Game: WoD: Mage
Individuals: Myself (referred to as Me or [Grey]), GM, another player referred to as [Chipsy].
Me: "I try to start my car."
GM: "It doesn't start."
Me: *grumble* "Hokay... WAIT! I do a search of the vehicle!"
GM: *slightly evil grin* "You find a wire leading from your ignition switch to somewhere under your car."
Me: "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" *sigh* "Get out of the car and look underneath."
GM: *rolls eyes* "Okay. You see a tan block-"
[Chipsy]: "Uh-oh... C-4..."
Me: *slight pause* *Eyes brighten* "Reach under the car while saying 'Why, oh, why would somebody build a bomb out of fudge?"
GM: *evil grin melts* "FUDGE!?"
Me: "Peanut Butter to be exact."
[Chipsy]: "Heh."
There's a moment's pause as Hunter glares at me. Finally, his face smooths and he says...
GM: "Roll it..."
Me: *Roll*
GM: "Difficulty of... Seven..."
Me: "SUCCESS!"
GM: "..."
Me: "Hee-hee! Somebody gave me some fudge. I had one success, so how does this stuff taste?"
GM: "..." *blink* "You... You're eating it?"
Me: "It IS peanut butter fudge..."
GM: "One success... Okay, it's kind of 'plasticky' and it has a blasting cap in it..."
Me: "Oop, better take that out of there. 'Meh, I've had better. You want any of this, Eddy?'"
[Chipsy]: "No thanks."
----
Same Game, later...
GM: "Do you know why that didn't draw paradox?"
Me: "Kind of... It was because I never declared it was plastique."
GM: "Right... Technically, there was nobody around to tell you that your vision of the world where a guy was dumb enough to make a bomb out of peanut butter fudge was wrong."
----
Later... Same Game...
Me: "I turn the fence into pretzels..."
GM: "Oh come the [sex?] on!"
[Chipsy]: "What is with you and turning things into food all of a sudden?"
Me: "I don't know! It's this character, guys... He's... Weird in the head..."
GM: "PARADOX!"
Me: "How bad?"
GM: "One point... You've got a whanging headache."
Me: "But the fence is made of pretzel?"
GM: "YES!"
Me: "Then it was worth it."
GM: "PARADOX IS BAD!"
Me: "But it wears off, right?"
GM: "I... Rgh... [Grey], you're driving me to drink... Get me a Dew, 'sensuous.'"
Me: "But I'm not standing..."
GM: "You turned a fence into pretzels, take this as a penalty for being so stupid."
Me: "Stupid?"
GM: "It was an electronic fence! You have Forces! You could have zapped the keypad and shorted out the system, causing an emergency opening! It could have been explained as a really strong static charge, or a tazer..."
Me: "Ah, but there's no guarantee that would've worked."
----
An explanation on "sensuous..."
It's taken from the Jeff Foxworthy joke about how the word "sensuous" means something different in Redneck terms.
Sensuous in the dictionary has multiple meanings, most of which deal with the senses, feeling, and enjoying feeling, etc.
Redneck "Sensuous" is actually more of a phrase...
"Ah figgered Ah'd drop by sensuous up..."
We turned it into...
GM: "Hey, sensuous up, grab me a Dew."
Everybody else: *mild cacophony* "Yeah, sensuous..."
Me: "Dammit dammit dammit! My mistake was getting up..."
My Stories
Look at that. A full-grown woman pulling off pigtails. Her crazy is off the charts.
>7th Sea<
(Visualize this moment. It is, on a dramatic level, our favorite. Names are in tact. I am the GM at all times)
Me: You pull the lever and the stone door begins to raise. You hear a rumbling sound as dust falls to the floor and the following room becomes
Mike: I dive forward, sword drawn, sliding beneath the door and catching anyone in their off their guard!
Me:
visible.
-beat-
Andy: I calmly walk into the empty room
-------------------------------------
(Half hour later)
Me: You see a long, tight, thin wire from one side of the wall to the other. *mutters: I hate good perception checks*
Mike: I flick it.
Me: You
flick it?
Mike: Yeah.
Me: Okay, you flick it, and the pressure is enough to bring down a scythe from the walls, so quick you couldnt possibly dodge it. Roll for damage.
Mike: WHAT!?
Me: (losing it) You FLICKED an obvious trap!
Mike: No, no no. I meant that I took my rapier and sliced it quickly down the middle to disarm it!
-beat-
Mike: Flick! *imitates flicking his wrist while holding a rapier*
Me: *glare* Okay, the traps disabled.
Game: D&D
DM: The figure before you can barely be called a man. His hair is wild and untamed, scars cover his face, and his clothes are in tatters. Patches of fur criss-cross his body. It seems like nothing could stop him; he crouches before you on bloody stumps, ignoring the loss of his lower legs. He snarls at you.
Wizard: "Well, there's clearly no reasoning with him."
Me: - Eilonwy grimaces. - "Of course not. His argument doesn't have a leg to stand on, after all." - Eilonwy cackles. -
Wizard: Aounka groans.
DM: Roll initiative.
(two peoples' turns intervene.)
DM: Okay, Astral's turn.
Me: - Eilonwy reaches into its robes and pulls out tiny tarts, flinging them at the creature. - "I said, 'You don't have a leg to stand on!'"
Me: Level 1 Spell: Tasha's Hideous Laughter. DC 13, Will.
DM: *rolls a 5* ...The creature begins a long, howling, sinister laugh, falling over helplessly.
You RULE so hard. You're like a Dungeons and Dragons translation of the Joker.
[ QUOTE ]
You RULE so hard. You're like a Dungeons and Dragons translation of the Joker.
[/ QUOTE ]
It was sheer dumb luck. We found out he was a creature that made more of itself by biting others, so I had to find a way to keep him from being able to bite our Monk and Fighter. Tasha's was my only recourse. The best part is, Eilonwy's normally quite serious.
Shadowrun.
The team had just wiped (as happens rather often in Shadowrun) due to exceptionally bad intel, and we wake up in a peculiar room. The contact (Silk, made and played by our GM, and who had subsequently gotten us most of our info), walks in and asks how we're doing. Everybody gives their grunts and groans, some even express thanks for his quick retrieval. I (playing a Rigger named "Jake"; played him essentially like a Robots MM, only with a big armored van instead of a secondary powerset) had a bit of a different reaction...
Me: "Silk... Is my gun nearby?"
Silk: "Yes, of course. It's on the nightstand."
Me: "Is it loaded?"
Silk: "...Yes."
Me: "With my bullets or your bullets?"
Silk: "Yours."
Me: "Good. Good. Now, I'm going to have to ask you to stand very, very still."
Silk: "Why?"
Me: "So I can SHOOT YOU WITH IT! TWICE!"
My Stories
Look at that. A full-grown woman pulling off pigtails. Her crazy is off the charts.
D&D
Basic questline I picked up when I listened to two friends of mine doing a run. A thief stole a valuable object and retreated into the local "strip club." You must track the thief down.
----------------------
Vincent: Okay, I wanna ask everyone in the room if they've seen the thief.
DM: Roll.
V: 16.
DM: Ok, everyone shakes their head and says no. The only exception is one person who nervously looked off to the side, then said no.
V: Sense motive.
DM: Motive is not wanting to die.
V: Wait a minute, how is he-
DM: Toilet paper and a mini skirt.
Me: O.o
All: ...
All: ...
All: ...
Me: Do a grapple check. Pull down the pants.
(Unsurprisingly, they do it.)
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
[ QUOTE ]
... playing a Rigger named "Jake"; played him essentially like a Robots MM...
[/ QUOTE ]
... Now wait a minute...
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
... playing a Rigger named "Jake"; played him essentially like a Robots MM...
[/ QUOTE ]... Now wait a minute...
[/ QUOTE ]
*Casts Invoke Anger*
[ QUOTE ]
... playing a Rigger named "Jake"; played him essentially like a Robots MM... [ QUOTE ]
... Now wait a minute...
[/ QUOTE ]
[/ QUOTE ]
PARADOX! Now we gotta check to see if the thread is made out of peanut butter fudge.
Global - @El D
Servers - Protector
Krazy, we hadn't met by that time, buddy. Besides, Riggers are a little more complex than Masterminds... For instance, I put a lot more effort and resources into the heavily armored van (with rocket tubes!) than I did into the drones (of which, there were only three and they looked nothing like the robots in CoX; more like go-carts with chainguns and rocket pods).
I also doubt you name your robots Wild, Bear, and Quicksilver.
Those were names of pets I had that I figured were able to take anything in a fight.
Incidentally, their fates are feral (probably deceased), deceased (old age), and fat and lazy (Mom's cat, now) respectively.
----
Sadly, those were my favorite PnP moments. The region I'm in doesn't really have much of a PnP crowd, and the one guy I've met who's at all interested in it is a little dim.
He attacked a savage wolf with a level one fighter when he had two hitpoints left...
Wyat: "I attack the wolf!"
Me (DMing): "Wyat... It's a savage wolf... It's not likely to get killed, even if that is a magic sword..."
Wyat: "Attack the wolf!"
*Roll, Miss*
Me: "The wolf attacks back..."
*Roll, Critical Hit*
*Damage roll irrelevant at this point.*
Me: "The wolf slashes open your torso and starts devouring the bits inside. Congratulations, Goku, *grumble* you've died."
Wyat: "Go back to town and heal!"
Me: "..."
My Stories
Look at that. A full-grown woman pulling off pigtails. Her crazy is off the charts.
The idea of this thread is to post some things that cracked you up during a Pen and Paper game, whether it was Dungeons and Dragons, Champions, World of Darkness, or any other. I'll start off with two that happened to me today.
Game: D&D
DM: "Ok, so, this guy walks up to you. Ok, you can talk to him now."
Vincent: "I hold my crossbow under his chin and say 'Who are you!'"
Me: "... I cast Hold Person."
DM: What?! Oh, fine. Roll initiative...
V: Hah! I rolled higher. I fire my crossbow. *Rolls for the hit*
DM: ... You miss.
V: But... Point blank!
Me: Weapon jam? Anyway, Hold Person. *Roll Die*
DM: Hit
Me: I bash Vincent over the head with my mace...
DM: Why are you even fighting?!
Me: I hate Halflings.
----------
Game: D&D
DM: Ok, you've now betrayed the peaceful Kobolds and killed all of them in the room... *sigh*
Jay: We wanna go in the next room.
DM: Okay... In the corner, you see two Kobold children cowering in the corner. They obviously have the plague and are muttering the words, 'Coooold... Cooooooold.'
Me: Let's kill 'em!
Caroline (Paladin): You can't kill the children!
Me: ... I cast Obscuring Mist around Caroline's head...
DM: Success.
Me: Sweet! I kill the Kobold Kiddies
DM: ... You slaughter them with ease.
C: That's it, I'm leaving the party...
Me: What? You didn't see anything. I hide the bodies under the pile of the good Kobolds we killed earlier.
C: I hate you all...
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell