The Hamster's Birth Certificate [Origin Story]


AmazingMOO

 

Posted

The entire store had gone silent. This in and of itself was not unusual. Pet Center usually didn't have any cats or dogs to sell, and the finches and parakeets all spent a few moments staring in bird-brained wonder at the door any time someone let the cold in.

For them to stay quiet was quite another matter. It was as if they sensed a large predator.

Jordan usually took his time rushing to the front of the shop when the bell rang. The old men who bought dog food usually took their time and then felt the need to chat for a good half hour when he did finally make himself shown. This time he felt a bit more urgency. Even the rats had gone perfectly still.

He found her in the next aisle over. She was maybe ten or eleven and wore an off-the-shoulder mini-dress. He would call it a damn stupid thing to wear in the middle of winter anywhere, let alone Nome, but the girl didn't seem to show any effects from the cold whatsoever-- not even goosebumps. Her pale skin was perfectly, almost inhumanely smooth. Every hair on her head-- even her eyebrows, were an impossibly pink shade of cotton candy. Two cat-like ears protruded from her head. Jordan didn't even stop to consider that they might be fake. They swiveled to track him as his faltering steps drew him closer.

The strange child turned to face Jordan, cocking her head to one side in curiosity. Her eyes were pale blue, perfectly smooth lakes.

"C-c-can I help you, Miss?" he stuttered.

The child stared at him for several seconds as if Jordan were some kind of strange bug she'd never seen before.

"This animal... what is it called?"

He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath, but let it out as she gestured to the cage in front of her.

"Ah... that guy? He's ah... He's a Syrian hamster. Teddy-bear hamster, they're sometimes called."

The orange and white animal was standing on his hind legs. His beady eyes rolled madly in their sockets and his nose twitched furiously, insanely even.

"Is he a kind of rabbit?"

"Err... no. He's a rodent... probably closer to a gopher or even a mouse."

The girl turned her gaze back on the cage.

"No, you may not eat him," Jordan clearly heard her say after several more seconds.

"Err..."

"He costs nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. Is that a lot?"

"'Bout average," Jordan squeaked.

The girl turned her face back toward him and very slowly rotated it, cocking her head in the opposite direction. Jordan felt as if he was being twisted on the end of a knife.

He swallowed heavily. "It's about what you'd pay for a meal at the diner," he volunteered.

The child never bloody blinked. Jordan could cope if maybe she would blink like a damned human!

"No, I don't think he's a meal," the child said after almost a minute. "Not for you," she whispered.

"Y-you'd also need a cage," Jordan said too quickly. "And some bedding, and maybe some food. The starter costs forty dollars," he said, gesturing with a shaking hand. He realized he was pointing at the aquariums. It was all he could do to get his elbow to bend enough to point at the appropriate package near the girl.

The child smiled. "I wish to purchase him. And the starter."

The hamster squeaked in defiance the entire time it took for Jordan to wrestle him out of the display cage and into the cardboard box. He shoved an entire newspaper inside with the rodent, mumbling something about the cold while doing so. He didn't really remember taking any money from the girl, but a close inspection of the till from his register showed that exactly the right amount had been added.

It took Jordan almost an hour to calm down. Afterwards, he remembered a time when he was a little boy. He was eating dinner with his grandfather at the diner when a huge brown grizzly bear wandered down the street, looking for all the world like one of the bored truckers who sometimes went through town. He didn't seem at all interested in his surroundings. It was merely something that had appeared along the way of his trek across the tundra.

His grandfather, who was county sheriff, and a few other men in the diner very quietly and calmly loosened their holsters. For a few tense minutes they drank coffee, smoked their cigarettes, and waited for the bear to leave town.

This was worse, he thought. There was no bullet in the world that would hit the pink-haired girl if she decided to go on a rampage.

"You poor *******," he thought of the hamster when looking at the empty display cage. "But better you than me."

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The Electric Hamster, Stripey Kitty, and The Kawaii Evil are characters on Victory