A bitter rivalry! Serious critics wanted, QPQ too!

Ever wanted to play both sides of the story? Now you can!

I'm looking for feedback on two of my arcs. I'd like someone to run the gamut on them. Tell me what's wrong with the story, the layouts, the details, the dialog. Nit pick at anything and everything. Grammar nazis, this means you!

In the first, a fellow hero requires your help recovering a stolen artifact. A bitter rivalry unfolds, pitting you against a ruthless corporation owned and operated by a technological mastermind. (Four missions, one EB, custom critters and some Crey)

In the second, the mastermind is looking to rebuild his corporation and exact a little revenge as well. Revenge becomes vendetta, and inadvertently creates a doomsday scenario! Concerted efforts towards humor in this arc's contact dialog. (Three short missions, no EB/AV, Malta, PPD, CoT)

There's a third arc in the works that continues the story, but this is all I have finished for now.

First arc is # 195202, and I'm not sure what the number is on the second, but it has 195202 in the description, so searching for one will find both (Although, I'd like it if someone posted the arc ID. I'm at work, so I'll fix this later tonight if not.).

I have a character that can solo just about anything, and I'm willing to critique arcs for anyone who's tried mine. Give me the ID# and let me know how harsh you want me to be. I rate stars more for effort, so if I can tell you tried, you'll get a 5, regardless of how I comment.

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Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.

I'm going to give this one more shot at getting noticed. I really want to get some feedback on these arcs. Am I doing these right? Are they fun?

Also, for anyone who does these, I'll run yours too! I will not only do your arcs, but I will give you detailed feedback.

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Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.

I'll be glad to give them both a shot although you'll have to wait until tomorrow at the earliest since I'm going out tonight. Feel free to give mine an honest whirl whenever works out for you.

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Unfortunately, I'm going to need to hold off on reviewing these as both said in their descriptions that they are group oriented and rather challenging. I have a squishy Defender I usually play and tend to solo so it didn't seem that I'd be able to give you a very helpful critique.

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It's funny you mention that, because I've been running it a few times now, and with groups it got INSANELY HARDER. I've since changed one of the boss spawns to make things a little more manageable.

There was a boss that would regularly spawn that's a gravity control/invulnerability contanker. He is now just a tank with DPS.

A defender might run into trouble, depending on the powersets. My kin/NRG can actually solo it on the first two difficulties. I don't think a blaster could do it.

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Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.

I played this with my usual all-purple level 50 mind/ff controller on level 1 difficulty. I might have a chance; I might not.

M1 introduction title in dark purple is very hard to read.

Contact starts with assumption I've offered to help. But not knowing the premise, I prefer to make that offer at the "Accept" stage.

M1 intro: egyptian -> Egyptian

Crey at level 50 are particularly boring - all various shades of power tanks. Cleared three floors of them without so much as a patrol banter. Nothing interesting happens at all until the ambush AFTER the mission is done. It was interesting that the ambush was exactly one of each card suit. The ambush text, "DEAL WITH THESE HEROES", suggests I'm not alone, although I am. It's the only line of text spoken in the mission and it's utterly cryptic - who is not even here? The exit popup suggests 'who' was Kinetic Tut, the contact.

Kaison diamond: capable of devastating -> capable of a devastating
Kaison diamond: and melee prowess -> and the melee prowess
Kaison club: mass produced -> mass-produced

M1 return: aparently -> apparently

The second mission intro gives a detailed exposition of the bad guy. Perhaps could break into two paragraphs. For some reason, we're still chasing the cartouche - even though we know it was taken only to lure Kinetic Tut into a trap, and has no magical properties? That doesn't make sense. So what was the glowie I clicked on in mission 1, if not the cartouche? I'll accept the mission anyway. It says 'Nothing we can't handle', so I will be the royal 'we'.

Again the mission title in dark purple is very hard to read.

The send-off text provides a lame excuse for the supposedly heroic Kinetic Tut to not assist me in my mission. Unless Kinetic Tut is a deliberately lame hero, perhaps come up with a more convincing reason not to get involved. He can't really be in Cairo - he'll be here when I get back from my mission. The 'busy' text is a good reminder of my impending battle.

The mission turns out to be an outdoor map. Wasn't really expecting that, although the organic nature of the target was perhaps my clue. I turn on my /bind to select "Seed" and bounce around until I find it. I assume it has mind/plant type powers, but since I put everything to sleep I will never know. It was probably a boss, converted to lieutenant since I was on the lowest difficulty. That part I don't mind at all. The villain's dialog reminds me I am just a lackey for Kinetic Tut - that's true, I wish I wasn't. There is another ambush-after-the-mission-is-already-done. Finally, the villain suggests this is just a diversion. So back to the contact. Yet - the exit text suggests I got the cartouche back! I did? By clobbering a metal plant?

The contact correctly says on my return, "Forget the cartouche". But I had! This is perhaps what some reviewers call the "Idiot Ball", where I'm chasing something I already know isn't worth anything, but I have to be foolish and just play along.

The title of the third mission is a very readable orange.

Mission 3 intro suggests again that the Seed of Kaison was just a distraction. Seems that bonding organic metal to a thorny mass, hitting it with radiation and more is quite an elaborate way to make just a distraction - but perhaps it was an experiment gone wrong, perhaps that's why it was left to itself in the woods (although with so many Kaison in those woods, it's hardly abandoned). I guess I'm just trying to rationalize where I am at this point.

So now I have another battle, with some good hints about the impending gameplay in the mission introduction. "We" are on it once more! Oh yeah, a timed mission.

I decide to speed through the mission, clearing only to get the glowies. I confused a King of Diamonds - it slaughters a Kaison Diamond, definitely hard-hitting. The baddie's name makes sense to me, but then I wonder, lots of arcs have decks of cards, such as kings of diamonds. Perhaps it could be Uberkaison Diamond or something else leveraging the kaison title. But as I said, it's okay as it is.

King of Diamonds: origionals -> originals

It tells me to take care of three bookshelves, but these turn out to be incidental goals, and beating Brute Squad frees me from this obligation. Brute squad's description is curious, to say the least. A group of thugs in the employ of a robot-using mastermind. Different.

Kaison brute squad: e is a -> He is a

Back to the contact, and he's finally decided to take part (whatever happened to his Cairo commitment?). Again, good outline of the challenges we are about to face.

Maps throughout are not huge, much appreciated. Also, the ally here is only a LT (perhaps downgraded boss) but has some useful buffs and healing. A good sidekick.

The final map's layout is mindboggling. I encounter the generator and mainframe moments before my ally, all within a few steps of the front door! For a genius, he certainly doesn't know anything about planning a base for good defence. This leaves just the mastermind to go. He's likely on another floor, in a safer place.

As expected (after the last few arcs) the mastermind is protected by a slew of ambushes. I got a bit cocky, and was taken down. Returning, I mass-confused the dense mass of lackeys and let them take themselves out.

Overall, a smooth and thorough arc, with few typos, and consistent plot. A few jarring things (such as the contact's attitude and the cartouche) mentioned above. I'm not sure how, but perhaps you could make someone in this story a more likeable ally, or a more hateable enemy. But quality is definitely there - in all the custom critter descriptions, in the attention to all the details (mission titles, busy dialogs) and in the quality of the writing. Using your own rating system, which is similar enough to mine, I give it a 5. If you want to QPQ, you could try my arc in the link below.

Cheers, airhead

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This is a re-review - so much has changed since the post above. Greatly improved! I hope others might also try this, and let you know what they thought.

I played this with the same toon. He made it through the last time...

The contact is much friendlier than I knew him last, sure I'll help him out. He suggests he can't go himself since he's a lone defender - it'd be curious if I was too!

The first mission has enemies I'm familiar with, but with some additional interesting banter. I think I'll try stealthing this one. The objective was just out of the elevator on the second floor. Very short mission! The cavalry arrives, providing a host of clues about my tormentor. He's playing games with me! An interesting and new twist for me in this arc.

The contact lets me continue my quest for his artifact. It's back into the woods! The patrol bots give away their purpose this time, but I won't let them stall me. I bounce around looking for the big bad and pick him off before more cavalry arrive. I do wonder why the Devouring Earth comprises only Boulders and Granites, perhaps it's because I'm level 50.

Okay, so the plot is getting clearer, and I'm off on the third mission. I bounce past the first spawn, meet a spawn guarding a bookcase. I hit them with a mass sleep attack, and... Mission Completed! Hey wait, what about the Brute Squad? I haven't really done anything, just put some folks to sleep. I haven't even rescued the book case... but it says I stopped the Brute Squad. Did they fall victim to a battle? Or become an inconsequential objective?

That last mission has me utterly stumped, but the mission introduction for the last mission has me back on track. I remember this one, it should be great.

Last mission still has a purple title, hard to read.

And on we go, to the better-designed bad guy base. After some clobbering, Tut and I win.

Thanks for running through my arc, The Amazing Rat Race. You could try my other arc if you don't have issues with the topic

Cheers, airhead

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Airhead, thanks a ton for running through my arc, not once, but twice. I really appreciate the feedback.

The first time I published this, I didn't realize what I was doing to my audience. I was making lackeys out of them while maintaining my hero's hero-ness. No one wants that, and I didn't see I was doing it. Thanks for the help.

I'm glad to see my rework made you feel more involved in the story, more heroic if you will. And for your third mission, you probably wiped out the Brute Squad in the middle of the bookshelf attack. He gets downgraded to LT on anything but invincible difficulty if you're solo.

Still a few details to be ironed out, and now I know about them.

Thanks again!

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Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.

Hey, someone liked this! You might too! Give it a try!

/shamelessbump

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Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.