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A long time ago, playing Blasters, I learned a lesson which holds true for Dominators as well. You cannot out-control the enemy. You can slow them down, even stop them for a while, but eventually they're going to overwhelm you. While you're spending lots and lots of time controlling the enemy, they are spending lots and lots of time killing you, and the one who wins is the one who kills the other guy before he goes down, himself. Control helps, but control alone does not win battles.
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As Gravity it is more difficult, but this simply isn't true for Doms as an AT. In about 30 missions solo yesterday I think I took 3 hits, maybe 4. Enemies do not spend any time killing me, they simply spend time waiting for me to kill them. Ambushes run in, pop a shot and are promptly AE controlled into statues... But I play Mind. Anything that doesn't have PToD loses without a fight, whether it's 10 minions in a pile, a Lieutenant or 2, or an Elite Boss. If I fail to control, I probably fail to live. That is the AT as I have played it for 18 vet months, and Krya (50 Mind/Thorn) is the only character I really love to stay with in this game. Control or Die. Know your targets, know the situations, and keep it all locked down.
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Playing Blasters and Scrappers has taught me one thing - if you hit what you hold, you just wasted the endurance you used to cast that hold. There's no point in holding something for 10 seconds if you kill it in 2. So it has been my practice to hold things and then NOT attack them, potentially holding them again as they wake up or, ideally, BEFORE they wake up.
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My practice is Control or Die. On my low level Grav I use Crush on one, lure the rest down away from that target, then start using Lift, GD and Crush to lock down. Once controlled I pick off survivors. I never took her past 21 however, so YMMV.
I personally feel that your issues are a combination of not really liking Control, and choosing Grav as a Dominator. Grav is the lowest Control set on an AT that lives or dies by Control.