Over the past few months Hank aka Healer Hank, has downed a few too many whiskey shots and let slip these many tales I am going to share with you. They are summarized and edited for television.
Once upon a time Hank joined the Army and learned how to jump out of helicopters and drink (sometimes at the same time).
When he was not jumping out of helicopters he was still drinking and trying to stick his dilness into anything that stood still long enough. His favorite hunting ground was Tijuana, land of BBQ Iguana on a stick, 33 cent Coronas and his favorite "The Donkey Show."
During one of these excursions he picked up a ****** and brought him/her/it back to the commune where he was living (Thats right he was a hippie/killing machine).
Because he was on Army pay he could not afford a bed so they let him sleep in a corner on top of the laundry. Hank wooed his prey to his darkened corner careful maneuvering through the dark maze of the other drunken hippie/killing machines and convinced him/her/it to let him load shells into his/her/its weapon.
Hank proceeded to load him/her/it with great enthusiasm but due to the nature of the constantly shifting laundry Hank was unable to maintain the correct traction. So a fellow hippie/killing machine lent our Uncle Hank a hand and braced Hanks feet against his hairy chest while stroking and kissing Hanks Army toes.
Allowing Hank to conquer more territory.
Next we find our hero on a Friday night, much later in life but still on active duty because he could still count to 10 and which end to fire his weapon from. He had asked over a total GILF (Grandma I like to, well you know) and went all out and spared no expense. Rambo III, some Pabst Blue Ribbon, and a bucket of KFC. Lets just say that the chicken bone wasn't the only one that was swallowed that night.
Lastly we have the time Hank nailed his kids Bus Driver. This was after the Army had no more use for him and let him trick, er recruit others into the Army Minors. So Hank, out of the kindness of his heart (yeah, thats it) and in public service. Nailed Betty the Bus driver while in between rug rat deliveries.
More conquered territory for Uncle Hank.
If you wish to know more, ask Hank. He has plenty.
