The bio was well written, and the five weapons bit sounds cool. This whole backstory has a heavy Final Fantasy vibe. However, there are few points of constructive critism that I like to point out.
1) If Ultimus had a weapon that could fell armies, then how could he get tossed into prison at all? Either there had to be a way to take the sword from him, or prevent him from drawing from it's power. The second one would make sense, if he once was able to fell entire armies to now being back at Level 1 in Atlas Park.
2) Finally, and what I think, the most important citicism that I can think of is that really doesn't tie anything in with the CoH mythos. Almost everything in the backstory is about this kingdom and it just tacked on portals to Paragon City, and Ultimus seems out of place.
Personally, I think if incorporated more CoH elements in your setting then you can not just make Ultimus a character, but one who's involved in the setting he's playing in.
Consider this:
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Instead of having the five heroes turn the tide. The Arcadian forces encountered an outside entity with the Ritki and struck a bargain. The Ritki with give the Santuary forces the secret to make their soldiers into powerful warriors (similar to the Lost) and arm them with 'sword shrouded in green light' in exchange for any of their ancient knowledge, offerings, and perhaps some land.
Emperor Gestahl, impressed by the power granted by these alien gods and their gifts (which brought Arcadia into a golden age), sought to infuse personally himself. Thus he was granted great psionic powers but at the price of his mind and soul.
It was then when Ultimus questioned the benevelont nature of these gods and the Emperor's motives. Labelled as a traitor, and hunted by Balkoth who stuck Ultimus with a powerful psionic attack which masked the hero's pure spirit from the sword and cutting off any access to it's power.
The hunt eventually lead them to an Ritki 'Holy Site' which is actually a secret teleport facility. Weakened, Ultimus was forced to flee through the portal which lead to Paragon City.
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I think this works well, because it ties a lot of your story elements with the city of heroes mythos while it maintained it's important elements. Most importantly, it gives your hero a serious motive to be running around in Paragon City.
Keep in mind, you can subsitute the Ritki with any CoH group: Arcanos, the Council, Circle of Thorns, etc. But, considering Issue 10, the Ritki work best.
I hope this helps.
Cool thanks for the reply.
1) I have two ways to explain this:
A) The rest of the Silverguard fought Ultimus since he was labeled a traitor.
B) Ultimus simply went quietly because he didn't want to hurt his "allies."
2) See thats the thing, I am MUCH more of a fantasy person. I kind of like the fact my character is out of place. Not really sure how to tack it in more.
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Cool thanks for the reply.
1) I have two ways to explain this:
A) The rest of the Silverguard fought Ultimus since he was labeled a traitor.
B) Ultimus simply went quietly because he didn't want to hurt his "allies."
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I think both of those explainations work well. Altough, with either one of these explainations I wonder: do they take the runesword away from Ultimus. It would be a logical course of action, but then how would he get it back?
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2) See thats the thing, I am MUCH more of a fantasy person. I kind of like the fact my character is out of place. Not really sure how to tack it in more.
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If that's suit your tastes, then enjoy. You can keep the fantasy elements and have your character out of place in Paragon while weaving the some CoH themes in the background. I think the trick is to make the references subtle, and try to give it a fantasy-twist.
Personally, that's what I like about working the Ritki into the backstory. But, if they suite your tastes, then I'm sure a more magic-based group would do (Circle of Thorns, Banished Pantheon, Legacy Chain).
If you want another idea to tie some CoH reference is to connect Gesthal's search for arcane power. Maybe the Mayhin infusion stuff is actually based off ancient knowledge from the Circle of Thorn, who once built an ancient city on Ultimus' homeworld.
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I think both of those explainations work well. Altough, with either one of these explainations I wonder: do they take the runesword away from Ultimus. It would be a logical course of action, but then how would he get it back?
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Yes thats how I pictured it but he got it back during his escape from Bethla Garrison.
I wrote this for another thread so I decided to post it here:
The Build and the story behind Ultimus Decimus Omegus
Broadsword/Regeneration/Magic Origin
The story and lore **NOTE: This is long but I hope you like it
Ultimus Decimus Omegus is a loyal vassal of Emperor Gestahl and principle general of the Silverguard Knights. The forces of Ultimus were critical in turning back the Ordallian invasion of Arcadia. It was during this era Ultimus rose in the ranks of Arcadia and the Silverguard was established.
The war with Ordallia, better known as the Tenth Ring War, began with two sub-divisions, Sanctuary, a sub division of Arcadia, and the Legacy of Steel, a sub division of Ordallia. Sanctuary was led by Fell Gleaming with his wife Goldlily Gleaming in second command. Fell was a charismatic leader and a powerful sorcerer. His wife was a druid capable of wielding the powers of Earth. The Legacy of Steel was led by a powerful Warlord known as Draed Vahn. These armies comprised the backbone of the two warring empires.
Ultimus was but a low-ranking squire in Sanctuary. However, Fell took him under his wing to teach him everything about combat. He saw his potential in combat and the two eventually grew to become the best of friends.
During the final battle with Legacy of Steel the forces of Sanctuary were crushed on the cold-front known as Veoshul. (VEE-O-SHOL) Ultimus was one of the few survivors of this battle along with Freon, Dersid, Laostu, and Aelodyn. At this point, Arcadia was doomed to fall to the forces of Ordallia and their powerful army of Legacy of Steel.
However, Ultimus with his remaining allies went on a journey to find a weapon or weapons capable of defeating an entire army. The quest looked bleak but this was Arcadia's last hope.
The journey led to Karnor's Castle, a section of the fallen kingdom of Guardia that now lay taken over by the undead led by the powerful necromancer Golgoth. The heroes discovered five powerful artifacts that would grant them enormous power:
Blade of War: Given to Dersid, a powerful blade capable of splitting into two weapons. It had the power of the God of War and could slice any opponent into two.
Fist of Zek: Given to the Monk Laostu, these wrist wraps gave his fists the force of shattering even the most powerful of armor with bare hands.
Soulfire: This holy blade was given to Freon. It wielded the element of fire and was capable of incinerating those with a heart of darkness.
Executioner's Blade: Aelodyn was granted this battle axe. It gave him untold speed and hastend his attacks faster then any opponent could follow.
Runed Blade: Ultimus was chosen by this blade. This "Holy Sword" was found locked deep in Karnor's Castle. It appears to be an ordinary blade but on closer inspection it can be seen decorated with runes. It is said that whoever wields this blade is granted near unlimited protection. This blade granted Ultimus his incredible regeneration abilities and the ability to withstand damage so long as his heart remained pure.
These five heroes then formed the Silverguard. It was then on the outskirts of the city of Migar that they faced an entire army by themselves. They were successful and went down in Arcadian history for defeating the forces of Ordallia single handidly. Each was given a high rank in Arcadia and peace lasted for several years in Arcadia...
***Jumping a few years into the future***
Obsessed with the stories of magic, Emperor Gestahl had overseen the rise of Arcadia as the world's preminent military and political power thanks to the development of Mayhin. Gestahl was the first volunteer for the experimental Mayhin infusion, although he gained the ability to wield magic it warped his mind turning him into a brutal sociopath. In his obsession to conquer, Gestahl began opening portals to other worlds to conquer. He then manages to open a portal to the world where Paragon City is home to.
Due to his divergent viewpoints with Emperor Gestahl, Ultimus is framed as a traitor by Balkoth, a ShadowKnight who plans to take Ultimus' place in the Silverguard. Ultimus is tossed into Bethla Garrison, a massive prison housing thousands of people.
However, during the confusion of war Ultimus is freed by some heroes who found their way to his world via the portal opened by Gestahl. The heroes were searching for new allies to defend their world against the new Rikti invasion.
Ultimus has then taken arms against the Rikti and the Arcadian Conspiracy. Once he aids this world he hopes to go back to his world with new allies to bring peace there once again. For Arcadia now threatens this world with the portal they've opened...