Tuna Fish Sandwiches for Security Level 50.
By
AstralFire,
Posted on: 2007-08-10 13:56 in Roleplaying
You're my new favorite Role Player. 
[ QUOTE ]
You're my new favorite Role Player.
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QFT
Global - @El D
Servers - Protector
I do try to please. ;D Comedy's my favorite genre of roleplay.
This was more or less my honest, knee-jerk reaction when I leveled to 50 off of Portal Parter.
"So I've been jumping aimlessly around Peregrine for 30 minutes trying to find a single exploration badge, I get it, I ding, and it's got a horrible name and the tidbit behind it isn't remotely interesting.
...I was so cheated."
Random story I wrote for hitting level 50.
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Steam hissed from the hydraulic locks on either side of his face, and the gleaming metal mask split in two, thudding to the grass. It had been a long day. Alexis wiped his face clean of sweat. Impervium was... well, impervious to a lot of things. Including air circulation.
"This looks like a nice place for a picnic. Not a jester, steampunk soldier or crazy merc in sight. For once."
It was a small island - a glorified sandbar, really - off of the coast of Peregrine. Alexis glanced up. There were power lines marring his view of the sky, sure, but they weren't going to try to kill him. And even if they did, that would mean they were probably under control of the clockwork. Which was as good as being safe.
Yawning, he reached into his satchel for his sandwich, then plopped onto the ground back first. But as he bit down into the tuna salad, he realized there were hushed whispers from behind the small cliff face. Groaning, he paused a moment - then leaped to his feet.
"God damnit, Vanessa DeVore, give it a rest!"
With a dismissive wave of his hand, ruby energy shot from his fingertips at the voices. A dozen legs and arms and limbs went flying back into the sea with a sudden splash.
"The cameras! The cameras! They're all wet!"
"Oh my..."
"I told you, don't sneak up on-"
Alexis blinked. They were wearing normal clothes. Possessed scientists?
"Christ, go back to Oranbega! I haven't even bothered you all in the last week! No, wait, you're automatons, aren't you? Just because I stole Nemmy's brai-"
A thoroughly soaked woman waved her arms frantically. "No! No! Reporters! Reporters! Paragon Times! We swear to god, we're reporters! No eyebeams! Please!"
"...What? Oh. Sorry. ...I wanted to eat lunch." Alexis smiled sheepishly. "So... uh... send the bill to SkylarTech for the cameras. Um. What can I help you with?"
"Well, Mr. Decker," an official-looking woman still on the dry sand began, "Our records show that you've now obtained the Portal Parter badge." She flipped through a small notepad.
"The who's-a-what's-a? Okay... And...?" Alexis raised an eyebrow.
"Aaaaand, according to Mr. Maylor's reports, that now qualifies you for Security Level 50, and we wanted to interview you. A nice little quality of life story for the D section frontpage. Maybe below the fold."
Alexis' mouth opened. Then closed. Opened. Then closed. After a moment of this repeating over and over, he shook his head. "Do you realize that today, I've had my mind pried into, I got shot at by a bunch of Vanguard sword, the Carnival of Shadows played me for a damned fool-"
"Sir, there is no proof that the Carnival is all that you and Mr. Maylor seem to think it i-"
"Fought Transforming Robots that combine with each other and giant pieces of living crystal not to mention exploding zombies... And I finally get awarded security level 50 for finding a- what the hell is this badge for, anyway?"
The woman flipped a page. "There used to be a Portal Corporation building here, I believe."
"...I give up. I just... I give up."
"Sir?" The woman raised her pen. "Is that your official statement?"
"My official statement? My official statement is, I love Tuna Fish sandwiches and get the hell off of my island and screw Mayor Gonzalez, Statesman and their badge system."
The reporter's eyes lit up as she scribbled, muttering to herself. "Newly promoted hero raises controversy over security level system... Mr. Decker, would you call it ineffect-"
Before she could get out another word, a torrent of energy sent her flying into her companions.
"I just wanted to eat my damned sandwich."