Im going to ask advice on a Char for CoV...

Here's what I have for my character's beginning storyline...

he waas once a normal man of Paragon City. His name was Thomas Fawlrie (Fool-Ree). His wife, Fiona; His daughter, Sara; and his son, Daniel were out on a typical family picnic, until that fateful moment happened...

The Vahzilok came out of nowhere and kidnapped him, along with the rest of his family. Each of them were placed into one small bodybag that had obviously already been used to carry the bleeding carcus of another. It was unbearable to look at, and smell. It was too cramped in there for all four of them, so they all had to curl up in little balls. The two children and the wife cried all the way into the sewers. Tom just stared into an empty space.

One by one, the Vahzilok did "surgery" on each of the family members, first up were the two children. They were slowly and painfully ripped of their organs, with the parents watching. Then came Fiona, with her husband watching every traumatic moment with her in front of him. It was too much to bear, the fear literally drove poor Thomas insane.

With minutes to spare before Thomas' operation, a hero barged in and took out each of the Vahzilok. After the hero was done taking them down, without even noticing the 3 dead family members, he said, "Sorry about the hold-up. Could have been here about an hour earlier (the operation started 45 minutes earlier) but I had to stop a clockwork attack on some of the major political figures." This one statement tore poor Tom to pieces. If he had shown up earlier, just one hour earlier, his family could have been saved. Everything in Tom's world came crashing down.

The hero noticed the 3 dead family members and had a sigh of failure on his face, but not a sigh of pity that they died. The hero then untied Tom and said, "Well, at least I saved you, right?" This almost detroyed Tom. Without thinking he went to one of the Vahzilok, took his axe, and ripped the hero to pieces.

No normal man could have done it so harshly, because with 3 quick swipes, the hero was gone. Tom had even taken the liberty of removing his mediporter, and left the hero there for dead. He then got up and walked slowly to the exit of the sewers with a weird sort of smile on his face. Tom had truly been driven insane.

When he emerged from the sewers, a group of heroes were standing in front of him. One of them looked at Tom and all the blood on him. She asked, "Wheres Jetstream?" All Tom said with a smile on his face was, "He didn't make it." Suddenly each Hero, one by one, fell to the ground and started sobbing and comforting eachother. Tom walked home.

Tom sat in front of his TV for the next few days. He stopped going to work ,without notice, and rejected his personal hygene completely. A news report on TV said that a great hero known as Jetstream had died earlier that week, but had saved some of the dedicated political heroes previously that day. The TV Newscaster then did something that he would soon regret, he gave the names of the politicians.

Without thinking or caring, Thomas got up, went to his kitchen drawer and picked up a butcher knife, and hunted each of the political figures. One by one, he secretly murdered each of them with the skill of a professional assassin. It could almost not been done any cleaner or carefully...almost.

When he finished off the final politician, his secratary had walked in and looked at her dead boss. Tom was just standing over him with a bloody knife, gazing into an empty void. The secretary snuck out and called the police. They showed up 2 minutes later and arrested Tom without any resistance.

At court they were able to link him to the crimes of 4 other politicians and he was sentenced to 5 life sentences at the Ziggurat. He did not plead insanity, and did not seem to care that his entire life had been taken away from him. He went to the Ziggurat without resistance.

He stayed at the Ziggurat for one year without so much as a peep. He ate, drank, stared, and slept. That's all he did, until Recluse's men broke him out. He was broken out without resistance from him to the minions. He was then taken up to Recluse himself, and Recluse, somehow knowing everything that happened to Tom, was able to tell him something that would make him despise heroes. This is what he said:

Hello Tom Fawlrie, I know of what happened to your family. And I know of how that "Hero" showed up too late to save your family. That's what all heroes are like. Selfish, worthless, procrastinating! Join me Tom Fawlrie, for the heroes are the ones you are against. Don't waste your life like so many before you!" And Tom's response was, "Who is this Tom Fawlrie that you speak of? I am Tom Foolery. And I do agree with you on one matter however, those heroes must... he heHEHEHAHAHAHAH...PAAAAYYY!!!"

I like it. In fact the one single thing I would change is calling the heroes "Heroes". Obviously he doesnt think they are. He should give them a name that shows how they failed. That way he is not just evil. It will help readers identify with him. I like it though. I have been trying to come up with a Villain that isnt completely villainous. Just like I dont like heroes that are completely heroic. They are much more interesting when they tread the line, have personal demons and such. Excellent job!