[ QUOTE ]
This is very likely the wrong forum, but I thought this was fun and I'm always looking for a chance to get other people's opinions, soooo.....
Jack had powers.
He didnt know where they came from, but he decided make himself a costume and battle Evil.
Not something of spandex, or leather, but a mans costume. He found a nice, dark, pair of Dockers (relaxed fit), a red, long-sleeved t-shirt, and a full-faced ski mask that seemed to look impressive in the mirror.
Jack would go out every night looking to right wrongs, but since he never saw anyone getting mugged from his car nothing ever came of it. So after several weeks he would go out less and less, and finally he put the costume in the back of his closet and didnt go out on patrol any more.
One day, on his way to work, Jack came upon an accident. Two men were standing beside their wrecked vehicles arguing and waiving their arms at one another. One man was tall and stocky, the other was somewhat bookish.
He also had a gun.
Jack, finally seeing his chance to use his powers for good, jumped from his car.
The small man turned to Jack
And shot him.
*there you go everyone, criticize away*
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WHAT THE FUNK!
~the poster formally known as GI_Shmo~
Champion- Always BS/WP Scrapper, Difficult Bots/Dark MM
Infin- Peace Pirate PB
This has been a public service announcement from the organization of people who leave stuff to professionals. remember our motto:
"Don't end up like Jack, get professionals to do all your work for you, especially heroing."
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
So... the point? Is Jack dead? Was Jack schizophrenic? Did Jack save the tall, stocky man with his powers? Kind of hard to give an opinion without an actual story to comment on. The writing itself is okay, if a bit boring... is that what you want? 
This is very likely the wrong forum, but I thought this was fun and I'm always looking for a chance to get other people's opinions, soooo.....
Jack had powers.
He didnt know where they came from, but he decided make himself a costume and battle Evil.
Not something of spandex, or leather, but a mans costume. He found a nice, dark, pair of Dockers (relaxed fit), a red, long-sleeved t-shirt, and a full-faced ski mask that seemed to look impressive in the mirror.
Jack would go out every night looking to right wrongs, but since he never saw anyone getting mugged from his car nothing ever came of it. So after several weeks he would go out less and less, and finally he put the costume in the back of his closet and didnt go out on patrol any more.
One day, on his way to work, Jack came upon an accident. Two men were standing beside their wrecked vehicles arguing and waiving their arms at one another. One man was tall and stocky, the other was somewhat bookish.
He also had a gun.
Jack, finally seeing his chance to use his powers for good, jumped from his car.
The small man turned to Jack
And shot him.
*there you go everyone, criticize away*