Apparently, I messed up my custom missions because I made some changes to the base group setup the other day. They should be all set, now. I also made some map changes and fixed a typo. Please, let me know if there are any more problems. 
So far, the CoT mission has a 5 star rating (it would have more views, but I made a mistake and accidentally unpublished it when I tried to edit it a while back) and the custom group missions have 4 stars ea. Not all reviewers were friends, either. 
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
Shameful bump.
I have made a few changes over the past few days, mostly in the map choices. I would still love to see some feedback. I'm working on a new arc with another custom group (with a slight twist) that I might decide to tie to this one in the storyline. Stay tuned.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
I was so happy to get this review from Pro Payne the other day that I decided to post it here. It is the best feedback about my custom enemy that I have ever gotten in the last month that my arcs have been up. I am very grateful for it because it gave me a chance to see this group from the perspective of a character that is not as powerful as the tanks that I tend to play (not meant as an insult/brag in any way), for one thing, and from someone that has a lot of the game experience that I lack, since I have only been playing for a year. He definitely understands the dynamics much better than I do.
It's about my shorter (1 mission) introduction arc that features my first custom enemy group. Since this review was posted, I have made many of the changes that he suggested to improve the overall look of the 'gang' and to make them more 'generic' so they don't all look like multiple "clones" of individual characters. 
I might also be adding more individual 'bosses' that are not bosses, that will be optional, in order to feature individual characters of the gang. I hope this will help to define the lower ranking members that have followed this new leader from the Outcasts, in order to tell the story from their perspectives in more detail. I encourage anyone that plays it, or the longer version, Meet the Demon Spawn #151099, to read the descriptions of the characters to get a little more of a feel of what they do and who they are. I consider them to be an important part of the story telling process of the arc.
I have also toned down the bosses due to this review and some feedback from other people, yesterday, in game. I'm hoping that all of those changes will help me to tell a better story and make my arcs much more fun to play by teams or solo players. It was never my intention to create an arc that was impossible to beat by solo players. Apparently, they were a bit too overpowered for other classes of PCs, and I apologize again to Pro Payne for getting him killed.
As I told Pro Payne, all constructive feedback is greatly appreciated by me. If you would like me to try your arc, feel free to leave the number or title and I will be glad to try them. Just keep in mind that my highest character is only a level 38 dual-blade tank and I have to solo, because I have some connection issues in team missions. If there are EB/AVs in a much higher level range than that (40+), most likely I will not be able to complete the arc.
I hope this will encourage more people to try my missions. They are fun for me to play and I hope they will also be fun for you.
[ QUOTE ]
Okay, here's a review for Telstar's arc:
#100045: SlashDeMento and the Stolen Weapons! (4 stars; I was teetering between 3 and 4, but went with 4 cause I did have a good time overall in the arc.)
Apparently, a new gang was trying to make its name known. I believe their name was the Demon Spawn, although I might be mistaken (Pro Payne suffered brain damage and temporary amnesia from the generous beating he received at the hands of the gang's leader). The Demon Spawn were evidently mostly ex-Outcasts (although there were ex-Hellions in the mix too) who had not managed to make it very high in their original organization, and were looking for something newer (and more violent). A former Outcast minion - Slash DeMento, and his brother 'The Lacerator,' had splintered away and formed their own gang. Eager to prove themselves the next big thing on the streets of Paragon, they'd stolen some weapons, along with a massive bomb (that probably would have leveled the whole city block).
These guys may have once been mere minions, but they were an object lesson in what a little bit of individual attention from a dedicated gang leader can accomplish - even the ones that were still minions (and likely did include new recruits off the streets in addition to ex-Outcasts) tended to be rougher than any Outcast or Hellion. DeMento had managed to forge his gang into a group as lethal as the Warriors.
Pro Payne managed to arrest DeMento, confiscate the weapons, and take out one of DeMento's chief asides (again, don't remember his name any more. Brain damage.) Unfortunately, the Lacerator remains at large; the gang is weakened, but certainly hasn't been eliminated yet.
Pros: With the exception of the bosses, the custom group is balanced and generally fun to fight (the one exception for me was if a lot of axe wielders would happen to spawn in, which resulted in lots of knockdown - but that was fairly rare, and the occasionally challenging fight is not a mark against a story arc; I only grade down when every single fight is very challenging). The custom character descriptions, when present, actually tell the story of how the gang was put together, which is a neat touch. The custom group combines very good variety without resorting to the common technique of giving lots of the minions a debuff - this group didn't get boring (or particularly frustrating) to fight. And I didn't notice typos, grammar, or awkward-sounding phrasing: in short, the writing is good writing. And good use of color and text formatting. Finally, I like the idea of using MA to add minor 'custom gangs' to the low and mid level game - the up and comers trying to become the next big thing, and just might succeed if not nipped in the bud.
Cons: As a one-mission intro arc, there isn't much of a plot (beyond the option to learn about the gang's history through the bios). I did notice something odd: the "objective" text had a formatted color, but seemed to be the generic text (e.g. 5 Stolen Weapons, Slash DeMento - or something like that - rather than 5 Racks of stolen weapons to recover, Arrest Slash DeMento); I'm definately one of those folks who likes "custom formatted" mission objectives - it adds a feel of polish (IMO) above and beyond the generic text. But here are my biggest three bits of constructive criticism:
1. I did think there needed to be more variety in the appearance of the gang members. They certainly should look similar to each other, but minor changes in costume pieces from one to the other would definately improve the custom group as a whole (they didn't all have the same face, hair style, and hair color - but a little bit of variety in what they're wearing will make them seem more like a street gang, and less like "mad supervillain Slash DeMento's nameless, faceless - not literally - army of underlings and minions.")
2. The sluggers, Fire bugs, and Tiger Paw minions had no descriptive text at all (well, other than the default). Everyone else had very individual descriptive text, which worked great to tell the gang's story, but gave the odd impression that I was fighting an army of clones. In other words, it didn't feel like "Chills" was a class a minion just learning to use their ice powers. It felt like I was battling clones of the character Chills over and over again. My suggestion: use copy-paste to "capture" your 'long' descriptions to something like a word document (or whatever). Then redo the 'generic' gang members with short, generic descriptions (e.g. 'The Chill Spawn are former outcasts with cold powers who joined the Demon Spawn.'), and, where needed, more generic names. Then scatter a bunch of boss encounters (they should NOT be required objectives) through the mission, using everybody who has a more individual description as a boss (takes advantage of the fact that, among a custom group, you can use even minions as a "boss" - they don't scale up or anything - you just get a "boss fight" where you're fighting a minion or a lt. instead.) In the 'description' in the boss detail, then paste in the more complete description for that character. Viola! You now have a mission filled mostly with the 'standard' minions and lts, but you also get to run across a specific 'Chill Spawn' (or whatever) named Chills who has his own unique bio. You can even give him flavor text to say when you fight him in combat. That way, all of that hard work on individual character descriptions gets used, but doesn't make it seem like Slash DeMento managed to steal some sort of advanced cloning vat. Well, unless he did. 
3. My suggestion: be very, very leery of giving bosses access to build up (or lt's for that matter). It's just my opinion, but if there are mobs in the mission that are capable of using build up, that's pretty much an automatic give the players full fledged red or orange warning text recommending a team for the mission (I don't *think* you had that - I do think you had some text that hinted that a team would work well in the mission, but that's a far cry from bright, lurid text actually recommending a team.) It's not that I would have gotten a team, but that's a clear warning there's going to be a very hard mob in this mission, and I should be prepared.
Oh, and why is buildup so hard to deal with? Bosses already do lots of damage - when you set them to hard, you get a boss that has higher damage scale attacks than most of the standard bosses, coupled with an 80% damage boost. You quickly go from a "typical" boss whose "heavy hitter" attack might knock of one half to one third of your hit points, to a boss that can practically one shot you. (To give you an idea, Slash actually hit me with a single attack for 660 damage - that's at least 90% of my hit points at max).
Think of it as your revenge on Pro Payne for Vandal beating you over and over again in my arc
[/ QUOTE ]
This review and our related conversation can be seen here.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
I have received another very helpful review from Pro Payne and I thought I would post it here as well. After getting this one, I am working on a rewrite for this arc to add a little more depth to the story and fix a few things that may be problematic as far as canon goes.
I've been getting some very good feedback from people and I think I can improve this story with the addition of clues and other things to expand upon it (more background and items related to the scroll and the spell that it contains) that will, hopefully, explain how this villain became a member of the Circle of Thorns and how he ended up with the scroll. It might not be completely 'kosher', but I hope it will be acceptable as a slight deviation from the 'norm'. In the end, I want it to be a much more interesting tale of a man that has been transformed by his greed and lust for power.
This rewrite might take me a few days to complete, but I will post here when the changes have been made. In the meantime, I hope people will perhaps try the arc in it's current form and retry it once it's been redone to see what you might think about the changes. All constructive feedback is always welcome. If something about the story bothers anyone, please let me know so I can consider it while I'm in the process of rewriting.
I will be checking back in here for any comments posted and will take all suggestions into consideration before the final changes are made. If something is posted after I have changed the story, then I will still consider them if I think they can be implemented in the remake to improve the story. One thing great about the MA is that the missions can be changed fairly easily if anything is a problem.
I hope this will be another arc to add to your list of fun ones to play and recommend to your friends. Thank you to everyone that has helped me in this process by sending feedback and those who have just played the arc. I really hope more people will enjoy this one and my other arcs. To me, it's all about having fun.
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[ QUOTE ]
Okay, the next review request was for:
#113615: Deal with the Devils Pawn (4 stars)
A young lady by the name of Angelique Pio approached Pro Payne with dire news: a Circle of Thorns mage named the Devils Pawn had stolen an artifact called Lucifers Scroll, with the intent of performing a ritual with it that would unleash the forces of evil and darkness on Paragon City and even the world. But these forces of darkness would be more than mere demon hordes the scroll could plant the seeds of evil in the whole of humanity, twisted the whole human race into darkness, and making us all slaves to evil.
Pro Payne quickly infiltrated the lair of the Devils Pawn a section of Orenbega. There he retrieved Lucifers Scroll, and defeated the Devils Pawn.
Pros: This is a single mission arc, which is a pro if youre looking for quick action without getting involved in a long arc (and I have a special appreciation for one or two mission arcs that are not farms. Personally, I like variety in arc length, and the fact I get to intersperse epic 5 mission arcs with much shorter single mission ones is a good thing. Also, the mission itself is well done the text is good, the mission goals clear, and nice use of color formatting. Make no mistake: the mission is well done, and fun. So why four stars?
Cons: Well, before I answer that, let me first list a few things that had no bearing on my rating. First, its worth mentioning that some folks may get a little leery of such direct references to the devil and satanic artifacts. Personally, I dont see a problem at all, and Im not suggesting a change to something more sanitized (I think that gets done too often anyway), but its worth mentioning so the author can get a bit of a head start on thinking of how to handle the situation in the event you do see a complaint show up under the mission (I sincerely hope it wont). Second, personally, the Circle of Thorns (and Orenbega) are not my favorite villain group, especially pre-30, when the spectrals can get to be such a huge pain in the butt (especially if you are resistance-based, rather than defense-based, which makes it easier for them to stack those irritating to-hit debuffs on you). Im not at all sure if the map was a chosen one, or a random map (e.g. random medium, random large, etc.) the teleport portals on the map I got were only mildly obnoxious: not bad enough to really raise my hackles, but enough to delay mission completion. Yeah, it sucks, since, as the author, you didnt get to design the faction or the map, but I list it as a con because youre certain to run across folks who will poorly rate the mission just based on the choice of the Circle of Thorns, and Orenbega. (Yes, you can make that arguments for any villain group and map you cant please everyone but youre probably going to draw slightly more than average in this case.)
Also, another minor nit (again, not related to the rating at all) the use of the Circle here is a little non-canon: not egregious, but just as an FYI. Specifically, the mission set up treats the Circle as a cabal of mages (which they are), but implies that they are modern day folks dabbling in the black arts. Theyre not: (warning, spoiler coming: the Circle are mostly the discorporated spirits of the ancient Orenbegans literally the original Circle of Thorns possessing the bodies of modern day folks who were either lured into or forced into a ritual that effectively kills them and allows the Orenbegan spirit to possess the body. So, most of the Circle are not modern-day people who have been inducted into the Circle and taught the magical arcs: theyre actually long-dead mages possessing the bodies of the living. (And this does violate the description given for the Devils Pawn.) Now, to be fair, there game does at least hint that some Circle members are modern-day mages, and, for reasons that were convenient to the Circle, were allowed to keep their souls and bodies rather than becoming a vessel to house a reborn Orenbegan mage but these are evidently so rare that I cant think of any main named characters in the game that fall into this category. But the net result is that if you treat a Circle mage as anything other than a long-dead Orenbegan possessing a hijacked modern-day body, then people who are familiar with the games canon are very likely to see that as non-canonical.
Okay, though, so why 4 stars? Well, I have to be completely honest it has to do with the fundamentals of how I decide on a rating (which is useful to list here, since most of the people who are reviewing arcs at least make a mention of their criteria). This isnt exhaustive, by the way:
My baseline for any arc is 3 stars, and my base expectation is that it should be as good as a newspaper or police scanner mission. So if you write an arc with a fairly short, but coherent, briefing and send-off, is one mission long, has objectives similar to what is found in paper missions (for example, get the glowie, and defeat the boss guarding it), and minimal text (a clue for the glowie, and dialog for the boss), thats three stars (or at least what Id rate it other reviews certainly have differing criteria). Okay, now do that really well: add a patrol or two, with some text. Add formatting and coloring. Expand a bit what the boss says well, thats a definitely improvement, and that bumps the arc up to four stars.
So, for a single mission arc, what would I suggest to bump it up even more? Well, honestly, there are probably several things: multiple interesting characters, possibly part of a custom group (Slash DeMento did this well), is one. But, in my opinion, the easiest one is just to use mission objects to tell a more substantial story that unfolds as you play through the mission.
Of course, I cant write that story for you, but I can tell you theres a lot of potential for one built into your idea for the mission: youve got a deranged Circle mage in possession of a powerful magical artifact (apparently one that belongs to or was made by the devil himself). Perhaps clues in the mission could tell us more about how he came to acquire it, or what the ritual entails perhaps theres a sub-boss, a demon or something (or another Circle mage) whose been summoned in and has filled the Devils Pawn with promises of glory and power if hell just complete the ritual. Honestly, I dont want to brainstorm too many, because your other arcs make it clear youve got good creative potential for writing interesting, character-driven stories, and Id like to see where you can take this.
So, the bottom line: as is, its a jazzed up newspaper mission (which Id typically rate 4 stars, which is exactly what I did) the next step would be fleshing out and expanding the story, which really boils down to giving the player more to do in the mission to drive an expanded story forward.
(Note, Im certainly not suggesting it needs to be spread out over multiple missions but, to me, a 5-star single mission arc actually needs to tell an unfolding, mini-story-arc as the mission progresses.
Finally, just a few typos and notes: very minor.
One, one of your patrols makes a statement to the effect of enter our Circle when referring to my invasion of their lair. It just struck me as a little weird, because it made it sound like I was trying to actually join them itd probably make a little more sense for them to refer to me as entering their lair or invading their lair (or something similar).
Also, Devils Pawn (whose dialog I really liked good job of evil archmage over the top blustering) accuses me of an interuption of my work. (the typo being that there are two rs in interruption.)
Whew! And now, back to the game! Pro Payne will probably take a short break from posting reviews for a very simple reason theyre very time consuming, and as he gets to higher and higher levels, Ive got to sink more and more time into playing him to keep his advancement reasonably fast. That doesnt mean that Im not taking any new review requests. Im still looking for arc suggestions, and if youd like a review, as opposed to a simple playthrough, feel free to ask. But Im probably going to limit myself to one per week, which means either I might post a review for you after a delay (as happened with Geek Boy) or I might shuffle your arc around in my queue to try to have only about one review request per week.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thank you, again, for reviewing another of my arcs. This was my very first attempt at creating one, so I guess that's reflected in the lack of story developement and use of mission objectives. I'm debating whether I should give this one a full revamp or not, because I have another custom group that I have been mulling over a story that will tie them to Slash DeMento. I'm debating whether I should replace this arc or the shorter version of Slash (The Stolen Weapons).
Since I've only been playing for a year, much of the canon still escapes me. I do want to try to stick to it as much as I can, so I do appreciate any feedback that can help me in that regard. That was one of the main reasons for creating my own enemy groups. At least that way, I can tie them loosely to canonical elements (like Slash's ties to the Outcasts) without heading into direct conflict with canon. Since most of my chars are magic based, I liked the idea of using the CoT as a story element to fight. I agree, they can be a real pain in the butt because of their debuffs. Also, I think the map is set to random, but I will double check it. Some of those portals seem not to work as they should. I've had problems where I've gone through one and it just turned me around and sent me back the way I came. 
I'm glad you caught the typos/misspellings, and the reference to 'enter our Circle' (canon smacks me again, lol). I can fix those easily when I get in game. I might at least tweak this one a bit and leave it up until I decide what to do with the one I'm currently working on. That might be a good idea, since it may take a while to finish the other one. Maybe with just a little more time invested this one could be a much more interesting story. I'll see what I can come up with to make it better. If the 'Lucifer' references are a real problem, I might just change it to some 'unknown' ancient entity with distant ties to the CoT, or a 'mythical legend' that has been lost to history.
I'm thankful that using standard enemies will allow for a lot more text in the form of clues, etc., that I can use for story telling. Using customs makes it much harder to add that kind of content in the amount of detail that I would like to use without an arc being limited to one or two missions.
Thanks again for the review. This kind of feedback and encouragement really gets my creative juices flowing.
[/ QUOTE ]
See this thread for details of Pro Payne's adventures in going from 1-50 in the MA.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
I'm bumping this thread for 2 reasons.
1) I don't want to have this thread deleted in a forum chop (i.e. forever banished to 'forum purgatory')
2) To shamefully plug the arcs, again.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
UPDATE!
Arc Name: Deal with The Devil's Pawn [/color]
NEW Arc ID: 207266
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global Name: @Alari Azure
Difficulty Level: 5-54
Synopsis: Single Mission/Circle of Thorns/Large Office Map/Ambush/Custom Boss/Collection/Patrol
You must defeat The Devil's Pawn and recover Lucifer's Scroll and other items stolen from the Museum of Antiquities. The Circle of Thorns must never be allowed to unlock the secret spell that has been written on that scroll. If they ever do, it could be the worst thing to ever happen to the people of Paragon City. They must be stopped before it's too late!
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
First of all I would like to thank everyone that has been playing my arcs over the past week or so. They have all gotten some attention and their ratings have been holding in the 4* category. I really appreciate the feedback that I get from people. It has been very helpful in my editing process, making tweaks here & there where needed.
Since a few people have started to post some screenshots, I decided to take a few of some of my characters. So far I have one of my occasional contact that I used in the Circle of Thorns mission. Since I can't put a description that will be seen by players, I've added it here. The rest of the pics are some of the characters in my custom group, the Demon Spawn, along with their descriptions. It's not all of them, but it will give people a peek at what they can expect to see in my missions. I may be adding a few more here & there as I get a chance to snap a few more. I set up a test arc with them set as allies to get them to hold still long enough to get their pics without them trying to kill me.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...6-15-26-17.jpg
Angelique Pio (contact) came to Paragon City from a small town. She began her life here as a journalist, working for the Paragon News. Because of her ability to dig up information that seemed impossible to attain, she was soon offered a job working under cover, as a liaison with the Paragon Police Department. Her long list of contacts in the city come in mighty handy for coordinating Heroes with situations that require their particular set of skills.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...ashDeMento.jpg
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...ookingmean.jpg
Slash DeMento (leader/boss) was just a regular guy until he met the Outcasts and they corrupted him. After a while, he didn't think they were bad enough for him. He wanted to start his own gang, so he wouldn't have to answer to anyone else. He'd make his own rules and give the orders. If anyone challenged him, he'd make them wish they were never born. He was tired of the petty pranks of Frostfire. He wanted to make his own mark and rule the streets. He wanted to make sure that everyone in town feared him. If you tangle with him, be ready for a nasty fight.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...eLacerator.jpg
The Lacerator (boss) is Slash DeMento's big brother, Jack. Jack is very protective of his little brother and would never let any harm come to him. When Slash fell in with the Outcasts, he talked his brother into joining them, too. After they moved up in the ranks, Slash decided they weren't willing to go as far as he wanted them to. So, Jack helped him give Frostfire a nasty beating, then they left and took half the Outcasts with them to form a new gang that would be loyal to Slash. Jack wields a very big sword.
Swordsman (minion)
The Swordsmen are the Lacerator's special project. He's working on training them to follow in his footsteps. They have the basics down pretty good, but they need a little more practice to live up to their full potential.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...hillyWilly.jpg
Hatchet McGee (boss)
Hatchet McGee is an old friend of Slash DeMento. They met when they were just minions in the Outcasts. When Slash decided to strike out on his own, his friend was more than willing to leave the Outcasts behind to follow him. He was pretty tired of taking orders from that blowhard, Frostfire.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...oes/Hacker.jpg
Hacker (Lt)
When this guy shows up, he means business. There's nothing he likes better than to open a gash in anyone that decides to take him on. Slash has a special place in his heart for his choice of weapon and he's always willing to give him a few tips on how to use it.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Tel...Angelique-1.jpg
Shivers (Lt)
Shivers have fine tuned their icy skills and have gotten a promotion for their efforts. These guys can really throw around those ice cubes and make you wish that a little more global warming would kick in whenever they're around.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...eatensharm.jpg
Sizzlers (Lt)
Sizzlers are real pyromaniacs that make you long for cold winter months. You might want to carry some salve to ease the pain because their fiery attacks can really give you blisters that can leave an ugly scar.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...oes/Chills.jpg
Chills (minion)
Chills are just learning to use their skill in casting icy spells to deal with foes. Their chilling effects can really slow you down. With a bit of practice, they can be a real pain to deal with when they show up.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...es/FireBug.jpg
Fire Bug (minion)
These guys just love to play with fire. They'll throw a fireball at you, then laugh when they see you writhing in pain. They haven't exactly learned that when you play with fire, you tend to get burned.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39...6-14-36-06.jpg
Taz (occasional Lt)
Taz has always been a big fan of the martial arts. His parents started him taking lessons when he was very young. I'm sure if they'd realized then that he'd fall in with a bunch like the Outcasts, and, eventually end up in the ranks of the Demon Spawn, they never would've allowed him to take those lessons. He certainly learned the art well. Unfortunately, he didn't take the true purpose of it only being for self defense to heart. Now, he uses his natural talent for evil instead of good, and his parents have disowned him.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
This shameful bump has been brought to you by @Alari Azure and is strictly intended for promotional purposes only. If you have been harmed in any way by this blatantly gratuitous act, please, take out all of your aggressions and anger on the felons pictured in the above post and not on the perpetrator of this particular post.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
Have a nice day.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
I just wanted to thank Lazarus and add his review of Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons to my thread. It wasn't a 'glowing' review, but it wasn't all that bad. It was helpful for me, anyway. I really do appreciate all feedback that I get, because it does help me to improve my writing. Since I will be doing a rewrite of Meet the Demon Spawn in the near future, his assessments will help me in that process.
[ QUOTE ]
Arc ID: 100045
Arc Title: Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons
Author: @Alari Azure
Description: Slash DeMento is a former lieutenant in the Outcasts. His new gang, the Demon Spawn, have stolen some weapons and a big bomb from the Paragon City Armory. His target could be Atlas Park! Can you defeat him, destroy the bomb, and confiscate those stolen weapons before he can implement his plan?
Rating: ***
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Character used: Anna Nethema, Level 50 Dark Melee/Fire Aura Brute
Difficulty: Tenacious (Diff 2)
Level for Arc Playthrough: 50
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Mission 1:
It's been over four years since I've taken a hero through the Hollows, so it took a moment to remember who the heck Flux is. He fills me in about Slash and his new gang, asking me to locate them, recover the weapons and destroy the bomb.
I travel to Atlas Park and into the office that they are hiding out in. Right off the bat I start wondering why the author felt the need to highlight all of the mission objectives. Was he worried that I would somehow not see them on my screen?
I might as well just get to commenting on the "Demon Spawn" in general. I don't know what level they are meant for as apparently the entire group is custom and running from 1-54. Why do we need level 50 Outcasts? I was told by Flux that Outcasts were a member of the group, so why are there no regular Outcasts present. Their custom replacements for the Chillers, for example, don't even resemble them.
I would need a sub-level 20 character to see how dangerous they really are, because my level 50 Brute here is not getting a scratch on her.
According to Taz's description he is a big fan of Martial Arts, so why is he attacking me with claws?
Speak of the Devil? Funny you should say that, Slash.
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The Verdict:
I really don't know exactly what the author was trying to accomplish with this group. If you were simply going to expand on the Outcasts, why not reuse some of their units? Nothing particularly stuck out either, most of the guys with weapons just came across as Warriors rejects. I think you need to define more just what this is supposed to be. Maybe if I knew what level I was actually meant to be facing them at and if I actually saw some of the Outcasts in the group that were mentioned. In fact, what was Slash doing in the Outcasts to begin with? They're all mutants but he appears to be a natural Axe/Shield Brute.
Three stars for effort.
[/ QUOTE ]
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
My SG mostly abandoned me tonight so, left with nothing else to do, I ran Meet the Demon Spawn (151099).
It was a fun little romp for my 25th level mercenary Master Mind (the only real solo character I have 
) with some intense fights in a couple of places. I enjoyed it a lot. The story was simple and the execution logical and fairly tight. I could easily see this being in the Hollows as dev content.
I only have 2 suggestions...
1) Have the captives use the Talk animation when freed. That way they'll stand still for 3-4 seconds while they say their thanks before they run to the door. I was having to scroll the chat box back to see what they said because it traveled across the screen too fast.
2) Mission 1's send-off dialog had some awkward wording. In particular "I'm afraid these guys are gonna to be..." and "their hidin' out is in an office...". I can see the second one being slang but the first just seems to have an extraneous "to" for no apparent reason. If that's just the way Flux should talk then ignore me.
BTW - I really liked your use of colored text, especially in the nav bar. I didn't even know you could do that.
[ QUOTE ]
My SG mostly abandoned me tonight so, left with nothing else to do, I ran Meet the Demon Spawn (151099).
It was a fun little romp for my 25th level mercenary Master Mind (the only real solo character I have ) with some intense fights in a couple of places. I enjoyed it a lot. The story was simple and the execution logical and fairly tight. I could easily see this being in the Hollows as dev content.
I only have 2 suggestions...
1) Have the captives use the Talk animation when freed. That way they'll stand still for 3-4 seconds while they say their thanks before they run to the door. I was having to scroll the chat box back to see what they said because it traveled across the screen too fast.
2) Mission 1's send-off dialog had some awkward wording. In particular "I'm afraid these guys are gonna to be..." and "their hidin' out is in an office...". I can see the second one being slang but the first just seems to have an extraneous "to" for no apparent reason. If that's just the way Flux should talk then ignore me.
BTW - I really liked your use of colored text, especially in the nav bar. I didn't even know you could do that.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for playing it! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
1) I might have enough space left to do that. I really hate the fact that hostages just run off like their pants are on fire. lol
2) That must have been something that happened when I switched the contact to Flux and rewrote it in slang. I'll definitely have to fix that. Good catch! I've read that text so many times that I guess it just kept slipping by me.
I'm hoping to do a major rewrite on it when I15 hits. Hopefully, that will give me more space to add some background story and maybe a little more detailed content, like more clues and dialogue. It's a wee bit on the sparse side as it is because I had to skimp a little to fit 4 missions.
I do appreciate the feedback. It's always helpful to have someone else look at it to find the things that can make it better.
Thank you, again.
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback
I have 3 published ARCs that I would appreciate you trying out. I've worked hard at creating stories/missions that people would enjoy playing. The first one features the Circle of Thorns and the other 2 feature a custom enemy group. I hope you will try them all. Any and all feedback is welcome and will be much appreciated. If I can improve on any of them, please, don't hesitate to let me know about it. If you find any errors, I would especially appreciate your telling me about them, too. I've run them on several of my toons and all are solo friendly. I would really like some feedback on the custom enemy group, if you would be so kind.
You can send me a message in game or post it here, in this thread. My main focus is to create missions that are fun for all to play.
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Arc Name: Deal with The Devil's Pawn [/color]
Arc ID: 113615
Faction: Neutral
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Alari Azure
Difficulty Level: 5-54
Synopsis: Single Mission/Circle of Thorns/Medium Map/Ambush/Boss/Collection/Patrol
You must defeat The Devil's Pawn and recover Lucifer's Scroll. The Circle of Thorns must never be allowed to unlock the secret spell that has been written on that scroll. If they ever do, it will be the worst thing that could ever happen to Paragon City. They must be stopped before it's too late.
Estimated Time to Play: Depending on size of the group, approx 15-20 minutes.
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Arc Name: Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons
Slash DeMento and his gang, the Demon Spawn, have stolen some Weapons and a Bomb from the Paragon City Armory. You need to defeat him, destroy the Bomb and confiscate those stolen Weapons.
Arc ID: 100045
Faction: Neutral
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Alari Azure
Difficulty Level: 1-54
Synopsis: Single mission that is a hint at the new custom enemy group in the next arc in the list.
Medium Map/Custom Enemy Group/Ambush/Boss/Collection/Destructable Object/Patrol. (No EB/AVs)
Estimated Time to Play: Depending on size of the group, etc., approx 15-20 minutes.
~
Arc Name: Meet the Demon Spawn
Are you ready to accept a challenge from Paragon City's newest gang of thugs and their leader, Slash DeMento? Hang on to your hat and be ready for a wild ride. These guys are new in town and they want to make a big impression. The bad kind! (There are no EB/AVs so it can be soloed without too much difficulty, but there are a few enemies that can be a little tough. None are extremely hard, though.)
Arc ID: 151099
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Alari Azure
Difficulty Level: 1-54
Synopsis:
Mission 1: Word on the street is that the Demon Spawn have stolen some weapons and bombs from the Paragon City Armory. They've been getting bolder since their leader, Slash DeMento, gave Frostfire a beating and left with half of the Outcasts following him. We need you to recover those items before they can harm innocent people. Will you help? (This one is similar to the single mission above with this custom enemy group, but with a little different twist. No Boss in this one and the Bombs are a collection rather than destructable.)
Mission 2: I'm afraid the Demon Spawn haven't been deterred in their big plans. This time they've kidnapped Professor David Bradford. He's been working on a new weapon system for the military. They've stolen the files, with all of his research, to put it together. You need to get in, rescue the Professor and recover his stolen files.
Mission 3: The Demon Spawn are at it, again. This time they've kidnapped several members of the Research & Developement team at Benson Robotics, Scientist Susan Wu and 3 Robotics Technicians. They've also stolen some robotic parts and the laptop computers needed to build a new prototype. It seems that their plans are getting bigger all the time. You need to rescue that Benson R&D team and recover all of their stolen materials.
Mission 4: Apparently, Slash DeMento has issued a challenge to you, personally. He didn't like the time his brother had to spend in the Zig, or the beating you gave him, after your last meeting. This time he's taken your friend, Glenn Breck, as a hostage. He's threatening to sell him to the highest bidder. You know he has some enemies that would like to see him go away, forever. You need to defeat Slash DeMento and rescue Glenn Breck.
~
The first mission does not have a Boss, all the rest have a Boss, collections, ambushes, patrols, and rescues. It's a story arc that ends with the main character, Slash DeMento, challenging you to rescue your friend, a famous Paragon City radio/TV personality.
Estimated Time to Play: 10-20 minutes for each mission, depending on your group and whether or not you defeat all enemies.
~~~
Enjoy! Please, rate them and send feedback, especially if you gave a low rating. Thanks!
No AV/EBs Deal with The Devil's Pawn-207266 Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons-100045 Meet the Demon Spawn-151099 Feedback