New story.

#366603 Culinary School Terror

Very Short, possible Elite Boss (depending on your settings)
Multiple objectives.

Had 3 people go through it and assist me with spelling disasters, etc.

Feel free to leave your thoughts.

Opening paragraph still has spelling errors such as "attened" and a combination of 2 words (inlove) I think.. needs editing more.

I just played this,

True, the mission introduction has four typos. But I only found one more in the entire remainder of the arc.

I enjoyed it. It's so new, I see how much it changed in a day, and I can see places to further tune the personalities and make them more intriguing. There's little room for character development in a single-mission arc, so interesting character snapshots are evolved by revealing intentions through objectives. Perhaps like a TV commercial that accomplishes a story inside 60 seconds. It's actually harder to make a story this way than with episodic missions, but I think you have a good setting and map to do it.

I couldn't find the last objective, but I am dreadful at finding glowies. Otherwise, it's a story evolving a lot with each rewrite. The author responds well to constructive criticism, so I recommend giving it a play. And if you're not entirely satisfied, hold your vote for a bit and see how it changes. The arc is Short.

Cheers, airhead

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