Friday Mystery Theater Rookery

Sir, I resent this implication that simply because of my elemental affinity I am somehow untrustworthy!

*Assumes a triumphant pose in front of an American flag as "Pomp and Circumstance" begins playing in the background*

For too long, those with an icy affinity have been looked down upon by our culture! For too long, they have been the subject of one terrible pun after another from an uncaring, unthinking world!

I dream of an age when we are seen, not for our ice, but for our souls, which are pristine, shiny, and have a peculiar air bubble in the middle owing to the bizarre fluid dynamics of freezing water.

I dream of an age when no more will we hear references to being "Slippery," no more will we hear the jeers of an unthinking world telling us to "Cool down" or "Chill out" or any of a thousand other cold, brutal puns like lashes at our backs.

I dream of an age when the ice man and the sack man can be as brothers to one another, when we care more about the love in our hearts than the temperature of our skin!

When we can stand together as one and shout to the heavens, "Snow at last, snow at last, thank God almighty, there is snow at last!"

*Triumphant crescendo as he poses dramatically in front of the flag*

... Ahem. Also, I have no idea what happened to the coffeemaker.

>.>

<.<

*comes riding in on a black lab puppy*



Here it is inspector!

((Also congratz on escaping the perils of high education ))

Ah, I remember graduation. It happened in the middle of Summer, about the time I was starting to think of which classes to take the next semester. I got a phone call that, if I remember correctly, went like this:

phone: *rings*
me: Hello? Oh, yeah. Gotta pick the thing up first. *answers phone* Hello?
phone: *Bong noises*
me: Ummmmm... hello?
phone: Oh, hey! Can I speak to uhhhhhh, ummm..... Ian?
me: Speaking
phone: *bong noises*
me: Ummmm... hello? You still there?
phone: Oh, yeah. Right. Right. Dude..... duuuuuude... uhhhhh.... you like, graduated, or something.
me: Seriously?
phone: You totally did.
me: Ok. Now what?
phone: *bong noises* *prolonged coughing fit*
me: ...
phone: So, we'll like.... send you some forms, and you fill 'em out and uhhhh... send 'em back... and we'll uhhhh... ummmm... mail you your diploma.
me: Really? Cool.
phone: Yeah, awesome job, man!
me: Thanks
phone: *bong noises* *more coughing* *click*

It's a memory I'll cherish for the rest of my life .

I... um... didn't?

WHy, who are you, strange and bizarre little sacklike individual who looks so little like Fedor because he is clearly not because I've never seen you before in my life and certainly don't know anything I'm not telling you.

I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

*Shiftyglance left*

*Shiftyglance right*

*Points* LOOK, A DISTRACTION!

*Flees*