Sometimes having super powers doesn't help


Mallard

 

Posted

A story told to me by Mercurian:

"The microwave died. Wasn't going to be able to make a bacon sandwich for breakfast with that unit anymore. I just can't face Crey's Folly each morning without a little bacon on toast, y'know?

I can buy a new one--the old one is ten years old now, and that's fine. It was due for replacement. We have a second, cabinet-mounted microwave as well, so I could still have bacon. That's not the part I hate.

The part I hate is the line in the directions on the microwaveable bacon package: "Cook 5-10 seconds per slice. Adjust time to suit your microwave."

Adjust time to suit my microwave? That's a pretty tall order. So far, the only ways I know of to adjust time are to manipulate the local geometry of spacetime, or accelerate my local spacetime frame to a significant fraction of lightspeed.

I'm an energy blaster, not a gravity controller. (Dammit, Jim,...!) That means I can't do anything about the local geometry of spacetime. That left only accelerating to near light speed--and luckily, I'm a super-speedster.

So there I am, running around the equator at 80% lightspeed (time dilation factor 2.236), trying to get the bacon to cook faster. (I had a Science/Tech AT acquaintance rig up a hellacious battery for the microwave oven because I was afraid I'd trip over a 25,000 mile long extension cord.)

And wouldn't you know it? When I got back to the house with the bacon just right, the toast still wasn't done.

Man, some days...."


 

Posted

I know what Mercurian means, there are just some situations where you can't do anything even if you are a hero. take may friend Haywire for example. ever since he started beating on the clockwork, he's woken up to find all his apartment's metal gone! do you know how much time he spends shopping? He could save millions of lives if he wasn't standing with brain-dead sales clerks that need a price check on a fridge. And the lines are awful, it's fortunate he gets anything done. So don't attack the clockwork too much, or they'll come after your stuff, too.


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