I can see where your characters relate and all, but I think you really need to trim up a lot of your sentences of unnecessary information. For Instance, this sentence:
[ QUOTE ]
After the experiment The Goverment Agency known as the Supernatural infiltration police enforcement Regime or S.N.I.P.E.R asked them to join. Triggerhappy gladly excepted but Rampage turned them down.
[/ QUOTE ]
could be shortened to just:
[ QUOTE ]
After the experiment, S.N.I.P.E.R asked them to join, which Triggerhappy gladly accepted but Rampage turned down.
[/ QUOTE ]
You can then toss the full SNIPER description completely out or move it to the front of the paragraph where it was first mentioned. Stuff like that.
ok thanks
and edited.
This is my character Triggerhappy that is in my sig Now known as Saint He will be a dualblades/willpower scrapper for the envisionaries supergroup on liberty. I am gonna keep the original name and AR/Device build on my home server freedom.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y5/...6-13-03-15.jpg
The S.N.I.P.E.R Agent formerly known as Triggerhappy Was once a police officer for the NYPD. He along with his Brother Rapage leader of a gang called the Nomadswere selected for a top secret government experiment known as project Genesis. Both brothers were excelent Martial Artists and marksmen which made them perfect for the experiment. In this experiment they were injected with nanites or nano machines known as nanosurgeons which gave them the ability to regenerate at a high rate. the regeneration was so fast that they would heal wounds with in a few minutes. The second part of the experiments involved lacing their bones with an indistructable metal known as invulnerium. With the nano surgeons in place this allowed them to perform the second part of the experiment. After the experiment, S.N.I.P.E.R asked them to join, which Triggerhappy gladly accepted but Rampage turned down. Triggerhappy began doing missions where he would either have to capture or kill supernatural creatures for the secret organization. It was on one of these Missions where he met The Dark Savior GIdeon An immortal hunter and Holy warriorWho appeared on the scene and killed many of these creatures. The two men became close friends. Gideon then trained Triggerhappy in using melee weapons. Being the martial artist that he was He then added the sai blades to his arsenal making him even deadlier. As the years passed And Gideon started dating Trigger happy's sister, they grew even closer. Triggerhappy admired his friend so much that he changed his monicker to Saint in honor of Gideon and was given the nick name The Night Hunter.