guilty of this, and believe I have corrected it), often give no explanation in the first arc, hoping to get the player to *Gasp!* at the big reveal in the later arcs. This does not work in practice, as you lose your audience at the end of the first arc, if they haven't dropped it before then in disgust. I don't know how many times I've suggested this, but reveal bits and pieces, drop clues. Give the player a good amount to go on, but get them wanting more. Harry Potter is again, a perfect example of this.
I find it hard to give constructive feedback, because the arc feels very unfinished. Why Norse mythology? And why Cyborgs? Why are the Rikti creating these, instead of doing whatever it is they're doing? These are the questions your father should be asking himself when he's formulating his arc.
Arc Name: The First Rikti Invasion
Arc ID: 259738
Faction: Heroic, levels 36-42 for XP
Creator Global/Forum Name: @AThiker
Difficulty Level: High (Custom EBs and AVs, ambushes)
Keywords: Ideal for Teams, Challenging, Custom Characters
Estimated Time to Play: Approx 1.5 hours (4 long missions)
Synopsis: You go back in time to prevent the Rikti from invading, but you must find their headquarters. This is first of 3 arcs in a single story. The other two will be published in August. This is intended to be a challenge for large groups!
-------------------------------------------
This is my dad's first published arc, and involves going WAY back in time to prevent a Rikti invasion. Test it out and post your comments here, and I'll pass them on to him!