Whew, that's a lot of words scrunched together. Paragraphs would be very helpful!
So...Gault wandered into the Sahara. Why did he go there? Did he just throw a dart at a map and ended up there that way? How did he know about these "extinct people", and why did they have this kind of information about how to create a mind link?
Why the green light? And more importantly, why the long delay before they were brought together to form the Triumverate? Speaking of the Triumverate, did all three maintain their conciousness after the merge? Does Gault (I'm assuming Gault is the dominant personality...or is he? Or do they rotate?) have two other voices rattling around in his head constantly? If his friends didn't maintain their conciousness, how does he handle this? After-all, he essentially just ate his friends. That can't be good for your psyche.
wow, very interesting--kinda lost me somewhere in the beginning, however i comprehended most of it. it's a nice story, very detailed. i agree, some paraqgraphs would help getting "unlost" in the whole story. you could try omitting repetitions such as their being in tune to each other...
Ray Gault was a young man who grew up in the harsh environment of downtown Paragon. As a young boy he was constantly bullied and beaten up for little reason more than entertainment, and it didnt take long for Gault to learn self-defense. Every day after school he trained for hours, improving his strength, agility and endurance, and soon no one dared lay a finger on him. But this was not enough. In the process of improving himself, he became obsessed with reaching the limits of the human body. He increased the resistance of his training ten-fold and it consumed all of his free time. One day, Gault encountered two other like-minded individuals brawling in a back alley, Jake Lenzor and Ted Kolo. The three became fast friends and furthered their training by sparring with one another. Within a few years, Gault, Lenzor and Kolo had shown an uncanny ability to improve, increasing their abilities to beyond regular human means. They could jump ten feet in the air, run a 2-minute mile and smash through solid granite. However, the triad were blind to limits of any kind, and when they found they had reached a barrier in their training, they began searching for a new way to further their ambitions. Their goal was finally reached when Gault emerged from the Sahara desert (in which he had been wandering without water for two months), with an ancient text from the tomb of some extinct people. After years of effort, Kolo managed to partially translate a passage from the tome, highlighting the creation of a mind link. Supposedly, through a meditating procedure called Izko, any number of individuals could create a link of wills that would tremendously increase the potentials of all within it. The three, desperate for results, fulfilled the procedure without translating any more text, and found themselves with more power than they had ever imagined. They not only were much stronger and hardier, but they could sense one anothers presence and also anticipate each others moves. Finally satisfied, the three decided to put their powers to use and spent several years fighting local crime as The Tri-Alloy. Everything went well at first, but as time went on, the connection between the triad grew stronger and stronger until it was almost unbearable. The greatest shock came when each woke up at 6:00 in the morning one day, and found that he couldnt distinguish between the movement of his body and those of the other two. After several hours of struggling, the three managed to meet in Gaults basement, but before they could even begin to discuss their confusion, they were all drawn together in a flash of brilliant green light. When they awoke, there was only one, Triumvirate.
Any feedback is appreciated.