You know what really stinks? Remember how I said that my eyes glow? Well, that's technically a non-correctable eyesight deficiancy which disqualifies me from driving. How am I supposed to get around now, walk? Run?
/me shakes his head.
Sorry, everyone, I've been in the hospital. See, I learned how to jump really, really high. Something about mirroring the random kinetic movements of the atom on a supermolecular (opposite of submolecular) level. Well, I didn't quite have it under control and I slammed into a building. Really, really hard. That building did what no true villain has ever been able to do -- it took me out. For a long time. But now, I'm back. I've heard that some villains stole these kids Christmas toys. I'm not going to stand to let that happen. I'm tired of laying around in a hospital bed.
I have a sort of ... well ... in the hospital, I was in a lot of pain from my injuries. I wanted to heal faster and used my Accelerate Metabolism on myself once a day or so to help myself heal faster. It also made me feel better and, in combination with the pain killers they had me on it helped me fall asleep. I'm off the pain killers now and without them Accelerate Metabolism is a little different, it doesn't put me to sleep anymore. Now that I've left the hospital I've found myself more and more in demand on superhero teams. I try to stop, but it's life and death situations out there and Accelerate Metabolism just seesm to help so much. Everyone seems to want their metabolism accelerated for a time, everyone asks for it and I can't speed them up without also speeding me up.
When my metabolism's accelerated, everything is just so much clearer. I think faster, I react faster. I ... God help me, it's like crack. I don't think I can stop.
I've got this buddy who has similar problems. He's this scientist or whatever but has a nasty case of 'glow-in-the-dark-itis'. Don't get me wrong, Doc's a great guy and all, but I don't like standing next to him too much. It's not cause he's homeless and lives in a train station but because of the radiation.
Thanks, but you can keep your sterility and cancer treatments to yourself. Isn't there some kind of grant you can apply for to build some protective armor like good ol' Positron?
Anyways, good luck with that 'hiding your powers' thing. And can you spot me a pizza pie sometime?
Protector:
Hololad - Mutant Ill/Kin Controller
Stormy Satyr - Grav/Storm Controller
Lt. MacReady - AR/Dev Blaster
Holobad - Mind/Psi Dominator
Well, I don't bother hiding my powers. I can't really, not with green glowing eyes. Smoked glasses go a good ways towards hiding that from a casual observer, but not from someone that I'm interacting closely with. I don't "leak" radiation --near as any Gieger counters can tell, I don't need some sort of protective armor. The Department of Health is worried that I might, though, which is why my food handler's license was pulled.
If you'd like, I'll make you a "special" pie. I've found that pizzas cook faster when I consciously radiate them than when I use the oven (2.5 minutes as opposed to 6 minutes in a conventional pizza oven) and when I radiate them they have the added "bonus" of boosting your metabolism for a short period of time. Lots of heroes seem to like that. I like it too, a little too much ... sitting here, all alone in my house, eating slice after slice of radiated pizza just to feel the boost ... luckily the boosted metabolism means that I don't have to worry about putting on weight from all that pizza. It's just so hard to go out and fight criminals, though, knowing that I'll have to spend attention on something other than more pie ...
I'm proud to admit, I'm out of rehab now. I've been clean for almost three months now and have no more plans to return to eating radiated pizza. It's good, but it's . . . too good. It made me feel alive, it made me feel . . . whole, like I could take on the world. Well, I feel that way now but the only thing I'm high on is life!
Pizza Joe is back!
So. Here's my dilemma. I have these ... radioactive auras. You see, I used to be an ordinary guy. I really was an ordinary Joe -- that's my name, Joe. Anyway, I was this pizza delivery guy. Well, one day we got a call from the Terra Volta power plant. Seems that a bunch of Sky Riders, or whatever they call themselves, had taken over the plant. This group of capes came in and was kicking their butts. The capes had a tip that more Riders (or wheatever they're called would be coming soon, but it had been a long time since breakfast and they wanted to know how fast I could get down there with some pies.
"No problem," I told them, little knowing how much the events of that day would change my life forever. We slapped a few pies together and I loaded them up in my car. Seems those capes were thinking too much of the pizza I was bringing and not paying enough attention to what they were doing because no sooner had I walked in the front doors but warning sirens started to go off. I turned and tried to run but the doors had somehow jammed and I couldn't get out. Luckily another group of heroes showed up to stop the reactor from going like Ernie, this guy I used to know who used to work for the postal office. But, in the meantime, I was exposed to lethal doses of radiation. But it didn't kill me. It activated or altered some genes or something like that, I don't really understand what all happened. But I'm radioactive now.
You can see it in my eyes. They glow. I wear sunglasses to cover it up, but I can still see the glow when I look in the mirror. The Department of Health came down on Paragon Pie, said that I was now a health hazard. True, I can throw out auras of radiation that blind villains, clouds that do all sorts of stuff. I can even accelerate the molecules in other people's bodies and make them feel pain (although most of that seems to just be in their head). And my eyes do glow. But am I really a health hazard?
There was that girl who dared me to make her a radioactive pizza and she sort of ended up with powers like mine. But that was on purpose.
I guess what I'm asking is, am I harming people when I accelerate their metabolism or if they get too close to one of my auras? Is it possible that what I do now could fundamentally alter the body of a friend and teammate?
--Pizza Joe